social anxiety / too quiet / caring too much of what others think

[bobafatt]

Does anybody on this site have any information they can pass on with good advice on how to deal with the above. It has got to the point now where I'm really beginning to notice this and its starting to bug me the **** out.

I have never had problems with this in the past, one of the things I admit is my involvement in drugs since the age of 16. I have taken all different types of drugs and I still do - I am 26 now.

I find it really difficult to hold onto conversation or even make it. I know that I need to stop over thinking about it but that is all I seem to do. Constantly thinking in my head - like I cant get out of it.

I just want to live my lift a little more care free, I'm a friendly person and I like to think that I do genuinely get on well with a lot of people - but because I notice all of these things I can just sense the awkwardness between social interactions - I hate it!

 

[Skyline]

Stop taking drugs would be the first step.

 

[Suspens]

First, stop destroying your brain. You can't do anything productive as long as you are doing that shlt.


And watch this guy: https://www.youtube.com/user/AdrianVanOyen

He literally doesn't give a F what other people think.

 

[mangotot]

As suggested stop the drugs. As that song by The Verve goes "Drugs Don't Work". Cut that $hit out man.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ToQ0n3itoII

I used to have social anxiety real bad. Even to the point of not being able to leave the house and walk down the street. Being with people used to induce severe panic attacks and such like. It was very very dark times and totally $hit. Quite harrowing really but oh well. I got over that a long time ago, you do it exposing yourself to the fear. Have however had to battle depression even that I guess is gone now. Keep battling it, it will all dissapear. Its not nice having to work through these mental health issues but that is the way it is and the wisdom and the empowerment you get will put you in a good stead in life for the future.

This dude below has suffered social anxiety all his life:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/05/scott-stossel-my-age-anxiety-extract

The article goes onto say despite that he has "maintained a family life and a successful career". Honestly what is the fvcking point of life if you are gripped with fear, and anxiety I'd rather jump off a cliff. He was at his wedding ceremony and he was having a panic attack. I would have topped myself a long time ago if I has to live with that $hit.

As for being quiet, maybe that is your true personality? There is nothing wrong introversion. If that is not tht true you, you have to change your personality. And "caring too much what others think", that Is not a good trait. That is quite hard one where you have to reframe your character by becoming selfish, putting yourself first and so on.

 

[FCB]

Many people self medicate with drugs to deal with anxiety issues, some can be very dangerous but in moderation cannabis and alcohol can be decent gear greasers for social anxiety. Overall though you have to work on overcoming that fear and work on not caring about what others think, its easy to say and I have issues in both areas but you have to keep working at it to overcome it. For myself I can be completely calm and relaxed in the middle of a crisis, emergency, challenge but easily talking to someone in certain scenarios causes me to get anxious and nervous. Its all about being confident and relaxed, look for ways to put yourself in positions to succeed where it will be easier for you and slowly branch out building on your internal confidence while practicing. Honestly for me lots of times I just make jokes and make fun of people in playfull ways, and I don't care if they think its funny or not just laugh and don't be an ******* and you'll feel better about your interactions.

 

[mangotot]

I tried cannabis and all it did was make the situation worse. It'd feel really bad even more anxious the following day. I think the reaction of cannabis is entirely down to how you are feeling. If you are depressed or down, it makes it worse for you. For happy people, the sensation is the opposite. With all that in mind I stopped taking cannabis. For normal people it something they grow out of as they get older generally.

As for alcohol, that's a bit of a fvck up too, best not to bother with it. There is a whole load of people who it seems are on prescription drugs. I guess it can have its use but it can fvck people up as well. Luckily the only problem I ever had with drugs is with regular cigarettes regularly quitting for months at a time before retuning to it for a few weeks. I suppose that is pretty $hitty too.

Social anxiety is a fear and the only way to overcome it is by exposing yourself to it and become desensitised to it. It comes about because you have issues and is the manifestation or the outward symptoms of these issues. While working through issues this cold approaching stuff is very appropriate to do to beat it. Social anxiety is pretty $hitty, can handicap ones life and really you would not wish it on your worse enemy.

 

[cola]

Do you have goals? Something you're striving towards to give you a reason to feel confident?

I need more details.
What's your career situation?
Living situation?
Hobbies, besides drugs?

What do you want out of life?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Obviously the drugs are a huge problem, but here's another one many people don't think about...

I don't know the extent of your obsession with technology but it's a huge part of this societal decay. Staying "connected" 24/7 is numbing human feeling and emotion. Texting while driving or crossing the street, having your phone in your hand when not using it, or having multiple devices all which do the same thing (iPhone, iPad, iPod) are indicators of a severely narcissistic person.

This has been a problem for me in the past. Since you can do almost anything online now, it seems we're not only online for leisure but also everything else from work to bill paying. It gets to a point where I have to go for a walk in nature or leave my phone in my locker during a workout to have some noticeable time unplugged. Most people have none.

 

[bobafatt]

Do you have goals? Something you're striving towards to give you a reason to feel confident?

I need more details.
What's your career situation?
Living situation?
Hobbies, besides drugs?

What do you want out of life?

I was made redundant from my job around 4 months ago, I have not been able to find a positive job since - I've had a few interviews but nothing mega, currently working at Starbucks coffee!

Due to loosing my job I had to move back in with my parents - Its bearable but its definitely somewhere I don't want to be for long!

I go to the gym at least 4 times a week, I have stated to make some great changes in the way I exercise and eat. I also own a camper van so I like to surf and explore the country when I have money and get a chance!

 

[bobafatt]

Obviously the drugs are a huge problem, but here's another one many people don't think about...

I don't know the extent of your obsession with technology but it's a huge part of this societal decay. Staying "connected" 24/7 is numbing human feeling and emotion. Texting while driving or crossing the street, having your phone in your hand when not using it, or having multiple devices all which do the same thing (iPhone, iPad, iPod) are indicators of a severely narcissistic person.

This has been a problem for me in the past. Since you can do almost anything online now, it seems we're not only online for leisure but also everything else from work to bill paying. It gets to a point where I have to go for a walk in nature or leave my phone in my locker during a workout to have some noticeable time unplugged. Most people have none.

Come to think of it, id say technology has a huge impact on my life, One that does raise concern for myself is how much porn I watch on the internet. Could this have an effect on my mentality and the way I interact with women (at the moment its terrible)

I do use facebook and instagram a bit but I wouldn't say its as much as a problem as the porn is. I may look into this a bit more. I cant think of anything more difficult giving that up...

 

[bobafatt]

Thanks for the replies man!

I think the thing that really stuck out for me to write here was how useless I was last weekend.

I went to a popular music festival with some family and friends, It got to the point where I couldn't even interact with family members that well unless it was talking seriously - I feel like I have lost my sense of humour completely. I have such a good chance of talking and getting to know a family friend who has now grown up into a beautiful person who id love to bang! The thing was I couldn't make any sort of conversation or even carry a conversation on, unless I was completely out of my face! Id wake up the next morning over thinking, upset and unhappy with no real personality what so ever!

I need to completely re evaluate my life and kick the drugs and porn for starters!

 

[Wisconsin144]

Does anybody on this site have any information they can pass on with good advice on how to deal with the above. It has got to the point now where I'm really beginning to notice this and its starting to bug me the **** out.

I have never had problems with this in the past, one of the things I admit is my involvement in drugs since the age of 16. I have taken all different types of drugs and I still do - I am 26 now.

I find it really difficult to hold onto conversation or even make it. I know that I need to stop over thinking about it but that is all I seem to do. Constantly thinking in my head - like I cant get out of it.

I just want to live my lift a little more care free, I'm a friendly person and I like to think that I do genuinely get on well with a lot of people - but because I notice all of these things I can just sense the awkwardness between social interactions - I hate it!

Taking drugs is only making it worse, you're learning how to deal with things by drugs. Why would you want that? Drop the drugs and don't dwell on what others think. If a woman picks up that you don't give a **** what she thinks - Instant turn on. Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" if you have time. Covers this quite a bit and is a good learning experience!