Some Recent Insights On Interest Level & The Pull-Back

[DonJuanjr]

I don't consider it "pulling away," I just used that phrase because the OP did.

See below, it's a natural ebb and flow, I don't how else to describe.



Sorry I cannot answer any more questions. Fiancé and I are leaving for long weekend in the mountains.
I have said my piece, if you're unable to grasp, I can't do anything about.

Good luck to you and everyone, ciao!

"best to try and understand" Yeah cats, that's what I was doing by asking you..... If you only offer esoteric statements that can be deciphered by those who already understand it, you stating it is pointless. But I think I understand it regardless. The natural pull away is so there is a passion that can be stoked again. Let the fire die down, to be more enthralled when it rages again.

You say you're here to be more introspective of your nature as well as understanding men's nature. I was just inviting you to analyze your own nature.

 

[Barrister]

I agree, and stated as such. But it's not absolute black and white. For some women (like myself and other women I associate with) the ebb and flow of emotions (i.e. push/pull) is their natural state; that is all I am saying and the gist of all my posts on this thread. You can choose to understand it (or try to) or dismiss based on your male frame, again your choice.

I understand what you are saying. What you are saying was never in doubt. But you are well aware I am not dismissing anything "based upon my male frame." Come on now - you're better than that.

Your original post was suggesting to the OP that women are simply different from men because of all the feelz they have that "ebb and flow." That what they are doing was not game-playing. My responses to that were to say that there are many women who actively engage in gamesmanship. That has nothing today with my "male frame." That is just a fact.

Now, enjoy your weekend up in the mountains. Ciao!

 

[DonJuanjr]

she ignored both of our questions on this, which means its embarrassing. My guess would be negative emotions.

From what I've seen, they withdraw early in the relationship because they fear getting too attached and dependent on the guy and want to test their feelings and explore elsewhere. Likewise, its not like they were talking to no one when they met you, so they have to manage the other guy. Also, it can be a conscious sh!t test in some cases.

Sounds logical. I'm still thinking even if the pull back isn't fueled by negative emotions, that sometimes, it may be to experience the "raging fire" again after it has died down.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No such thing as “pull back.” It is interest level.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I don't consider it "pulling away," I just used that phrase because the OP did.

See below, it's a natural ebb and flow, I don't know how else to describe.



Sorry I cannot answer any more questions. Fiancé and I are leaving for long weekend in the mountains.
I have said my piece, if you're unable to grasp, I can't do anything about.

Good luck to you and everyone, ciao!

With all due respect (and I have nothing against you personally), if you can't explain your point in plain English, you don't have much of a point. "Ebb and Flow" means nothing. It's gibberish.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Wow this discussion really took off. Thank you everyone for contributing.

In particular I think 2 things stood out especially.

This girl wants you for SEX, and nothing else.

Contrary to many prior comments, I really do not see this as a case of lacking interest or having low interest level.

A woman only fvcks you if she likes you enough, it's the principal.

So rest assure this girl does like you, enough to fvck you.

Basically, she's treating you as a FWB, no more no less. This girl knows exactly what she wants in you: Crazy wild steamy wet sex and nothing else (sounds like a dream comes true to me, if you ask me).

But the fact you got so confused that you you had to come up here tells me that you are behaving like a typical girl in a FWB situation - You wonder about her Interest Level in you and you don't know where you stand - while she is, in fact, behaving like the guy.

I think @manfrombelow is right. She is clearly pushing for a FWB situation because of her actions. She is behaving very much like how I would behave when I am trying to casual some girls. I guess the roles are sort of reversed this time and because of the lack of neediness it has been very confusing to me and has made me pry and think about what is going on.

I don't consciously "pull away" DJ, please read my posts again for clarity.

And I don't think @jamesfromhouston's girl pulled away either. She is simply chilling after spending intimate time with him. Lot's of high interest, lots of passion. I do (well did) this as well when I was single and dating, this is what I meant by ebb and flow. All relationships have an ebb and flow in my experience, best to try to understand it versus attach something negative to it.

She's not initiating texts or otherwise blowing up his phone (like the vast majority of women who are insecure and need constant validation). And based on what he wrote, I think this is what's throwing him off and referring to as "pulling away." It doesn't match his previous experiences with women who are high interest.

I say judge by her actions while ON the date. In this case, her actions reflect a woman who is HIGHLY interested in him and passionate about him. When he reaches out after their dates, she's responsive and passionate.

Again, I don't really see what the issue is. If he needs a woman to initiate long protracted texts or blow up his phone in between dates, she's not the girl for him.

Again @catsmeow is on point. Most girls I have pursued tend to go into a needy mode after s'x; and this one is doing the exact opposite.

All in all, it goes to show how effective 'pull-back' 'cold game' 'push-pull' can be (whether intentional or otherwise). I don't consider myself a so suave DJ veteran but I am certainly more experienced now than most BP guys and its having an effect on me.


___

On a side note, I do really like this girl. I would be interested in exploring something more with her but her current actions seem to show that casual is the only option with her at the moment. Although this too is confusing because she would take initiative and make tons of plans to meet up (many times) more times/frequency than the usual FWB I've had. But yes all things are still in its early stages. I'm still trying to make sense of it

 

[Rainman4707]

Interes

Maybe this is nothing new but I thought I'd share for the sake of other future members who might find themselves in the same situation.

Recently been dating a girl that I met at a music fest who was initially confusing me.

Always when we meet, we would f'ck and have fun. She would always be down to f'ck and always said yes when asked out.

Most of the time, she would bring up sex during our dates and we would always end up doing it. It also got progressively kinkier.

And then the moment, we say our goodbyes, she will go into this fading mode; where she does not really text or if she does its very bland and short. Communication goes to a minimum. Almost like ghosting.

This coldness became progressively worst which led me to start to think that the interest level has gone away. Our time was up.

Yet the moment I hit her up for a date again, she will jump straight into it quickly with no hesitation and resume into this intense passionate mode.

After awhile I started to realise she is doing the 'pull-back' on me and I have to admit it really got me a few times. (It still does).

This pull-back even made me slightly beta and emotional at times when we hangout. Because I wanted to maintain a consistency and certainty in the amazing interaction we had.

SO, I started to think; for us men; we are logical, we look at things in a very straightforward way. This is why the pull-back can be so effective because of how random and inconsistent it is to their behaviour that it starts to mess with your head and hooks you especially if you are BP.

But I also think, for the most RP of us the pull-back can actually backfire because most times, my RP side was concluding that it was a loss of interest level and it was time to move on. Again this is what we have been teaching ourselves. Say never to low interest.

But given that most modern men today are BP, the pull-back has got to be one of the most effective tools in a woman's arsenal to seriously hook a man.

Ultimately, action speaks louder than words. And I think even for my RP brethren, it would be wise to not just write off 'pull-back' behaviour as lost IL which is something that is so commonly and often done; we should take some time to look beyond words and test with action.

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As always, would be interested to hear some of my brothers' insights on the pull-back and how you handle it.

Interesting post...i met a girl recently we made out...had a good time.... i've offered to meet again....she said yes....but i didnt hear back......i have just told her this week that i will leave it up to her.....let me know if you wanna hang out.....she said yes we will......if she stalls....i will next her......

I will give them two chances, thats it. One poster on this forum said, have a FRAME and stick to it. It helps you in the long run to weed out silly games and uninteresed girls bringing fruition and positivity into your life.

 

[MtmVaott]

On a side note, I do really like this girl. I would be interested in exploring something more with her but her current actions seem to show that casual is the only option with her at the moment. Although this too is confusing because she would take initiative and make tons of plans to meet up (many times) more times/frequency than the usual FWB I've had. But yes all things are still in its early stages. I'm still trying to make sense of it

She may do the dates in order to get you even more attached to her, so after a while she will be able to use you as a booty call.

It's her having a high enough interest level in you to be her f-buddy, but not high enough to give anything back that goes beyond that.
You could pull back even more than she does. That then may be the end of it.