Soo Had a First Date Last Night and Again No Bang... I was aggressive! Help Please

[Manystyles]

I'm getting very frustrated.

This girl was a total ****ing knockout. I'm a pretty confident guy until i start doubting myself and this date is totally making me doubt myself. Every girl i've met or have been a date on that doesn't result in a date 2 has been in my opinion over an 8. I can show pics... again this is my own opinion. Each one I have gone for the kiss on the first date. Only one has resulted in a ltr that fizzed when she dumped me for her fiancee which i never knew about.

Let me start with the past 2 nights....

First night im at a bar with a few friends. My tells me in my right ear that this girl behind me tried to grab my butt. I turned around and tapped her and just went for the cheers with my glass. "whats your name..." off to a good start. Semi decent hipster chick with tats, i'd give her a 6 and if it wasn't for her quasi love handles i'd give her an 8. At 5'7" and huge tits it was manageable. She wasn't really my type but i was pushing for it. It was pretty easy since she made it known she liked me moreso than the next story. Within an hour we're making out and i walk her to her car. Already telling her we should spend more time together. Asking her if she cooks a good breakfast because i'll be hungry tomorrow. She is telling me she likes me but wants me to call her during the week. Guess what... im probably not going to call her.

Last night...

I met this girl off of match. I ended up picking her up at her place. She comes to the car opens and gives me a hug and kiss. She says "can i take a pic of your plates?".
"what for?", I quizzically respond?
"my roommate says im nuts for letting a stranger pick me up"
I tell her, "my plates are confidential, please dont".
Can't tell you who i work for on her but this gets her excited.
Anyways onto the date. We go get drinks at this lounge. She is on a detox and is not drinking alcohol... :/
We are getting to know each other and she is asking me all these questions. Then i get her to open up about herself and yadda yadda. We find out we have alot of things in common. She is touching me a lil bit but nothing to go crazy about. We talked a lot, way after we had the bill payed. I tell her we're going to go somewhere else to possibly play pool somewhere. That I would play her for a massage and if she wins a free personal training session. She's down and i go to use the bathroom. Before i go i notice she puts her lip gloss on and right after i offered gum. This always meant to me that a girl is getting prepared for a kiss.

Walking out she is talking her head off and im getting kind of annoyed so i grabbed her and looked at her for a bit and said come here, want to see something. Held a stare for a bit and just said, "nevermind."

She continues to ramble and we get to a corner and i tried to kiss her. She kinda kisses but says, "wait a lil bit." (I actually had a girl say this once and 30 minutes later she's giving me a *******"). She goes to grab my hand and handholds while we walk(awww how cute).

We get to my car and im on the passenger side. I grab her and said "come here, close..." again holding a gaze and grabbing the nape of her neck. I give her 3 slow warm kisses and i can tell she liked it and didn't back off. I end it. I open her door... "what a gentleman" :/

She asks so "what do you want to do?"
I mentioned the place with the pool table and she says, "yea but its probably packed right now, its a friday"
I said well "we could chill here for a bit more." (Now i could've said lets go back to your place or something but she was a lil stand offish already about the kissing). I tried kissing her again in the car and she is backing off.

I'm putting on some music and she mentions
"so did you like my taste of music?" (we showed each other our pandora playlists)
She rambles somehow gets into relationships and is telling me what she's looking for. Then somehow gets into religion, she says "sorry to be a buzzkill". Asking me if i believe in god.

I grab her for kissing and she is really backing off and im just like what's wrong? She says, "i just met you and i want to get to know you first." "Let's talk, all you want to do is make out"

I ask her, "outside when i kissed you, did you like it?"
"yes", she says... "so what's the problem?" i ask?
"i want to get to know you more"

She mentions about getting up early so i drive off and start playing frank ocean. She asks if i have this song by him, "lost..." I said, "yes, and i'll play it but you have to give me a real kiss."
She responds, "sorry i don't barter."
We get back to her place and she is about to give me a hug. I tell her i don't do hugs and we kissed. As she begins to leave i grab her again, "come back here" and try to kiss her again. She says "slow your roll homey." At this point i felt kind of awkward. Like this is the guy I always hear girls talking about. The guy who wont stop grabbing them and trying to tongue them down.

She gets out of the car and kind of just stands there looking at me and im looking at her with my hand up duecing. "thanks for a good night" she says

ok... can i recover? I do not want to apologize for being aggressive.
I also want to know what is it? Am i not good looking enough? Why do some girls throw themselves at me(night before) and some just don't? Are they out of my league(god forbid). The only girls that get my **** hard are the passing boner test 8's. All i can think about is how this chick is treating me like the beta guy that took her out and how she ****s the badboys at the end of the night.(I met her on match... does this automatically place me in the beta category?)

Again i'll send pics through pm

 

[Bushmaster]

I see some good things on your part but you weren't smooth--you kept grabbing her for kissing, like that was so important=desperation.

When she asked what do you want to do is when you could have said back to my place (and listen to our playlists) she obviously didn't want to play pool.

When she backs off, slow things down, build more attraction, and try again--if you were annoyed that she talked to much, she could tell, and she was losing attraction.

By all means don't apologize. I would go to rapport-attraction building texting, gauge interest, and ask her out again, just don't come across as needy. Move on if she says no.

Consider the red flags are the detox and taking a pic of your license plate--she has trust issues, among others.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Here are my ideas:

1) She MIGHT be a "good girl" and be might be actually acting sincere. She MIGHT be looking for a LTR. If that is the case, she likes you but actually does want to take it slow. Do you want a LTR? You need to ask yourself that question and decide whether to stay or bail.

2) The religion issue. Red flag. She might be a former HOR who "found Jesus/God." If you want to continue, you might want to keep that in check. "Reborn" hors who "found God" are the ultimate raw deal. You get a hor who won't put out. Terrible. :crackup: If that is the case.....pull that ripcord bro.

 

[TheJazz]

LOL So much analyzing. She's not into you. If she was, she would have never pulled away. Next.

 

[nismo-4]

It's better to make a move than to not. Judge nismo says.

But in case 1, she wanted to take it slow. She's just not that into you. She's got plates who are better than you right now. If you call her during the week, she may not answer. But call her, that's the only way to know where you stand. And judge by actions. Don't believe that she likes you just because she said that sh*t.

In case 2, you've tried to negotiate attraction and desire. You can negotiate the price of a Chrysler 300 though. You can be aggresive. But you took that up to eleven here, which actually hurt you. Take it to nine, then quickly go down to three before she does. You made her just not that into you by your desperation, and your frustration is showing, but at least you made a move.

You are spinning more plates right? Because these two women are doing so more than you believe.

Case closed.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey Manystyles:

I see this is your first posting here on these boards. I don't know if you've read around a bit, but if so I'm guessing you've learned about the whole "kino" thing, i.e. touching a girl in ways that make her want to escalate and touch you more.

The problem with your approach, though, is what you put in your title: you were TOO aggressive. If you take a girl out and all she sees from you is that you're constantly trying to touch her in ways she's not ready for (i.e. kissing, touching in certain places, trying to get her alone, asking her back to your place, etc.), she's NOT going to want to do any of that stuff with you. You have to make a woman think these things are happening on HER terms, even if YOU are the one controlling it. And, if you make these types of moves too fast, even a girl that's initially interested will be scared away.

I'm sure there will be people on here that will tell you a bazillion and one ways you should have approached this, and everyone has a style that works for them. For me, I tend to be a person that's able to go make out heavily with a chick on the first date and bang her brains out by date #2. However, the way in which I go about it is in a much more patient style than you displayed here.

For example: when I go out on dates, I already know she's probably been out with 101 other guys who tried to do what you did, and failed (as evident by the fact that she's now on a date with me). So, what do I do? Simple: I do NOT try to touch her. I meet her at a coffee shop/book store, where we can sit down and chat (because, really, you want to make sure the girl you're trying to get with isn't psycho and can at least SOUND sane). We talk, share some snacks, then we walk around the book store. In the course of doing this, I do NOT touch her at all. Why? Because I'm waiting for HER to touch me in some small way - a brush up against me, an arm grab while she's telling me a story - thus signaling that she's okay with me breaking the touch barrier.

Once this barrier is broken, though, I still don't go all gung-ho with it. I let her do the majority of the touching because I want her little hamster wheel running inside her head, asking herself questions like "Why isn't he touching me? The other 101 guys tried touching me! Does he not like me? Am I not pretty enough? Maybe he doesn't know I like him - should I touch him a few more times so he'll get it?" When you're not being overly-forward with a girl, it makes them VERY insecure about themselves since they're used to being shown excessive attention from guys - and, as opposite as it sounds, it makes them WANT to do more with you in order to keep you around.

Anyway... so after she's touched me a few times, I'll give her a touch here or there in non-sexual places (shoulder, arm, etc.) and might even extend my arm to her for her to put hers around. Now we're walking all close to each other, and I might do a few things like looking into her eyes for a few brief seconds, or complimenting something she's wearing (read: not complimenting her body parts, but her accessories). By now, because I've laid off the touching for so long, she's usually DYING to try and figure out if I really like her. So, she'll start saying things that are sexual innuendoes, or make some joke about herself that is sexually-related. Or, if we're at a bookstore, I make it a point to walk by the relationship books section so she can blab on about relationship-related stuff.

All this lets me know that it's okay for me to be more forceful with a girl. Real talk: one time I was mid-date with a girl while walking in the bookstore, and right after we finished up in the relationship section we ended up kissing in the middle of the aisle - and we still had another hour of the date left!

The point I'm trying to make here is, the more PATIENT you are with these girls on these dates, the faster THEY will try to move things along. Also, if you put out of your mind trying to score on the first date, you'll probably do enough things right to where you'll be able to score on date 2 - and date 2 f--king is GREAT, 'casue they've been saving that energy up for you since the first date and are about ready to explode when they see you again

Hope this helps!

 

[\O/]

Although i don't necessarily agree With Harry W. about being so sparse with initiating kino, it is a far better route than the aggressive approach you took.

I think it's important to initiate touch early, and escalate naturally based on her responses. Your main problem was that when she didn't respond favourably, you kept plowing. You did not punish her bad behaviour, which in this case was not reciprocating your touching and kissing. When she respons in a negative way, you need to remove attention. You can still be in attraction mode, but without touching her until she gives positive responses again. You have to find the balance. If she withdraws, you withdraw. If she initiates (good behavior), you escalate. And always be the first to cut the kiss, or let go of her hand or push her away after touching her somewhere intimate. It's all very dynamic.


Good Luck

 

[zinc4]

I'm getting very frustrated.

This girl was a total ****ing knockout. I'm a pretty confident guy until i start doubting myself and this date is totally making me doubt myself. Every girl i've met or have been a date on that doesn't result in a date 2 has been in my opinion over an 8. I can show pics... again this is my own opinion. Each one I have gone for the kiss on the first date. Only one has resulted in a ltr that fizzed when she dumped me for her fiancee which i never knew about.

Let me start with the past 2 nights....

First night im at a bar with a few friends. My tells me in my right ear that this girl behind me tried to grab my butt. I turned around and tapped her and just went for the cheers with my glass. "whats your name..." off to a good start. Semi decent hipster chick with tats, i'd give her a 6 and if it wasn't for her quasi love handles i'd give her an 8. At 5'7" and huge tits it was manageable. She wasn't really my type but i was pushing for it. It was pretty easy since she made it known she liked me moreso than the next story. Within an hour we're making out and i walk her to her car. Already telling her we should spend more time together. Asking her if she cooks a good breakfast because i'll be hungry tomorrow. She is telling me she likes me but wants me to call her during the week. Guess what... im probably not going to call her.

Last night...

I met this girl off of match. I ended up picking her up at her place. She comes to the car opens and gives me a hug and kiss. She says "can i take a pic of your plates?".
"what for?", I quizzically respond?
"my roommate says im nuts for letting a stranger pick me up"
I tell her, "my plates are confidential, please dont".
Can't tell you who i work for on her but this gets her excited.
Anyways onto the date. We go get drinks at this lounge. She is on a detox and is not drinking alcohol... :/
We are getting to know each other and she is asking me all these questions. Then i get her to open up about herself and yadda yadda. We find out we have alot of things in common. She is touching me a lil bit but nothing to go crazy about. We talked a lot, way after we had the bill payed. I tell her we're going to go somewhere else to possibly play pool somewhere. That I would play her for a massage and if she wins a free personal training session. She's down and i go to use the bathroom. Before i go i notice she puts her lip gloss on and right after i offered gum. This always meant to me that a girl is getting prepared for a kiss.

Walking out she is talking her head off and im getting kind of annoyed so i grabbed her and looked at her for a bit and said come here, want to see something. Held a stare for a bit and just said, "nevermind."

She continues to ramble and we get to a corner and i tried to kiss her. She kinda kisses but says, "wait a lil bit." (I actually had a girl say this once and 30 minutes later she's giving me a *******"). She goes to grab my hand and handholds while we walk(awww how cute).

We get to my car and im on the passenger side. I grab her and said "come here, close..." again holding a gaze and grabbing the nape of her neck. I give her 3 slow warm kisses and i can tell she liked it and didn't back off. I end it. I open her door... "what a gentleman" :/

She asks so "what do you want to do?"
I mentioned the place with the pool table and she says, "yea but its probably packed right now, its a friday"
I said well "we could chill here for a bit more." (Now i could've said lets go back to your place or something but she was a lil stand offish already about the kissing). I tried kissing her again in the car and she is backing off.

I'm putting on some music and she mentions
"so did you like my taste of music?" (we showed each other our pandora playlists)
She rambles somehow gets into relationships and is telling me what she's looking for. Then somehow gets into religion, she says "sorry to be a buzzkill". Asking me if i believe in god.

I grab her for kissing and she is really backing off and im just like what's wrong? She says, "i just met you and i want to get to know you first." "Let's talk, all you want to do is make out"

I ask her, "outside when i kissed you, did you like it?"
"yes", she says... "so what's the problem?" i ask?
"i want to get to know you more"

She mentions about getting up early so i drive off and start playing frank ocean. She asks if i have this song by him, "lost..." I said, "yes, and i'll play it but you have to give me a real kiss."
She responds, "sorry i don't barter."
We get back to her place and she is about to give me a hug. I tell her i don't do hugs and we kissed. As she begins to leave i grab her again, "come back here" and try to kiss her again. She says "slow your roll homey." At this point i felt kind of awkward. Like this is the guy I always hear girls talking about. The guy who wont stop grabbing them and trying to tongue them down.

She gets out of the car and kind of just stands there looking at me and im looking at her with my hand up duecing. "thanks for a good night" she says

ok... can i recover? I do not want to apologize for being aggressive.
I also want to know what is it? Am i not good looking enough? Why do some girls throw themselves at me(night before) and some just don't? Are they out of my league(god forbid). The only girls that get my **** hard are the passing boner test 8's. All i can think about is how this chick is treating me like the beta guy that took her out and how she ****s the badboys at the end of the night.(I met her on match... does this automatically place me in the beta category?)

Again i'll send pics through pm

Easy answer here....your looks obviously weren't a problem in this situation.....this girl genuinely wanted to talk to you a little deeper and form at least some sort of feeling of a connection before all the physical stuff....

It's great to be aggressive, but you also have to have good sincere conversations man, that is your problem...you describe her as rambling and the looks of it, you basically ignored her religous and relationship talk....yes, being aggressive is good at times, but not if she feels like that is all you are interested in, you also have to have good conversation skills as well and be or at least appear to be genuinely interested in her opinions and what she has to say...if you do that right then it shouldn't be a problem being too aggressive because she will already like you...

I am sure Harry's approach works well for him...however, if you build good rapport then i don't see the point in playing little mind games...they want to be touched and kissed by a guy that they like...being aggressive is funner IMO and works just as well if you do it right...start off the date with a big hug and move it up from there...but you also have to be sincerely interested in what they have to say and enjoy the conversation and/or the joking around...

 

[Greasy Pig]

Good point, zinc.
OP, you should be looking to jump on some things she says.
I wouldn't advise getting into a religion debate but try to get a feel for the things that interest her.
If you don't know much about her topic of interest, ask plenty of questions about it.
Even if you don't give a crap about 18th century art, at least appear interested and she'll be like putty in your hands.

 

[Trump]

All i can think about is how this chick is treating me like the beta guy that took her out and how she ****s the badboys at the end of the night.(I met her on match... does this automatically place me in the beta category?)

Going to play devils advocate and say run with the above statement.

Girls don't care about you, they care about getting laid well with the hottest guy or the most connected / high status guy. Feelings/emotions/ all that crap they pretend to care doesn't mean anything, money and power is where its at.

I don't think you were too aggressive.

 

[Manystyles]

so I called a couple days after "hey gotta talk, give me a call"

no responds

I texted her today a week later asking if she was ok and apologizing for acting out of character. Her reply: "yea im ok... hope you had a good week "

Wtf do i do now?

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

so I called a couple days after "hey gotta talk, give me a call"

no responds

I texted her today a week later asking if she was ok and apologizing for acting out of character. Her reply: "yea im ok... hope you had a good week "

Wtf do i do now?

You do NOTHING.


1. You were okay to try for a kiss early, but you pushed it too much when she wanted you to back off.


2. You were bored with her conversation and failed to engage her. On the surface she was taking religion and relationships, on a deeper level she was saying, "I kind of like this guy, let's see if he's the real deal. Let's see if he is really interested in me or just sex." You actions and words told her you were interested in just sex. Test failed.


3. Your texts to her were/are lame. "We gotta talk"??? That's what women write to men when they want to have the "I'm dumping you" conversation. Then later you apologized!! That basically says, "You were right, I acted wrong on our date. PWEEEZE forgive me, for I am weak and cannot live without a woman.... and I've chosen you!!!"


4. Now you are reading her one response as a possible indicator of interest. It is no such thing. She just wants you to think she's not a bicth. And she wants to think of herself as not being a bicth. Her message back contained nothing along the lines of "what have you been up to?", "what are you doing this weekend?", "when are we getting together again", etc. It was just a friendly greeting written in a way so that you don't go telling folks what an awful person she is (and she may not be one).


She is not interested in seeing you again.


You move on. You blew it on the date. She was at first attracted and interested but you came off as desperate, pushy, and needy, all of which kill lady-boners.


Read Harry's post again.


You can be aggressive like that on a "pick-up", but on a date, especially one from online, you have to prime the woman's pump and make her anxious, get her to wonder if SHE's attractive enough for you. Get her wanting and anticipating it, which you did not do.


Do better next time, with a different girl.

 

[casaanova]

1) She MIGHT be a "good girl" and be might be actually acting sincere.

No such thing. Women act more hor-sih or more good-ish depending on what guy they're talking to. One man's wife is another man's groupie

2) The religion issue. Red flag. She might be a former HOR who "found Jesus/God." If you want to continue, you might want to keep that in check. "Reborn" hors who "found God" are the ultimate raw deal. You get a hor who won't put out. Terrible. :crackup: If that is the case.....pull that ripcord bro.

Oh, she is. I guarantee it, especially if she's under 25. Reformed hors LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk incessantly, they practically can't help it.