So where did I go Wrong?

[Aazman]

So our course has started and it's only been the first week and I've made my first move already.

Last semester, I met this HB 9, and I started talking to her- though not much. Why? because we were in different groups(academically).

Now at the beggining of this semester I realised that guys in the year below might take her before me. So I went up to her on the second day of our course and said:

M: Jenny, come here.
J: (comes to me)
Me: What are you doing Thursday or Friday afternoon?
J: Nothing much, why?
Me: You and me are going for an outing on Thursday. And yes, I am asking you out on a date. (note that I was giving her eye contact, with a slight smile)
J: Oh, okay.
Me: How are you going to keep in contact?
J: I can give you my number?
etc.

When it came to the date: Went bowling and walked around the city for a bit. I also went and bought something.

Note I was leading her. She heeded.
I was asking her questions and doing some minor kino. But nothing much was happening.
I also complemented her, though I am sure she has heard loads already. I said that she had a stunning figure. ... lame i know ;p

Now whilst bowling I made a few mind games up with her like guess where I come from(i'm mixed) and I was generally relaxed. Holding her wasn't a problem as I was steady handed and calm. But again- nothing major reciprocated. No IOIs, except some eye contact. Hence when I left(it was a short date) after walking back from bowling I just kissed her on the cheek as she refused the kiss on the lips. Then I suddenly turned around saying "bye" and walked off.

Now the only reason I had to believe she had some interest in me in the first place was that she would stare at me, and even when i wasn't looking. (e.g when I was leaving a party early etc)

So where did I go wrong? We still have another date, me thinks. But whats going on? and should i do something a bit more extravagant than the first date?
Should I have used some Negs?

 

[volkme68]

Come up with a better compliment if you insist on using one.

Call her out on the staring in a playful way.

Did you buy her something? what was the point? Most girls I know would think I guy who took her to buy something on the first date was a douche who wanted to show off some cash. But I don't know the context.

Set the next date up before the first one is over. Then you will know.

Why are you showing off? No you don't go extravagant for a second date. Do something you want to do, and invite her along.

Other than that, I mean the opening/number close/date was great. But who knows about the rest of the dialogue. Games where she has to guess about you are boring. Talk about strangers around you, or talk about her. Just get her interested. Was there much chitchat?

 

[f283000]

loved how you opened! loved the confident/aggressive style you used. No playing games with her, no pulling tricks with her, you went straight for the question she either says yes or no and you move on.

Now my question is did you use that same confident/aggressive style in your date? Did you neg her, say risque things to her/talk about risque things with her? push the envelope a bit? Do you think there was a lot if any sexual tension in your date or was it a friendly affair?

What I do is basically do the opposite of what didn't work. I'm a laid back guy by nature so I have to combat that in my dates and be a little louder, more risque, more ****y, funnier and touchy and crazier than I normally am.

Don't be afraid to act a little crazy, neg them, don't be afraid to act ****y, don't be afraid about talking about risque subjects (like sex, kissing), don't be afraid to touch her like if it means nothing (just don't do it like it would look creepy/non-spontaneous), don't be afraid to do risque things like patting her on the butt and wink at her.

Instead of going out with the mentality of having a nice, relaxed date go with the mentality of putting out all the stops and giving her a hell of a good time. Go out with the mentality if you were going out with your buddies on a saturday night and get a little crazy.

Acting like a "gentleman" on dates just doesn't work. Be more the exciting and a little crazy guy.

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

Me: You and me are going for an outing on Thursday. And yes, I am asking you out on a date. (note that I was giving her eye contact, with a slight smile)

I just pictured how creeped out she may have been after reading this

 

[f283000]

I just pictured how creeped out she may have been after reading this

Let's not assume anything. She did go out with him did she? And she accepted right there and then did she not? And she didn't flake on him now did she?

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

She could have said yes out of fear, couldn't she?

 

[Aazman]

right I think your right- the approach wasn't wrong. And alot of guys i know want her- have asked her for her number and are spending way too long on it. I decided to be a bit different from the crowd.

As for the date- I think your right. By nature im a relaxed guy but i think I need to show a bit more gentle kino- because i wasn't too sure about slapping her on the but or actually sitting next to her with my arm around her.

I kind of just sat next to her and had my leg next to her. Didn't really do a neg- She's a hb so im guessing a few negs would help.

But the problem i have with kino is: fair enough i'm quite confident and can be blunt. yet by slapping her on the bum, apart from that i'm not too sure how kino works. I know what its aim is but could someone tell me what is the range for kino: eg. from walking side by side brushing arms, to holding her waist?

As for chitchat- i asked her about herself. I guess talking about people around you wont hurt. But talking about other people we know is something i have no intention of doing. I'm after her not her opinions.

my problem is that i used to have a flirtacious attitude and that went against my because I would go too far.

And also: when a girl goes to date- surely they must like the guy to some degree? or is alot of it developed by how i asked her out?


UPDATE: the item that I bought was a new iphone 4 because my last phone was destroyed. But that was because I said to her, I will meet you outside the uni and I need to buy something. So she just said yes. It might be because girls hate to say no.

 

[Igetit!]

I 100% agree with everything F283000 said. What he said about using the same agressive style on the date as you used on the approach is right on the money,and from what you've written,it doesn't appear that you did that.

But beautiful opening man...+1 on that.

She could have said yes out of fear,couldn't she?

This is flat out RIDICULOUS.

Saying yes out of "fear"? Well maybe if he had her cornered in a dark alley in the middle of the night when he asked her out,but a girl isn't going to say yes because she scared AND actually go through with the date.

That's crazy.

As for the date- I think your right. By nature im a relaxed guy but i think I need to show a bit more gentle kino- because i wasn't too sure about slapping her on the but or actually sitting next to her with my arm around her.

I kind of just sat next to her and had my leg next to her. Didn't really do a neg- She's a hb so im guessing a few negs would help.

You see the part I put in bold? Well that seems like boredom.

It seems like there may have been a lack of excitement on the date.

The guy who asked her out and the guy who "just sat next to her" almost seem like two different people. I think she was expecting the same take-charge/go for what he wants type of guy who asked her out to be the one she was out on the date with.

But the problem i have with kino is: fair enough i'm quite confident and can be blunt. yet by slapping her on the bum

Uhh....you might want to hold off on slapping her on the "bum" for a bit.
You don't want her to assume that you're just trying to cop a feel on her.

If she does it too you first,then fine,but don't let you slapping her bottom be the FIRST type of kino you decide to do with her.

As for chitchat- i asked her about herself. I guess talking about people around you wont hurt.

That's good,but you don't want to come off as being interview-ish.

My question is...how were YOU while you were asking her these questions? What type of emotions did you have? Did you have interest or curiousity in your voice while you were speaking?


You want women to FEEL something while they're out with you,and the best way to do that is for you to feel it FIRST,then express it to her through you words,behaviors,and actions.



Emotions are contagious. If you laugh a lot,then you'll infect those around you and they'll start to laugh as well. If you're always negative and depressed,then those around you will start to feel down as well.



It works with boredom too. So if you seem dull,bored,or have a lack of excitement,it'll infect those around you if you express it strongly enough.



So,how were YOU on the date?

And also: when a girl goes to date- surely they must like the guy to some degree? or is alot of it developed by how i asked her out?

Well if a girl doesn't know you all that well and says yes to you when you ask her out,then that means,that you did create some type of attraction or spark in her by the way you approached her.


You did peak her interest. Her going out on the date with you was to see if there was more attraction and sparks than just the bit you showed in the approach.


So if she went out with you,and the attraction that got her interest in the first place was no longer there,then she'll probably start flaking on you.


The best thing you can do now is to GRADUALLY start back acting like you did when you approached her. GRADUALLY start back being agressive again.



Do like F283000 said....be flirty,agressive. Tease her,drop in a neg or two time to time,use sexual innuendo.


Make her mad if you have to,but make her feel something.


Don't "nice guy" this girl away from you into the arms of some other guy.

 

[Aazman]

i think its safe to say then that its the date that was the bad aspect. Well i'm going to set up another date but i've ran out of action ideas. I mean all i could think of was bowling or going for a walk.

Any help?

So the sum of where i went wrong is: I should be more balsy with her, and neg her a bit.(also compliment but not much). As for listening isn't a problem i'm a good listener, opening women isn't hard. Basically my issue must have been that I might have almost interrogated her when really you have to work it in almost like banterish conversations.

The trick is to keep that attitude at all times with her. (just for those reading this post to understand)

So for anyone else- try using this set up- it does have success as I've shown. And make sure you avoid my mistake! What I normally like to do is to think of them as not as good looking as me- so i lead them more easily.

if i've summed this all up correct: could you just say so?

 

[r0cky]

i think its safe to say then that its the date that was the bad aspect. Well i'm going to set up another date but i've ran out of action ideas. I mean all i could think of was bowling or going for a walk.

Any help?

So the sum of where i went wrong is: I should be more balsy with her, and neg her a bit.(also compliment but not much). As for listening isn't a problem i'm a good listener, opening women isn't hard. Basically my issue must have been that I might have almost interrogated her when really you have to work it in almost like banterish conversations.

The trick is to keep that attitude at all times with her. (just for those reading this post to understand)

So for anyone else- try using this set up- it does have success as I've shown. And make sure you avoid my mistake! What I normally like to do is to think of them as not as good looking as me- so i lead them more easily.

if i've summed this all up correct: could you just say so?

go out for ice cream. Or better yet invite her to come along and do something you had to do anyways, like to the supermarket or the mall.

 

[Aazman]

right so i tried this same approach to another unrelated girl- however they didn't prove successful. This girl was also equally hot as the other. What do you think is special about this approach- do you need to have a built a repo with them.

Now this girl I have spoken to a small amount. I've shown her my confidence a bit.

 

[f283000]

right so i tried this same approach to another unrelated girl- however they didn't prove successful. This girl was also equally hot as the other. What do you think is special about this approach- do you need to have a built a repo with them.

Now this girl I have spoken to a small amount. I've shown her my confidence a bit.

It's all a numbers game. No system will get you 100% results. You just have to learn for yourself what works for you by asking out dozens and dozens of girls. Right now it's just 1 out of 2 so you can't make any conclusions.

You are confident enough to be asking girls out (which many guys here can't even do) so why not start sarging? Go to the mall on the weekend or something and approach some random girls, chat them up a bit and ask them out.

 

[ArcBound]

rofl I like how he says You and me are going out on an outing as a direct command and then says "yes i'm asking you out" even though you didn't ask her out, you told her to come along with you and framed it as if you asked her out, good stuff though..