Sometimes the pain of rejection IS worse than the pain of regret

[Darth]

Just got rejected tonight in a girl's car. I handled it miserably. I was really awkward about it. I feel like sh!t. I shouldn't be this down about it, but I had my eye on this one for over a year. Whatever. I'll get over it. Wish I had someone to confide in. Someone I trusted. I feel alone in this world.

 

[Pierce]

This is why you shouldn't have waited a year. Your a man. If you see something that you like you must pounce on it. If you get rejected who cares??? But if you "idolize" this girl for a year and you get rejected what do you think will happen?

 

[CaptainSK]

I would be nervous and awkward with a girl if I were to worship her for a year. Why did you even have to wait that long to make a move? The fact that you had your eye on this one for a year and did not do anything sounds like friend zone. Did you try to seduce her or did you just tell her you had... eww Feelings for her?

 

[SamTheHobit]

Dont worry man your not alone. Nobody likes to be rejected, just give it time.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Rejection is an opportunity to learn a life lesson.

Regret is as important in your life as a post-sushi fart.

 

[betheman]

if you learn one thing from this, it is dont wait so long the next time. DONT invest so heavily without any payoff...ok thats two things

you made two mistakes, maybe more, who knows, the one certainty is, had you gone in there straight away, you wouldnt be sufering like this

 

[ARrocket]

This is why you shouldn't have waited a year.

This.

Guarantee you feel better by the time you read this reply.

 

[horaholic]

You were man enough to get rejected. That means you are one rejection closer to you next GF or wife or whatever.Most people wonder what would have happened. You found out. She was only ONE girl. Do that same thing to ten other ones, and I personally gaurantee you will get laid,

 

[Darth]

This kills me so much because I know all the theory behind it, and I know why I failed. I made mistakes.

I didn't pounce when the iron was hot which was before we were in the car.

Then she was giving me some line about not wanting to date right now and that it wouldn't be fair in case one person got more serious than the other. What?? I thought. That doesn't make sense.

Then I tried and used a logical argument about why she should change her position, forgetting it was just a stupid line because she didn't like me.

Then I just told her straight up, "I think you're cute." Matter of fact. Then I said, "Well, that got really awkward. I'm gonna get my stuff from the back. Don't drive away." Except I was so distracted I couldn't find the doorknob. She asked, "Can you find it?" Then I got my stuff and said, "Thanks for the ride."

If there's one thing I hate it's being condescended to. I think she really thought she was better than me. That's what kills me. I didn't take the opportunity soon enough, and then I got desperate at the end and blew it.

 

[Darth]

And now that I think about it further, I see that I was listening to her problems as a friend, thinking she genuinely needed sympathy.

Whereas what actually got me the date was an extremely rude phone call in which I basically said, I can do this thing on my own, I don't need your help. (She hadn't responded to email or the phone for a week, and then acted like everything was OK, which p!ssed me off). I even hung up as she was still talking.

 

[Jariel]

Ok, you messed up. We all do.

But, what you do now is of great importance. Simply move on. If she contacts you or you see her, be cool and civil, but cut it short and back off. Don't waste any more time on her, don't try to be her friend, don't try to fix mistakes or behave a different way hoping it'll attract her....just move on now.

Rejection is part of life. It hurts, sometimes really bad, and can drive you crazy if you let it. Once you let go and turn your attention away from her, it gets much easier. Trust me.

 

[Darth]

^^Thank you Jariel. I had never read your posts before. Great thread on motivation in your signature. It is just what I needed right now. Thank you.

 

[J Roc]

There are 4,000,000,000+ women in this world..Whats makes this one woman so special?


*waits*

 

[AAAgent]

I used to be like this. work up all this anxiety for a long time and finally approach and get rejected. Then i'd ponder all the reasons why i failed and blame myself. Ultimately we all make a fool of ourselves at some point. sh1t happens, but if you don't learn to move on and accept it as a mistake that you'll learn from, you're going to mope about it forever.

I saw that girl that i had oneitis for over a year later with my gf at that time. They were in the same class. I visited the class, said hi and talked to her for a little. She thought i was a creep before and now we're cool. I fvcked up big time and avoided her for a year because i was too embarrassed. I'm not spending my entire life hiding from some damn women. Oh well, i fvcked up. Everyone does. Think about this as a story you'll tell your grandchildren about all the retarded things you did. sh1t i have TONS.

 

[The Observer]

Oh man, I did this all throughout high school. Classic case of one-itis. Did you ever even flirt with this girl?

One-itis is hard to overcome. You just have to supress the voices in your head. Remember that, objectively, there's nothing that makes her superior to you. You have to show her that YOU'RE the prize, the one to be pursued. Once you start treating her special, she has the upper-hand.

And then women, later in life, wonder why men supress their feelings.

 

[Darth]

I used to be like this. work up all this anxiety for a long time and finally approach and get rejected. Then i'd ponder all the reasons why i failed and blame myself. Ultimately we all make a fool of ourselves at some point. sh1t happens, but if you don't learn to move on and accept it as a mistake that you'll learn from, you're going to mope about it forever.

I saw that girl that i had oneitis for over a year later with my gf at that time. They were in the same class. I visited the class, said hi and talked to her for a little. She thought i was a creep before and now we're cool. I fvcked up big time and avoided her for a year because i was too embarrassed. I'm not spending my entire life hiding from some damn women. Oh well, i fvcked up. Everyone does. Think about this as a story you'll tell your grandchildren about all the retarded things you did. sh1t i have TONS.

Hey thanks for sharing, that makes me feel a lot better. I'm glad you were able to square things away with that girl you embarrassed yourself with.

I wish I could say the same for my high school crush (who brought me to this site). I send her 3 love letters in high school, and then I spent two years avoiding her at social events (it's a small community, we all run into each other).

Finally I decided, like you did, that it was time to stop hiding and get things squared away with this girl. Let her know I wasn't the same anymore, that I wasn't obsessed with her anymore.

So I walk up to her on Christmas Eve (2009) and I use a cheesy pickup line for fun. I said, "Hey, do I know you?" with a big grin. She turned around and smiled and said, "No." Then she keeps walking. I can see her and her sister trying to keep from laughing as they walk away. Then I turn to see her mother. "Hi, Merry Christmas." She ignores me and keeps walking.

 

[Mike32ct]

Just got rejected tonight in a girl's car. I handled it miserably. I was really awkward about it. I feel like sh!t. I shouldn't be this down about it, but I had my eye on this one for over a year. Whatever. I'll get over it. Wish I had someone to confide in. Someone I trusted. I feel alone in this world.

I know what you mean. It's tough to find anyone to trust and be able to confide in. I only have two guy friends I can really open up to.

Hey thanks for sharing, that makes me feel a lot better. I'm glad you were able to square things away with that girl you embarrassed yourself with.

I wish I could say the same for my high school crush (who brought me to this site). I send her 3 love letters in high school, and then I spent two years avoiding her at social events (it's a small community, we all run into each other).

Finally I decided, like you did, that it was time to stop hiding and get things squared away with this girl. Let her know I wasn't the same anymore, that I wasn't obsessed with her anymore.

So I walk up to her on Christmas Eve (2009) and I use a cheesy pickup line for fun. I said, "Hey, do I know you?" with a big grin. She turned around and smiled and said, "No." Then she keeps walking. I can see her and her sister trying to keep from laughing as they walk away. Then I turn to see her mother. "Hi, Merry Christmas." She ignores me and keeps walking.

Girls can be very condescending. Even their mothers can be too, as nobody is good enough for their little princess lol.

This kills me so much because I know all the theory behind it, and I know why I failed. I made mistakes.

We've all done that. Trust me.

I didn't pounce when the iron was hot which was before we were in the car.

Then she was giving me some line about not wanting to date right now and that it wouldn't be fair in case one person got more serious than the other. What?? I thought. That doesn't make sense.

That was a "soft" rejection attempt on her part.

Then I tried and used a logical argument about why she should change her position, forgetting it was just a stupid line because she didn't like me.

I think Rollo said something like (and I paraphrase) "You can't negotiate desire."

Then I just told her straight up, "I think you're cute." Matter of fact. Then I said, "Well, that got really awkward. I'm gonna get my stuff from the back. Don't drive away." Except I was so distracted I couldn't find the doorknob. She asked, "Can you find it?" Then I got my stuff and said, "Thanks for the ride."

At least you had the balls to tell her.

If there's one thing I hate it's being condescended to. I think she really thought she was better than me. That's what kills me. I didn't take the opportunity soon enough, and then I got desperate at the end and blew it.

As I mentioned before, young women can be VERY condescending. They have egos to the moon. Do you really want to be with someone that looks down on you or at least gives you that kind of vibe? Hell no. At best, she would have been good for a BJ lol. Cute or not, she's not right for you.

Going forward, the reason you need to make a move faster isn't just to "Strike when the iron's hot." (Although that is very important.) The other reason is so that if she ISN'T interested, you get closure and can move on to the next girl. This way, you don't waste time or get unnecessarily attached to some chick that might not be into you.

The rejection hurt more because you've been interested in her for a year. If you only knew her a couple of weeks, you wouldn't care too much.

But anyway, don't sweat it dude. Charge it to the game as they say and get out there to meet some new p*ss.

 

[Darth]

"At least you had the balls to tell her."

Yeah, that was the point when even I finally realized I was being a pansy. I realized I had been passively rejected several times, so I thought, what the hell. And I remember her reaction now. We just looked for each other for a couple seconds and then she smiled and looked down. That's when I ejected.

And actually I didn't include the end of the exchange. As I was getting stuff out of the car, she asked me a question about what was in the bag. Then, when I said thanks for the ride, she smiled and said it was great and she would see me around, or something like that.

I know I will see her again. There's a strong temptation to call or email her and try and redeem what I've done, but I've read enough theory to know that no contact is probably the way to go.

 

[Darth]

On a lighter note, this girl said that she was in the library a couple days ago and some guy (good-looking) walked up to her and asked:

"Say, I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something. Me and my girlfriend were doing.....etc. etc."

Which one of you guys did that.

 

[Warrior74]

LOL. Years from now you won't even remember this. In my 20s I've probably approached or hit on hundreds of girls, even when I was an AFC. You know what I remember most? The ones I had slept with. Rejection is like lifting weights, it hurts at first, but the more you lift the more you get used to the pain and know that its a sign of growth.

Hell I hit on some chic last night and she gave me the old "Let me get your number!". I turned it into a big joke between us and the other people at the bar...she ended up saying that she liked my confidence and that she really did live with her grandmother and had just moved to town, I gave her my number but didn't really expect anything to come of it...we just went to the next bar and had fun. You miss all the shots you don't take!