Some LTR advice

[young pat]

There's this little problem that has been coming up quite a bit lately that I do not know how to handle with my ltr of a year. My ltr now is seeming to "forget" some of the things that I tell her.

For example a couple of weeks ago we we had made plans, or so I though, to go out in the evening as we both had our own stuff going on during the day, I send her a text close to the time that we had set asking her if she wanted to meet at my place or hers, and she tells me that shes still hanging out with her friends that she was with that afternoon, and that she wants me to pick her up from her friends house so we can chill out at home. I told her her flat out to fVck off and walk home or take the bus. I did not mention that she had flaked on the plans, just that I wasn't going to drive and pick her up. She texts me the next day wanting to follow through on the plans from the night before acting as if they are her idea. We had already made plans for that night also anyway, or so I thought. That night she then askes me how my night went the day before, as if we had nothing planned and she did nothing wrong.

Another couple examples would happened this week, I sent her a message about needing her opinion on some clothing, and asking if she had a an afternoon free to come pick some stuff up with me, she agreed and we set a general time of day x in the early afternoon details to be finalized in the morning that day. The morning of day x I get a message asking if I had some time for a quickie because she was meeting friends in the afternoon. I gave her the quickie she wanted, and didn't bring up our previous plans.

The latest one happened today, I told her on the weekend when we were together this weekend, she asked what I was doing today, I told her that I was busy all day and that I had no time to do anything but the work that I had planned, yet this afternoon I get a message asking what I am doing today. When I tell her she replies with "maybe tonight I can set some time aside for us to get together." I told her no I really didn't have the time maybe tomorrow, to which she replies, good thing I forgot that I told my friend that I would help them with this thing that their doing tonight.

Am I handling this the right way?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Are you handling it the right way? Not by just getting all frustrated and upset with her, and telling her you won't do what she suggests.

You need to set time apart to talk to her about this very issue. Seems like she's too confortable in the relationship, and she's taking you for granted. That is not rare. You need to talk to her about it, and SPELL IT LOUD AND CLEAR. There is a chance that she won't even realize, or admit she's even doing it.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

your both NOT communicating with each other.

if you have made plans, and she forgets, calmly explain what you both agreed and that you were looking forward to doing X. Then leave the ball in her court and see what she says.

 

[DonJuanit0]

I have the exact same problem here though I am with this girl 1 month now... It's even worse, it's too early for staff like that! One day she wakes up and sends me a message telling me: My grandpa is in the hospital we'll talk... When I get to get her on her cell phone again (at night) she tells me that she is not so well and she won't go out at all (we haven't been met for over 2 hours since 6 days) except with her mother, they would go out to buy something to eat cause all day she didn't cook... Understandable! BUT, when she is outside with her mom, I get a message saying: I met some friends of mine and we're gonna go out for a drink! Hope you don't mind, bye!
Now, how the f*ck can you not get angry as hell? This has happened for over 5 times in one month, not seeing me cause she is all around her friends, though we HAD plans!
I am not stupid trying to get her away from her friends but not seeing each other at all or for 1 hour per day is not a LTR for me!
I got to the point now where I sent her a message saying that if she wants to be with me she has to follow our plans from times to times or it's completely understandable that we should and will break up, she started answering me that I am too hard on her!! LOL Just because I want to see her more often than once a week! WTF?
2 Days now she says the same stupid things that she can't change (which is understandable as well and I reply that we could break up then but she denies) but she doesn't say that she will even try to change! I sent her a message last night saying that I won't reply to anything except for a yes or now, if she can try to be with me or not! (I hate messages and staff but I can't arrange a date with my own gf! lol)
I think I'll give up while it's early...

 

[Ease]

She's too comfortable in the relationship, like someone said.

She feels like she has the power and aloofness in the relationship. Remember the one who cares less in a relationship is the one in power. In this case, she cares less about meeting up and about your plans, and so she has the power. You need to shift this power and knock her off her pedestal.

Go a week without making plans and let her make plans with you. Then dont care about it, maybe flake on it or arrive late, general flaky aloof and uncaring behaviour. Once you shift the balance and get her worried or anxious about it, youll see the difference it makes.

And yes the key is indifference. If you show her that her aloof and forgetful flaky behaviour is frustrating or affecting you at all, youll lose even more power as you fall into the position of caring too much again. Tell her that its ****ed up or disrespectful if she does something out of order, but dont show any emotion about it.

 

[young pat]

Thanks guys. Now that I think about it I have been putting in a little more then she has lately. I have been trying to make a conscious effort not to show emotion, there has only been one burst of emotion and that was the one that I have already described. It's definitely is time for a serious talk, I need to nip this in the ass before it gets out of hand.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

young pat, you miss the point. Do NOT have a "serious talk" or any confrontation about what's going on. Whether she knows it or not, through her comfort/ingratitude this girl has taken a step away from you. And you know what we do then? We take TWO steps away from her. Confronting her, "serious talks", and further drama will only solidify your position as a hungry dog who can't get anything else to eat.

You want to find out what you really mean to this girl? Go cheat on her.

 

[averagechan]

you are letting her control your life... pretty pathetic

 

[WC2]

She's too comfortable in the relationship, like someone said.

She feels like she has the power and aloofness in the relationship. Remember the one who cares less in a relationship is the one in power. In this case, she cares less about meeting up and about your plans, and so she has the power. You need to shift this power and knock her off her pedestal.

Go a week without making plans and let her make plans with you. Then dont care about it, maybe flake on it or arrive late, general flaky aloof and uncaring behaviour. Once you shift the balance and get her worried or anxious about it, youll see the difference it makes.

And yes the key is indifference. If you show her that her aloof and forgetful flaky behaviour is frustrating or affecting you at all, youll lose even more power as you fall into the position of caring too much again. Tell her that its ****ed up or disrespectful if she does something out of order, but dont show any emotion about it.

On point.

And remember only to reward good behavior, not bad behavior.

There's no need to get frustrated about it; if she is dodging you like this then why should you even attempt to make plans with her? It's like beating a dead horse. Plus there are plenty of women out there who are willing to give you the time of day, all day.

And no, I don't think that she doesn't realize what she's doing. She knows exactly what she's doing--she's in control of the relationship right now.

Also, did your girl really ask for a quickie and you 'gave' it to her? Sex is not an object that (again) should be rewarded to her for bad behavior. If anything, you should be getting sex from her because she's slacking in other departments atm.

 

[young pat]

Ok 'gave' probably wasn't the right word to use here. Fvck I've become quite the afc and I haven't realized it until I read this post over and over. Everything that you guys are telling me I should have figured out on my own, looking back on it, it seems like such common sense. Thanks guys for the advice, I really needed to hear, or read, it from someone, and now I can begin to implement it.

 

[Giles]

Break up with her. She'll straighten up and beg you back a few days later, or it won't bother her since I bet she's banging somebody else and you're too dense and trusting to recognize it.