Social skills

[SayWhat]

Hi all

I've posted a lot of threads or even hijacked some to explain that my social skills are holding me back.

I have a lot going for me, my looks, give myself 100% at everything I do, thrilling hobby, just got into a company where I was chosen out of a group of 300 people.

I work as a waiter for 1,5 years now, and although I improved (I talk more spontaneous now), I still have problems with girls. I guess it's the fear of rejection that they won't like me for who I am as I don't have this problem with guys (and in some part girls that are not that attractive...).

So yeah the problem is a bit of both I guess, I try to listen and build on what the other person is saying, but for some reason the conversation always dies rather quickly (not only with girls). I don't know where the problem lies (besides probably many little signs of low self-esteem).

For example I just typed a message to a guy I barely know on Facebook. It were three phrases, I was revising and contemplating for over 10 minutes just to see if it was okay, how it would come over, would he find me weird,... If this would be a girl, it would have lasted the whole afternoon... Drives me nuts...

Thanks for any tips.

 

[prison/con.net]

bag over your head, big shot of dope, end it. you CARE too much, pvssy is not the be-all and end-all of life.

 

[Casillas]

Hi all

For example I just typed a message to a guy I barely know on Facebook. It were three phrases, I was revising and contemplating for over 10 minutes just to see if it was okay, how it would come over, would he find me weird,... If this would be a girl, it would have lasted the whole afternoon... Drives me nuts...

Thanks for any tips.

Why do you even talk to a guy that you dont even know at all? Start to focus on yourself.

"Never chase women. Chase your dreams, then women will follow."

 

[BatJuan]

I broke my anxiety by going peacocking. I would wear crazy stuff to different places and people would look at me and comment. One time I was at this event with a lot of girls and I wore a pink hat. I got a lot of weird looks and some girls came over to take a picture. Another time I went to this bacon-themed food competition and I wore bacon pajama pants. A lot of people were commenting to themselves, "Look at his pants!" Things like that. I separated myself from the crowd and drew attention. This wasn't to attract girls, but merely to get comfortable with people having a "different" opinion of me.

I think the problem with this type of anxiety is because when you talk to girls, their attention is focused on you. It's kind of like being on stage and being afraid you're going to mess up. But if you intentionally do things that may draw weird comments/criticism, you start not caring about how people perceive you and it makes interactions with others a lot easier.

 

[MountainSlide]

Are you terrified that if you say the wrong thing, that you will have missed out on an opportunity, but if you said the right thing that you'd meet the girl of your dreams? That's not how the world works. People flow in and out of your life and they don't give a **** what you say because they are too busy being selfish and thinking about what they themselves want. So you're good unless you are weird enough to have someone saying: "You know that guy that followed us around for three hours yesterday when we clearly wanted him to leave us alone, what a creep". You want to elicit positive responses from people? That is impossible if you are suffering from a lot of anxiety and aren't confident. What you gotta do bro, is you have to make yourself feel real good and healthy and independent (you don't rely on others for your happiness). When you do that other people will want it and they will swarm to you. How you do that? Exercise, eat healthy, have goals, focus on having fun rather than what people will think of you, develop hobbies, take courses, go travelling and see the world, whatever floats your boat.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I find myself in the same problem currently. I know that it's about not giving ****s about anything and not having a filter, but my problem is that I've almost 'forgot' how to do that in a sense. I've been working on myself for quite a bit more than usual (due to recent external events that are out of my control) and that has exhausted me mentally and physically which has made me lose my magic touch I suppose. Of course, others have not completely witnessed or noticed this change yet so that's a plus. Regardless, I should be working my way back up in everything in a bit, and depending on how current events play out, I may be back to normal.

Anyway, I didn't come here to tell you my problems I came here to offer advice, which has more or less already been stated:
Don't give a flying fvck. Take off your filter, and start talking about anything and everything. Stay at a high energy level with a positive, optimistic attitude and you will not give a crap about negative experiences that occur. Plus, this high energy version of you is basically gonna make you spontaneous. Do what you want, when you want, as long as it doesn't hurt you. Don't over analyze every single little detail about life, just think briefly whether it's worth it or not to do whatever it is you were about to do. You'll be fine man, don't worry.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Game a cutie today at a hangout spot. I was all prepping it in my head waiting for the right moment, then I told my Ego to shut up and let me lead, I got this. Seen this chick all the time there and we have been trading eyeballs for weeks, I felt like I already wasted time and the fire would burn out if I don't act soon. So when she walked by I said excuse me, how did you get such a nice tan. It was corny, but it worked. Chick was real nice, and she was good looking. Funny how the unattractive women are much more stuckup.

Didn't get her number, had a nice 5 min convo, made a few mistakes owned it and will prepare to build something

 

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

One thing I did was drive to a nearby major city with a friend on a Saturday and just spent the entire day talking to women I found attractive. There's basically zero chance you'll ever see the women again, you don't have to worry about getting numbers since they live too far away to be worth the hassle, and you've got a friend there to back you up.

I approached more attractive women in one day than I have the entire past 29 years of my life. Sure, you sometimes say stupid stuff, sometimes they're just rude, but selective memory usually ensures you remember only the ones that were positive and it really skyrockets your confidence approaching women. Just keep the interactions short, end on a high note when possible, and soon it's no longer a big deal.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

One thing I did was drive to a nearby major city with a friend on a Saturday and just spent the entire day talking to women I found attractive. There's basically zero chance you'll ever see the women again, you don't have to worry about getting numbers since they live too far away to be worth the hassle, and you've got a friend there to back you up.

I approached more attractive women in one day than I have the entire past 29 years of my life. Sure, you sometimes say stupid stuff, sometimes they're just rude, but selective memory usually ensures you remember only the ones that were positive and it really skyrockets your confidence approaching women. Just keep the interactions short, end on a high note when possible, and soon it's no longer a big deal.

Yup