Sometimes it just feels so fvcking hopeless

[Konada]

I just got flaked on again today. It fvcking frustrates me that I'm putting in the effort to improve myself. I want to get my d!ck wet honestly. But I can't, everywhere I go I'm stuck in limbo where girls I'm attracted to are unavailable/uninterested but girls who are interested in me are 5s and below.

Obviously I have alot to work upon but it feels so fvcking hopeless at times that everything I do goes to sh!t with nothing to show for. I'm a virgin, they say women can smell this celibacy off a male and its unattractive, I don't know how to break it unless I go fvck a hooker which I'm seriously considering at this point just to get past this hangup.

I've never been on anything more than a first date, obviously something is turning girls off but I don't know what. I'm escalating, I'm going for makeouts, I'm pushing for sex but everytime I end up with my d1ck in my hand. I'm so fvcking sick of this ****. It sucks, my issues run deeper than just external game, with every failure I feel my mindset is being eroded into what it once used to be. I just can't keep telling myself " I'm the prize " when my external results do not reflect what I have. I've been through alot of my internal sh!t, my family relationships are working out well, I'm getting a social circle finally, I'm pursuing my expressions of self but I'm simply not fufilling that sexual hunger within me and I feel like less of a man for being unable to do so.

I'm not ugly by any means, I posted some pictures from my OLD profile account for you to be the judge. I just don't know what the fvck is wrong with me and how to get rid of this catch 22 without compromising my standards/beliefs. Help.

 

[Bingo-Player]

sounds like your investing too much energy into finding sex and its draining you , that much is evident

what types of girls are you going after ? perhaps you could post an example ?

at this stage I would suggest your possibly punching above your weight especially for the mental state your in

 

[Konada]

sounds like your investing too much energy into finding sex and its draining you , that much is evident

what types of girls are you going after ? perhaps you could post an example ?

at this stage I would suggest your possibly punching above your weight especially for the mental state your in

My average matches look like this (I only swipe on what I find attractive): All of them flaked on me. I'm live in SouthEast Asia.

 

[The Duke]

You can't beat yourself up for this, all you can do is make yourself the best you can be. I doubt those girls flaked before you went on a date because of something you did. I've been at this a long time and just recently started getting back into it. I understand women well, and have had plenty. In the past 2months I've planned 6 first dates with girls. 2 of the flakes were below me on the looks scale, & were single mommies! 5 of those 6 girls ended up flaking on me at the last minute with some b.s. excuse. It was nothing I did wrong. They all wanted me to keep talking to them tho, just not actually meet up. The girl I went out with wants to go out again, has no kids, and is good looking. She was the best out of the bunch!

They all crave that attention/validation from men probably as much as we want sechs. Also, Women rarely "think", they "feel" and this is whats leads to all of their whimsical thoughts and unkept promises. They are what they are.

You definitely aren't ugly! lol. But you aren't attractive enough to score decent looking white girls if thats what you are shooting for.

And the whole "pushing for sechs" thing....one thing that I think a lot get wrong is they read that kind of sales pitch here on sosuave and don't put it into context. Pushing for sechs only works when you have a willing partner! You have to calibrate, get in tune with that potential partner because if you are pushing for it and she isn't feeling it, then all you will do is upset her and you won't get a 2nd chance. Pushing for sechs can come across as trying too hard and being desperate.

So maybe change up some of the things you are doing on these dates? Also, what you are portraying needs to be congruent with who you are. You eluded to the fact that this might not be the case. Women are quite good at picking up on this.

Maybe share some of your interactions so we can help you out.

One final thought, I was in a similar predicament as you several years back. I finally just went out with a girl that was several levels below me. Mentally I wasn't where I needed to be to get the type of girl I really wanted. But banging this one jump started me and got me going down the path of what I really wanted. I was constantly trading one in for something better and eventually got some really attractive girls that had a lot to offer.

 

[dustmuffin]

I think you need to go out with the hb5s and f uck them. You may not be attracted to them but I bet your diet ck will be hard when they are naked in front of you.

Date these girls that are interested in you even if they are below your standards. As long as they have good hygiene and are not a whale hit it.

What this will do is improve your confidence and give you a chance to work on your game. The more dates you have the faster you will improve. Then you can start hitting on the women that you are attracted to.

You game a 5 the same way you game a 10.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You need to get to the gym, or buy some weights, and work out. You DON"T need to try to become some ripped bodybuilder. All you need to do is slowly develop a little definition.

This isn't so much to be visually more attractive to women directly, but rather, this will do wonders for your own self-image, and hence will change the way you carry yourself and interact with others, both men and women. Just a light improvement will go a LONG way.

 

[fastlife]

You need to get to the gym, or buy some weights, and work out. You DON"T need to try to become some ripped bodybuilder. All you need to do is slowly develop a little definition.

This isn't so much to be visually more attractive to women directly, but rather, this will do wonders for your own self-image, and hence will change the way you carry yourself and interact with others, both men and women. Just a light improvement will go a LONG way.

Definitely my first impression when looking at your pictures. Looks-wise, you're fine--but you seem to lack 'presence' (know we're dealing with a super small sample size). The gym'll do wonders for how you feel about yourself and'll carry over into the image you project.

Get off of online dating--seriously, it's the worst. If you lack experience, it's the absolute worst point of reference for what you could pull in the real world.

Quit putting so much pressure on yourself. Virgin at 22? So the fvck what? It's temporary; your lack of results (if you keep putting in the work) are temporary. Once you're getting laid, what happened before doesn't really matter. Trust the process. The results will catch up. Life is full of highs and lows--there isn't a guy here who hasn't hit a dry spell, who hasn't gotten flaked on by girls he hit it off with. It happens but it's temporary. And the highs are temporary too--eventually you'll hit another low--and your makeup as a man is determined by how you navigate the highs and lows and maintain balance.

And let's take it to the extreme--let's say hypothetically the universe has ordained that you, Konada, will never get laid (think of how ridiculous that sounds, but bear with me). Well, either way, you're not getting laid--but would you rather be the guy who keeps trying for what he wants regardless of the outcome or the guy who gives up and feels like a victim and sorry for himself? Self-fulfillment is in the effort, not the outcome. Learn to enjoy yourself making the effort.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I can only imagine there might be cultural elements in play here that the rest of us do not see, because we're not in your culture.

Do girls get looked down upon or socially shamed for OLD? I keep wondering if maybe when they flake on you, they are not flaking on you personaly. What's happening is that they are flaking on the idea of meeting a strange man off the Internet for a date. Young women are full of anxiety and prone to panic attacks. I'm wondering if these girls are freaking about because they suddenly feel like a wh0re for meeting a guy through OLD. I can only guess that would happen more where you live.

By contrast, where I live, the women are mostly big fat moo-cows who already admit to themselves that they are wh0res.

 

[skinnyguy]

I don't see many drawbacks to banging a hooker

Working out is important but it can take 6 months to get defined and that's if you go every day. Try a bootcamp or MAKE MORE MALE FRIENDS and just have fun this summer. Imagine if you were in a bad relationship where the girl treated you like crap. You have total freedom now.

 

[oOh Nasty]

All I can say is keep trying. All of the flakes might get you bummed out, but make sure it's temporary. Have a drink, go to sleep, and then wake up and keep trying.

Even if you are the prize, you will still get rejected and flaked on, especially with online dating. This mindset of "I'm the prize" might be a part of why you're experiencing so much disappointment. When it comes to online dating, girls will always have the upper hand no matter what. One chick I hooked up with after talking to her on SKOUT for a few days showed me all of her messages that she was getting. It was a few hundred messages, compared to about...uh... 3 or 4 that I got this past month .

I'll send maybe ten messages to different girls per day, sometimes more if I don't start getting a headache. There's about a 5% chance that one of them will respond. I'll respond to her response and there's about 25% chance that we'll get past 4-5 lines of text. I like to do long plays, so I'll ask for her LINE (or any other messaging app I use) which is actually about a 50% chance of success, considering I was able to make her curious about me. Once I have that, then my chances of meeting up with her is about 50%.

Just stride along casually and keep on messaging, trying different things, taking new photos, changing your profile, etc. Stop being so serious and hard on yourself. It's easier said than done because I know how it is. Not having any current plates or any female attention at all is one of the worst positions to be in as a man, regardless of how anyone says they don't need women. The guys who say that probably at least have a plate or two or aren't even in a situation where they aren't getting any kind of sex, let alone female attention.

Keep on moving and keep on trying. Send at least 500 more messages and have all of those fail and then come back and report.

 

[ubercat]

Mate no bromance but you re a well put together guy. Looks ain't a problem u ve got the raw materials. It's been said many times before OLD is a supplement. I specialize in Asian chicks. In Australia so they don't have 'white fever'. They r easy to cold approach. At 22 you re probably pretty emotional yourself. The army used to harden guys up. Nowadays u ve got to do it yourself with gym and martial arts. And DMs right any hole s a goal - pound those 5s. It will take the desperate edge off your vibe.

 

[El Payaso]

Your mental energy is too focused on women. I said this in another thread but stop worrying about women. Just focus on yourself and do things for yourself.

 

[Julian]

man stop fkin with these azn bishes and get yourself a white girl or a black girl. Thats your best bet. Azn bishes hold azn dudes to crazy standards its sad really. Unless your a thug azn with aesthetics (muscular, lexus etc) then you need to get more oriented with your masculine side bro. Honestly you arent bad looking but you look soft and feminine. No hate but its true. I recognize it because i have similar features, ectomorph, narrower face etc...but after i started lifting and getting jacked my confidence/puzzy went way up.

go now and do

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

You are like a fisherman who jerks his hook every 10 seconds desperately hoping for a bite. "Oh crap, all I'm catching is Rainbow trout.I really wanted a salmon. Guess I'm going hungry tonight. I must be an awful fisherman."

Ok, firstly internet dating is paying oremium orice for danaged goods.
Find some stuff u like to do and do it. If there are women doing it as well, awesome. You now have something to talk about. If not, who cares. At least you are dping something you like.
As for women being able to smell virginity, not true. What they can smell is desperation and lack of confidence. That comes from thinking each woman is the only woman who will sleep with you.
They aren't.

 

[Konada]

Definitely my first impression when looking at your pictures. Looks-wise, you're fine--but you seem to lack 'presence' (know we're dealing with a super small sample size). The gym'll do wonders for how you feel about yourself and'll carry over into the image you project.

You're actually right. As I get out more I'm becoming more aware that people treat me as I'm invisible. They don't look at me when they shake my hand, sometimes they don't even bother introducing themselves to me (or I'm last) whenever we meet a new group of people.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Lift. A lot. Like gym rat. You can find all the info you need about muscle building online. If you play any sports or something, try to lift in a way to stay lean to help benefit the sport, but regardless you need to become more muscular. The good thing about being Asian is that a lot of Asians naturally have broad shoulders so this can definitely work to your advantage in the aesthetics lart of weighlifting. Try to get a trainer to help you lift too or have an experienced friend to teach you the basic stuff or just lift with said friend.

 

[Konada]

Before anyone tells me to lift again, I told you this problem runs deeper than the usual 'work out and focus on yourself mantra.' I've returned to lifting 2 1/2 months ago and my numbers are as follows for a 120lbs male:

Bench Press: 3x5 110lbs
Squats: 3x5 200lbs
Deadlifts: 1x5 220lbs
Bent-Rows: 3x5 100lbs
OHP: 3x5 95lbs

I lift, I dance, I fence, I'm building my social circle, I'm excelling at my internship and still I have a fvcking problem in the women department.

Am I punching above my own weight? I don't know, I've been told I'm good looking so all of these doesn't make any fvcking sense to me. Or have I been lied to all these while? We're all here to learn, don't sugarcoat and just give me the bitter truth.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You're obviously telegraphing insecurity in your interactions.

I used to be invisible too.

The cure for that for me was making small-talk with everyone I came in contact with throughout the day. That made me socially at ease over time and I became more of a presence.

 

[guru1000]

You are a good-looking guy. You know this. You are higher in the looks department than the first two girls and about in line with the third girl.

You have three problems:

1) Outer game: You are 120 lbs. This is extremely skinny for a male. Although some women may like this, think about how attracted you would be to a contrariwise overweight girl. Weight and body fat levels matter.

2) Inner game: Your extreme desire to lose your virginity manifests as desperateness in all your sub-communications with women.

3) Online is an extremely competitive, accessible environment, and thus the laws of supply and demand are a bit unbalanced. To succeed greatly, you must bring your best inner and outer game.

To bang hot women online regularly, you will need to stomach thousands of rejections. Your ratio of success:rejection will increase the more you physically engage, so take a couple sub-par women for now and bang their brains out to get the ball rolling.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You are a good-looking guy. You know this. You are higher in the looks department than the first two girls and about in line with the third girl.

You have three problems:

1) Outer game: You are 120 lbs. This is extremely skinny for a male. Although some women may like this, think about how attracted you would be to a contrariwise overweight girl. Weight and body fat levels matter.

2) Inner game: Your extreme desire to lose your virginity manifests as desperateness in all your sub-communications with women.

3) Online is an extremely competitive environment. Thus, you must bring your best inner and outer game for great success.

If this man is still a virgin, getting his virgin cherry popped should be a paramount importance, and it doesn't need to be some stunner of a female, just someone he can be comfortable with. I believe he needs to add some sort of sex life by almost many means necessary, there is a lot of confidence and masculinity tied up in sex that he should go and get it.