Some days I completely forget about my oneitis, Other Days....

[teddy]

I'm sure a lot of us here have that one girl that was the last straw and drove us to take the red pill. Well, more pathetically with mine, I was never with her, I only went on a few dates with her, and I was basically friendzoned. She wasn't even available to me as she had a boyfriend.

Of course, she was everything I had wanted. The looks, the personality, the smarts.

I've accepted that I'll never have her. I'll never see her again, either. I've accepted I ****ed it up and it's my fault. Some days it's really easy to know this; it's the fuel to make me a better person. But other days (sometimes this is brought on by a movie I watched or something), it's just really tough to acknowledge that I could have had her if I had acted right. If I had understood things properly. If I was even half the man I am now.

I dunno....just needed some support so I posted this. Who knows, in the next couple hours I'll forget all about her.

 

[Odisseo]

I'm going skydiving tomorrow. It's the kind of thing I should have done when I was in your position

 

[Dgwizdal]

Feel ya. But can't relate to have oneitis over a girl I've never f*cked. I mean, maybe not seeing all she has to offer (physically/personally) is what draws your curiosity, but at the end of the day that is all your mind playing tricks. In an AFC mentality before finding the red pill - Until you've dated a girl, she was yours, and you feel a though you lost her/drove her away and developed oneitis after she dumps you, you got it easy kid. There are phaggot feels that are FAR worse.

Be glad and let this be a lesson to you to never have it happen after a period of actual investment.

 

[myyearofchange]

I've had oneitis before too, and it's hard, but time and effort cures it. Start spinning more plates, man. It's a waste of your time and energy thinking about her. Decide to move on. Get her off the pedestal. There are millions more out there, who are BETTER for you. Why would you still want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that. There are too many pretty girls out there to waste time with that. Go start meeting more girls and find one who will work to pursue YOU and make YOU happy. The sea is plentiful, you're a DJ...

I was never with her, I only went on a few dates with her, and I was basically friendzoned. She wasn't even available to me as she had a boyfriend.

One thing I've learned is that I can become infatuated fairly easily, but the longer I get to know someone, the more of their true self I get to see, and with girls I put on pedestals, they almost never live up to the false expectation I made for them in my mind. If there were only a few dates, it's the infatuation stage still. You most likely did not see many, if any of her flaws, which everyone has, her included. Also, there are way too many girls out there to waste your time with ones that already have boyfriends, and especially those that will go on dates with you WHILE they have a boyfriend.

 

[teddy]

I've had oneitis before too, and it's hard, but time and effort cures it. Start spinning more plates, man. It's a waste of your time and energy thinking about her. Decide to move on. Get her off the pedestal. There are millions more out there, who are BETTER for you. Why would you still want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that. There are too many pretty girls out there to waste time with that. Go start meeting more girls and find one who will work to pursue YOU and make YOU happy. The sea is plentiful, you're a DJ...



One thing I've learned is that I can become infatuated fairly easily, but the longer I get to know someone, the more of their true self I get to see, and with girls I put on pedestals, they almost never live up to the false expectation I made for them in my mind. If there were only a few dates, it's the infatuation stage still. You most likely did not see many, if any of her flaws, which everyone has, her included. Also, there are way too many girls out there to waste your time with ones that already have boyfriends, and especially those that will go on dates with you WHILE they have a boyfriend.

How did you go about de-pedestalizing women?

 

[narcissist]

How did you go about de-pedestalizing women?

de-pedestalizing women, in my own experience, i have learned is dealt with in two ways

1. becoming the best you that you can possibly become - this part deals with the ego

a. working out
b. eating healthy
c. becoming awesome with chicks
d. reading through a plethora of books without mercy
e. superb style
f. education/career
g. superb standards and morality

2. becoming existential - this part deals with the soul

a. realizing that women arent everything and that you will die so dont take them so seriously
b. realizing that at the end of the day in 100 years none of this sh!t will matter so dont let the negative aspects weigh you down
c. having these realizations can be tricky especially because they can either be used positively and can enlighten you or you can go down a nihilistic path and have yourself an existential crisis which can be terrible.

in my personal opinion, one can have a healthy dose of existentialism, but dont become lazy because you dont know the purpose to life, still strive for perfection because theres nothing to lose

in the end man were apes on a ball floating around a fireball in the middle of endless space, dont take sh!t so seriously. just live up this weird experience and make the best of it, if a girl doesnt like you who gives a sh!t.

thats my two cents, getting over a pedistalization is easy if you have a healthy mix of perfectionism and philosophical reasoning

 

[sylvester the cat]

i thought one-itis ONLY referred to someone you were obsessed with yet hadn't shagged.

yep. although no way as bad as it used to be sometimes i find her face and name popping into my head. usually when i've been drinking or out of shape.

best not to create threads like these as they only serve to keep that memory alive.

 

[myyearofchange]

de-pedestalizing women, in my own experience, i have learned is dealt with in two ways

1. becoming the best you that you can possibly become - this part deals with the ego

a. working out
b. eating healthy
c. becoming awesome with chicks
d. reading through a plethora of books without mercy
e. superb style
f. education/career
g. superb standards and morality

2. becoming existential - this part deals with the soul

a. realizing that women arent everything and that you will die so dont take them so seriously
b. realizing that at the end of the day in 100 years none of this sh!t will matter so dont let the negative aspects weigh you down
c. having these realizations can be tricky especially because they can either be used positively and can enlighten you or you can go down a nihilistic path and have yourself an existential crisis which can be terrible.

in my personal opinion, one can have a healthy dose of existentialism, but dont become lazy because you dont know the purpose to life, still strive for perfection because theres nothing to lose

in the end man were apes on a ball floating around a fireball in the middle of endless space, dont take sh!t so seriously. just live up this weird experience and make the best of it, if a girl doesnt like you who gives a sh!t.

thats my two cents, getting over a pedistalization is easy if you have a healthy mix of perfectionism and philosophical reasoning

That's excellent advice. Also, you've probably at least skimmed through the DJB and the Archive forum. Go back through them again and read anything that relates. If you can develop the correct mindset about women in general, then you won't have to de-pedestalize them anymore because you won't put them there to begin with. Those posts will help you develop that mindset. Good luck!

 

[El Suave]

You have her on a pedestal because you haven't hung/date her more. Had you had the chance to do that, you would have seen her negative traits too, thus de pedestalizing her.
Imagine how you would think of her if you walked in the bathroom and she forgot to flush, seeing a big turd in there dumped by your princess. Then you go in the kitchen and you see her nice bubble butt dressed in a thong making breakfast. She turns around and says in a sexy voice "baby, you like my outfit?"

Never put a girl on a pedestal. You don't even know her.