OK going to throw something out at you all.
A book I have read, how to win friends and influence people.
Basically it discusses how to get around people and become a great conversationalist.
How to be a great conversationalist:
What is the most important thing in this world to people? The most important thing to people is in fact ‘them’.
Notice when you talk to people in passing they always say something that is about them?
Also most conversations shift to there perspective and there experiences, never really about yours.
When you talk to people about things that have no interest to them they switch off, but if you talk about something that has an interest to them they are more receptive, question what is important to most people if not all (guess the answer).
That no one likes to be proved wrong and in most cases it will get them on the defensive, even if they are proven wrong, I know I am right attitude and pride takes over.
Seems a very selfish world we live in don’t it, consider this:
A famine breaks out in Africa, 1000 ppl die, you watch it on the news, your upset at it, then you glance in the mirror and see a massive zit on your nose, now what are you most concerned about? If you are honest here you will admit to the zit, again we go back to you!
Also notice when you look at a photograph a new photograph who is the first person you look for? That’s right its yourself you see how you look in that picture, if you look hot or not and many other things (think about it if every one is doing this then is anyone really that concerned for anyone but themselves in that pic’ and in that then, is the reason for looking at ourselves first pointless?)
You see where I am going with this?
Notice even charity or acts of good will, generate a feeling inside, can it be argued that the feeling motivated the act so that even in itself was a selfish thing, was the need far more important then the giving? Hey you feel good you have done something honourable, was it really about the charity? Think about it! Next time you hand that dime to the begger e.t.c.
Now seems to me the world Is a pretty selfish place, but this is not the point of this post, the point of this post is conversations.
So what are we seeing here, we are seeing to win over ppl we talk about them and there interests, since talking about our interests is not interesting to them, unless it is something that they find intresting.
How to make conversation, talk about her interests make examples of similar interests and experiences, this way your holding her interest, since you talking about something that appeals to them and not YOU!
A great conversationalist is someone who knows how to listen and not force there conversations onto the subject, listen to what others have to say and act on it and learn from it, grow from them, not from stubborn selfish needs to put your point across, unless it contributes to there interest.
You know now the most important thing about people is them, same with you, you now know it, so how can you flip it, by having the knowledge to see its never about you ever, its always about them, no matter how subtle it is!
Think about what I wrote now consider this, how many times do you scan these forums now how many times do you scan over your posts and re-read them? That’s right how many of your posts do you re-read, interesting.
Talk about them and there interests.
But one other thing to add, you don’t want to come across has soulless and devoid of self experiences, that’s why you add some of yours and turn the conversation into a conversation you can both share in!
One last add:
One other part, guy A: talks about something he is interested in fishing for example and guy B: listens he makes a few points on fishing but he has limited knowledge but this does not matter, Guy A: is so concerned about talking about his experiences (its about him after all) the slightest nudge keeps Guy A talking, after 10minutes guy A: turns around and say you know what it was great talking to you, one of the best conversations I had. Guy B: thinks I did not really contribute I listened and added what I knew but I was genuinely fascinated and interested in what he had to say.
Being interested in what he had to say and wanting the conversation to lead on made Guy A: feel he had a great conversation and in truth he did, he got to talk about him and his interest. Don’t believe this works, go talk to a guy and find out his interest then add bits to it and keep him talking, now try it with a girl see the outcome, mmmm interesting don’t you think.
Trick is to be interested and not fake it, I mean this is not some means to get one up on ppl this is to in-fact connect with ppl, don’t take the selfish route.
A book I have read, how to win friends and influence people.
Basically it discusses how to get around people and become a great conversationalist.
How to be a great conversationalist:
What is the most important thing in this world to people? The most important thing to people is in fact ‘them’.
Notice when you talk to people in passing they always say something that is about them?
Also most conversations shift to there perspective and there experiences, never really about yours.
When you talk to people about things that have no interest to them they switch off, but if you talk about something that has an interest to them they are more receptive, question what is important to most people if not all (guess the answer).
That no one likes to be proved wrong and in most cases it will get them on the defensive, even if they are proven wrong, I know I am right attitude and pride takes over.
Seems a very selfish world we live in don’t it, consider this:
A famine breaks out in Africa, 1000 ppl die, you watch it on the news, your upset at it, then you glance in the mirror and see a massive zit on your nose, now what are you most concerned about? If you are honest here you will admit to the zit, again we go back to you!
Also notice when you look at a photograph a new photograph who is the first person you look for? That’s right its yourself you see how you look in that picture, if you look hot or not and many other things (think about it if every one is doing this then is anyone really that concerned for anyone but themselves in that pic’ and in that then, is the reason for looking at ourselves first pointless?)
You see where I am going with this?
Notice even charity or acts of good will, generate a feeling inside, can it be argued that the feeling motivated the act so that even in itself was a selfish thing, was the need far more important then the giving? Hey you feel good you have done something honourable, was it really about the charity? Think about it! Next time you hand that dime to the begger e.t.c.
Now seems to me the world Is a pretty selfish place, but this is not the point of this post, the point of this post is conversations.
So what are we seeing here, we are seeing to win over ppl we talk about them and there interests, since talking about our interests is not interesting to them, unless it is something that they find intresting.
How to make conversation, talk about her interests make examples of similar interests and experiences, this way your holding her interest, since you talking about something that appeals to them and not YOU!
A great conversationalist is someone who knows how to listen and not force there conversations onto the subject, listen to what others have to say and act on it and learn from it, grow from them, not from stubborn selfish needs to put your point across, unless it contributes to there interest.
You know now the most important thing about people is them, same with you, you now know it, so how can you flip it, by having the knowledge to see its never about you ever, its always about them, no matter how subtle it is!
Think about what I wrote now consider this, how many times do you scan these forums now how many times do you scan over your posts and re-read them? That’s right how many of your posts do you re-read, interesting.
Talk about them and there interests.
But one other thing to add, you don’t want to come across has soulless and devoid of self experiences, that’s why you add some of yours and turn the conversation into a conversation you can both share in!
One last add:
One other part, guy A: talks about something he is interested in fishing for example and guy B: listens he makes a few points on fishing but he has limited knowledge but this does not matter, Guy A: is so concerned about talking about his experiences (its about him after all) the slightest nudge keeps Guy A talking, after 10minutes guy A: turns around and say you know what it was great talking to you, one of the best conversations I had. Guy B: thinks I did not really contribute I listened and added what I knew but I was genuinely fascinated and interested in what he had to say.
Being interested in what he had to say and wanting the conversation to lead on made Guy A: feel he had a great conversation and in truth he did, he got to talk about him and his interest. Don’t believe this works, go talk to a guy and find out his interest then add bits to it and keep him talking, now try it with a girl see the outcome, mmmm interesting don’t you think.
Trick is to be interested and not fake it, I mean this is not some means to get one up on ppl this is to in-fact connect with ppl, don’t take the selfish route.
