Socially lost after my divorce. Looking for some advice. (long)

[HankHill]

Trust when I say girls know what they are doing when they enter marriage. Men, we're generally clueless until it's too late.

Amen! marriage is a govt contract that generally favors women. Additionally, women stick together (sisterhood) help each other out big time- whereas us idiots put each other down or in the off best case we pat our friend on the back and say '**** happens little girl, now get on with your life...'

I'm fully back on track financially, thanks!

A lot of the profiles are fake too (some dude sitting in zimbabwae or moscow playing us for personal info) so there are those too. As for the profiles, we should probably put up a few sample profiles for feedback. However, I know pics is what initially grabs their (and our) attention regardless of what anyone says. If the pic isn't to their liking they're not going to spend time reading the profile. A lot of us just throw up whatever pics we have but since pics do the initial the selling they have to be good pics. I too need to work on this but what I have does work (not great) but I can get a date or two a month...if I want. I'm just selective at my age and pass up a lot of women who I don't see things in common with even if they're decent looking.
Anyway, I'd say take a break, work on yourself, hobbies etc and when you feel ready to date again there's plenty of fish in the sea...just takes time (and chance) to find a quality one.

 

[Desdinova]

I've tried online dating, match, bumble, etc. with professional pics, very little success.

Yeah, don't bother with online dating. Too much effort for too little pvssy.

4) Here's the problem. I live far from the city in the country. I do not mind driving to a metro area, but others find out where I am living and it doesn't go over well. Since most use public transportation and do not have a car, this hurts my social life. There is no train station where I live.

If you enjoy living in the country, don't move. Make it work for you. Don't sacrifice the things you love for anything or anybody. Why not get yourself a cheap camper and camp out in the city on the nights when you're having a social life? That's what I did. Mine cost $600 and it's cheap to insure. Also, why tell people where you live unless it comes up in conversation?

I was told dating was easier when you get older, it's brutal.

It gets easier if you know how to make social situations work to your advantage.

It sounds like you just need to re-arrange how you work your life. Things are never impossible if you make your situation work for you. There was a point when I was working two jobs to pay off debt from a previous relationship and had very little time for a social life. However, I took advantage of those few nights I had, got pvssy, and made it work for me.

You lived through a 5hit storm of a marriage, so I'm pretty sure you can handle a mildly sophisticated single life.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

She also started to get violet at times, by hitting me in the eyes and arms really hard where I had black and blue bruises. I am not a small guy, 5'11'' @ 185 LBS, but what was I supposed to do, have her arrested?

WTF. I read the whole post up to this point and was just shaking my head the entire time. I'm sorry if this causes offence, but she sounds like a crazy psycho b*tch and I think your mistake was going to marriage level relationship with her in the first place.

What you are describing here is outright domestic abuse...and yes, you should have reported her and finished things immediately at this point. Doesn't matter if you're 6'5" and 400 lbs or 5'5" and 150 lbs. You're trying to save a relationship with a woman who punched you "really hard" in the eyes?

If a woman raised a hand to me in any kind of domestic setting, that relationship is over. Even if it's an LTR/marriage. It's completely unacceptable as a man to hit or abuse your wife, and there should be no double standards on this.

I think if you're going dating now again, yes it's going to be tough...but probably the most important thing is you never get with a woman like this again. You are honestly better off being single than being in an LTR with an abusive, f*cked up partner like this.

Due to the steroids I was given, a side effect was a weaken immune system. The doctors told me to ask my wife what vaccinations she had so I can get the same, she refused to tell me. Thus, I came down with viral pneumonia. If I said she left me for dead, that would be an understatement.

Again, this is psycho b*tch behaviour. She's an MD. She deals with this stuff for a living.

The fact she didn't disclose her vaccinations to you is not only totally uncaring, it's also shady as f*ck given that she is totally going against the advice anyone from her profession would offer in this situation.

The only reason I can think of her doing this is because she had a vaccine for something sex-related (because she was cheating) and didn't want to tell you. Either that or she wanted to bump you off with illness and inherit half your stuff (though that's perhaps outlandishly far fetched, given her other horrible behaviour I wouldn't be surprised).

--

TLDR: Your ex wife sounds mentally unstable. Certainly selfish and abusive. Don't ever date someone like that again in an LTR.

Also don't let a woman snip your balls off. Don't take s**t. Don't be abusive, but if a woman is giving you crap, you need to call it out there and then and not take it. It sounds like you were putting all the work into salvaging this marriage and she didn't give a f*ck about you.

This should be a situation that you never got into, because you should have ended it with her long before she was physically abusing you.

 

[LostInLife]

Amen! marriage is a govt contract that generally favors women. Additionally, women stick together (sisterhood) help each other out big time- whereas us idiots put each other down or in the off best case we pat our friend on the back and say '**** happens little girl, now get on with your life...'

I'm fully back on track financially, thanks!

A lot of the profiles are fake too (some dude sitting in zimbabwae or moscow playing us for personal info) so there are those too. As for the profiles, we should probably put up a few sample profiles for feedback. However, I know pics is what initially grabs their (and our) attention regardless of what anyone says. If the pic isn't to their liking they're not going to spend time reading the profile. A lot of us just throw up whatever pics we have but since pics do the initial the selling they have to be good pics. I too need to work on this but what I have does work (not great) but I can get a date or two a month...if I want. I'm just selective at my age and pass up a lot of women who I don't see things in common with even if they're decent looking.
Anyway, I'd say take a break, work on yourself, hobbies etc and when you feel ready to date again there's plenty of fish in the sea...just takes time (and chance) to find a quality one.

Yes, I can agree on the fake profiles. I've had a few of them. They are not hard to see through with the descriptions not matching the profile. I've tried short profiles, long profiles, doesn't work. I do not see me renewing my match subscription. I'd have more fun lighting the 40 bucks or so on fire and watch it burn. What a waste of money. I also feel like a complete social failure by using these dating sites. For right now, I'm done. I plan to do more hobbies with meetup as I think I found a decent few. I am going this weekend and next week. We'll see. However, I'm not putting much in to the quality of people in them.

I think I understand why men try to hold on to a bad marriage. Starting over from nothing socially and sometimes financially is brutal. Luckily, I have no issues being on my own or being alone for hours or days. It's a great quality, but I am not a chaser or pvssy beggar. If it happens, it happens, if not.. Well, not surprised.

Yeah, don't bother with online dating. Too much effort for too little pvssy.



If you enjoy living in the country, don't move. Make it work for you. Don't sacrifice the things you love for anything or anybody. Why not get yourself a cheap camper and camp out in the city on the nights when you're having a social life? That's what I did. Mine cost $600 and it's cheap to insure. Also, why tell people where you live unless it comes up in conversation?



It gets easier if you know how to make social situations work to your advantage.

It sounds like you just need to re-arrange how you work your life. Things are never impossible if you make your situation work for you. There was a point when I was working two jobs to pay off debt from a previous relationship and had very little time for a social life. However, I took advantage of those few nights I had, got pvssy, and made it work for me.

You lived through a 5hit storm of a marriage, so I'm pretty sure you can handle a mildly sophisticated single life.

Yea, I am starting to realize that online dating is a BS game at least for men. The closest major metro area is either Trenton, NJ or Newark, NJ. Trust when I say you do not want to be caught in a trailer in these areas. You will be killed and the cops look the other way. It's just a difficult situation in terms of living, which I did to myself. I will figure a way around it. I am in a county with over 300,000 people. It's a bit ridiculous I have this hard of a time dating. Must be me...

I am working through my life and rebuilding. I am up for being appointed by the council again to a higher position, so I really do not want to leave. However, I will re-examine that after November's board elections. It seems a man cannot have it both. A successful work life and a popping social life. I just cannot see myself living in a apt box again. I was freezing in the winter and dying in the summer with the HVAC systems in a new building. Plus, it was so claustrophobic and I'd hear people fighting all the time. It was a real treat when I had one neighbor and some of his girls were loud as hell during sex. I tried to get some tips from him, but he wouldn't share. Oh well..

 

[mrgoodstuff]

AMS on YouTube. Listen to passing shyt test, online dating, what to do if she says maybe

 

[LostInLife]

WTF. I read the whole post up to this point and was just shaking my head the entire time. I'm sorry if this causes offence, but she sounds like a crazy psycho b*tch and I think your mistake was going to marriage level relationship with her in the first place.

What you are describing here is outright domestic abuse...and yes, you should have reported her and finished things immediately at this point. Doesn't matter if you're 6'5" and 400 lbs or 5'5" and 150 lbs. You're trying to save a relationship with a woman who punched you "really hard" in the eyes?

If a woman raised a hand to me in any kind of domestic setting, that relationship is over. Even if it's an LTR/marriage. It's completely unacceptable as a man to hit or abuse your wife, and there should be no double standards on this.

I think if you're going dating now again, yes it's going to be tough...but probably the most important thing is you never get with a woman like this again. You are honestly better off being single than being in an LTR with an abusive, f*cked up partner like this.



Again, this is psycho b*tch behaviour. She's an MD. She deals with this stuff for a living.

The fact she didn't disclose her vaccinations to you is not only totally uncaring, it's also shady as f*ck given that she is totally going against the advice anyone from her profession would offer in this situation.

The only reason I can think of her doing this is because she had a vaccine for something sex-related (because she was cheating) and didn't want to tell you. Either that or she wanted to bump you off with illness and inherit half your stuff (though that's perhaps outlandishly far fetched, given her other horrible behaviour I wouldn't be surprised).

--

TLDR: Your ex wife sounds mentally unstable. Certainly selfish and abusive. Don't ever date someone like that again in an LTR.

Also don't let a woman snip your balls off. Don't take s**t. Don't be abusive, but if a woman is giving you crap, you need to call it out there and then and not take it. It sounds like you were putting all the work into salvaging this marriage and she didn't give a f*ck about you.

This should be a situation that you never got into, because you should have ended it with her long before she was physically abusing you.

None taken. She was fine when I first met her in her early 30's. As she got older a new girl came out. The punch in the eye was in the bed when she was turning around and it was an accident; as was when she kicked me in the back during sleep. This was during our engagement phase, which I got up and moved to the couch and then said fvck it and just left in the middle of the night. She apologized profusely via e-mail, vm and text, so I let it go.

She was a restless sleeper, so the doc to me to sleep in separate beds until I heal or you can risk serious injury. The punches in the arm were hard and left marks. It was over.... a cookie from her favorite bakery that was misplaced and found 30 mins. later. No apology. I filed for divorce not too much later (within the year if I am correct).

Yes, my girl BS detector is on high alert. I've walked away from a few which either were lying, not stable or in baby crazy mode. I've tried for mid-20's and higher, no luck. It's an absolute war zone out there. Never experienced this in my life.

I cannot figure out why she was so two faced and seemed not to care at all about me or the marriage. However, when I heard her true feelings, request for an open marriage, and refusal to work on our marriage as a sign and filed. This whole experience woke me up to a whole new world of how dating relationships work. It's disgusting and I will not play in those games any longer. One and done. Happy to date, but I cannot see me allowing myself to be in this position again. I was in a State sanctioned prison. Pure hell once I found out of her true feelings. The atty told me to record some of them incase we need to prove adultery (we were never able to prove this with a PI). I've not listened to the recordings, but I have them in my safe deposit box just incase I need them. Truly changes how I interact with people now. Even more interesting, it's changed my trust level so much in people I treat people differently in the world; not only with girls and dating.

 

[LostInLife]

AMS on YouTube. Listen to passing shyt test, online dating, what to do if she says maybe

Already a Patreon of AMS. He lives in a metro area. Much easier than when you live in the burbs. Then again, it seems he's given up on online dating too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Already a Patreon of AMS. He lives in a metro area. Much easier than when you live in the burbs. Then again, it seems he's given up on online dating too.

OMFG. LOL. I'm going to trol it 10minutes a day using his technique .

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I cannot figure out why she was so two faced and seemed not to care at all about me or the marriage. However, when I heard her true feelings, request for an open marriage, and refusal to work on our marriage as a sign and filed. This whole experience woke me up to a whole new world of how dating relationships work. It's disgusting and I will not play in those games any longer. One and done. Happy to date, but I cannot see me allowing myself to be in this position again. I was in a State sanctioned prison. Pure hell once I found out of her true feelings. The atty told me to record some of them incase we need to prove adultery (we were never able to prove this with a PI). I've not listened to the recordings, but I have them in my safe deposit box just incase I need them. Truly changes how I interact with people now. Even more interesting, it's changed my trust level so much in people I treat people differently in the world; not only with girls and dating.

From what I read, it sounds like she lost respect for you and probably cheated too, even if the PI couldn't find anything after the fact. The sudden downturn in sex frequency and simultaneous loss of empathy for you...loss of passion, combined with outsourcing sex somewhere else, most likely.

That's not necessarily your fault, though. A wife should support you through hardship if she truly loves you, but it sounds to me like you hit a rocky road and life stopped being easy enough for her to bother holding it together. Not the mark of a good life partner.

On the other hand, I think an area you can take responsibility for is the loss of her respect towards you, as epitomised by the abusive behaviour. As difficult as your situation was, it sounds like you got yourself backed into a scenario where you were the one running around trying to glue everything together. But just like if you're the one running around in a dating situation, soon you start becoming submissive and that erodes respect in you as a man.

Her request for an open relationship was her final move in the game of devaluation chess, if she'd succeeded she would have got your financial support while also keeping your balls in a little glass jar on her desk. Once mutual respect is gone, the relationship is finished.

--

My advice to you is to focus on your business, which you said was thriving. Continue building it up and get out in the gym, get ripped. These things will increase your value and your self-esteem, attracting more women and making you feel both healthy and better about yourself.

Perhaps I sound cynical, but frankly even in my 20's, girls don't offer a whole lot to my life at the moment. Really cool, genuine women who will offer great company and passion are few and far between - and it's normally obvious when I've met one. But the great majority of dates I've been on for the last 2 years have been a sh*tty waste of time.

OLD in particular is total garbage. Don't even waste your time there. If you want to date, go join an activity class like martial arts, acting, music, art, whatever. The women there will be far better quality and you'll be meeting them in RL rather than competing with Chad by text.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

From what I read, it sounds like she lost respect for you and probably cheated too, even if the PI couldn't find anything after the fact. The sudden downturn in sex frequency and simultaneous loss of empathy for you...loss of passion, combined with outsourcing sex somewhere else, most likely.

That's not necessarily your fault, though. A wife should support you through hardship if she truly loves you, but it sounds to me like you hit a rocky road and life stopped being easy enough for her to bother holding it together. Not the mark of a good life partner.

On the other hand, I think an area you can take responsibility for is the loss of her respect towards you, as epitomised by the abusive behaviour. As difficult as your situation was, it sounds like you got yourself backed into a scenario where you were the one running around trying to glue everything together. But just like if you're the one running around in a dating situation, soon you start becoming submissive and that erodes respect in you as a man.

Her request for an open relationship was her final move in the game of devaluation chess, if she'd succeeded she would have got your financial support while also keeping your balls in a little glass jar on her desk. Once mutual respect is gone, the relationship is finished.

--

My advice to you is to focus on your business, which you said was thriving. Continue building it up and get out in the gym, get ripped. These things will increase your value and your self-esteem, attracting more women and making you feel both healthy and better about yourself.

Perhaps I sound cynical, but frankly even in my 20's, girls don't offer a whole lot to my life at the moment. Really cool, genuine women who will offer great company and passion are few and far between - and it's normally obvious when I've met one. But the great majority of dates I've been on for the last 2 years have been a sh*tty waste of time.

OLD in particular is total garbage. Don't even waste your time there. If you want to date, go join an activity class like martial arts, acting, music, art, whatever. The women there will be far better quality and you'll be meeting them in RL rather than competing with Chad by text.

I just added back OLD. I'm only investing ten minutes a day and one text per day max. Following AMS OLD strategies to the letter .

I've met people off here got the slay on a few . Not most cause I was looking for a relationship .

 

[LostInLife]

From what I read, it sounds like she lost respect for you and probably cheated too, even if the PI couldn't find anything after the fact. The sudden downturn in sex frequency and simultaneous loss of empathy for you...loss of passion, combined with outsourcing sex somewhere else, most likely.

That's not necessarily your fault, though. A wife should support you through hardship if she truly loves you, but it sounds to me like you hit a rocky road and life stopped being easy enough for her to bother holding it together. Not the mark of a good life partner.

On the other hand, I think an area you can take responsibility for is the loss of her respect towards you, as epitomised by the abusive behaviour. As difficult as your situation was, it sounds like you got yourself backed into a scenario where you were the one running around trying to glue everything together. But just like if you're the one running around in a dating situation, soon you start becoming submissive and that erodes respect in you as a man.

Her request for an open relationship was her final move in the game of devaluation chess, if she'd succeeded she would have got your financial support while also keeping your balls in a little glass jar on her desk. Once mutual respect is gone, the relationship is finished.

--

My advice to you is to focus on your business, which you said was thriving. Continue building it up and get out in the gym, get ripped. These things will increase your value and your self-esteem, attracting more women and making you feel both healthy and better about yourself.

Perhaps I sound cynical, but frankly even in my 20's, girls don't offer a whole lot to my life at the moment. Really cool, genuine women who will offer great company and passion are few and far between - and it's normally obvious when I've met one. But the great majority of dates I've been on for the last 2 years have been a sh*tty waste of time.

OLD in particular is total garbage. Don't even waste your time there. If you want to date, go join an activity class like martial arts, acting, music, art, whatever. The women there will be far better quality and you'll be meeting them in RL rather than competing with Chad by text.

Certainly possible. Life throws everyone curve balls, and those were mine. She knew this going in, if she couldn't handle it, not a problem as she was given an out. She gave me the line I will be with you through thick and thin. Well, we now know this was a lie. I only tried to put the marriage back together because we were married. If we were engaged or just dating, I would had let it be. I now know that piece of paper was worthless, and I will never make that mistake again. Not sure on the cheating as we chipped her phone and handbag. She did nothing out of the ordinary from her daily routine. Who knows. At this point, it really doesn't matter.

Yep, working on myself and expanding my businesses. I've fully recovered financially and my career is back on track. I'm 90% better medically as well. Two more surgeries with stem cells and disc replacement and I will be pretty close to 100%.

It just amazes me how loyalty is worthless nowadays.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Certainly possible. Life throws everyone curve balls, and those were mine. She knew this going in, if she couldn't handle it, not a problem as she was given an out. She gave me the line I will be with you through thick and thin. Well, we now know this was a lie. I only tried to put the marriage back together because we were married. If we were engaged or just dating, I would had let it be. I now know that piece of paper was worthless, and I will never make that mistake again. Not sure on the cheating as we chipped her phone and handbag. She did nothing out of the ordinary from her daily routine. Who knows. At this point, it really doesn't matter.

Yep, working on myself and expanding my businesses. I've fully recovered financially and my career is back on track. I'm 90% better medically as well. Two more surgeries with stem cells and disc replacement and I will be pretty close to 100%.

It just amazes me how loyalty is worthless nowadays.

It's worth something to you and not worth anything to her. Just gives her a reliable body to cheat on..

You and I both have to create successes in light of these situations.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

It just amazes me how loyalty is worthless nowadays.

This comes back to the calibre of woman. People are all unique, you have to develop an effective ability to judge character.

If someone is a treacherous or selfish POS, loyalty is cheap and meaningless to them. Others will rank their personal honour and loyalty above all else. Often people don't expose these true colours unless they are tested or intimate with you.

I always think of it like if I was assembling a military squad, as silly as it perhaps sounds. You have your heavy weapons guy, your engineer, your medic...they all have their own skills which are excellent, but what do they all have to have in common to actually work as a unit? Loyalty to the team, discipline, courage. Without that, everything else is meaningless and they will fail as a union.

Same in a business. You might have a guy who's brilliant at maths, but if he's a selfish ass who causes arguments constantly, his worth is diminished. I worked with a guy recently who was pretty much a genius in his field, but he was also an insufferable d*ckhead with zero sense of humour. He can't get employed as a result.

Relationships are the same. Doesn't matter how clever or beautiful your wife is if she has no loyalty, or if she is cripplingly selfish. Those kinds of personality flaws render everything else irrelevant.

TLDR: Immerse yourself in socialisation and study people. It can be really quite fascinating to analyse people and it will rapidly improve your ability to sort toxic individuals from those who are worthy of time and attention. Even if you're just eating a sandwich in the park and observing life around you (as creepy as that possibly sounds, I'm a scientist at heart, haha).

I was thinking recently: psychopaths are incredibly good at analysing people and thus climbing in society through manipulation. This is essentially what you are emulating with this kind of social analysis, but minus the malignant tendencies and exploitation. Essentially you want to take what makes these people socially successful (dispassionate analysis of people without emotional bias) and apply it to your life as a normal, healthy individual.

Don't look at a hot girl and think "She's great and funny and gorgeous", think "She's attractive but I'll make a note of that time she snapped at me about..." and tally this up into mental pros and cons, potential issues or potential boons.