TakenDirectly said:
Got hit pretty hard today by a fact. Too all the nice guys:
WOMEN DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU
I was basically a nice guy around this one girl. So then I guess I get this sort of oneitis and I'm able to twist a conversation with her to see what she thought of me. Truth is she felt I was nice (probably even attractive), BUT that if she and I ever hooked up she would feel "shy". The way I see it, I reached a point to where she wouldn't feel like she could be herself. She would probably feel she would have to impress me instead of ATTRACT ME (this is my thought on it at least). Never really read the whole "nice guy" in that way, but basically I found out that a nice guy is someone that a girl cannot feel herself around. Even if you are suave and sexy but you become nice then she will push you towards the friendship zone. Feel like **** now, but I'm going to run my ass off until I can't feel feelings anymore. Just something I feel should be emphasized on.
You know what, I think attraction is so dynamic that you just can't blame being a nice guy on it all. So many things go into being attractive that you shouldn't stress over if you are being an ass enough or not. Nice guys score all of the time, man.
You can be a good person but if you are a door mat, people will not respect you and walk all over you. If you don't have any ballz then don't expect to score much.
I can tell you this, I used to be an azz in my relationship. Not because I was trying to but just because I really wasn't into my GFs much. I just wanted sex and a date when I wanted one but didn't want someone up under me all of the time. That was until I had met a great woman who loved the hell out of me and I realized that I was just being immature in my relationships. We broke up after years of dating because she finally gave up on ever winning my affection. I missed her a lot and learned a lot from her. When I tried to get her back, it was too late, I found out she was married. When I found this out, it was such a low point in my life and that initially is what drove me to this site.
I then became just as nice as she was to me to other chics I dated afterwards thinking I was using what I had learned from her in our relationship. These other women were really into me and genuinely were heartbroken when I dumped them. I realized that I was really treating these women so well in order for them to fall hard for me. I wanted them to think I was their knight in shining armor and then snatching every thing away from them all of a sudden. I sent them flowers, opened doors, complemented them (even when they were not nearly as sexy or drop dead gorgeous as I told them they were) etc.s... all what you guys call "AFC" stuff. I was subconsciously getting vengeance on women for me losing the only woman I had ever fallen in love with. I kind of felt guilty about it after I realized what I was doing.
I have now re-kindled a relationship with someone from my past that I broke up with because I was just an immature azz. I feel that she is the woman for me now and I will continue to treat her well and plan to be with her for a very long time.
When I reflect on why I was doing well with avoiding the friend zone despite treating women well, I believe it was a few things:
1. I took no BS! If a chic disrespected me, talk to me in a disrespectful tone, or didn't treat me like I felt like I deserved, I walked away without hesitation. They always got upset that I would leave their house or be ready to drop them off in certain situation and it changed their behavior.
2. I sold them dreams: I made them believe that they would live a great life being with me. I made them believe that they would attend the greatest social functions, take the greatest trips, be treated like a queen and blah blah blah. I indirectly made them believe that they wouldn't get this anywhere else or that these dreams would be so hard to achieve with anyone else.
3. I kept my personal and professional life together to show them I had dreams and goals and that I was going to achieve them all. I showed stability.
I think different things work for different people and this is basically what worked for me. I think you can be a nice guy and women still go crazy over you but you can't be a wimp or loser or you simply will just be punked and... lose.
