Socializing and Bonding with people, what are the details?

[Rphobe]

Socializing and Bonding with people, what are the details?

I ask this because I think for many guys their "social equipment" is broken completely they were given neurology that simply does not grasp intuitively nor automatically how human connections and bonds are made. Hence we have to come from it at an analytical angle

This was always a huge problem for me: I don't understand what it is in conversation with someone that makes you bond with them. Women have sex with guys they are 1) Have a "surface" level attraction for. Or 2) Find a deep bond with on some level.

I can only seem to bond with people who have: Shared the same pain as me in some regard, or have a similar shared interest. I can't bond with just anyone, while other people have fewer problems. I have fewer highly focused interests which are not mainstream or that women would find enjoyable to talk about.

Hopefully we can hash out how the bonding process works, what is it that forms bonds between people?

 

[Sean O]

I think you may be getting too specific with what you feel constitutes a bond between two people. Bonding is just something that happens. It's kinda like attraction to a woman: you may have a fairly simple idea of what it is that attracts you to her, but you probably don't know why you find these things attractive - you just know that the feeling is there and it's a good thing.

Being personable and comfortable in any social situation is something that's more methodical, because it involves adopting certain mindsets and habits, as well as developing confidence... but with bonding, there are just some people that you'll bond with better than others.

Anyway, the trend I've noticed with the people that I have the closest bonds with is 1) most of the time I can effortlessly carry a conversation with them for an extended period of time, 2) I'm completely comfortable talking about at least semi-personal things with them, as are they comfortable talking about said things with me, and 3) while we enjoy having conversations with each other, there's never any actual pressure to have them in order to be "entertaining" to each other; we're content to just chill out (this one tends to come later, once you've known the person for a certain amount of time).

Hopefully that helps .

P.S. I disagree with the idea that sharing an interest with someone allows you to bond with them. What if that's the only thing you can talk about with them? No friendship/relationship will get very far if you only have one topic you feel comfortable talking with them about.

 

[Rphobe]

I think you may be getting too specific with what you feel constitutes a bond between two people. Bonding is just something that happens.

I don't buy that, thats the only way to bond, is just to 'wait for it'. I've bonded to people completely opposite of me, there are patterns to the people I bond with. There's some core fundamentals shared.

There is a rational explanation and a method to bond to others, it's all in how you speak and relate to one another, and this can duplicated and you can "fake it" this is the whole PURPOSE of the mystery method. Using interesting canned material to build bonds between other people.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

If you don't buy that, why are you posting and asking when you won't/don't consider the posts placed before you?

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Bonding is not a logical step. I don't eye up a new friend and say "Well, today I'll do this, tomorrow that, I'll say this, that, that, this, and walla, MY NEW BEST FRIEND is rich, connected, and a perfect wingman." Nor do I do the same with girls.

Philosophically you could say that's an analytical approach, one with specially marked goals and protocols of WHAT to accomplish. But that's just it...WHAT and WHY are you trying to accomplish this relationship?

If you're in sales, and you only push product, not the relationship, people feel it.
If you're so desirous of a connection with a girl for sex, prestige, connection, bonding, or neediness, that 'leaning' will be felt.
If you're so overzealous to be friends, you'll push people away. Moreover, if you're so mechanical, you'll totally truncate the creative spirit within.

Anytime I ever found myself FORCED to perform, or to speak, or to act, I couldn't. I shut down. That might just be me, but from everything I interrpret from you, I wouldn't want a friend to come at me like that, because they only NEED me to NEED me, there's no other redeeming values behind a relationship. And maybe that's why I don't like, or understand, Mystery's method. Let those who've gone through the advanced training come forward on how it works for them, but all the rest is hype I have yet to buy.

Sure, he works up quick hookups, but you can do that WITHOUT dropping all the cash on learning it. And for the long-term, that isn't something you can learn in a program like that, NOR do I think a person should.

These are people, with hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, sexual turn ons, fetishes, addictions, vices, and virtues, made of the same elements that you and I are made of...it doesn't, and never will take an analytical approach to bonding. If it does, then it's been done for some other means than 'being close.'

A girl would even tell you the same, truthfully. She wouldn't want you to 'go through the motions' just to pacify her or to gain something, she'd want you to want to do it because YOU WANTED to. That's why women test with negatives. They'll say no, when they mean yes, because THEY LIKE THE INTENSITY AND PASSION of how men want things. We want things with as much or more desire than women do, so it's an extreme turn on to them.

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Deep relationships are few and far between. That's what makes them deep and special. Military forces have strong bonds because of the nature of their bootcamps and life; nobody else has gone through what they went through and they've been there together. Even private schools strive to create such deep bonds that generate strong leaders later in life that will maintain the status quo, even if it means "breaking a few eggs to make the omelete", or in other words, suffer a few casualties.

If I went out SEEKING the same, they'd never happen. However, if I'm OPEN to them coming along at any and all times, I'll find more success than I could possibly GENERATE out of sheer will power. The universe and mind are far greater than one can imagine, and if we're only using 10%, then when you're WILLING it with your CONSCIOUS 10%, you're losing 90% to unused effort. However, when you open yourself up, move to higher thinking, the 90% will transmit the necessary desires you've created.

Most of my current friends, outside my brother were ALL hap-hazard. All the women I've ever known or dated came from unexpected places and we did unexpected things. The friends I've met were long lost friends from grade school, and helping one such friend catch his cheating girlfriend about 4 years ago was all it took for us to be friends again. Another friend I met on a booze cruise with a company I work for. We ended up partying all weekend, since we were the only ones doing so on this trip, and ended up being friends. Girls I've known came from out of know where.

I think if we "knew" where things came from, it would ruin the point of life, it would ruin the serendipity that women love, and people would be extremely greedy, since people would know all they need to and wouldn't do anything.

That's my opinion.

Buy it or sell it.


A-Unit

 

[Sean O]

^^ Word .