Sociopathic tendencies??

[Matt Rogers]

I have been feeling quite lonely recently and trying to understand why I don't really have a lot of friends.

I am quite a cold and reserved person. I find most people boring, and there are very few people who I find interesting and genuinely like-you know actually get a warm feeling and feel actual affection for them (i am talking non-sexual/romantic). I am indifferent to most people-I just don't have any strong feelings either way about them, and couldn't really care less what they think of me. I find a lot of the time I just pretend to be interested in people just to make conversation and be polite, but never really feel I connect to many people or hit it off with them. I think other people can sense my indifference to them and respond negatively accordingly.

With girls, usually I hit on them because they are pretty and I am sexually attracted to them. If I am not attracted to a girl I have no interest in them even as friends as almost girls I meet are boring, hopelessly superficial and can't stop talking. Although I know a few girls who I find amusing and just tease for the fun of it. I can only think of around three girls I have met over the years who I actually felt any affection or fondness beyond sexual/physical attraction.

I am not really the most outgoing of people and it is really hard to find interesting people who I hit it off with. The few friends and girls who I hit it off with in the past, it was pure chance I met them, and aside from a Finnish girl and a cool guy I met a few months ago, I haven't hit it off with anyone in ages.

With girls I find this indifference to others and what they think of me helps, as I have no real fear or shyness of girls and beyond lust rarely get infatuated with girls (with one notable recent exception!), but for general socialising and making friends it is a problem.

Do other guys her feel this way or am I some sort of sociopath?

 

[thezenmachine]

I'm much the same way. I find that my outlook, goals, ambitions, and simply what I perceive as 'fun' is very different than most guys. The thing that helped me feel better is when I stopped caring about having friends or meeting other people's expectations and just did the things I enjoyed, through which I met people who were more like me, which are few and far between. So, in effect I have fewer people I consider friends, but they are much better quality than what the average person calls a 'friend'. I've also found that changing my outlook this way actually makes other guys want to be friends with me, and gives me somewhat of an air of charisma to many of them. Others will try to bring me down, but you can just shrug those ones off easily and they end up looking like asses.

I've never been a the guy who gets a lot of girls, however, I have found that it is much related to the above, but it doesn't work with girls as well because the things I prefer to do, girls just don't get into much. However, the ones that I do get to know usually find me very intriguing because, well, I'm so different from the average guy. That's one thing they use to describe me most frequently is that I'm just very different from the average guy. The hardest part is getting them that close, but when they do, they really fall head over heals for me. The hard part is I'm not too good at keeping them interested because those things that I do frequently aren't that entertaining to them after they are around me enough and see the time and effort I put into them. I also tend to be 'too nice' for what the average girl wants, I'm hoping I've found that right one in this latest girl. I'm also trying to get away from seeming like a push over (not that I think I actually am, it is the way it is perceived most of the time).

 

[johnprim]

That was me a few years back...

Yeah, i used to feel that way- I was always more interested in music and art than most people, and therefore very aloof and detatched, and a few years back I decided to pour 100% of my energy into creating things- videos/ music etc. (my social and love life were rock bottom- why not?) - The result- I've developed quite a reputation as a very talented, eccentric artist and I've met a world of people on the road and nearby who've got a similar vibe- (not that it matters, but in a short time, I went from a nobody to winning 2 student MTV awards and an assload of other stuff)

I wound up touring with the warped tour, and hangin out with a bunch of rockstars, befriending writers at the Simpsons and other shows- all who have that similar misfit thing going on, and now, the people who used to bore me (my family) have respect for me, younger kids ask me for advice, and now that I've expolred myself, confronted my fears etc. I can see things on other normal seeming people that I couldn't before. Trust me- you feel detatched for a reason, and by voicing your concern for it, you just made your first finding out why and connecting with people.

 

[red sky30]

you're a sociopath if your mind is unable to feel guilt or remorse for your wrong doings.

 

[Virtú]

A "Whatever..." attitude towards people and life in general is definitely not a good thing.

Whenever I think about it (rarely), it confuses me - am I AFC or unmasculine or do I just not care enough?

With me, it has more to do with detachment and a lack of awareness of the world around me and of myself.
I have an unfortunate tendency to live in my own little bubble, blindly following my pre-planned daily routine and being totally unaware of other possibilities.
It is a condition where other people and things are invisible until they engage me, which invariably takes me by surprise so I can't react to them very well.

I'll notice a beautiful woman walk by, but where the average AFC wants to approach and talk, but is afraid to, with me, it will simply not occur to me that I could talk to her if I wanted to. The beautiful woman will simply not register as a possible course of action. It's the same with every other person, even people I go to school with.

It's the same with myself. Many people have posted about having dreams and going after them. Unfortunately, I don't register myself very well. I don't know what I want out of life. I have no dreams, just what's written in my daily planner, which is usually empty, plus three meals, an hour or two of TV, then sleep.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

You're not a sociopath! You're a loner, someone reserved.

It's your way of living. If you think you're a psychopath take a look at this,

The checklist:

1. Takes pride in how many women or men he/she can conquest; may be proud of "stealing" a friend's wife, or a symbolic sib.
2. Has had more sex partners than most people; may brag about his or her sexual prowess.
3. Brags about his or her ability to pull one over on people.
4. May tell you, only after a few lines of conversation, "You and I think a lot alike," or "We're so much alike, it's eerie..."
5. Has an obsession with either being loved or adored by others.
6. May claim that a lot of people "hate" them, then when you ask why, they can't explain.
7. Sees no problem with lying to acheive a goal.

Some of these traits were taken from the excellent book Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein, PhD., a clinical psychologist, as well as a checklist compiled by Dr. Michael Conner.

I don't think you fit this checklist!

 

[Matt Rogers]

Thanks Blue Phoenix. I thought I sociopath was someone who didn't really like people.

But yeah I am a bit of a loner. I have been trying for ages to change this, and it definitely is the major thing in the way of my being successful with women. I don't have many friends and hence I don't really have people to go out with and therefore do not meet a lot of people. I would do anything to break this problem and be popular.

I am not shy so much as I just find it really hard to connect and warm to people. I am the sort of person who takes a long time to get to know. Going out and socialising with people doesn't seem to help-as I talk to people but just don't really connect no matter how much practice I take. There are very few people who I like instantly, and people tend to realise when you don't like them.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Is it possible to still have success with women, while having lone wolf tendencies? Out of the limited pool of women I meet socially I get a reasonable number of dates, but due to my lack of friends I don't really get to go out much and feel self conscious about going out on my own.

 

[diablo]

I don't think either of you are in danger of going over the line to bizarre and uncontrollable deadly behavior, merely by the fact that you're concerned about it... so there's not a total lack of empathy.

I think what you're both talking about though can be summarized as very low self esteem that has created a defensive way of dealing with life so that you never worry about others' opinions of you.

Matt, from your history, I would say are a narcissistic personality and probably you too, Zen.

I think finding ways to improve self esteem would lead to changes in behavior. Therapy would help a great deal.

True sociopaths don't worry about being sociopaths .....you're both worried and that is a very very good sign and a sure sign that you're not ultimately dyed in the wool sociopaths.

 

[ogre]

matt:

I've been a loner all my life. this can go very bad or very good. unfortunately I pissed away the 1st 25 years of my life trying to be like everyone else. I was absolutely miserable. I did not know the wonderful freedom of finding one's own path.

read "johnathan livingston seagull" by richard bach. you can find it online for free with a search engine.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by Blue Phoenix
You're not a sociopath! You're a loner, someone reserved.

It's your way of living. If you think you're a psychopath take a look at this,

The checklist:

1. Takes pride in how many women or men he/she can conquest; may be proud of "stealing" a friend's wife, or a symbolic sib.
2. Has had more sex partners than most people; may brag about his or her sexual prowess.
3. Brags about his or her ability to pull one over on people.
4. May tell you, only after a few lines of conversation, "You and I think a lot alike," or "We're so much alike, it's eerie..."
5. Has an obsession with either being loved or adored by others.
6. May claim that a lot of people "hate" them, then when you ask why, they can't explain.
7. Sees no problem with lying to acheive a goal.

Some of these traits were taken from the excellent book Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein, PhD., a clinical psychologist, as well as a checklist compiled by Dr. Michael Conner.

I don't think you fit this checklist!

i got 4/7 for sure and 2 disputed
so a potential 6/7

do i fit the checklist?

 

[Matt Rogers]

lol, thanks diablo. I definitely have some self-esteem issues and am going to see a counsellor over the new year.

But I have always been a loner, and self-esteem issues have only been a feature over the last three years when with adolescence came self-consciousness. Even as a child i was always the kid in the corner with his head in the clouds

Is it possible to be a lone wolf and a success with women? If so how?

 

[Don_Marko]

Aww man... you gotta let go! You worry too much

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by prosemont
Wow ... your post described me to a T ... it's eerie.

lets start a club, cause i think having the majority i fit in 2

 

[Matt Rogers]

lol, I am 1,2, 5, 6, and 7 but don't really believe in checklists.

 

[tonysat]

i prob fit 5 out of 7 of those.. is this true ???

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by diablo
I don't think either of you are in danger of going over the line to bizarre and uncontrollable deadly behavior, merely by the fact that you're concerned about it... so there's not a total lack of empathy.

I think what you're both talking about though can be summarized as very low self esteem that has created a defensive way of dealing with life so that you never worry about others' opinions of you.

Matt, from your history, I would say are a narcissistic personality and probably you too, Zen.

I think finding ways to improve self esteem would lead to changes in behavior. Therapy would help a great deal.

True sociopaths don't worry about being sociopaths .....you're both worried and that is a very very good sign and a sure sign that you're not ultimately dyed in the wool sociopaths.

Diablo is right!

Your main problem matt is that you're a NARCISSIST! That's why you have all those problems in getting social!

I know pretty well some narcissists and it's not funny. They hurt people so badly due to their lack of empathy that no one want to be close to them! But, it depends on the level of this "narcissism". At least you're concerned with that. You must read about narcisism and its effects, this way you'll see what resembles you and what you can do to improve!

Most narcissits don't care about the others, are terribly envious and they never try to change, that's the main problem. Personally I don't have any respect for them and I'm really harsh with them (that's the only way not to be fooled)!

You can change, it's not easy but you can!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by prosemont
Wow ... your post described me to a T ... it's eerie.

To all that "fit" in that small checklist go to this link and do the test there!

Maybe you'll get to know who you really are!

A full psychopath checklist.