So, why does she decline to choose?

[jafyk]

This post contains 3 questions in one since I don't wanna start 3 different threads.

1) We are told to pick multiple locations and let our date choose but my date Elise wants me to choose even after I've given her options. She won't be the first girl to say they are fine with whatever. Sometimes this kinda turns me off because I feel it's an indication of a girl that might be boring and not have a mind of her own which is a turn off for me. You might say what does it matter as long as I can bang her. Well, eventually just banging gets old for me. I need something else to keep me interested.

2) The locations I gave her a) Book store b) Pool and c) Park. These for now because of my current financial situation. So, what are the cons and pros of these date options. For me the book store has always worked best for because it gives us time to talk while looking at each other.

3) Elise sends me a facebook IM yesterday (Monday) asking me how often I go to the club where she met me (Friday night)? Any idea why she's asking me this. If this sounds like a noobie question, well you'ill just have to 4give me and deal with it, lol. Then she also told me she was trying to catch up on her movies and wanted me to suggest good movies that she could watch.

The Background Story of my date
I met Elise's room mate Madison at a wedding but wasn't so sure about her. Anyway, I ask her (Madison) out on a date, to which she came and I'd say it went well but she had kept saying she just wanted to be friends FIRST for at least 6 months before getting into anything deeper with a guy. So, this kinda killed my interest but I still kept in touch. One night Madison asks me to come out to the club to meet her and her room mates. When I got there Elise was on the dance floor looking hot,and we danced and there was so much electricity. I saw Madison ask one of my guy friends for his # so I figured it was ok to ask Elise for hers which she gave to me. I heard from Madison that Elise was going through a divorce so I didn't wanna ask her out yet. Madison said if I was interested in her we should all just hang out and get to know each other. Anyway, I exchanged a few calls and texts with Elise but no opportunity really came up where she was available to hangout as a group. When the opportunity did come and we all hung out in person Elise seemed cool and even flrited with me but when I texted her she barely replied. So, I figured this wasn't going anywhere so I deleted her # and off my facebook.
A few weeks ago Madison decided to throw me a little birthday get together to which I obliged. Elise was there with the other room mates along with my friends. We had a little time to be by ourselves and she showed me rude texts from her ex husband asking if she was seeing anyone and that he wanted to f*ck her. She said in 2 weeks her divorce would be over. About a week later I get a facebook request it was from Elyse with a different last name. I add her
Fast forward this Friday i was at the club with my buddies and there was Elise. She was there with her friends so, I go behind her and wrap my arms around her as she tried to see who it was. When she did she seemed happy to see me. Later on we danced and it was just like that first night. I was really wanting her # but I felt bad cos I had deleted her. Anyway, i get around to asking for it again told her I deleted it and she seemed kinda disappointed (she still had mine). So, I tell her to give it to me again and so she called me and I had it. Afterwards, she was leaving while i was on the dance floor. She texted me and told me she was leaving. I rode with my friends so i couldn't really do much.
So, during IM yesterday I asked her if she would be open to the idea of hanging out and she said yes. So, i told her I'd ask her later (right now my phone is off). I send her a facebook message with the date info. Hence this thread. So, I'm not really sure what to expect from this girl now or where her interest level might be seeing she tried to add me back as a facebook friend, gave mer her # again after I deleted it and first IMed me yesterday. Madison had warned me in the past that Elyse might be an AW. I didn't know if she had said this to me at the time because she was kinda interested in me (she and I had kissed and fooled around) but because of she was still 22 and a V and didn't seem to know what she wanted I didn't F her cos I didn't wanna have to deal with all that drama and since I'm actually more interested in Elyse. So, anything you guys can say might be helpful here considering I'm about to go on date with Elyse tomorrow or the day after. Thanks.

 

[Bryce556]

i dont have an answer but wrong forum? should be in DJ disscussion.

 

[WalkingStick]

1) Who told you this? I have never heard this. You are supposed to pick the date because you are the man. She wants you to take charge and have an idea of where to go. Pick the spot, pick the time. No more asking.

2) For now, stay away from the book store, it sounds BORING and that is the worst thing you can be. Go to the pool or park, but do something fun and creative. Fun is your ultimate goal.

3) It shouldnt matter much, since this is after the fact. Dont worry about it. Her movie suggestion was probably an invitation to watch a movie with her. Alone. Get it?

 

[ThreeStorms]

A date at the book store? Sounds a bit odd. But maybe jafyk mixed this up with places to go to to meet women. Since you have already met lovely Elise, my fellow DJ-in-training, consider something with a little more pep. How about showing her some unique place in your home town that not many people know about.

 

[jafyk]

Hmmm, it's too late now. I wish I would've gotten responses before I went on the date. I'm not sure what to make of it, if it was success or failure. She laughed, made fun of some of my ideas. We touched each other and teased each other. She got me to her car to listen to her AC/DC cd she just bought and showed me her foil (fencing knife) and taught me the fencing stance and moves. The moment in the car didn't seem like a kiss moment so, I didn't go for it . Especially since I wasn't getting strong I'd really like to see you next time vibes. Although at the end she thanked me for hanging out. She had to go, we hugged I got out of her car and felt like I had blown it. She didn't ask me much personal questions about myself, this is what made me feel like maybe she wasn't that interested but her showing me the fencing and introducing me to AC/DC kind of make me wonder if that's something good. I had ask her to come to my place so she could know where I lived and we could listen to the music there (but she had to go). She also told me that she had a dream about me and my friends and that we got her fired from her job, lol. Most times when I go on a date I usually know if the end result is good or bad. This time I don't know what to make of it (I must be out of practice). After I got out of her car I leaned to her window and asked her if she was gonna be in town this Friday so we could hang out again. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to be in town. Well, if anyone reading this can make any sense in any of this please let me know. I do recall being on one other date with a girl who had asked my friends to give me her #. The date seemed that way too. There was a hug and no kiss I assumed I had blown it. My friends then told me she was happy with the date and a few weeks or days down the road we went on another date (tennis, her idea and the first time I've ever played) and I Fvckd her too.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Doesn't know if she'll be in town this Friday? It's already too late to ask. You asked today, Wednesday. If she don't know now, then that means NO! Go spin more plates. Just start calling all these #s you have acquired. If you haven't acquired them yet, start acquiring them. Sometimes I have to call 8 different girls before one will Bite. It's like bait for fish.

 

[jafyk]

1) Who told you this? I have never heard this. You are supposed to pick the date because you are the man. She wants you to take charge and have an idea of where to go. Pick the spot, pick the time. No more asking.

2) For now, stay away from the book store, it sounds BORING and that is the worst thing you can be. Go to the pool or park, but do something fun and creative. Fun is your ultimate goal.

3) It shouldnt matter much, since this is after the fact. Dont worry about it. Her movie suggestion was probably an invitation to watch a movie with her. Alone. Get it?

It sounds boring huh? lol. Well, the girl said it was too hot to go to the park. I danced with her for a long time friday nite. I guess today i just felt like getting to know her as a person. I found out she talks loud even in a quiet book store and seems too happy. If there's such a thing and tends to like action stuff that most guys would like (Ac/Dc) and action movies (owns all 3 x-men movies) climbed the tree to get pears.

 

[x86]

Since you have already met lovely Elise, my fellow DJ-in-training, consider something with a little more pep. How about showing her some unique place in your home town that not many people know about.

Always the right answer :rockon:

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

Why did you ask her to choose the place? Then she had to make you choose! It's even worse that you don't have an element of surprise! That can drop some attraction points!

That bookstore is an odd date. Read what ThreeStorms wrote, especially the last sentence.

I'm glad you didn't suggest dinner-and-a-movie. Try a comedy club, an amusement park, a flea market, hell, there are creative and cheap-but-fun-as-hell date ideas. Just let the creative juices flow!

I need to hear a continuation on this case. Post me a follow up or PM me.

 

[jafyk]

TL;DR!

Why did you ask her to choose the place? Then she had to make you choose! It's even worse that you don't have an element of surprise! That can drop some attraction points!

That bookstore is an odd date. Read what ThreeStorms wrote, especially the last sentence.

I'm glad you didn't suggest dinner-and-a-movie. Try a comedy club, an amusement park, a flea market, hell, there are creative and cheap-but-fun-as-hell date ideas. Just let the creative juices flow!

I need to hear a continuation on this case. Post me a follow up or PM me.

I sent her a text message today just to say hi but she didn't respond.
Guys please don't blame me. I was only taking some of the advice I got on this site that when you have an event for a woman you should give her options to pick from.
I not that dumb you know. I know that movies is not a first date I read that from this site too. I also read from this site that a fun place of coffee shop is a good option. I'm sorry if I have the wrong impression of a book store. I took her to my City's version of Barnes and Nobles. They have music in the background, tables to sit and talk and they sell coffee and snacks in one corner. They sell mags, cds,dvds and books.
Like I said it has served me well in the past and we've been encouraged to find what works for us and use it and then refine it. Due to my current financial situation I can't afford to go to the other places. Right now I'm more tempted to shut off my dating life and concentrate on my troubles but I did my dating exercise and last nite a friend brought a couple of girls over and also invited some other guy friends and we all hung out. Nismo, I will keep this updated if there's any significant update. I hope so too, for the best. lol.

 

[NeverFear]

I suspect that you dont have a flexible giver on your hands. This girl wants
to party in expensive places, and youre looking for a down to earth girl next door to have meaningful conversations with.

Im betting that she's hot looking. And her interest level in you is not through the roof yet.

So other than just backing off, and seeing if she pursues YOU, you have few options. Cause Im guessing that youre ignoring the warning signals here and plowing forward.

So if you want to grind this thing out, heres' an idea.

Be a man and get yourself involved in a rugged adventurous sport in an interesting place.

Go out there and do it with friends. Once your established, casually mention to this girl that she's "welcome" to drop by and watch you in action sometime soon. Make her come to you and make sure you look like a stud when she shows up.

If she declines, then you've got your answer.

Ideas: kayaking, sport competitive bike riding (inexpensive enough), whitewater rafting, paintballing, etc.

When you dont have a lot of money, dont advertise the fact. And quit going to a lot of bookstores, unless its HER idea.

Get out in nature doing man's things, and see if they want to pursue you there. Quit trying so hard to get women. Transform yourself, and make them come to you.

 

[KingofHearts]

i'm gonna go against the grain here and say that going to a bookstore is not a bad idea. I think everyone here is bashing it because they find it boring, hell most girls do to. But here's how I see it - If the OP likes going to the bookstore, then he IS doing what he wants with a girl (although i personally wouldn't call it a date, its more like hanging out). Secondly, it filters out girls that are not into the same kind of interests as the OP. If getting laid is your goal, then sure go and do stuff to peak her interest. But honestly, some of the date ideas in here are very expensive, too expensive for a first date at least.

Substitute "bookstore" for any other date idea and you will see that you can pretty much take a girl with you to do anything. If she likes you, she will join and have a good time too. If your interests don't match, you'll find out sooner than later and you'll save some money too.

The way I operate is when I go on a date with a girl, or just hanging out, the thing we do is something I would do by myself or with a friend. Here are some dates I've had with girls, plus I do these things by myself on a regular basis: watching videos, playing bball, going to sporting events, play video games, eating, concerts, going to the beach, play guitar, fun action stuff (like kayaking, hiking, bike riding etc.) just to name a few. The idea is she's along for the ride. Even sex. If she wasn't around I still would whack off, so her getting me off is still on my watch.

There are two different camps here (there's more, but you'll get the point) when it comes to dating. Keep in mind these are very generic and broad explanations, everyone has their own angle and differing take on this. Opinion #1 - date just get laid. Every word you say, every action you take must lead to sex, otherwise what's the point? Opinion #2 - date to find a girl, or several girls that you are compatable with. Sex is an significant part of a larger picture, but its not necessarily the focal point when first getting to know her.

There is lots of material floating around on how to get laid on this website and many others. Some of it is still very useful if you're going for an LTR.

But I haven't seen much useful advice when it comes to LTRs here or other places. Not without getting into romantic BS or stuff like "game your gf" that isn't very helpful for newbies. But Pook's posts on the Anti-Dump Machine are incredibly helpful. To me, this is how you date like a man... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39729

One more thing to OP: I've had girls ask me to take them to the bookstore before, not necessarily as a date but to spend time and hangout. This was after getting to know them and doing things that I wanted to do first. See how long it takes before you wonder over to the sex section of the store. Flipping through a kama sutra book together is time well spent

 

[jafyk]

I suspect that you dont have a flexible giver on your hands. This girl wants
to party in expensive places, and youre looking for a down to earth girl next door to have meaningful conversations with.

Im betting that she's hot looking. And her interest level in you is not through the roof yet.

So other than just backing off, and seeing if she pursues YOU, you have few options. Cause Im guessing that youre ignoring the warning signals here and plowing forward.

So if you want to grind this thing out, heres' an idea.

Be a man and get yourself involved in a rugged adventurous sport in an interesting place.

Go out there and do it with friends. Once your established, casually mention to this girl that she's "welcome" to drop by and watch you in action sometime soon. Make her come to you and make sure you look like a stud when she shows up.

If she declines, then you've got your answer.

Ideas: kayaking, sport competitive bike riding (inexpensive enough), whitewater rafting, paintballing, etc.

When you dont have a lot of money, dont advertise the fact. And quit going to a lot of bookstores, unless its HER idea.

Get out in nature doing man's things, and see if they want to pursue you there. Quit trying so hard to get women. Transform yourself, and make them come to you.

I did invite her to my soccer game. This was before the date. She didn't come. Anyway, after that last text I sent. I am not going to do anything else again. I don't want a woman who isn't interested in me. I have bigger problems to think of an interests to occupy my time. Just because I mentioned book store doesn't mean that's the only place I've taken girls to on dates. I've gone playing pool, to the swimming pool, park, art gallery, play and a sporting event.

 

[jafyk]

i'm gonna go against the grain here and say that going to a bookstore is not a bad idea. I think everyone here is bashing it because they find it boring, hell most girls do to. But here's how I see it - If the OP likes going to the bookstore, then he IS doing what he wants with a girl (although i personally wouldn't call it a date, its more like hanging out). Secondly, it filters out girls that are not into the same kind of interests as the OP. If getting laid is your goal, then sure go and do stuff to peak her interest. But honestly, some of the date ideas in here are very expensive, too expensive for a first date at least.

Substitute "bookstore" for any other date idea and you will see that you can pretty much take a girl with you to do anything. If she likes you, she will join and have a good time too. If your interests don't match, you'll find out sooner than later and you'll save some money too.

The way I operate is when I go on a date with a girl, or just hanging out, the thing we do is something I would do by myself or with a friend. Here are some dates I've had with girls, plus I do these things by myself on a regular basis: watching videos, playing bball, going to sporting events, play video games, eating, concerts, going to the beach, play guitar, fun action stuff (like kayaking, hiking, bike riding etc.) just to name a few. The idea is she's along for the ride. Even sex. If she wasn't around I still would whack off, so her getting me off is still on my watch.

There are two different camps here (there's more, but you'll get the point) when it comes to dating. Keep in mind these are very generic and broad explanations, everyone has their own angle and differing take on this. Opinion #1 - date just get laid. Every word you say, every action you take must lead to sex, otherwise what's the point? Opinion #2 - date to find a girl, or several girls that you are compatable with. Sex is an significant part of a larger picture, but its not necessarily the focal point when first getting to know her.

There is lots of material floating around on how to get laid on this website and many others. Some of it is still very useful if you're going for an LTR.

But I haven't seen much useful advice when it comes to LTRs here or other places. Not without getting into romantic BS or stuff like "game your gf" that isn't very helpful for newbies. But Pook's posts on the Anti-Dump Machine are incredibly helpful. To me, this is how you date like a man... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39729

One more thing to OP: I've had girls ask me to take them to the bookstore before, not necessarily as a date but to spend time and hangout. This was after getting to know them and doing things that I wanted to do first. See how long it takes before you wonder over to the sex section of the store. Flipping through a kama sutra book together is time well spent

Thanks for posting the Anti-Dump posts. I read through it and it was good. So, people talk about this guy like he's dead or something? Did something happen to the guy? and is Pook still a current poster on here.
When I do go on dates with girls most times i'm looking past the getting laid. I just think it's shallow. I had a girl who wanted to be my gf, who we didn't even have to go through the b.s. to do the deed. She came over and knew what was up, and she was willing to try different things. She was a giver but the convo never flowed face to face and I didn't just want to be in it for the Sx. So, i didn't give in to becoming bf/gf and eventually she gave up on me and moved on. I just want more in a girl.

 

[Proselytiser]

If you think a book store is a stupid place for a date, you're boring. So much funny **** can go down in a book store because there are so many ridiculous books. It's probably better to go to the mall in general rather than saying 'let's go to the book store' though

 

[jafyk]

I don't know if book store is even the wrong name to call it. I'd call it a cofee ship if they only sold cofee and snacks. It's a book store + Cds (music) and a cofeee shop in the corner, you can also get online. I haven't done the mall date thing. Perhaps I will try that next.

 

[Lexington]

You should definitely do the choosing. You can throw a few options out there and if she's reluctant to choose (usually girls are), then you make a decision and stick with it. It's your job to lead.