BPD = dont do it. Lemme tell you a little story.
http://gettinbetter.com/ http://shrink4men.com/
visit these 2 places the first one looks on matters more filosophically and the second more practically, both written by women - conclusion is the same. Stay the **** away.
I was with this girl neva diagnosed at least that I know of but there was always this big ass abnormality thing going on beneath, the **** she went through was heavy indeed (is used in a professional victim style to gain... whatever) and I doubt I know even 50 % of it. Criminal family, hard stuff lots of dissapointment, abandonment, parental failures all that ****.
You will notice the maneurisms - always wanting to sqeeze on sompe pimples and blisters on both her and my skin, where the said blisters dont exist at all, creating big wounds in the process. When everything is quiet - scratch slowly unhumanly somewhere on her body - just to make sure she exists. Always on high alert, if you snap your fingers near her she goes bananas. She also frequently shared about dissociative moments.
Eating disorders - she never ate well, was really slim, but never eating alot, always cutting food in small pieces like anorexics do, though she was never even remotely fat from the pics Ive seen.
Tatoos - 2.
There is no relation between cheating and BPD I think, there is realtion between a man acting all chumpy and cheating I think, although the constant need of attention shower was there, of course you have a girl with killer looks and very low self esteem hah interesting combo, not very good, always doing stuff to leave the impression that "If you **** up alot, my coworker\friend\the plumber Joe is there to take me in his loving arms". I didnt buy too much into this ****. But I had no idea how damaged the individual really was - this uncovers slowly. I was pretty immature white knight myself pretty childish. Though I played it pretty well, I enjoyed that prime ass, treated her pretty bad to keep her in check, but I let her get too incorporated in my life, moved in with me, tried to kick her out twice, but it seemed so heartless to do it, and yes I loved her more than myself, she was unhappy in my city (she is unhappy in general and cant be happy, never), moved to another city with her, still I got the better end, when disrespect arouse at one point (after cutting me from my social circle in the new city where she knew more people), I just packed my bags and left her. She never even encouraged me I was working at 2 places then also going to interviews for a better job, she was still very critical, never saying anyhting encouraging, all that negativity, like I sit on my ass doing nothing. Like she is superior couse she can get jobs just by being beautiful as ****, so is it my fault I gotta work harder? Lol. At this point I still had some hope she is capable of feeling love but I kinda lost it and started drinking very heavily (Im not a saint, there are few drugs I havent done).
She would criticise about anything anytime, even when she was guilty of the same thing
The last nail was when she told me she was planning to go to a vacation with her collegues while Im here busting my ass. Lol. I was all like Ok, Im cool, I was just watching the disrespect arise more and more like that and one morning I packed my bags. So no probs with me apart from a broken heart and a broken mind but thats not so bad.
Other perks of this kind:
- She will withhold affection, if you show her you mean bussiness from the start I dont think she will withhold sex, but she will make it surprisingly unpleasurable when she wants to, then sometimes she will make it complete heaven. Even if she just lies back and does nothing, she is the master of your pleasure she controls her vagina and everything like no other. Also you get that kinda **** in the sense that 'Youre invading my personal space" when you try to hug her or smth lol. Then 3 minutes later she wants sex. Go figure.
She knows how to destroy something then blame someone else for it.
We never sweettalked much saying "I love you" or whatever was a pure rarity, but worked with me, since I dont like that **** either. I see people knowing each other for 2 months saying I love you every time they on the phone lol? But hers was too much it was ice cold baby ice cold, but then when she gives you something, whatever, it feels like heaven.
It feels like she needs parents and not friend\lover couse she is emotionally 5 years old and that affects all areas of the human mind.
She is capable of driving you to the point of going physically aggressive on her because when she flips hard, the accusations become so counter common sense that you flip too no matter how stable you think you are, also her trying to inflict physicall pain on you with these beutifull hands would seem amusing if it wasnt so sad. I think she needs somebody to be aggresive at least with her, it kinda purges her troubled mind. Much like a little child, she affects you anyway she wants though. Her ex was even a bigger traiwreck after her, he was pretty unstable too so she affected him much worse, I came out pretty K.
Highly addictive. But I was a complete asshat in many ways too so it balanced out. But to a point. Couse you can feel love. She cant. No way. Its a problem with the emotions, its a process which started since birth so changing these poisonous behaviours will take alot of time, and its her bussiness you cant fix this like its a car or something.
She also always paints the ex black couse thats a good weapon to catch a new male - much like a spoiled child, pretending to be in worse condition than reality to gain sympathy. Idk how she did it with me, I broke contact completely since new year and even before this - shes so far away. But her family knows how she is damn well and her friends and family know me damn well so how can she paint me black beyond the stunt at the end IDK. But shes good, its all she knows, its what she does best.
Its really sad that this girl is the most gentle soul in the world when shes OK, but even the slightest emotional discomfort is DEATH to the OK state, and she flips into whatever form of madness she flips and it lasts until the blame for the emotional discomfort is shifted to some imaginary "fact" rather that the fact that she is emotionally unadequate. So her reality is not mine. Her reality is very very sad and twisted. Mostly it came in the form of general grumpiness and bitterness, and you know, nobody can live happily with grumpy people couse your mood gets killed too all the time. Also there is the thing that she is controlling her emotions all nice all day long at work, then when she comes back guess what happens. This striving to be NORMAL (because she is not normal and she knows it damn well) depletes her energy alot, again, its sad. She is not intellectually very OK, didnt read no books as a kid at least, bad education, very nice sensitivity and sensuality to her, and a good loyal worker, I think she would have become a good painter and a good poet, but when there shouldve been somebody to tell her all this stuff and encourage her there wasnt. This even as I write it brings a tear in my eye because its damn unfair but... Im no Jesus ****ing Christ so what can I do -.-
The two things as self criticism and negative self evaluation I heard from her were:
- Sometimes I feel like a freak
@)
- What will I do when Im old and wrinkled and nobody loves me. (this is typicall for girls who havent developed much)
The positive self evaluation didnt exist at all, like saying "Im good at XXXX", it was all stories in which she was the good guy.
Its all very sad really and this stuff on those sites I posted is REAL **** its not some fairytale. Couse my girl was a hmm... Lets say a light case? The stories Ive read... Horrible stuff.
