Someone motivate the sh*t out of me please

[Voice]

I honestly thought my life was gonna change this year. First year of college, I'm thinking, now is my time to finally have some girls in my life. My high school years filled with shyness and awkwardness, zero female contact. I've read up on sites such as sosuave and learned soo much. Girls didn't seem so complicated anymore. I knew exactly what girls wanted in a guy and I became the guy, and guess what? I got a girl! She lived in the room right next to me in my dorm. She LOVED me man! I began to like her too once I got to know her more, such a great girl. I never connected to anyone like that ever in my life! I thought about her a lot and loved being with her, doing sexual stuff. But slowly the social anxiety came back. She was always the one coming to me and wondered if I really liked her that much. I started acting a little disinterested not because I didn't like her but because I started to feel anxiety again. The whole false confidence I had started to fade away, I said some stupid things and eventually me and her broke it off. She won't even look at me now and avoids me at all costs. I avoid her too. She has all these new friends without me always in her room that annoy the **** out of me.

Now I lost all my confidence with girls and am back to my old awkward self. I haven't made any other girl friends in my dorm and all her friends hate me. I had chances to "get with" other girls more attractive than her nights I went out partying drinking, but I just couldn't do it. To top things off I just learned she went out on a date with some other guy. This kills me. I mean this is the only girl I have ever been with.

I just wish I could just get off my ***, stop being depressed and get some other chick, but I just can't get motivated enough, I just don't think I'm good enough sometimes. My head is fvcking me up. WTF is wrong with me?

 

[Tha Realnezz]

That tends to happen sometimes it just gets too easy for you and you feel crampt and you wanna see other women.

I cant help you with the social anxiety you might need to seek proffesional help if you think you really have that only pills can help you..

Stay busy though,thats the only thing I know that can help you.Stay busy,work out ,go to class,work,do homework,work out some more,try to talk to at least one new person a day even if its not female..

Stay up..

 

[Voice]

Thanks bro I do all that stuff. Work out ALL the time 6 days a week, play basketball, go to class but still can't shake this anxiety/depression. I know no girl wants to be with some nervous depressed chump so I've been avoiding girls lately. The only time I can bust out my DJ is when I down like 6 beers.

It's a shame man, I'm good looking, got this great voice, athletic, nice body, but still can't shake this anxiety. It kills my game and keeps me from enjoying life.

I've been to the doc, he's put me on klonopin which is like valium. Stuff kind of works, but not a whole lot. It doesn't help my mood any, just relaxes me a little. I still lack the motivation and energy. Dam I even take b vitamins, creatine and fish oil. Nothing works for me.

 

[dbot]

Everyone has ups and downs. When you're up, you feel on top of the world, but when you're down, you have to learn to deal with it and continue to progress. Always be making progress. No matter what, as long as you move forward, as long as you're farther along than you were yesterday, even by the tiniest amount, you'll be okay. Stagnation kills motivation. So always make sure to get just a little bit further.

 

[NewAndImproved]

I can relate man. I have social anxiety myself. Same background too. A lot of attractive qualities: athletic, funny, handsome etc....For some reason, for much of my life, there's been a disconnect between what I know is inside of me and what I project to the world. If I just could've been myself...

I've done a lot of things for it too: lexapro, fish oil, therapy, meditation etc...

That said, I'm a senior in college and things are much better now. I , too, had my first relationship in college but it didn't work out. Hit me hard. Took me a long time to get over it. A YEAR in fact. And the relationship, if you can call it that, barely lasted a month. But eventually the pain stopped and I realized how much I'd been missing out on. Close friends that you can be yourself around is key. That's far more important that girls anyway. They'll come and go.

Anxiety will also come and go. There are days when I don't even feel like I want to be around w/my closest friends and there are days when I feel like I can do anything. Be patient with yourself. The worst thing is to get angry. It just fuels it.

Hit me back if you want any more advice. It's tough man, I know...

 

[KontrollerX]

Charlie Otero had his entire family murdered by BTK when he was 15 years old.

He didn't give up on life at that point he pressed on through incredible pain and obstacles and made it through to have a decent life.

W. Mitchell was in a horrific motorcycle accident that burned his body up and horribly disfigured him, he didn't give up and went on to run for office in his state, he didn't win but he still never quit, he then went on to become a motivational speaker and became a trained pilot but during a flight the plane had a problem and he ended up making a crash landing where I think one of the passengers was killed another walked away without a scratch but W. Mitchell was now paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life and ontop of that his wife left him. He was almost ready to give up but thanks to his physical therapist giving him encouragement and his own inspiration to help another man come to terms with being paralyzed from the waist down he became ready to tackle life head on once again and he even ended up getting a new wife as his physical therapist who yes was a woman married him.

He is a motivational speaker to this day and has his own website all about continuing on through incredible obstacles.

Also not long ago TheRealSupreme posted a video of a guy born without arms or legs who also became a success in life and a motivational speaker.

The point of all of this?

Its just like Anthony Hopkin's character Charles said in the movie "The Edge" and what he said was: "What one man can do another can do".

As soon as you believe that deep down you can have the same motivation as another highly motivated guy.

 

[Warrior74]

Voice. I feel your pain. I was like you. I started to come out of my shell in college, learned about women. Lost my V Card. Finally I landed a cheerleader and fell in love. She was the biggest freak ho though. Cheated on me. Dumped me. Lived across the street and I got to see a parade of frat boys and jocks going in and out of her room every day. Destroyed me. I ended up dropping out of college and doing a LOT of drugs. Totally derailed the course of my life. I wish I could go back in time and slap the sh1t out of me. Listen.

If you can get one woman, you can get two. Never forget that. You should focus on your life, your goals, your passions. Find people who are interested in the things you are into and become apart of those social groups. Don't go it alone. When your alone the negative thoughts seem to multiply in your head, but when you are around like minded people, they melt away and seem absurd and silly. There are tons of women, and the confidence you showed is just as much apart of you as anything else. It wasn't false confidence, it was you doing what you know you could always do. The doubt and fear is what's really false! False Expectations Appearing Real! F.E.A.R. Never forget that.

Make a goal. Right now. Make a goal to either meet a new woman this week and get a date. Or make a goal to pass a test, or to make 100 bucks. But make a goal, something you really desire. Write it down some where you can see it and make that your focus. Don't stop until you get it. Don't worry about anything else but school and that goal. You have to motivate yourself through the combined power of your will and desire. You can do it man. Good luck.

 

[Splendidostring]

Hey man

I know where you've been.

I've been affected by anxiety and panic attack all my life. That crap lead me to 3 major panic attacks (where I actually thought I was going to have a heart attack). Had major problems with girls too, same experience happened to me with a girl. Everything was good (we were friend, I wanted more though) until I began acting like a total afc. I was getting jealous, angry etc etc. That was the end of this relation. And it was at this point I decided I'd never let this part of my life get like this again. Never been the same ever since with woman. I feel like I'm in control.

Still, I deal with anxiety on a daily basis, you can get throught it though. As others said, make more exercise, stay in shape. Eat more healthy. You will see a major difference. You also need to set priorities for yourself. That's a must. Be your own boss. From that on (by experience, you will see a difference).

Good luck,

 

[Darth]

For some reason, for much of my life, there's been a disconnect between what I know is inside of me and what I project to the world.

That's my basic problem. Mentally, I know exactly who I am and what a great person I am, but for some reason, there's a physical disconnect and I find myself awkward around people instead. I can't seem to force my body to act in the right way. I'm a clutz sometimes...

 

[sodbuster]

We can only advise you, we can't motivate you. That is your job as a man to motivate yourself. I hate kids sayingthey neen to be motivated. I'm the boss, who in the hell do you think motivates me?

 

[Voice]

Thanks bros I really appreciate all the advice it's been well received I needed it. I'm not giving up anytime soon.

 

[slaog]

Keep improving yourself. You done well with that girl but as soon as you fell for her you worried about losing her etc and that made your behaviour change to worry fear etc. I might be wrong but I reckon thats what happened?


Sometimes when guys get the girls they think thats it and go back to their old selves.


Heres my thread on motivation.

 

[Voice]

Keep improving yourself. You done well with that girl but as soon as you fell for her you worried about losing her etc and that made your behaviour change to worry fear etc. I might be wrong but I reckon thats what happened?


Sometimes when guys get the girls they think thats it and go back to their old selves.


Heres my thread on motivation.

Thats the thing, I never acted afc toward her at all. If anything I showed a little too much that I didn't need her. I think she was confused whether I even liked her or not. For example, when going out with her sometimes I ignored her and talked to other girls. One time I even started dancing with another girl when she left to go to the bathroom. I was almost too afraid to be afc that I totally went the other way altogether. This sh*t messed with her a lot and I feel horrible about it now. I was actually the one that suggested we just be friends. When we were in the 'friend' phase I messed with her even more. I sarcastically said I hated her one time and for some reason she took it seriously and didn't talk to me for weeks! Anyway now she doesn't talk to me at all and totally ignores me. Basically she hates me now and so do all her friends, her roommate always disliked me and I feel like she wants to murder me.

I know I made mistakes, but I feel horrible I messed up anything me and her had at all. We can't even be friends now. I really don't want to mess up this bad with any other girl, maybe that's why I've been having a tough time lately getting close to other chicks.

 

[slaog]

Thats the thing, I never acted afc toward her at all. If anything I showed a little too much that I didn't need her. I think she was confused whether I even liked her or not. For example, when going out with her sometimes I ignored her and talked to other girls. One time I even started dancing with another girl when she left to go to the bathroom. I was almost too afraid to be afc that I totally went the other way altogether. This sh*t messed with her a lot and I feel horrible about it now. I was actually the one that suggested we just be friends. When we were in the 'friend' phase I messed with her even more. I sarcastically said I hated her one time and for some reason she took it seriously and didn't talk to me for weeks! Anyway now she doesn't talk to me at all and totally ignores me. Basically she hates me now and so do all her friends, her roommate always disliked me and I feel like she wants to murder me.

I know I made mistakes, but I feel horrible I messed up anything me and her had at all. We can't even be friends now. I really don't want to mess up this bad with any other girl, maybe that's why I've been having a tough time lately getting close to other chicks.

I was talking about having an AFC mindset not about acting. Whatever about not acting AFC you definetly were AFC and that's impossible to hide.


Would a DJ completely change the way he behaves just for a girl? Of course not. You were doing fine and she liked YOU! When you became closer with her you made the mistake of putting her up on a pedestal and so then your mindset changed from a fun one to a 'hold onto what you've got' mindset.


You then decided to act like a Jerk and mess with her head because you thought women are not attracted to nice guys. Read this thread I made about the REAL nice guys.


You stopped being the person she was attracted to in the first place. She was attracted to the original you, the real you.


What you also must realise is that only women with issues are attracted to jerks. She sounds like a girl with high standards. If you were dating a girl and went to the bathroom and came back to find her dancing with other men, I bet you wouldn't be too impressed. She saw that and obviously if she has high standards she wouldn't have been impressed at all with you behaviour.


You're young yet and will meet plenty of women. Just learn your lessons from this. I wouldn't be too concerned about her roommate. If she hates you then thats her problem. Hateful people will always look for something/someone to hate so as I say it's her problem.

 

[Vypros]

You are seeking out the wrong solutions to a problem that has nothing to do with girls.

Per your posts, you say you have social anxieties and a lack of confidence. Or in short, you harbor a mass of insecurities and are fairly self-centered (don't hate the messenger, it's been suggested by people far smarter than me that social anxiety is a mark of self-centeredness).

So how did you cope? You went right to the finish line. You read up and understood girls, and then you placed all your newly found "confidence" IN a girl, and when that started to crumble, so did your confidence.

The problem isn't with getting with girls. That's just a symptom. You can't make your goal "to get a girl" because that's ALL you'll get...a girl; a fairly malleable creature who will mirror what's inside of you back at you.

You need to get at the root of the problem first and foremost: fixing your social anxiety and building self-confidence. And that's not an easy road. But the end of that road will bring the girls as a byproduct, not the goal itself and it will be much more permanent.

So how do you fix your social anxieties and build your confidence?

Like I said, social anxiety is a mark of self-centeredness, so my suggestion on that end is to take the focus off yourself and find a way to help other people somehow. Volunteer somewhere...somewhere where you can be with people who are less fortunate than you and work with them and help them. When you remove your focus from yourself like that, and help someone less fortunate than you, your social anxieties will start to melt away and become less intense.

Confidence, on the other hand, comes from grit determination, resilience, and endurance. You build confidence through trial and error. By setting a goal, and doing what it takes to meet that goal, despite the failures you meet along the way. It also comes from making your life what YOU want it to be, finding the career that makes you happy, the hobbies that make you happy, and the social network that makes you happy.

Like I said, not an easy road. And it can take YEARS to accomplish, but I promise you that each day, each step, will build something inside of you that is strong and more permanent--not built on a foundation of sand, but something more than that. The stuff you build in that long dogged journey will give you the confidence you need to get with girls. And girls will become more of a byproduct to you, than the goal that you have right now.

So get off your ass and get a plan. Set some goals and start putting this machine into motion.