So there’s this girl…

[RobbyDog]

Hey guys, I’m new to this site! I’m 39 and for most of my life I’ve been a total AFC and nice guy. Been navigating the world of women and dating for the last 4 years since my divorce. Have had some spectacular failures and some great successes with women in that time. I’ve been reading lots and think I’m FINALLY shedding my AFC ways.

Two years ago, I met a woman on an app who is 6 years older than me…I’m really attracted to her…in my eyes a 9, and she’s really funny, quirky, sweet, and down to earth. My type of woman.
We went on three dates, two years ago, and we got along great but never really had a “spark”. I’m a rather quiet guy and have a hard time flirting and escalating (always trying to improve)…that combined with her having walls a mile high made it difficult for us to connect. I could tell her IL was low so I backed off and didn’t hear from her again. Fast forward about a year…for whatever reason I reached out to her…she said her phone had died and lost my number or whatever BS, but she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. We were both dating someone at that time, but a month or two later she reached out to me. She’d been cheated on by a couple guys…it’s evident in talking to her that she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly. We chatted for several weeks then we went on two more dates. When I tried to escalate, She said that she enjoyed my company but just didn’t feel a spark, and we went our separate ways. Until now we’ve chatted sporadically as we have similar interests, and she even reached out to me out of the blue on Valentine’s Day this year but we never got past friendly chit chat.

For The past year I’ve really worked at it, reading 3% man, NMMNG, studying this site and watching countless videos. I see some of the mistakes I made with her and how I failed many of her tests. For example, she was pretty much always late for dates by at least 1/2 hr, and like a chump I accepted her bs excuses and waited around for her. I now see that a high value man would never tolerate this.
So lo and behold, a couple days ago we matched again on the same dating app where we met 2 years ago. I haven’t messaged her yet…I know a lot of you guys would say not to bother with her but I’m gonna give it another shot and see if I’ve really learned anything. I won’t ask her out again but rather plan to invite her to my place to check out my renos (a similar interest of ours, which she already expressed interest in seeing).
Before, I didn’t see myself as good enough for her. Now, I see things differently. She’s a 44 year old woman who hasn’t had a healthy LTR in many years, no kids, whose looks are starting to fade (still hot). I’m younger, fairly successful, have two amazing kids, and enjoy working on my Purpose. I know how to treat a woman well—she needs me more than I need her.

Anyway, not looking for any particular advice, just making my intro more than anything!

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

Sounds like you've done a lot of the tough work (working on yourself and humbling as it is, admitting past blunders and improving).

Having been in your shoes to some degree, I'd like to prepare you for (what I believe) to be a possible outcome. It falls under "advice" - which I realize you aren't seeking. Therefor, I'll take no offence if you choose not to read.

I've done a lot of introspection, reflecting and reading and also had those "ah ha" moments. The psychology of their reactions suddenly seemed to make a lot of sense.

I recall wanting to visit an old gal of interest. This was partly because I liked her above the others I'd met or seen. But also because I wanted to try out my new "mojo." The problem (personally speaking, that is) was that I was using her as sort of a 'measuring stick' (if she was more receptive, then it was proof that I'd improved). Plus, I wanted the girl and so I had two motivators (gal interest and also my ego).

Unlike typical advice, I'm not going to suggest that you don't reach out to her. However, if you do, I'd suggest cancelling at the last minute. She already has some familiarity with you and doing the unexpected will help to reshape her former impression (she's also admitted though subconscious - that she's attracted to a certain type of element) . Should you choose this route, it will require a bit of grace with execution. No new game is ever 100% fool-proof, but I do have experience getting back with ex's (which I always regretted btw).

 

[Konada]

She didn't feel a spark with you because you don't treat her like shvt.

This part will already tell you all you need to know
"it’s evident in talking to her that she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly."

Want your **** get svcked by her? Just copy those bad boy traits and you will be on your way.

But sooner or later, you will find out that isn't really who you are, and she will drop you once she finds out everything she loved about you is an illusion.

Better off you find some 9 without a poor judgement in men.

But hey, you are still new to this, getting your head fvcked will give you more lessons than me writing a reply behind the keyboard.

Good luck.

 

[Igetit!]

Hey guys, I’m new to this site! I’m 39 and for most of my life I’ve been a total AFC and nice guy. Been navigating the world of women and dating for the last 4 years since my divorce. Have had some spectacular failures and some great successes with women in that time. I’ve been reading lots and think I’m FINALLY shedding my AFC ways.

Well that's good to hear. It takes time and some hard work to eliminate AFC tendencies. Not easy to do,you have to be dedicated and consistent at it.

Two years ago, I met a woman on an app who is 6 years older than me…I’m really attracted to her…in my eyes a 9, and she’s really funny, quirky, sweet, and down to earth. My type of woman.
We went on three dates, two years ago, and we got along great but never really had a “spark”. I’m a rather quiet guy and have a hard time flirting and escalating (always trying to improve)…that combined with her having walls a mile high made it difficult for us to connect. I could tell her IL was low so I backed off and didn’t hear from her again. Fast forward about a year…for whatever reason I reached out to her…she said her phone had died and lost my number or whatever BS, but she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. We were both dating someone at that time, but a month or two later she reached out to me. She’d been cheated on by a couple guys…it’s evident in talking to her that she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly.

Ohhhh....kay. Well.......this part ISN'T good. You say she told you she's been cheated on by "A COUPLE" of guys.

Sir....that doesn't bode well for YOU.

I'm going to say something.....and,this is going to sound INCREDIBLY simple.....but don't let it's simplicity make you scoff,roll your eyes and say "duh",or just right off the bat dismiss it.

"The type of guy a woman dates over and over again.....that's the type she LIKES". Again.... "If a woman REPEATEDLY dates the same type of guy over and over again....that's what SHE LIKES".

You said it yourself......."It's evident in talking to her that she REPEATEDLY FALLS FOR guys who treat her poorly".

Have you ever stopped to wonder why you and her don't seem to click? Why despite multiple dates,she says she doesn't feel a spark?

My guess? It's cause you DON'T treat her poorly.

What did YOU SAY about YOURSELF?

"I know how to treat a woman well". Sir.....that's NOT what she wants. That's not what she likes. How do I know this? Cause YOU SAID...."she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly". The type of guy a woman dates over and over again....that's what she likes.

You are THE OPPOSITE of what she repeatedly falls for.

I'm not telling you not to try to see her. I just want you to be aware of the MOUNTAIN you're going to be up against in trying to get something substantial. You ARE NOT her type.

We chatted for several weeks then we went on two more dates. When I tried to escalate, She said that she enjoyed my company but just didn’t feel a spark, and we went our separate ways. Until now we’ve chatted sporadically as we have similar interests, and she even reached out to me out of the blue on Valentine’s Day this year but we never got past friendly chit chat.

Maybe if you'd insulted her,you've have gotten past friendly chit-chat,and to the bedroom.

Again.....I'm NOT TELLING YOU TO DO THIS. I'm just letting you know there are people in the world like this. There are women who will run FROM you the better you treat them. She seems to be as such. I personally wouldn't waste my time with her. But you're a grown man....do as you wish.

For The past year I’ve really worked at it, reading 3% man, NMMNG, studying this site and watching countless videos. I see some of the mistakes I made with her and how I failed many of her tests. For example, she was pretty much always late for dates by at least 1/2 hr, and like a chump I accepted her bs excuses and waited around for her. I now see that a high value man would never tolerate this.

This is all true. Problem here is,the "you" who made all those mistakes with her......well she still sees you as that person. You may have changed,but she doesn't know that. And this is in addition to you two already having gone on multiple dates,she already not having feeling any spark,AND you not being the type she typically goes for anyway.

So lo and behold, a couple days ago we matched again on the same dating app where we met 2 years ago. I haven’t messaged her yet…I know a lot of you guys would say not to bother with her but I’m gonna give it another shot and see if I’ve really learned anything.

I'm all for you wanting to see if you've learned anything,but WHY with a girl you already "failed" with? A real test would be with someone NEW. This chick is ALREADY BIASED against you. You may have learned a TON MORE,but you won't see it with her,cause she'll go into the date thinking she already knows you cause of your history. You've already shown her you're not her type by HOW WELL you're treated her the few times you were together.


You know what a REAL TEST to show you how much you learned would be? For you to WALK AWAY from this woman,and never look back.

Before, I didn’t see myself as good enough for her.

Well given the type of guy you said she typically falls for,seem to me that she.........isn't good enough FOR YOU.

But if you want TO LOWER YOURSELF to get a woman who likes to be treated like sh*t because she's "hot" or whatever,hey....I'm not going to tell you not to.

Now, I see things differently. She’s a 44 year old woman who hasn’t had a healthy LTR in many years, no kids, whose looks are starting to fade (still hot). I’m younger, fairly successful, have two amazing kids, and enjoy working on my Purpose. I know how to treat a woman well—she needs me more than I need her.

Well,I'll tell you this.......

She'll drag YOU DOWN before you bring her up.

Anyway, not looking for any particular advice, just making my intro more than anything!

Ok,well......good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

My ex sounds similar. Always been crapped on by men in her life. Always cheated on and even some ex's physically and emotionally abused her.

When we met she fell for me hard. Very sexual from the get go, she was obsessed with me, constantly fantasising about the future, always announced she finally had the perfect guy blah blah blah.

I broke her bain. She couldn't handle being in a healthy relationship.

So out came the self sabotage and mind games.
The mind games were difficult, I swear she learnt them in her abusive relationships and because they were familiar to her and because I wasn't providing the unhealthy stuff, she decided to introduce the familiar and started to do it.

Anyways after month's of craziness she blew up the relationship like it was nothing.

She putting my brain threw a mangle. I'm still trying to sort my head out after ending it a week before Christmas.

Just saying if she did feel the "spark" like you desperately want, it's possible I could be your best case scenario.

 

[RobbyDog]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I do intend to reach out to her, but with an attitude of indifference this time. I've already put forth all of the effort I'm going to give for now, so it'll be her turn to get some skin in the game . If she chooses not to, then ah well f*ck it, there's lots of much younger ones out there. The key will be to remember who I'm dealing with, and know when to walk away.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I do intend to reach out to her, but with an attitude of indifference this time. I've already put forth all of the effort I'm going to give for now, so it'll be her turn to get some skin in the game . If she chooses not to, then ah well f*ck it, there's lots of much younger ones out there. The key will be to remember who I'm dealing with, and know when to walk away.

Why her? Why is she so important to you?

To me personally it seems like you're trying to prove to her that you're good enough. Not as in you need her or want her, but as in her rejecting you damaged your ego and to feel good about yourself you need to sleep with her. It's as if she has power of validation over you.

In my opinion. Use your time to focus on new younger and mentally healthy women.

 

[RobbyDog]

Why her? Why is she so important to you?

To me personally it seems like you're trying to prove to her that you're good enough. Not as in you need her or want her, but as in her rejecting you damaged your ego and to feel good about yourself you need to sleep with her. It's as if she has power of validation over you.

In my opinion. Use your time to focus on new younger and mentally healthy women.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I like her. It’s not about my ego at all. But Based on our history and what I know about her, I won’t expend much energy unless I see her start to invest some.

 

[Jor-El]

Why her? Why is she so important to you?

To me personally it seems like you're trying to prove to her that you're good enough. Not as in you need her or want her, but as in her rejecting you damaged your ego and to feel good about yourself you need to sleep with her. It's as if she has power of validation over you.

In my opinion. Use your time to focus on new younger and mentally healthy women.

Maybe onto something here.Can be true even if you arnt aware of it. Dating and romance is a head****!

 

[BeExcellent]

Well that's good to hear. It takes time and some hard work to eliminate AFC tendencies. Not easy to do,you have to be dedicated and consistent at it.

Ohhhh....kay. Well.......this part ISN'T good. You say she told you she's been cheated on by "A COUPLE" of guys.

Sir....that doesn't bode well for YOU.

I'm going to say something.....and,this is going to sound INCREDIBLY simple.....but don't let it's simplicity make you scoff,roll your eyes and say "duh",or just right off the bat dismiss it.

"The type of guy a woman dates over and over again.....that's the type she LIKES". Again.... "If a woman REPEATEDLY dates the same type of guy over and over again....that's what SHE LIKES".

You said it yourself......."It's evident in talking to her that she REPEATEDLY FALLS FOR guys who treat her poorly".

Have you ever stopped to wonder why you and her don't seem to click? Why despite multiple dates,she says she doesn't feel a spark?

My guess? It's cause you DON'T treat her poorly.

What did YOU SAY about YOURSELF?

"I know how to treat a woman well". Sir.....that's NOT what she wants. That's not what she likes. How do I know this? Cause YOU SAID...."she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly". The type of guy a woman dates over and over again....that's what she likes.

You are THE OPPOSITE of what she repeatedly falls for.

I'm not telling you not to try to see her. I just want you to be aware of the MOUNTAIN you're going to be up against in trying to get something substantial. You ARE NOT her type.




Maybe if you'd insulted her,you've have gotten past friendly chit-chat,and to the bedroom.

Again.....I'm NOT TELLING YOU TO DO THIS. I'm just letting you know there are people in the world like this. There are women who will run FROM you the better you treat them. She seems to be as such. I personally wouldn't waste my time with her. But you're a grown man....do as you wish.




This is all true. Problem here is,the "you" who made all those mistakes with her......well she still sees you as that person. You may have changed,but she doesn't know that. And this is in addition to you two already having gone on multiple dates,she already not having feeling any spark,AND you not being the type she typically goes for anyway.




I'm all for you wanting to see if you've learned anything,but WHY with a girl you already "failed" with? A real test would be with someone NEW. This chick is ALREADY BIASED against you. You may have learned a TON MORE,but you won't see it with her,cause she'll go into the date thinking she already knows you cause of your history. You've already shown her you're not her type by HOW WELL you're treated her the few times you were together.


You know what a REAL TEST to show you how much you learned would be? For you to WALK AWAY from this woman,and never look back.




Well given the type of guy you said she typically falls for,seem to me that she.........isn't good enough FOR YOU.

But if you want TO LOWER YOURSELF to get a woman who likes to be treated like sh*t because she's "hot" or whatever,hey....I'm not going to tell you not to.






Well,I'll tell you this.......

She'll drag YOU DOWN before you bring her up.




Ok,well......good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Advice from the old lady:

The above advice is 100% dead on. I agree strongly and have nothing to add from the ladies locker room. Tread carefully here and do not get your ego too enmeshed either as @Black Widow Void noted.

You’ve gotten quality feedback in this thread.

Listen.

 

[RobbyDog]

Again, appreciate the feedback. Upon further reflection, I agree that walking away is best right now. If she reaches out and wants to see me, I might.

She’ll be miffed that I’m not chasing after her. I refuse to do that again and validate her when she feels bad after being cheated on, which is basically what happened the last go around. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, right?

It’s crazy, my neighbour who’s also 44 and pretty decent looking is practically BEGGING me to fvck her while I keep rejecting her. She’s a much lower quality woman than the first one. It is so true that people, (women especially), want what they can’t have…if you make it too easy for them, they’ll reject you.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey guys, I’m new to this site! I’m 39 and for most of my life I’ve been a total AFC and nice guy. Been navigating the world of women and dating for the last 4 years since my divorce. Have had some spectacular failures and some great successes with women in that time. I’ve been reading lots and think I’m FINALLY shedding my AFC ways.

Two years ago, I met a woman on an app who is 6 years older than me…I’m really attracted to her…in my eyes a 9, and she’s really funny, quirky, sweet, and down to earth. My type of woman.
We went on three dates, two years ago, and we got along great but never really had a “spark”. I’m a rather quiet guy and have a hard time flirting and escalating (always trying to improve)…that combined with her having walls a mile high made it difficult for us to connect. I could tell her IL was low so I backed off and didn’t hear from her again. Fast forward about a year…for whatever reason I reached out to her…she said her phone had died and lost my number or whatever BS, but she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. We were both dating someone at that time, but a month or two later she reached out to me. She’d been cheated on by a couple guys…it’s evident in talking to her that she repeatedly falls for guys who treat her poorly. We chatted for several weeks then we went on two more dates. When I tried to escalate, She said that she enjoyed my company but just didn’t feel a spark, and we went our separate ways. Until now we’ve chatted sporadically as we have similar interests, and she even reached out to me out of the blue on Valentine’s Day this year but we never got past friendly chit chat.

For The past year I’ve really worked at it, reading 3% man, NMMNG, studying this site and watching countless videos. I see some of the mistakes I made with her and how I failed many of her tests. For example, she was pretty much always late for dates by at least 1/2 hr, and like a chump I accepted her bs excuses and waited around for her. I now see that a high value man would never tolerate this.
So lo and behold, a couple days ago we matched again on the same dating app where we met 2 years ago. I haven’t messaged her yet…I know a lot of you guys would say not to bother with her but I’m gonna give it another shot and see if I’ve really learned anything. I won’t ask her out again but rather plan to invite her to my place to check out my renos (a similar interest of ours, which she already expressed interest in seeing).
Before, I didn’t see myself as good enough for her. Now, I see things differently. She’s a 44 year old woman who hasn’t had a healthy LTR in many years, no kids, whose looks are starting to fade (still hot). I’m younger, fairly successful, have two amazing kids, and enjoy working on my Purpose. I know how to treat a woman well—she needs me more than I need her.

Anyway, not looking for any particular advice, just making my intro more than anything!

1990s beater isn't classic. You push it off a cliff.

Older women are gross. You aren't doing it right.

Hotter girls are turning 18, 19, 20, 21 everyday.

Would rather fap then pull a bustle older woman and knock the dust off Karens puss.

Step your game up kuz.

 

[Glassguy]

OP- I am 44. Pulled a 22 year old a couple of nights ago with literally no effort.

Be careful digging through the garbage. This woman might see you as "different" from before as of right now, but trust me, she will soon see you as the guy she ditched because you will eventually fall back to the guy that you were.

There is a reason that the most famous painters/artists in the world start with a new canvas when they want to make another painting.

At this point, from the sound of it, you have improved drastically from the man you were when this chick was around. There is no pvssy worth going backwards. Stay the course and continue to improve. This chick has your number, you are vulnerable to her (in a bad way) and its probably best to move on.

If you cant fvck her and dump her there is no use in going down those old dark alleys.