Some advice please - breaking up with HB.

[bugsquish]

Guys, I posted for a while to hook this HB. Screwed on the first date, she cried and said she didnt want to get used, I caved and we ended up an official couple.

I soooooooooo wanted to give it a go and make it work. We get on great, have a lot in common and have fannytastic sex.

But I cheated on her with HB no2. At first just a kiss, last night some hot sex. I have no willpower. I never have and I always screw up good relationships by having chaotic desires.

I'm obviously not mature enough to be in a relationship with this poor girl HB no1 (or anyone), but I'd like to keep seeing her as friends. I really don't want to hurt her whatever happens, so I'm not going to tell her about HB no2. No point dragging her through the mud to ease my own conscience.

But I'm not sure how to end it without hurting her. LJBF is all fine and dandy but she's gonna want to know why. There's nothing in the DJ bible about this kind of scenario. Do you think it's gonna be easier for her to try and be friends? Or should I tell her about HB no2? I suspect it may be easier for her to hate me.

Bleh

 

[bugsquish]

I thought about that, but she's gonna read 2 things into it:
1) She's not good enough.
2) I used her for sex.

 

[John Juan]

she's gonna read into whatever you say. just gotta be truthful and make sure you don't make things any worse for either of you. that's what'll keep her around as a friend eventually. good luck.
-jlc

 

[Ar7]

Yup agree with John Juan..

 

[tiburon]

GIAGLO IS RIGHT

Gigalo is right..just do as he says and dont worry about how she feels ..it is only momentary..


Tiburon

 

[TesuqueRed]

I saw something like this reply a few years ago here...

"I'm having sex with too many HBs--waaaaaa!!!!!!"

I dunno, something similar struck me here, too. And I can't ignore it, either. I'm not sure why you want to stop having sex with---errr, that's "dump"--HB1--???

I'm hearing "I don't want to hurt her" and "I'm not mature enough to be in a relationship" and I don't know what else.

Sure, these are logical reasons along the lines of "I should be a decent guy" and "I should not hurt others" and "I really shouldn't be in a relationship unless I can be mature in it--which means that I don't jump between HB's legs whenever offered..."

I'm just hearing a lot of barely audible labeling and "shoulds" here, but not what rings true as a real reason.

I'm still wondering if you like HB1 and want to be with her?

You want to be friends, sure, but that could be one of those meaningless blow-off statements---I mean, who wouldn't want to remain on good terms with everyone they meet--???

Anyway--you apparently got attraction of some sort and the HBs come running. Or you seduce them and they willing give it up. And HB1 pulled the crying manipulation from day 1--yes, she wanted it (sex) too, and immediately launched into the manipulation with tears.

If you were an AFC, she wouldn't have had sex with you.

If she didn't know what you were about, she wouldn't have tried the manipulation, either.

>>No one is innocent here.<<

But you're pretending she is.

She's pretending she is.

And she's pretending you're not quite the player (ASD, IMO...) while enjoying hot sex with a high-status male (and having it known she's having sex with a high-status male and controlling him to a certain extent, too.)

And you're kinda playing off that you are too--you're not mature, you have no control, you want to do good but there's no will power, you can't resist HBs...

I'm not quite buying it. And based on that, I'm not quite understanding why you want to stop having sex with HB1. I mean, the sex is fantastic (your words) and you apparently can bang others without her finding out directly (but she knows, though, which is why she's using the crying thing.) You're a player, you've done this before, this is life--why do you want to give up fantastic sex with an HB again---???

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by bugsquish
Guys, I posted for a while to hook this HB. Screwed on the first date, she cried and said she didnt want to get used, I caved and we ended up an official couple.

I soooooooooo wanted to give it a go and make it work. We get on great, have a lot in common and have fannytastic sex.

But I cheated on her with HB no2. At first just a kiss, last night some hot sex. I have no willpower. I never have and I always screw up good relationships by having chaotic desires.

I'm obviously not mature enough to be in a relationship with this poor girl HB no1 (or anyone), but I'd like to keep seeing her as friends. I really don't want to hurt her whatever happens, so I'm not going to tell her about HB no2. No point dragging her through the mud to ease my own conscience.

But I'm not sure how to end it without hurting her. LJBF is all fine and dandy but she's gonna want to know why. There's nothing in the DJ bible about this kind of scenario. Do you think it's gonna be easier for her to try and be friends? Or should I tell her about HB no2? I suspect it may be easier for her to hate me.

Bleh

your just an AFC who isnt really frustuared or is jus pretending to

stop bein a ***** and be decisive. if you want both fine if not fine but if you dont have will power and you cant control u r useless

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
I saw something like this reply a few years ago here...

"I'm having sex with too many HBs--waaaaaa!!!!!!"

I dunno, something similar struck me here, too. And I can't ignore it, either. I'm not sure why you want to stop having sex with---errr, that's "dump"--HB1--???

I'm hearing "I don't want to hurt her" and "I'm not mature enough to be in a relationship" and I don't know what else.

Sure, these are logical reasons along the lines of "I should be a decent guy" and "I should not hurt others" and "I really shouldn't be in a relationship unless I can be mature in it--which means that I don't jump between HB's legs whenever offered..."

I'm just hearing a lot of barely audible labeling and "shoulds" here, but not what rings true as a real reason.

I'm still wondering if you like HB1 and want to be with her?

You want to be friends, sure, but that could be one of those meaningless blow-off statements---I mean, who wouldn't want to remain on good terms with everyone they meet--???

Anyway--you apparently got attraction of some sort and the HBs come running. Or you seduce them and they willing give it up. And HB1 pulled the crying manipulation from day 1--yes, she wanted it (sex) too, and immediately launched into the manipulation with tears.

If you were an AFC, she wouldn't have had sex with you.

If she didn't know what you were about, she wouldn't have tried the manipulation, either.

>>No one is innocent here.<<

But you're pretending she is.

She's pretending she is.

And she's pretending you're not quite the player (ASD, IMO...) while enjoying hot sex with a high-status male (and having it known she's having sex with a high-status male and controlling him to a certain extent, too.)

And you're kinda playing off that you are too--you're not mature, you have no control, you want to do good but there's no will power, you can't resist HBs...

I'm not quite buying it. And based on that, I'm not quite understanding why you want to stop having sex with HB1. I mean, the sex is fantastic (your words) and you apparently can bang others without her finding out directly (but she knows, though, which is why she's using the crying thing.) You're a player, you've done this before, this is life--why do you want to give up fantastic sex with an HB again---???

Damn Tesque you turned me on my head again. You know, what you say yet again strikes me as true. I do feel a little played by the crying game. My gut instinct in the first place was that if she doesn't know, she doesn't get hurt. I don't believe in god, so if noone gets hurt it's no big deal.

But I'm getting severely frowned upon by people I know and people on this board for even considering "two timing" her. I must admit I do have a bit of a problem with outright betrayal. We have formed a bit of a bond and if it lasted for any length of time I'd probably feel a bit of an as$hole.

Hell I'm young and it's my instinct Maybe I should let it run a little longer and watch for games, maybe she'll give me an excuse to break it off. I dunno, perhaps drix is right. I'm an indecisive chump. I want both of them. Bleh

Oh, and Tesque, my HB ex read your reply. She want's to meet you I guess a true DJ shines in any medium... Thanks for your reply dude, I'm back in never never land. I'm off to see HB1. I'll decide what do do when I get there.