Some reflection lead me to a few questions

[DJoneday]

This might be long, it depends how long it takes for me to get my thoughts across here.

The last couple days especially, i've been reflecting on a couple ideas that have to do with my entire outlook on the dating world, and women in general. First, i need to give you all a bit of background on who I am so that you'll understand the question...

I'm the crazier one of my friends. I stay away from the drama, but know everyone and everyone i know likes me. If anyone talks any crap behind my back, i have friends everywhere who will have my back in a second to defend me, and it's because about a year ago, i spent all my time and energy worrying about reputation and what others thought of me. During this time i realized that i am a very likable person, and my easygoing outlook on life and day-to-day situations makes people enjoy my company.

Since those days when i worked for nothing but the acceptance of others, i've achieved it and realized that it didn't make me happy (though i am happy a majority of the time), and it just made for a lot of people who expected a lot of out me. This resulted in the same people still respecting me and liking me as before, i just spend time with the ones i like and the ones i didn't care for as much, but stuck with more for social proof, have been taken off the roster.

I sort of "found myself" since then, reflected a lot on who I wanted to be, and not who other people wanted me to be. I realized that i really have a very strange outlook on life and a lot of things, and i have a vivid imagination which i like to excersize fully with pretty much everyone i talk to. This means that sometimes i may come off as sort of strange and random to people, but this is because they aren't used to my way of interacting with people.

Back when i was still striving for acceptance, i did learn most of the strategies and mindsets I used from this site. I even landed a hot as hell girlfriend who I stuck with for 6 months. During this time I realized how to spit my game, and how to get basically any girl i wanted to want me. It worked flawlessly, but once again...as soon as I had realized i could get any of them, i started to get bored.

The problem was (and still is) that i know i can get the hottest girl in the room. I know i can walk up to her, "spit my game", and get her interested as can be. But I don't like to do it. I like to interact with people on a much more intelligent level. For example, instead of asking a girl where she goes to school, about her family, about her interests etc. I'd rather talk to her about why people act they do, or simply let my imagination soar and start talking about more random topics.

Now most girls i've interacted with havn't been very interested in the whole random conversation, deeper thought aspect of things, and they just drift away and i can see it in their eyes. It's that look like "You're not doing this right". I know i could do it right, and i have all the utilities to, but I've just reached a point where I don't care enough to change my attitude about it.

I don't want to act like I care about some girls doll collection if I met her ten minutes ago. I want to find the girl who I can just talk to about random stuff and she'll get into it, and appreciate how i'm interacting with her.

The question is: Is it realistic for me to try and hold out for my "dream girl" who will keep me interested and intrigued, or should I settle for mediocre. Looks here aren't a factor, i would never hook up with a girl i don't find very attractive, but is it realistic of me to think that there's girls out there who'll be totally random and funny with me, who'll get into really deep conversation with me about crazy stuff, and is still fine as a fox?

Is what i'm describing just guy friends, and should i stop looking for more than just a hottie who i can stand to be around in a girl, and leave the conversation and adventure for me and my buddies?

Should I be working on these "mediocre" girls anyways to make sure my skills don't rust up so that when i meet a girl i really have a desire to be with, i'll be able to integrate the game with my style of interaction?

Or am I just a weird guy who thinks too much about this and talks about weird crap all the time?

I mean i know there's a line between being serious, and joking around. Between being self-centered, and talking about what she wants to talk about.

I guess that since i've been acting like i want to act, i havn't been getting any. The second I turn my game back on, i start getting some. But in the end, i like who I am more, and I enjoy my life (aspects other than women) a lot more when i'm acting like I want to. I'm a naturally artistic person, i've got a high IQ, i play a lot of music do a lot of crazy art etc. I guess I would appear to be strange to someone who'd never met me before, but not if i didn't want to.

This has ended up going in a lot of directions, but I think i've described the situation decently. Basically I'm wondering what all of your opinions are on this. Should i be bored with some hottie all the time, or wait out for the girl I want? Maybe the former until the latter comes along? I just don't know.


Thanks, this ended up being decently long, so i appreciate those who read through it all.

 

[Fluke]

I feel basically the same way you do most of the time Djone. Being an English/Philosophy major, I would get into all this philosophical talk and the reaction Id get was, Wow you sound really good but I dont really know what to say. But I would still end up having sex with these girls because they could tell I was passionate about it.

Now I mostly have a few friends who I always discuss this type of thing with so its out of my system when im around girls.

This kind of stuff CAN work to your advantage, but you have to know when to shut it off and just vibe with the girl on her level. The whole conversation can't involve things like is nothing something or is everything nothing.

But hell one of my favorite pickups I ever had was when I was talking about some kind of poetry to this med school girl and she was kind of mocking me. I showed her this poem by E. E. Cummings and she immedietly melted and said she'll never make fun of me again. Now she is a regular FB of mine.

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Its just a matter of knowing when to shut your mouth and when the girl can handle it. Or if you choose to talk about your art with a woman just tone it down a tad and do it sparingly. Obviously, in the long term you are gonna want a girl who can understand you when you are talking about this kind of stuff, but those are few and far between. Have fun until you find her.

If you truly are interested in why people act like they do and you are too bored to stand talking to these chicks for a length of time, maybe you could try focusing on why THEY are acting like they are and what makes THEM tick differently than every other person. If you were to TRULY know each person im sure you could take a little bit away from each experience, whether it is some new music artist or a different way of looking at life.

 

[missmetal]

Why am I reading this? Why am I posting? Anyway:

I think to some extent it's a question of timing. Sometimes I feel like talking about philosophical / sociological / anthropological topics, other times I can't be bothered / feel scared to, and I know and imagine other people feel the same. It depends on how preoccupied I am with other matters, what mood I'm in, how well I know someone and what time it is. Obviously, one can't gauge a correct moment to talk about these things with perfect accuracy, but on the whole, I'm happier to do so if I'm a good mood and know someone well and it's 2 or 3 in the morning. In short, just because a girl's not responsive to your behaviour at a given moment, it doesn't mean they're not worth getting to know. Some really aren't capable of or interested in a deep conversation, but others just need the situation to be right and/or encouragement.

And, as a gross over-generalisation, you are still pretty young and are presumably meeting girls of a similar age. People generally get more interesting and more open-minded as they advance into adulthood and see more of the world. Another one: I believe "being over-concerned with looking hot makes you more likely to be dull" but "being off-kilter automatically makes you cuter". Ergo, there's probably someone of acceptable fineness around.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by missmetal

And, as a gross over-generalisation, you are still pretty young and are presumably meeting girls of a similar age. People generally get more interesting and more open-minded as they advance into adulthood and see more of the world.

True...Ive noticed that young people will find a certian niche or style and just stick with it 100% instead of doing what they want...Like for expample, a girl will like the Hip Hop style, so she only likes guys that wear long tees with fitted caps all the time or guys that came out of a rap video, or a girl could only like guys that wear only Abercrombie, etc...Im the type who does what I feel, wears whatever I want, etc. and most young girls act real funny about it cause they cant group me in with a certain group, and their friends will think funny about it too...But the older broads and older people in general love the sh1t out of it though, cause it shows that you arnt a follower...

 

[DJoneday]

I see your points, that the deeper stuff should be saved for certain times, while there's a time for the conversation she's used to. It's a good point, I can see why someone would be turned off by my ranting on about _____ if they had no interest on the subject.

I guess my problem comes from the level of enjoyment i get from doing that.... back in HS I was pulling every girl i wanted, only the hottest of the batch, and it was easy. The problem is that in order for me to do that, I needed to act a certain way. Now that i've been there and experienced that, it really isn't so great anymore...I'm really just bored with these girls.

In the end i suppose this means i should just stick with it. Until i find a chick(s) that fit my ideal standard, i should just hold to what i know works, and if she opens up a bit, i can start talking about more than the standard flirting with her.

Do you all think it's worth investing time into a girl that you're purely attracted to physically though? Those ones that i've dated have been interesting in that they aren't air heads, their interests just aren't similar to mine. If they were with someone who cared about the same **** they did, they'd be smart and funny girls. Unfortunately, it's hard to find a girl who's into my sense of humor (not the one i can use for DJing a chick), or that can hold a conversation with me.

 

[Wyldfire]

You just described looking for the kind of interaction and conversations I have with my best friend. I'm a woman and he's a man. There's some pretty intense feelings there and we've always acknowledged attraction and romantic interest, so it's not one of those "just friends" situations where the interest is one sided. It's definitely mutual. Distance and his proclivity towards partying far too hard are significant barriers to it being more than friendship at this point.

So...yes, you can find that kind of connection with someone you are attracted to. It's pretty rare to find and usually comes to you when you're not looking.

I'd say you should hope you find that and if you do, value it. But I wouldn't hold out until you find it, because you may not.