Social proof: Better for 8 to be seen out with a 6 or alone?

[Theunique1]

I met this girl at a New Year's party and she really digs me. The truth is I like being around her, but am not all that attracted to her. However, I'm typically single all the time and know that most girls are more attracted to a guy who is with a girl. If I date her and go out with her, will it make me better or worse off if she is about a 6 while I would say I'm an 8?

 

[joekerr31]

chics dont think that way.

all they see is ...

1) how come she has something that i don't. im better looking than her. im going to get him.
2) he must not be a psycho since she seems to like him
3) this guy obvious is interested in more than just p*ssy, since he could do better than her physically. probably means he's a pretty quality guy.

social proof is social proof.

the only thing to be careful of those when you are an 8 and your girl is a 6, is that she will latch on to you like a lost puppy dog.

personally i advise against using a women that is lower on the food chain than you to catch ones higher up because theres a good chance you'll end up using her in a way that hurts her pretty badly in the end.

'do unto others as you'd have them do unto you'

would you want some hb10 using you just to get some 10 guy interested in her?

you can get the same social proof effect just by being friends with women. you dont have to date them. id even suggest that being friends with them actually ups your appeal way more. they go gossip with their other girlies about 'frank is great. i dont know why hes not attached. i tell ya, whoever gets him will be lucky."

before you know it you have a flock of women flirting with you. once you have a rep for being a quality guy, one that is backed up by female friends, women are like a pack of seagulls divebombing from the sky - and you're the fish in the water. it's a wierd phenomena.

whereas if its your girl, chics arent going to talk to your girl to find out how great you.

 

[Theunique1]

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the reply!

 

[NorPacWolf]

You can't lose either way. If you go with her, you have social proof. If you go solo, you have no one holding you back if you see your '10' you want to talk to.

Hopefully, the game doesn't have you thinking of girls as props, but as human beings. If you think of people as implements to exploit, you've already lost the game; you're too focused on results, which causes anxiety and prevents you from relaxing and having a good time. And going out after work is supposed to be about relaxing and having a good time.

Wolf

I met this girl at a New Year's party and she really digs me. The truth is I like being around her, but am not all that attracted to her. However, I'm typically single all the time and know that most girls are more attracted to a guy who is with a girl. If I date her and go out with her, will it make me better or worse off if she is about a 6 while I would say I'm an 8?

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

I don't think using her this way is going to work.

However, I do have 2 F*** buddies who are lower on the food chain than me. They're for emergencies only. If I hit a dry spell, I hit them and it gives me some confidence back. They're not for public viewing. If I'm striking out with every dingbat I meet, I just set up an evening of drinks, flirting and hate-fvcking. IMO every single guy should have fallback women like them.

It's like football. If my more attractive receivers downfield aren't getting open, I can throw a cheesy shovel pass to one of my running backs and hopefully get a first down. It beats getting sacked.

These are 35-45 year old women who know what the deal is. They've been through the mill, they know I'm not dating material and won't latch on. Be very careful with younger not so hot women when attempting this. Avoid women in their 30s who haven't been married. You have to be open with them and let them know the deal, otherwise you could end up with some bunny boiling sow who tortures you and attempts to wreck your real relationships.

So, don't take her on as a GF just to attract bigger fish. You run the risk of not being able to ditch her. Use her in a different way if she's the type.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo,



I agree 100% with what JOEKERR just said.

And I was just ON MY WAY to saying the same things myself, DANG IT!
But he beat me to it. Like he does MOST of the time...lol

But yeah, little is said on this site about acceptable standards of male behavior in the contexts of right and wrong. I think it scares too many people. I think this lack of calling wack shyt "WACK", is a form of cowardice that many hide behind in order to maintain the facade that IS Political Correctness--- A concept that many in this community will wave as a flag of convenience to justify ways of behavior towards women that they already KNOW in their heart of hearts is WRONG.

What makes it wrong? For those too lazy to go back and read JOEKERR's post where he just quoted the Golden Rule. Here it is again from another angle:

"Don't do shyt to women that you wouldn't want them to turn around and do to yo self-centered ass!"

In fact, I would say that many on this site embrace the hedonistic lifestyle to the hilt. Yes, even in the MATURE MAN forum. However, there is much to be said for taking notice of the consequences of our actions AND how they affect others, because this is what a real MATURE MAN does.

The ends DO NOT always justify the means. Just because we get THE GIRL, it DOES matter what methods we've used to obtain her. Evey action has a consequence. Everything we do in the lives of others that makes an explosive impact has FALLOUT.

A mature man practices the art of knowing when he SHOULD curb his desire for pleasure. And usually, this is at the point when he becomes aware that he is about to cause himself or someone else NEEDLESS pain.

I do understand that many times, pain cannot be avoided, and that doing something that's right for YOU may cause someone else pain. All I'm suggesting HERE, soldiers, is that trying to be a little less CAVALIER about some of the things we do has subtle benefits for us as well.

Example:

For one thing, the next time you have trouble sleeping at night, it WON'T be GUILT. It'll just be that bad burrito yo dumb ass ate before you went to bed...LOL

And for those who love to misunderstand, what I'm talking about here is NOT living our lives as if we're walking on eggshells.

No, I'm merely suggesting that reason, forethought, self-control, and an EFFICIENTLY operating moral compass are great pathfinding tools to use as we continue to navigate our way along the road to bettering our lives overall.



Peace to you soldiers...on NEW YEAR'S DAY.

 

[Bonhomme]

Joekerr and VU took the words right out of my typing finger, too.

The issue is not whether or not it's better to be seen or not seen with this gal, but what effect getting involved would have on your lives.

 

[realsmoothie]

However, I do have 2 F*** buddies who are lower on the food chain than me. They're for emergencies only. If I hit a dry spell, I hit them and it gives me some confidence back. They're not for public viewing. If I'm striking out with every dingbat I meet, I just set up an evening of drinks, flirting and hate-fvcking. IMO every single guy should have fallback women like them.

It's like football. If my more attractive receivers downfield aren't getting open, I can throw a cheesy shovel pass to one of my running backs and hopefully get a first down. It beats getting sacked.

LOL :crackup:

This football analogy works perfectly. It's like you're a QB trying to get a touchdown (maybe that eventual LTR, or the state of DJ-ism whereby you can get anything you want), but you need to get down the field by improving your confidence. Now, you can take shots down the field with the real HB's but the risk is greater. If they're not open you check down to a receiver who is already open and hopefully get a first down, which allows you just enough confidence to "keep the drive alive".

Because, God knows, you don't want to end up punting (i.e. rubbing one out).

I'm going to start calling those kind of short-pass girls "checkdowns" from now on. Thanks!

So Sir Drinks: as a mature guy like me, how do you negotiate these FB's? Do you actually discuss the (non)relationship with them or is it just "understood" that you're getting together only for sex?

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

LOL :crackup:

This football analogy works perfectly. It's like you're a QB trying to get a touchdown (maybe that eventual LTR, or the state of DJ-ism whereby you can get anything you want), but you need to get down the field by improving your confidence. Now, you can take shots down the field with the real HB's but the risk is greater. If they're not open you check down to a receiver who is already open and hopefully get a first down, which allows you just enough confidence to "keep the drive alive".

Because, God knows, you don't want to end up punting (i.e. rubbing one out).

I'm going to start calling those kind of short-pass girls "checkdowns" from now on. Thanks!

So Sir Drinks: as a mature guy like me, how do you negotiate these FB's? Do you actually discuss the (non)relationship with them or is it just "understood" that you're getting together only for sex?

These two FBs, I'll call them my fullback and my blocking TE, are women I've been friends with for several years, they work for two of my larger clients. I was married when I met them, nothing obviously was going on then since I had a primary WR that was consistently open and a more attractive receiver. Plus, I was enough of an AFC to think I'd never have to sign another offensive player!

We got to know each other well before sex was on the table. We were aware of the deals we had with other people. If you have a FB, I don't think you can ever delude yourself into thinking that you're the only QB they're playing catch with. One is divorced, the other has been through the meat grinder plenty of times, without getting married. Neither has or wants kids. These, I believe, were key factors. We never went on any "dates." I never did anything to impress either one. We just went out to bars and laughed.

All of us, through the last couple of years, have been in and out of real relationships where the FB part just quit for a while. That's fine. Our paths always seem to cross again down the road. There is no possessiveness or jealousy or any of the stuff you get when one is interested in an LTR. I think the arrangement also works because we know there's no hard feelings if one gets locked into a serious relationship for a little while. If I thought I couldn't get rid of either one of them without a fuss I'd never have bothered.

In both cases, the "scouting period" consisted of ball busting/flirting/teasing. It was fun. When my marriage hit the iceberg, they were sympathetic ears and helped a lot. After the breakup they got invited to training camp and signed to league-minimum contracts.

Any good QB needs plenty of targets. Sure, the Doug Flutie insane bombs into triple coverage look great on sportscenter when you actually connect with one, but odds are you'll end up feeling as retarded as Jake Plummer when you rack up all those turnovers. Have I beaten the football analogies to death yet?


-Drinks

 

[aftershock]

I wouldn't be seen dead in public with less than an 8.

I'll bang down to 6 though, but I don't publicise it.

 

[realsmoothie]

Any good QB needs plenty of targets. Sure, the Doug Flutie insane bombs into triple coverage look great on sportscenter when you actually connect with one, but odds are you'll end up feeling as retarded as Jake Plummer when you rack up all those turnovers.

-Drinks

Yeah... this is what this board calls "spinning plates". I like the football analogy much better, to tell you the truth, because it incorporates the idea that some girls are better targets than others.

As for my current only target (a rookie not-so-tight end... knows how to get open but can't catch worth crap. Needs more reps!)... she's wide open but I'm going to hang out in the pocket just a little longer before I throw to her again. My confidence is good (i.e. looks like the OL is doing its job) and I think I see a couple of veteran WR's coming open on mid-range patterns.

LOL this is funny. But appropriate!

 

[STR8UP]

you can get the same social proof effect just by being friends with women. you dont have to date them. id even suggest that being friends with them actually ups your appeal way more. they go gossip with their other girlies about 'frank is great. i dont know why hes not attached. i tell ya, whoever gets him will be lucky."

before you know it you have a flock of women flirting with you. once you have a rep for being a quality guy, one that is backed up by female friends, women are like a pack of seagulls divebombing from the sky - and you're the fish in the water. it's a wierd phenomena.

whereas if its your girl, chics arent going to talk to your girl to find out how great you.

No doubt.

It's funny how it works, but if you can manage to get several women to really like you on a friendly level you will have more opportunities to hook up than you can imagine.

At this point in my life I have more female friends than I have ever had, and I have to say it has made all the difference in the number of other women who are attracted to me. Myspace comes in handy in this regard. Believe me, women are ALL OVER your Myspace page if they have any kind of interest in you whatsoever. Use it to your advantage!

The ones who are really attracted to me all make the same comment about me having "groupies" or a "fan club". The competetitveness is written all over their faces.

I know some guys don't advocate cultivating platonic female relationships, but I see a great benefit to it as long as you aren't in the position of following chicks around hoping for scraps. Getting the seal of approval from a female can save you LOTS of time proving yourself. Not to mention the benefits of getting the reputation for being good at "pleasing" women in bed. That word travels fast, I can assure you.

Think about it....if you were managing a store wouldn't you be much more inclined to hire someone who was referred by a good employee than someone off the street? Same way with women. If you're cool with one you're already pre-qualified with many others.

 

[Hitman10000]

Use her for practice.

by no means make her your social proof when you go to parties/bars/etc. Want proof?

Can you picture yourself being stared at by oogling men and women if you had

A) Playboy quality hottie
B) Plain Jane

Richard Gere in Pretty Woman knew exactly what social proof meant when he hired a pretty (?) prostitute to be his arm candy for the evening. Truth be told while many men deny this is that the true success of a man visually is if he is bagging some hot chick. He didn't do it just for social proof. He was doing it for the business party for business networking thus increasing his employment status as someone who can make it.

Case in point. David Beckham and that former Spice Girl. Many guys would go..WTF is he thinking? He can date a hotter b1tch. He must be pretty small in the sack or gay.

Another case in point. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston vs Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Aniston = Meh , Pitt and Angelina = Pitt is the man

 

[realsmoothie]

Case in point. David Beckham and that former Spice Girl. Many guys would go..WTF is he thinking? He can date a hotter b1tch. He must be pretty small in the sack or gay.

Another case in point. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston vs Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Aniston = Meh , Pitt and Angelina = Pitt is the man

I disagree with this wholeheartedly. I respect Beckham because he's clearly with Posh because he LIKES her, not because of some "I can get the hottest girl" bullcrap.

Mind you, I'm not your average "looks are everything" shlub. What, you think that Hollywood stars and soccer pro's are really that concerned about finding the hottest girl in the world? That sh*t probably gets boring really fast, just like buying the best car.

 

[Latinoman]

A true DJ does not INTENTIONALLY hurt a woman. What you (original poster) will do in this case is hurting her. I agree with Joekerr and Victory.

I also agree with Sir Drinksalot, because in his case they all know the deal (no one getting hurt).