Sorority Drama

Styr

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There is a girl, (HB7) who seems to be really into me. She has said things to that effect many times, she has wanted to be with me as much as possible (we live in different cities some 200km from each other).

While I do like her, she is more into me that I am into her. She even confronted me last night when I was with her at her place, and I playfully gave her examples for that being the case. I.e she spent 6 hours talking with me at the party where we met. She added me as a friend on Facebook, the same morning. She wanted to meet me the very next time she came to my city. She asked me directly about me being single, and we spent that night together at a private locale in the city. I invited her on a 48 hour cruise on the morning - a cruise departing the same day, and she accepted my invitation almost immediately.

One of the reasons I am not as much into her as she is into me, are our differing worldviews. She is very liberal, while I am very conservative, and outspoken about it - and I am not about to change that for any girl. She knew it within an hour of meeting me, as I purposefully wanted to see how she would react. She has said, that she does find me racist, does not like the way I express myself (I am polite, by the way), but other than that, she is very into me. She is aware that she should worry about our age difference (I am 31, she is 23), but she sais that she does not, and she sometimes makes jokes about that, i.e. that I like young girls.

I was in her city the day before yesterday. We had agreed that I would sleep at her place. I was visiting a few sororities and female student organisations (I planned on taking a few younger fraternity members with me, but they all declined at the last moment, so I came alone). I planned my visit to the day there was a meeting with representatives of all Estonian fraternities and a public tea-evening at an sorority.

So I visited three sororities in succession before going to the meeting. The second one was her fraternity - I had previously told her that all my young members had cancelled, and she said that she would entertain me myself, if I would not decide to go to her sorority. I did, though, and thought the reception was pleasant (our two organisations get along well). She had a wine-table evening later that evening, so I spent the time going to other events and making new friends at other fraternities and having some drinks, going to the sauna, and so on. I became a bit tired, as she was still at her sorority by 02:00. A friend of mine who has a girlfriend from her sorority called her, and she told him, that the party had ended by 00:00. So I called her, asked whether the party is over, and when she told me it was, offered to come there. She said that it would not be appropriate, and asked me if it is OK by me if she would stay for some more time. I told her I would like to go to sleep in some 30 minutes, or so. Well, it took some 60 minutes for her to leave. When we met, she told me that the two sorority members who received me earlier had said that I was flirty, creepy, inappropriate with them, and so on - because I had come alone, and I had been at their locale before. Apparently on of the members did not like when I noticed in an article she had written in one of their publications that she lives basically next to my previous home, and talked with her about that. They also thought the only reason I was in the city was to meet as many girls as I can. As it happens I had met the senior member (of those two) who received me a year or so ago - back then she had even agreed to show me around the city when I was again there. It did not happen, though, as we miscommunicated about the timing (she expected me to call her earlier during the day and she had no time in the evening), and the last time I talked to her via FB I was probably a bit over the line.

The girl also told me that when it became apparent to the girl that had received me, she had made comments along the lines "it is him!?", or "it it the guy who has hit on everyone - but I guess you see something in him that no one else sees". I had asked the girl to come with me the next morning and attend as my date at a company "Christmas"party. She was very optimistic and said she would come. Yet now she declined, saying that she would not like to have any public association with me - even if no one from her sorority would not know she is at that event, she just can not join me. That said, we still enjoyed a night together - albeit I did not sleep with her for many hours [we just talked (also about the future of our relationship, i.e whether we were compatible, and whether I saw her just as some easy fun) and she was just cuddling me], until she asked me if she should take her condoms, or If I had my own. I had actually thought not to give her that pleasure... but could not say no in the end.

To make matters a bit more interesting- there is another girl (HB8,5)from the same sorority living mostly in my city (a younger member, and younger in real life, i.e 20), who has also been my dancing partner for several months. We have had dates on various degrees every week after dancing, albeit I have not slept with her. She was actually my first choice to invite to the "Christmas"party, and I made my intentions with her more clear in the few last weeks. She told me to try to find some other girl (she know I have a pool of girls to choose from, as I have had a few other dancing partners a few times she has not been able to come) - but told me that she would be my last resort. So when I asked her again (without asking anybody else first) a few days prior, she still said no, but told me that I was not making it easy for her to decide, and said that she hates me for that, but would know on Friday evening (i.e the evening before the party) what she would do - obviously I did not ask her again. One of the reasons she declined the offer in the first place was that she said that she has a boyfriend "of sorts". Some apparently AFC, apparently - she even said that he cried last time she was not able to spend time with her. I could see it in her eyes that she does not take him seriously, but the thing is, that she is going back to the other city for a month or two. She did, however ask me if I was in a relationship, when that topic came up. I basically told him that I have a girl in the other city who is more into me than I am into her - something akin to a friend with benefits, as far as I am concerned. She attended the wine-table too - I am not sure about what she heard or did not hear being talked about me behind my back - I guess I get to know the next week before our last dance before she leaves to the other city to retake a course in university.

It it was never my idea to date/court, or heck, even sleep with two girls from the same sorority - but at least now I would have a valid excuse to dumb/next the girl who really is (or at least was) into me, without hurting her that much, and without making me look too bad - if I would (or even if I would not) pursue the 20 year old.

Any opinions?
 
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dustmuffin

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Omg.....so much to read. Why can't men be men and get to the point? I would next both of them and keep moving. It's much to complicated.
 

Styr

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A short version then:

A girl (HB7 - 23 years old) - in a city 200km from me - who is(or at least was) very much into me, wanting to spend all her time with me, does not want to be publicly seen with me after a few of her sorority members told her I was creepy, flirty and behaved inappropriately. She was still willing - and wanted to - sleep with me, but flaked from joining me on a company "christmas"party as a date, after being told by one of her fellow sorority girls that "I guess you see something in him that no one else sees". She then, after wanting me to phuck her stated her concerns about our relationship, whether it is real or is it just some ligt fun for me.

As it happens, our worldviews differ quite a lot, and she has told me that he likes evertyhing else in me, but finds my worldview disturbing.

There is another girl (HB8,5 - 20 years old) from the same sorority (but living in the same city with me) whom I have dated for several months, and been in contact for a year. Have not slept with her yet, but she seems to be into older and more serious men. She asked about whether or not I was in a relationship, so I told her that there is a girl in the other city who is into me - more so than I am into her, and that we have very differing worldviews. I did not say that she is from the same sorority, than she, however. She was my first choice as a date for the "christmas"party, but asked me to find someone else (and ask her again as a last resort), as she would probably have one day with her AFC boyfriend. And yes, she agreed with me that he is an AFC - as he often cries when she can not be with her (again, 200km away) - and I should have no problem making her break up with him. So I asked her again a few days before the party, and she said she was sorry, but she can't come, but it was an hesitant answer from her part - and she told me she hated me for making it so hard for her to decide.

Should I (based on this information) next/dump the first girl, so I could work my charm on the second one? I for sure can not afford to date and sleep with two girls from the same sorority at the same time. I also do not want to hurt the first girl, as she is a nice girl by itself. But all this drama would provide me a very good excuse to next her - and chances are that she would take it lighter than me simply wanting to bang another girl from her sorority.
 

Die Hard

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Seems you're actually a bit "in love with" the first girl'but you don't want to admit it to yourself. You wanna live the "player" lifestyle and your feelings for girl one interfere with this. So now you're looking for an excuse to dump her, but it's not really about dumping her, it's really about erasing the feelings you have for her.

Take some time to look at yourself honestly and then make your decision. We can't tell you what to do, you have to find out yourself what's best for you.
 

dustmuffin

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Pick the one you like the best. This seems like loads of drama. Dump the other.I would pick the local girl.
 

BetterCallSaul

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Dude are you looking for a wife? Even your short version was too long. Look maybe just keep both chicks numbers for potential drunk dialing one night to see if they're up for you hitting it. Other than that, do you really think some kind of LTR is coming out of all this? Heck go back and re-read what you wrote. No one, including yourself, is making any effort in that direction. Girls will say all sort of lovey dovey things to get in the pants of some guy they think is hot and will overlook anything.

Pretty much all of this is just soap opera drama that is time wasting and energy draining.
 

Styr

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A short update.

Went to the other city - partly to get some secks from the first girl, partly to have some drinks/fun and meet people at a fraternity house in the same city. At first my primary goal was the secks part, but then it dawned on me, that I actually enjoyed the people and talking at the fraternity more, than the idea that I had promised to go to her place at a reasonable time in the evening. I took my time, though - she had stayed up for several hours just in case I would chat, or call.

Anyway, we had planned on going back to my city the next day. (She lives here too when she is not studying - mostly over the weekends). The walk to the train station and susequent train ride was weird, to say the least. She looked weird and was quite moody, and was even a bit hostile at times. She refused to take my hand and was rather uncooperative. When the train arrived she decided to go to a carriage that was to become rather full - I would have gone to another carriage instead, but she would not listen to me. That probably was a mistake per se, but I followed her. She was rather untalkative during the train journey as well, and while she has always kissed me on departure, she just told me, that "I guess we will meet again".

The day later she messaged me on FB, asking how I had been. Turns out she had a serious migraine that day, and she was apparently slightly mad at me for not realizing the seriousness of it. (She had told me that she had a migraine in the morning). Anyway, we got over that. The day later she again initiated contact, this time we talked about my worldviews, which she found distressing (albeit she did agree that I am, in fact right - she just does not want to think about it - and apparently my choice of literature (I am planning on reading the Mein Kampf) did not help. So she told me, that we can not function as a couple, and let's just be friends. I agreed with her, and thought that would be the end of it. Apparently not, as she initiated a chat after some 4 hours later, asking what I was doing, and so on - we chatted for several hours, albeit not very actively the whole time. I am actually interested in staying friends with this girl.

To the second girl - invited her to join me in the city after work one evening. She did flake on the date, but offered a new one. I agreed. She was a bit late, but apologized for it - she had a valid reason. Went to a rather private bar, took some scotch, she took a beer. She paid (we often alternate who pays for the date). Chatted for an hour or so - we have quite a lot of things in common, even though she is 11 years younger than me. :p And no drama whatsoever. :)
 

sodbuster

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Watch out for womoen with migraines.... IF they have them too often, they tend to be a pain in the azz. I had a friend who would have to lay down at work, or be too sick to work for 2 or 3 days at a time once a month or so.... I wouldn't hire her, if she asked.... I can't afford my people to be down and out of the office that much
 

Atom Smasher

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"No drama whatsoever". There's your answer.

As to the first girl, when a girl's friends find you to be undesirable, that's an almost impossible thing to overcome. She places great weight on the opinions of her friends, in fact greater weight than her own opinion. And therein lies her inner turmoil. The herd says "no", and that will always cause her to act weird with you.

Women innately know that they can't discern reality and that's why they rely on their "herd" for their opinions. When the herd says, "No", it's very rare that a girl can survive the dissonance between that group "no" and her feelings for you. The herd virtually always wins because she can't risk being ostracized from it.
 
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