Social Anxiety

[knglerxt]

What kind of suggestions do you guys have for someone with social anxiety disorder? It's hard enough for "normal" guys to approach women, but for someone with SA it's 10 times harder. I've looked at the "Bible", but it just seems too daunting.

I'm 24, and I've never had a gf. I've never even had a friend that was a girl. I just feel like I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up. I have 0 experience. Most of the girls I'm attracted to are exact opposites of me. It seems that most girls like guys who are talkative and outgoing. I'm not.

I'm not ugly by any means. I take care of my appearance, so I don't think anything is wrong in that department. I get looks from girls a lot, but I'm just too socially inept to capitalize on it. It doesn't help matters any that I'm in college. I'm constantly around a** all day. It's a constant reminder of my problem. It's literally starting to drive me crazy.

I'm also having anger issues because of this. I've almost destroyed my apartment. Because of this anxiety, I've had muscle twitches for the last 5 months. I've contemplated suicide many times. I just don't know how much longer I can take this.

(In case anyone is wondering, the reason I'm still in college at age 24 is because I joined the Air Force right out of high school. I didn't really start attending college until after I separated.)

 

[mroriginal2]

Get Zoloft, that worked wonders for me when I was in middle school. Im 17 now, and I can talk to anyone I want, when ever I want.

 

[CoolRunning]

Agreed on the zoloft. I am in a similar position to you (I'm 27, never had a girlfriend, and I have no friends either). I started taking Zoloft a few weeks ago and I feel so much better. Now it is a matter of actually learning how to make friends - I have the 'will' to talk to people now, but I don't know how to make friends. lol.

 

[Docs]

Yes, you may want to look at medication to control your outbursts, or self-remedial. Instead of near destorying your apartment from your frustration at social life, try investing in a punching bag.

Every time you get anger, hit that bag with everything. Do every move you can think of, kick the living crap out of it. In the end, unless you resorted to objects to hit it, the bag will be unharmed and the realization that any form of anger (focused or not) does nothing to what it's aimed at, in this case, the punching bag, rather then the TV.

Once you realize the anger does nothing for you, instead of beating up yourself or the bag, go say hi to someone. Anyone. Even if you have to do it drunk, or have a buddy there to push your forward, or to introduce, you can't get anywhere without trying.

Hope this helps.

 

[Styles]

Medication is overrated personally

I feel your situation bro.

I've been diagnosed with ADD, have struggled with self-esteem/confidence, social anxiety

My stuff is fvcked up man.

However, only recently have I learned that the only real way to get over my social problems is to take risks.

So this I say to you man. Put yourself out there. Speak up. Go for it.

Get your feelings hurt. Get embarrased.

Learn.

Social situations are like riding bikes.

You'll never learn by never trying. At first you'll fall off the bike and scrape your knee. You might even put the bike up for awhile. But damnit, once you start riding that bike, and the pedals are turnin, there's nothing more fun.
You'll even fall off then. The next time, you'll stand up on the bike with no hands. and fall.

Just go for it bro. I mean really, just say what comes to your mind. Chances are, everyone else is thinkin the same thing!

Remember bro, social anxiety isn't a disorder, it's a choice.

And don't take this personally, but it's also SELFISH.

Some people have deeply ingrained experiences that may have conditioned their minds to react a certain way to social situations.

But even that can be overcome. I won't divulge my life story, but let's just say it hasn't been all rosy.

Still I decided just to do it, by taking small steps. And it is really about getting over myself.

Why didn't I talk to that hot girl. Because I was worried about what she would think of ME, what I looked like, what kind of car I drove, what I would say, and what MY friends would think of her walking down the hall with ME.

ME. ME. ME.

It's not about me. It's about the experience, and the girl, audience, as well.

They are missing out on some original fresh ideas from you.

Just put yourself out there, get hurt, get better, and it will all come.

it won't happen overnight, so just take small steps and eventually you'll get there.

stay up pimpin

 

[dice]

^styles is absolutely right

take it from someone who used to go to party after party trying to cure his social anxiety and would end up being humiliated time after time by sitting and not talking the entire night, the only way to cure it is to let your tongue go. No matter how scared you are, no matter if you cant think of what to say, just talk. Don't THINK of what you want to say, just let go of your care about the situation and just keep talking.

 

[Distant Light]

What is Social Axiety if it is what I think it is, it will never go away. Just to make sure I'm talking about its when your heart rate goes up and adrenaline is pumping, feeling like you have to disarm a time bomb. IF thats what is Social Axiety then ya it will never go away.

Also its never too late man your only 24 you your still in your prime. Make the guy Twentysix who part of the RSD crew, Guess why his name is 26? Cause he was a virgin until 26 and your 24 so you still got alot of pusvy to get your not even 30 yet.

 

[dice]

the guy above me is mistaken, i've had it to the point that i couldnt even talk to people without my voice shaking i was so nervous, and i cured it through putting myself in the most awkward situations i could

 

[ShyRyder]

Respect Sazuki

you drop a lot of knowledge on this board man.

 

[Duffty]

Originally posted by Sazuki
3. Powerful daily habits. This is the KEY to reaching your goals. Create good habits, eliminate bad habits. Write down what you do each day, then decide if it's a good or bad habit. Also important: write down important tasks and action steps you need to do or learn to reach your goals. Learn and do whatever it takes. Make each day count.

Sazuki, nice post, this is probably the most important step we all need to take.

Originally posted by Styles

Social situations are like riding bikes.

You'll never learn by never trying. At first you'll fall off the bike and scrape your knee. You might even put the bike up for awhile. But damnit, once you start riding that bike, and the pedals are turnin, there's nothing more fun.
You'll even fall off then. The next time, you'll stand up on the bike with no hands. and fall.

Just go for it bro. I mean really, just say what comes to your mind. Chances are, everyone else is thinkin the same thing!

Remember bro, social anxiety isn't a disorder, it's a choice.

And don't take this personally, but it's also SELFISH.

Some people have deeply ingrained experiences that may have conditioned their minds to react a certain way to social situations.

But even that can be overcome.

Very true, you pretty much said what Knglerxt need to learn and focus on.
Start taking small steps and learn these social skills.

Originally posted by knglerxt
What kind of suggestions do you guys have for someone with social anxiety disorder?

You do not have social anxiety disorder. You read wrong information and it made you believe something incorrect.

You should see at least 3 reputable psychologist specialise in social anxiety/phobia to get a qualified "MEDICAL OPINION".

About 2 years ago, I read wrong info and believed I had social anxiety because I couldn't make friends or make small talk.Too much wrong information can make you believe something untrue.

Also it is a possible for the doctors to give you false diagnosis, because they haven't observe you in detail or long period.

A reserved quiet,shy,socially-inept person can become good at conversation and making friends. But you got to learn these skills by trial and error and some tips from outgoing social animal.

Good luck.

 

[organizedconfusion]

jesus christ another thread on social anxiety?! i am mr.social anxiety! the best way i coped was to just be out there as much as i could until i was comfortable. and actually having to work through it and doing the OPPOSITE of what i usually did when i felt like hiding or when it felt like it was too much. heres a simple practice excersize- when practical, go downtown in the city you live, if you don't live in a city-MOVE! just kidding, anywhere with alot of people will do..and just go to hang out , and pay attention to how much attention everyone is giving you...most likely none, because no one cares. one of the biggest misconceptions about social anxiety is that everyone is staring and juding you- what a crock of s*it- once you realize that no one is paying attention you'll become more comfortable and in time the fear of being in social gatherings will subside on it's own.

but what do i say to people or yadda yadda yadda..hold on there, once you become more comfortable in public-then you can work on developing more social skills, i find it easiest to talk to workers in the stores i go to and chatter up a storm- they don't care ,they're getting paid.

oh yeah , the negative self talk? get rid of it- that 'oh i am such loser' 'i am such a geek' isn't gonna fly here..if anything, get pissed off and refuse to take that kind of talk any longer, from you or anyone else for that matter.
I'd rather be an angry a$$hole then a depressive loser geek... oh i am sooo subtle

and the best time to be in social gatherings is right when you are about to 'freak out'..why? because thats EXACTLY when changes occur, not on your 'good days' when you're ready to take on the world, but on your bad bays- i used to sit home and dwell on my bad days, now i go out. IMO the bad days that you have courage and pull through develop the character alot more so then the good days where you are on cloud 9 and make a bunch of plans and do alot of woofin'.

 

[tmpgstx]

Good post Sazuki.

Self-confidence is the premise to success in terms of the way you feel and where your goals are concerned.

Usually people diagnosed with disorders have had many overwhelming negative feelings in one form or another.

I'm wondering though if there really isn't a drop-off point at which the neurons quit firing or generating serotonin. Overwhelming negative emotion may trigger it to cause a sinking feeling. One that doesn't go away. In this context would be considered a disorder with the need for medication?

On the contrary, am wondering if a consistant burst of postive emotion keeps these neurons from ever dropping connections between the synapses.

With increased serotonin levels comes increased self autonomy (a sense of uniqueness). From this also stems confidence. So can it be said that confidence and depression are closely linked?

If it is then more confidence should guarentee more happiness. That's to say if a physical condition of the brain such as lack of serotonin doesn't exist.

 

[paranoid_schizo]

if you are still having suicidal ideations, it is imperative that you go see a medical doctor. primary care or psychiatrist, it doesn't matter. suicidal thoughts are always abnormal, even during bereavement.

i don't believe that social anxiety is recognized by psychiatry, at least i can't find it in the DSM IV. the term you're probably thinking of is social phobia. by the way, you don't fit the criteria for social phobia. these are people that can't accomplish activities of daily living because they are gripped by fear. the fear has to be incapacitating. i.e. not going to the supermarket because they are afraid of being around other people.

for those of you who don't believe in social phobia and other mental illness, you are likely not in the health care field. ask to follow a psychiatrist around a psych ward and you'll see a couple of true pathologies. i truly believe that some of these people can't change without medication, even if you held a gun to their head. granted, the VAST majority of people in the wards don't belong there because they're a bunch of wusses AND the psychiatrist is covering their own behind.

 

[CoolRunning]

Sazuki, I'm really interested in reading more about body language and signals people send out. What do you suggest reading?

 

[Social_disturbance]

Excellent thread Sazuki.

Cuts to the core of things.

This should be in the archives IMO.

 

[treefingers]

Paranoid schizo speaks the truth.

 

[knglerxt]

I don't think it's my body language. I don't walk around with my head down all day. I make eye contact with people all the time. I stand up fairly straight when I walk. I don't smile a lot in public, but neither do most other people I see.

My biggest problem is just not being able to initate contact with people, especially women. I get looks from women on a regular basis, so I know there women out there that find me appealing. I just can't do anything about it. Even if I were to meet a girl I'm attracted to, my personality would probably turn her off. Plus, I'm so inexperienced for my age. What are the chances of finding an attractive girl that is inexperienced to? Not very good. I'd probably have better chances with the lottery. It wouldn't be very hard for her to figure out that I'm not experienced.

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by knglerxt
What kind of suggestions do you guys have for someone with social anxiety disorder? It's hard enough for "normal" guys to approach women, but for someone with SA it's 10 times harder. I've looked at the "Bible", but it just seems too daunting.

This has worked wonders for me.