Something is Up, or not so much - need some help at 38yo

[FMCSMT]

So, I've been staying in shape for the last 4 years and having fun with gals post divorce. I've done the plate spinning thing but have come to a point where I don't want to sleep with more than one and even very much like being by myself when I don't have my 3 kids. Love working on myself. Ever day is like a better and better version of me. I am actually taking a break from a finance degree that I am working on with a full time career to send this request for a little help and then I will return to my studies for an hour before heading to bed.

It's a badass life. I'm not here to brag. I actually have a mature man issue. If I think back to my divorce, after my wife left (been over that for a long time, she would tell you I moved on too far, lol) I didn't have sex for the longest time in my life, ever. It was a shock at the time. Typical woman bs too, she's an extremist with the court systems that stand tall against men but I did prevail and have those little shts 50% of the time. Heck I raised them, and I tell them that they are welcome.

Anyway, stopped sex altogether maybe 8 months, if I recall correctly. I'm sure I'm close. Didn't fap much either, maybe 1 per week if you were to average that time out. Actually, got sick of it after a while and gave up.

Without giving my whole life story, I have noticed that I sometimes do have an issue with arousal. Now if I look back 1 year ago today, I was banging this hot little mom for 3 months and one of those months we did approach, if not exceed, 90 times we had sex in 30 days. Now, I was fighting a leg cramping issue (and still am) and at that particular time, I was taking a test boost known as P6. I could literally go for hours even after working a physical job and exercising. It was crazy! After this girl left, another hot mom took her place and I remember her saying "does it ever go down?".

Today, I literally come across a person that I have scoped out for a little while now. She is beautiful, funny, and smoking hot in bed. She called me out for drinks and drove us to a nature area that was closed and we banged it out. I don't know how this happens but it does with me. First date is always a lay. Not bragging just saying. I'm not super hot either. I am a dad and am fighting dad bod all day long, especially in the spring.

So my issue (sorry for the long post) is most likely a common one (I hope) but when I drink with this girl (I'm a super light weight for alcohol, because I never drink) I have found that I'm into her but my cuck, not so much.

Maybe it's low test? Maybe it's drinking? Maybe both? Either way, I honestly don't mind failing a lady if I'm trying to lower my value (a path I often take to soft next). I do take a preworkout called Hyde by ProSupps. The P6 I used last year is not the same as it is this year (bottle is different, doesn't talk about sexual health). I'm a little on the crazy side for trying stuff (no hard drugs obviously) and Viagra comes to mind. I have done no research on that.

Just looking for some tips. I need to continue to impress this one. I think it may have to do with my age and my past (no sex for a long time in my book, used to be everyday since 14 literally).

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

[FMCSMT]

Just wanted to clarify, I have not used the P6 for the last year and have not been super sexually active either. Some months were 1-2x per month (super busy and number 1 complaint from the ladies.) But while on it, and working out everyday like I do (see beachbody.com), put me right back in middle school horny days. Loved it! But also have to have a partner close enough in distance and mutual frequency desire to use that stuff, which now is the dilemma I have. Again, any help is welcomed.

 

[Spaz]

So you don't have problems getting women.

And u r horny.

Now you want a women that can keep up with you on the s€x and lives close by, is that it?

 

[speed dawg]

So you don't have problems getting women.

And u r horny.

Now you want a women that can keep up with you on the s€x and lives close by, is that it?

Sounds like his issue is keeping a hard on while he's been drinking.

I don't see the issue, it's all mental, so don't drink as much. Men make a big deal about it because we're conditioned to make a big deal about it. I quit giving a f*ck and the problem went away. If the chick is hot then just relax, and enjoy it.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Many guys have issues getting it up and keeping it up while drinking. The more drink, the worse it is.

If you can't give up having drinks before sex, get some Viagra.

Getting a lot of cardio exercise via running really helps increase blood flow to the area a well. Aim for 20-30+ minutes 5x per week.

 

[FMCSMT]

So I don't really drink often and I am a super light weight when it comes to that (1, maybe 2 drinks and I'm wasted).

I do a lot of cardio. In fact, just did a health check thing for life insurance and the nurse said my heart rate is very low and said "You must do a lot of cardio".

If you're familiar with P90X and other programs under beachbody.com, that's what I do to stay fit and have for more than 4 years now. I've done P90X, P90X3 twice, BodyBeast too many times to count and I'm now doing 80 Day Obsession.

Diet is also more on point today then it's ever been.

Also, don't smoke, not overweight, smoke weed once in a while but I could always bang when high (even tried that..)

Last night, I made sure not to drink. She was drunk (and plays around a lot, like goofy/playful/funny).

If anything, it's worse now. Couldn't even do it at all.

I went as far as to call a therapist this morning and am going to call my doctor as well.

Weird thing, I seen my ex yesterday (who is hot and still in to me, long story) and wanted to bang her right away (didn't tho, long story, too much drama).

I don't know if it's the girl I'm sleeping with now or if it's just me. It's like the desire isn't there with this girl and now it's awkward. Probably going to lose her but no big deal to me at all.

Surely some of you may have gone through this? If so, I am looking for some help. If I have to get Viagra then so be it. Seems like I'm a little young for that but maybe not?

One other thing, went through a nasty divorce (been told worst divorce story anyone has heard from many who have heard the story and I do well keeping it to myself but there are times, if they are really interested, I tell them the story) and I went probably 8-9 months with no intimacy. I think it may have messed me up going so long without. I don't know.

Any help would be very appreciated and thanks in advance.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You're never too young for Viagra! Seriously you can't think about it like that. I always have some on hand for when I'm drunk or have to use a rubber or am not super into the girl I'm with. I need it maybe 3/50 times but for those times, it's a life-saver. There are 18 year olds who take Viagra.

Sounds like you are doing awesome with the lifestyle choices - exercise, diet, etc, so good to rule that out. Since you were "P6" (I don't know anything about it), have you had your hormone levels checked recently by a doctor?

If it helps, one thing I've found is that I can sometimes (not always) have a disconnect between what I find "objectively" attractive in a women, vs what I end up being physically/primitively attracted to in a woman. It is not something I figure out until I've spent a date or two with her in person (or at the very least seen her). I've talked about it with a few close friends and they all look at me like I'm nuts. But I've learned to accept that it is what it is - some girls I just won't physically click with. I don't think there is a magic answer. Could be that your brain is trying to protect you from something you are afraid of that was partially caused by something in your childhood or with your divorce. Finding the right counselor would help you with this but I suggest finding someone who specializes in sexual issues.

Get your hormone levels checked just to rule out physical issues. If you are able to get it up for other women or your ex, then it's almost surely psychological.

 

[Mazer]

If I ever have an issue its usually on the first lay with a new woman. I heard its pretty common. Its mental. On the second time around I have no problems. Dont overthink it, easy on the drinking and dont masterbate for at least two days before meeting up

 

[FMCSMT]

You both have great advice! Thank you.

No, have not had hormones checked but my MD has referred me to Urology. I use MyChart (doctor email) that way I'm not going to worthless appointments with this type of stuff comes up as I age. She referred me there.

First lay and second lays were actually good. I did get a complaint of refusing morning sex but I did bang her twice the night before and had to go to work but still, normally that early in the relationship I would have for sure. So it's messing with me.

We broke up tonight by the way. Totally seen that coming and totally agreed with her and do (of course they are never okay with my congruence with the break). It's never a big deal and I usually have a few others and do right now but this whole deal isn't sitting right... I'm also getting a little tired of the 3 orbiter rotational change out deal this dating thing has become, as I often confuse stories and such, yet am up front with them all that yes I am sleeping with other people at times, things sure have changed since my younger days...perhaps for another post.

Thanks for your help! I'll update this thread as, or if, more info becomes available through this Urology appt. Any thoughts on that?

 

[FMCSMT]

The doctor did prescribe a generic version of Viagra. It only works when if I get aroused so it's not like I have to walk around with a hard on if I take it and nothing happens.

I did try it. Seems to have been the trick.

Thanks for the help

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So,

Just looking for some tips. I need to continue to impress this one. I think it may have to do with my age and my past (no sex for a long time in my book, used to be everyday since 14 literally).

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

The best solution is, #nextset!

At you're age, test is dropping. You wanting a single girl is a classic example. Go get deezed. Get Baes!

Have options. The best way to secure your girl is to have options. Why? Willingness to walk. You can walk. If she crosses boundaries, next set. No excuse why at late 30s,yiu can't pull girls mid 20s.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I remember when I was 32 just starting out in my job and in a like top .01% part of the country wealth-wise. I had to make an acquaintance with an uber rich at his house and they were leaving the garage in some high-end lux car (I just know I've never seen one with my own eyes in person) and he put down the window and in the passenger seat was An AMAZING YOUNG diamond-earinged blonde (not his "daughter") probably Russian or European descent. He was greyheaded had to be mid to late 50s. She was the cream of the crop. Must be nice to be able to just Buy any one of them. Surely they were doing coke (an area known for that). Made an impression on me. Of course, I was treated like the peon that I was.