Social Inadequecy

[No Bones]

Note that this does not apply solely to women, but to people in general.

While I am hardly a complete social gump, I do believe that I have a few faults that hold me back from completely being myself in conversations.

One of them is my inability to tell interesting stories, or funny (long-winded) jokes. I believe this is due to my inadequecy of being the center of attention, which leads to messing up scripts and stuttering words. Even if I were speaking to one person, I still wouldn’t know the foundations in telling them material that’s fascinating. Guess it all comes down to public speaking, but I believe that being able to do this successfully would increase my confidence significantly.

Another small problem is eye contact. How should eye contact be established with (a) human being(s) without you looking like you’re staring or threatening? How should eye contact be used? It’s a small nagging aspect I would like to work on.

Besides that, is there any practices in becoing a better conversationalist? Any good books on the subject?

Appreciate any advice guys.

 

[lurker]

You have to be a damn good liar to be social think of weird funny stories thats my speciality telling girls stories.

 

[Keeper]

Your body language might be the reason you're not getting your attention.

And as for a book to answer your questions, get yourself Talk Language, by Allan Pease and Allan Garner.

I took out this book totally by accident in the library and found it to be a GREAT read on your aforementioned problem.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0959365818/026-1595955-2280431

 

[No Bones]

Thanks Keeper.

Over the last year I have improved my body language, yet there are still those instances that hit me like a ton of bricks. Hopefully I'll get it together.

Keep them coming lads.

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by No Bones
Note that this does not apply solely to women, but to people in general..

That's why there's an "Anything Else" forum...

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by No Bones

One of them is my inability to tell interesting stories, or funny (long-winded) jokes.

neither of these makes you a social outcast, being a good listener doesnt make u a beta, neither does giving good stories or being able to make everything funny make u an alpha, different people man, were not all meant to be cookie cutter copies.

 

[Schlep]

My basic suggestion would be to get a copy of "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

Interpersonal communication is a tough thing for some people; you're definitely not alone. Hell, one of my majors is communication studies, and it's 37 hours of stuff. Like anything else, it just takes practice. I chat up strangers all the time just to get a better understanding of it all.

As far as eye contact while talking one on one, most listeners tend to keep eye contact most of the time while the other person is talking. The person talking will usually keep eye contact for a bit, then look off, come back for more EC, look off, rinse & repeat.

 

[No Bones]

Re: Re: Social Inadequecy

Originally posted by RaWBLooD
neither of these makes you a social outcast, being a good listener doesnt make u a beta, neither does giving good stories or being able to make everything funny make u an alpha, different people man, were not all meant to be cookie cutter copies.

I see what you mean. Although I know I'm not a social outcast, I think that being able to publicy speak without fear and anxiety would definetly increase my confidence and options, in all aspects of my life.

I'm going to give Talk Language a read and see how it goes, but keep the recommendations coming.

Also, what are the qualities of a "good listener"? I'm quite interested.

 

[Keeper]

Re: Re: Re: Social Inadequecy

Originally posted by No Bones


Also, what are the qualities of a "good listener"? I'm quite interested.

Uhh... talk language has ALOT of space devoted to that subject. For for now, try reading these posts from the bible:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16664

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15740

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16250

They will prolly give you as good advice as anyone would.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Guy take a communication class at college. Join toastmasters, service groups, and activities that force you to interact with people. DJ bible and a pook epic aren't going to give you the results you desire. You must take social risks and rejection to get good at the game of life.

 

[Visceral]

Great stories come from great things you've actually done, not from lies or lessons.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Why do you have to be a storyteller????????????????

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by SELF-MASTERY
Why do you have to be a storyteller????????????????

listening is better, talking to the person about themselves, is the best.

 

[Schlep]

You've gotta have some of your own stories to talk about, otherwise you're just like any other person and there's no connection between you and whoever you're talking with. I try to make them really vivid stories that don't take too long to tell so I can shift focus back on the other person.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I think storytellings is a good skill to have, but it isn't needed. Talk to ppl about things that they are interested in.

Hell I met 10 new ppl at school today just using regualr ole conversation skills.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by Schlep
You've gotta have some of your own stories to talk about, otherwise you're just like any other person and there's no connection between you and whoever you're talking with. I try to make them really vivid stories that don't take too long to tell so I can shift focus back on the other person.

Maybe that works for you, But stories are for when you are talking to people or someone that doesnt talk much themselves, or are just DULL, you can just listen and make a comment here and there about your own experiences and thats fine.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE A STORYTELLER