Some DJs have the wrong mindset here

[00Kevin]

I've read a number of posts here that make it clear to me that some DJs have the wrong mindset.

A lot of what causes AFC behavior is a lack of security in your natural emotions as a man. AFCs are already told to hide their natural instincts and not act on them.

The sad thing is I've seen a number of posts on here that continue to promote this stupid concept.

If a girl pisses you off or disrespects you and you find yourself getting upset inside then ACT on it! Those are your natural instincts that keep women in line! Don't hold them back and suck them up just for the sake of playing some stupid game. Let a girl call you what she will. Modern women will call you insecure, tyrant, and controlling, but just next them! They don’t know the meaning of those words. Do your best to maintain the level of respect that you demand! In the end that is all you have.

In order for you to out grow your AFCish behavior you need to STICK UP FOR YOURSELF!

The 'NEXT' is your method of action to keep you in check and help you act as a man. A man doesn't play stupid girly games with a woman to keep her happy.

Next a woman that doesn’t do the following

1. Show real interest.
Not just interest that you have engineered with your DJing skills. That is fake interest and it won't last long. This is what I laugh at all the time when I read these threads. Guys who focus on engineering interest are showing no respect for themselves. They are basically acting like women.

2.Show you respect.
Women that talk about other guys around you are disrespecting you. You can call this a **** test if you want. But the fact is a woman like that won’t ever stop her **** tests. She will always be looking for a reason to complain about you.
The moment you fail one of those tests is the moment she starts to disrespect you even more.

3. Let you lead.
She should be at peace with your ability lead. You may still have to work on commanding respect but you should test her to make sure that she is your follower and not your master. Keep your women in line. Don't control them, but make sure they are happy and comfortable with your natural instincts as a man.

4. Show faith in you.
I don't think they should worship you. But they should have trust in your abilities. For example if you drive a girl around in your car and she doesn’t even have faith in your ability to stop on time, take turns, etc. Then she doesn’t have any faith in you. She will only serve to lower your ego and not nurture your ego like she should.

 

[thekingdooder]

Good look.

The "nice guys" are those who always get stomped on.

Not getting stomped on (sticking up for yourself) gets rid of this.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

You know, Kevin is bang on the mark with this.

Let me tell you, a couple of months ago, I lost one of my oldest friends to cancer.

Needless to say, I've been going through a rough time.

So what does my girlfriend start doing for the last 3+ weeks, instead of being supportive?

She first acccused me of still wanting my ex.

In order to placate her, I said, listen, my ex has a new boyfriend, she's boning another guy, there's no way in hell I'd go back to her after she's boned some other guy.

So what does she say, "Oh, so if she wasn't sleeping with someone else, you'd go back!"

Oh lordy. No honey, that's not what I meant and you know it. So anyway, she causes a big stink about this for a few days. I say, look, I'm going through a rough time right now, I'm trying to get over the loss of my friend, I really can't handle this type of sh*t emotionally right now, could you please be supportive? She agrees.

The next week, she gets into it again, to which I tell her I can't handle this sh*t, can't you let me grieve for my friend in peace? She starts calling me selfish, how everything is always about my feelings, and then onto how I take my work home with me and all kinds of other stuff.

I reiterate to her, again, that I'm trying to grieve the loss of one of my best friends, and that emotionally I can't handle any silly little arguments right now, I'm trying to get back on my feet.

Next week, she drops the comment that I have "Woman problems". I.e. 'issues with women."

I freak. I admit, I lost it, but she was poking and shyt testing me for 3 weeks. I kept begging her to stop, as I'm really in a bad place right now after the loss of my friend.

She continues on with the bullshyt, I say alot of nasty stuff to her as a result, because she is truly torturing me.

She now refuses to talk to me for the last week and a half, saying how dare I say things like I did to her.

She claims I'm abusive and all that and wants nothing to do with me.

This after I helped and supported her all last year after she lost a loved one and went into deep depression.

So, if you stick up for yourself, you're an azzhole, but if you don't, you'll get tortured and still be an azzhole.

Pretty pathetic that women are so evil these days, eh?

Needless to say, I called her on her shyt, and now she's gone.

She made it easy on me. I'm not going to let her back into my life.

But notice how she turned it around so that I'm the azzhole?

 

[Boner da Stoner]

shez don't flame the boards with your huge font it is so ****ing annoying

I get you kevin, but it does get abused if you open yourself up to the system... thats where the problems come from, and as you know simplicity is key... the AFC's and false mindsets of some DJ's is one way of avoiding pain... which is in essence a form of fear

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
You know, Kevin is bang on the mark with this.

Let me tell you, a couple of months ago, I lost one of my oldest friends to cancer.

Needless to say, I've been going through a rough time.

So what does my girlfriend start doing for the last 3+ weeks, instead of being supportive?

She first acccused me of still wanting my ex.

In order to placate her, I said, listen, my ex has a new boyfriend, she's boning another guy, there's no way in hell I'd go back to her after she's boned some other guy.

So what does she say, "Oh, so if she wasn't sleeping with someone else, you'd go back!"

Oh lordy. No honey, that's not what I meant and you know it. So anyway, she causes a big stink about this for a few days. I say, look, I'm going through a rough time right now, I'm trying to get over the loss of my friend, I really can't handle this type of sh*t emotionally right now, could you please be supportive? She agrees.

The next week, she gets into it again, to which I tell her I can't handle this sh*t, can't you let me grieve for my friend in peace? She starts calling me selfish, how everything is always about my feelings, and then onto how I take my work home with me and all kinds of other stuff.

I reiterate to her, again, that I'm trying to grieve the loss of one of my best friends, and that emotionally I can't handle any silly little arguments right now, I'm trying to get back on my feet.

Next week, she drops the comment that I have "Woman problems". I.e. 'issues with women."

I freak. I admit, I lost it, but she was poking and shyt testing me for 3 weeks. I kept begging her to stop, as I'm really in a bad place right now after the loss of my friend.

She continues on with the bullshyt, I say alot of nasty stuff to her as a result, because she is truly torturing me.

She now refuses to talk to me for the last week and a half, saying how dare I say things like I did to her.

She claims I'm abusive and all that and wants nothing to do with me.

This after I helped and supported her all last year after she lost a loved one and went into deep depression.

So, if you stick up for yourself, you're an azzhole, but if you don't, you'll get tortured and still be an azzhole.

Pretty pathetic that women are so evil these days, eh?

Needless to say, I called her on her shyt, and now she's gone.

She made it easy on me. I'm not going to let her back into my life.

But notice how she turned it around so that I'm the azzhole?

Yes you did the right thing!

You shouldn't be afraid to get mad at a woman. A lot of men are afraid of raising their voice because they are under the impression that they will look insecure. Don't worry about it. Just do it and get it over with. It is actually more insecure of you to hold your anger in then it is to tell a woman off for her lack of respect.

At least when it ends it will end on your terms and you won't be regretting not telling her off.

In your case I would of told her off and attached an ultimatum.

When a girl calls me an as-hole I take it as a compliment.

I would rather be called an ******* then to actually be an emotional tampon submissive bit-ch.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Chrisman
You guys can't handle the truth.

How many girls consider you their "friend"?

Don't worry, you can tell us the truth. We can handle it.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Next a woman that doesn’t do the following

1. Show real interest.



True, Relationships is a two way street, initially I would be the one asking questions... then I wonder she's going to ask questions. I was in a relationship where a girl NEVER EVER asked how my day was. When I dumped her because lack of emotional connection, she just disappeared and didn't get angry/sad.


2.Show you respect.



Well, respect is one thing but you were talking about mind games/tests. Those latter is a given because girls will never ever stop challenging a man. In a way she's making sure he's staying on top, and at the same time it's a good thing because that means she thinks about you.



3. Let you lead. /
4. Show faith in you.



This is true, if she cares more about what her friends/family think than about you - then you're with the wrong girl. The same girl that I once dated ALWAYS waited on her friends/family to make decision for her what to do, she almost NEVER listened or regarded my input.

This is a good list, when you see a girl exhibiting these signs or if you feel it in your gut, dump her, it'll be good for the both of yous

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Boner da Stoner
shez don't flame the boards with your huge font it is so ****ing annoying

I get you kevin, but it does get abused if you open yourself up to the system... thats where the problems come from, and as you know simplicity is key... the AFC's and false mindsets of some DJ's is one way of avoiding pain... which is in essence a form of fear

I agree. The best move a guy can make is to first avoid a bad situation as early as possible.

Most of my problems are a result of not doing the work up front.

I give girls the benifit of the doubt for too long and in some cases I ignore what my gut instincts are telling me about her.

 

[00Kevin]

Re: Re: Some DJs have the wrong mindset here

Originally posted by DonJuanMonk

Next a woman that doesn’t do the following


Well, respect is one thing but you were talking about mind games/tests. Those latter is a given because girls will never ever stop challenging a man. In a way she's making sure he's staying on top, and at the same time it's a good thing because that means she thinks about you.

You are right they won't stop challenging you. But It is ALWAYS your job to stick up for yourself and BE a man. You don't EVER suck up your feelings and play the nice guy. If she challenges you with disrespect then you challenge back with an ultimatum.

In other words, don't next because a girl is challenging you. Next her if she doesn't heed your words!

Think about it. women need a guy to set them right when they get out of line. That is what the **** test is about.

With that said, there are some women you can't win with. The girls that are worth your time will heed your words and show you respect.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
Yes you did the right thing!

You shouldn't be afraid to get mad at a woman. A lot of men are afraid of raising their voice because they are under the impression that they will look insecure. Don't worry about it. Just do it and get it over with. It is actually more insecure of you to hold your anger in then it is to tell a woman off for her lack of respect.

At least when it ends it will end on your terms and you won't be regretting not telling her off.

In your case I would of told her off and attached an ultimatum.

When a girl calls me an as-hole I take it as a compliment.

I would rather be called an ******* then to actually be an emotional tampon submissive bit-ch.

Well, the thing is, I repeatedly begged her to lay off on her bullsh*t for three weeks, and she didn't.

I just couldn't handle it. I've been grieving my friend. I wasn't equipped to deal with her insecure bullsh*t, but she just wouldn't stop.

I freaked. I told her to go f*ck herself, because she wouldn't lay off as I asked.

Now she's turned it around to make me look like the azzhole. But I mean, come on, I asked her repeatedly to get off my back. But she has no empathy for my loss it seems, none at all.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
I agree. The best move a guy can make is to first avoid a bad situation as early as possible.

Most of my problems are a result of not doing the work up front.

I give girls the benifit of the doubt for too long and in some cases I ignore what my gut instincts are telling me about her.

So do I Kev. Boy do I ever. I've made that mistake with countless girls.

 

[frivolousz21]

3 or 4 times since ive been in my ltr..ive had to speak up and she cried a couple..but I had to lay the law down...for 3 months now we have been great..we both know our roles.


and her parents hate me and she does her own thing makes her own choices....dont be afraid to say when your mad...but dont be mad over stupid shyt!

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
3 or 4 times since ive been in my ltr..ive had to speak up and she cried a couple..but I had to lay the law down...for 3 months now we have been great..we both know our roles.


and her parents hate me and she does her own thing makes her own choices....dont be afraid to say when your mad...but dont be mad over stupid shyt!

This is a good point. Allways speak out about a problem but don't go nuts if that isn't called for.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
Well, the thing is, I repeatedly begged her to lay off on her bullsh*t for three weeks, and she didn't.

I just couldn't handle it. I've been grieving my friend. I wasn't equipped to deal with her insecure bullsh*t, but she just wouldn't stop.

I freaked. I told her to go f*ck herself, because she wouldn't lay off as I asked.

Now she's turned it around to make me look like the azzhole. But I mean, come on, I asked her repeatedly to get off my back. But she has no empathy for my loss it seems, none at all.

You still have your self respect since you are the one that told her to get lost.

Let her deal with it.

I'm sure you could get her back if you wanted to. The question is what would you get out of it?

If you go back make sure you lay the law down. There is nothing wrong with telling her that you are sorry for scaring her. But tell her that you won't put up with any disrespect.

Tell her flat out with 10 words or less and engage in no further discussion.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Problem is, now she's turned around and made me out to be the bad guy, as women are so inclined to do. See, I told her to go f*ck herself and said she needed mental help.

Now shes making it out like I'm the abuser and won't talk to me.

So somehow I'm the bastard in all of this.

 

[Big Eee Zee]

meh, i mean i guess it sounds good in theory. Just remember women are people too. They aren't animals to be lead, beaten if they get out of line and speak only when spoken to.





Acting like a man is a good thing. Acting like a despot isn't.

 

[Wyldfire]

There's some holes in your theory, Kevin...but I do think you meant well...but you're off on some things.

You talk about being respected by women (or people in general) and also tell people to act whatever they feel. I'm sorry, but the quickest way for a man to lose respect from those around him is to wig out and act emotional. There are times when that kind of react is appropriate and there are times when it's not. Showing jealousy is not appropriate because it makes a man look weak, tells people he is NOT secure or confident and is needy. Those are all things guys here should be learning how to CONTROL. People are going to feel whatever they feel...you can't control feelings. You do, however, NEED to learn how to control your reactions to those feelings. Men who have their sh*t together are ALWAYS in control of their reactions.

Again...don't try to control your feelings...you can't do that and be human. DO learn to control the way you react to those feelings. If you must address the feelings, then do so, by all means...just learn to do it in a way that is beneficial to you and doesn't make you look weak, insecure, without confidence and needy. Keeping your composure as a man is a sign of incredible strength. Those men get the respect you speak of. They don't put up with disrespect or mistreatment, but they handle themselves in a calm, rational and mature way.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
Problem is, now she's turned around and made me out to be the bad guy, as women are so inclined to do. See, I told her to go f*ck herself and said she needed mental help.

Now shes making it out like I'm the abuser and won't talk to me.

So somehow I'm the bastard in all of this.

What a woman says isn't important. Like I said if you want her just call her up in another week (when she is off the rag) and take her out.

I don't know how much this girl means to you, but if there are some good qualities about her that you think still make her worth your time think about giving her another chance.

Basically, consider it her last chance to make up with you.

Don't tell her you are sorry for any of it. after all, you are giving her another chance.

You can say, "I didn't mean to get mad' but don't let her put you on a guilt trip. Just make sure that she understands that your opinion still stands.

If she is willing to accept your point of view then you have done your job and you have put her back in line.

Just don't spend more then a few words on this subject with her. Tell her what the deal is and make it clear.

I would try something like the following in a clear and very calm tone.

"I just wanted you to show me some respect, I didn't mean to get angry. Lets go out tomorrow night and have a good time"

if she guilt trips you

"My opinion regarding your lack of respect still stands. When you have figured that out let me know, we can go out and have some fun. bye" click.


The deal breaker here will be her out right refusal to show you respect.

If she does come back, you will have commanded respect in a calm and peacefull way.

If you still think that she is worth it then it is time to show the other side of your nature as a man - which is the ability to find peace with your woman and give her another chance.

Regardless, this issue about the level of respect that she has needs to be fixed or she needs to be forgotten.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
There's some holes in your theory, Kevin...but I do think you meant well...but you're off on some things.

You talk about being respected by women (or people in general) and also tell people to act whatever they feel. I'm sorry, but the quickest way for a man to lose respect from those around him is to wig out and act emotional. There are times when that kind of react is appropriate and there are times when it's not. Showing jealousy is not appropriate because it makes a man look weak, tells people he is NOT secure or confident and is needy. Those are all things guys here should be learning how to CONTROL. People are going to feel whatever they feel...you can't control feelings. You do, however, NEED to learn how to control your reactions to those feelings. Men who have their sh*t together are ALWAYS in control of their reactions.

Again...don't try to control your feelings...you can't do that and be human. DO learn to control the way you react to those feelings. If you must address the feelings, then do so, by all means...just learn to do it in a way that is beneficial to you and doesn't make you look weak, insecure, without confidence and needy. Keeping your composure as a man is a sign of incredible strength. Those men get the respect you speak of. They don't put up with disrespect or mistreatment, but they handle themselves in a calm, rational and mature way.

I'm not suggesting that a man become emotional . We don't have emotions like a woman anyway. I'm talking about paying attention to your gut instincts.

There is NO need to control your reactions. The more you do that the more you fail to act like yourself and the more anger you build up inside.

A man does well to act on his gut instincts.

What I'm saying is that a good girl shows an initial level of respect for a man.

There is nothing worse then a woman that makes her man jealous. A woman that does that lacks respect.

A woman that calls a man insecure should first pull the log out of her own eye and maybe lose a few pounds.

It is also well known that the word "insecure" is used to make men feel guilty about their natural gut instinct reactions. This language is proliferated by the feminists. It is also the root cause of AFCdom


The first thing an AFC should do is ignore the word insecure. A man is only insecure when he fails to act!

Like I said, "call me insecure" I don't fu-cken care. I'm secure enough not to give a damn for what other people say and I'm secure enough to call you out on your s***!

As a man I have nothing to prove to you.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
What a woman says isn't important. Like I said if you want her just call her up in another week (when she is off the rag) and take her out.

I don't know how much this girl means to you, but if there are some good qualities about her that you think still make her worth your time think about giving her another chance.

Basically, consider it her last chance to make up with you.

Don't tell her you are sorry for any of it. after all, you are giving her another chance.

You can say, "I didn't mean to get mad' but don't let her put you on a guilt trip. Just make sure that she understands that your opinion still stands.

If she is willing to accept your point of view then you have done your job and you have put her back in line.

Just don't spend more then a few words on this subject with her. Tell her what the deal is and make it clear.

I would try something like the following in a clear and very calm tone.

"I just wanted you to show me some respect, I didn't mean to get angry. Lets go out tomorrow night and have a good time"

if she guilt trips you

"My opinion regarding your lack of respect still stands. When you have figured that out let me know, we can go out and have some fun. bye" click.


The deal breaker here will be her out right refusal to show you respect.

If she does come back, you will have commanded respect in a calm and peacefull way.

If you still think that she is worth it then it is time to show the other side of your nature as a man - which is the ability to find peace with your woman and give her another chance.

Regardless, this issue about the level of respect that she has needs to be fixed or she needs to be forgotten.

Thanks for the input Kev. At this point though, I don't think she has respect for me. If she can't respect my wishes to be left in peace while I deal with my loss.....well.......that's just not right at all.