So, still not sure....did my ex of 1 year have BPD?

[usernamedox11]

My ex's father died when she was 5. He and her mom separated because his alcohol problem became too much when she was 3, and he died at 34 or something when she was 5 because of all the alcohol consumption which led to internal bleeding. She would still cry about her dad at 23 and she took me to his grave once. She then said he was the most handsome guy ever, and she showed me pictures of him telling me he was so perfect, physically. It was very weird.

She had 3 past relationships, she said all of the relationships were terrible, and that her boyfriends took advantage of her. She ended up marrying her last boyfriend after 3 months knowing him, and they got divorced after one month because she didn't want to be with him. She was only 20 years old. She had told me he was a sociopath/predator who took advantage of her and convinced her to marry him. She said she was very depressed and was going through a hard time. She had a therapist, but she told me she hated him. Sometimes she liked him. Sometimes she hated him. She ended up not seeing him anymore cause she said she hated him.

Me, being the idiot I am, felt very sorry for her and wanted to show her that there are people out there who would care about her. We decided to start dating. She let it slip that she loved me after only 2 weeks of dating her. After 2 months, she said she wanted to get engaged and that engagement was a requirement for us to have sex, since according to her, she had too many sexual partners already with 3. I told her I'd consider it in the future if things were working out between us. She said I was the only man in the world for her and that I was perfect. But this got me questioning her story about her ex-husband convincing her to marry him and that he took advantage of her.


Obviously, we ended up having sex anyway, and even before then, she would give me 30 minute to an hour long bjs nearly every time we hung out, and that was good enough for me till we got to the sex.

Everything was great for the most part. She'd cook me food, write me cards and love letters, even took me out to restaurants and would pay, and I was thinking she was wife material.

Then around 3 weeks after she told me she wanted to get engaged, that's when things began getting silly. She went on a trip to Hawaii with her mom. She'd start texting me while she was with her mom, I'd reply to her and start a conversation. Then she'd say her mom was getting upset at her for texting me and told me to stop texting her. The mom was getting jealous she was giving me attention instead of her. I told her not to text me if her mom was present then. She then said to stop texting her again and that her mom was getting very mad and she then blamed me for her mom getting very upset at her. Wtf?

3 months into the relationship, I am moving into a new apartment. And I picked her up to come see it. I even picked her a rose with of her favorite color and gave it to her. She comes to the apartment and she starts telling me she doesn't think we are right for each other because she likes punk rock music and I don't. She said she enjoyed doing volunteer work (even though she wasn't doing any at the time) and told me she wouldn't be with someone unless they shared that interest. Needless to say, I told her what she was saying was stupid and told her I had enough of her **** and was taking her home. I come and pick your ass up and get you a rose, and you tell me that ****? **** you. She began criticizing me more in the car saying she couldn't relate to me since I had a stable family. I had heard enough and told her to get out of the car when we got to her house and told her to never speak to me again.

She ended up apologizing the next day and offered to take me to some restaurant to make it up for me. I took her back.


After that, this was how it went:

We'd have an amazing relationship for 2 weeks at the time with her telling me how much she loved me and how much she wanted to marry me. After 2 weeks or so, she'd flip out and start crying about something silly or stupid and put the whole relationship in jeopardy and act like I didn't understand her. My dumbass thought she was suffering from PTSD because of her "abusive ex husband" and thought it was a phase that would pass. But no. This went on for a year. We probably broke up like 7 times in the year, each time with her cussing/insulting me and telling me to "**** off" and that she hated my family.

This is despite me texting her everyday and her texting me. Me buying her expensive gifts. Me taking her to fancy restaurants and me never asking much of her but to be respectful. If I was hanging out at my family's house and didn't text her for 2-3 hours, she'd accuse me of ignoring her for my family since "I liked my family more." If I gave her school advice, she'd get very offended. If I told her to buy a japanese car instead of a german car because of cost, she'd get very offended and say that she belonged in a german car. Basically, anything could easily offend her. But whenever she got offended, I told her she was just hypersensitive and that she's making a big deal out of nothing. She'd then accuse me of not understanding her and invalidating her feelings. I one time tried picking her up from the airport, but I couldn't find her. I was trying to figure out exactly where she was at the airport by circling around and keeping her on the phone, she ended up getting really frustrated with me and cussed me out. She was waiting at the international arrivals instead of the domestic arrivals, like a dumbass, which is why I couldn't find her. But her reaction was insane. Didn't she appreciate I was picking her up? She ended up apologizing and crying after she saw how mad I was.

After sex, she'd ask me if her vagina was the best ever. I'd say yes. It was weird.

Around a month ago, I called her after leaving my family's house and asked her what's up. She told me that she hated me and hung up for no reason. She called me back and acted like nothing happened. I asked her what that was all about and she said I ignored her for my family since I didn't text or call her while I was there. I then hung up on her face. She then texted me that she's going to take a shower and dress up to go to the club in order to get male attention elsewhere since she wasn't getting it from me. I broke up with her and told her she was trashy. Earlier in that week, I bought her perfume, took her to dinner, and was her first customer for some small business she's starting just to show some support. I didn't expect any of that.

It was weird because she was amazing for 2 weeks at a time. Very nice. Bought me food. Took care of me. A little more sensitive than most girls, but nice.

After that, I figured this girl just is really depressed and acts like a child. She isn't exactly mature, so I tried talking to her about it and wanted to see if she'd be willing to change and get better with a therapist. She then told me she couldn't be with me and that she's much happier without me now. She told me she's recovering from the relationship because all I did was "f**k with her head" and ruin her self-esteem. She said she didn't love me anymore.

I really began to doubt the stories of her all ex boyfriends being terrible people, considering she now considered me terrible and abusive.

What the ****? I only honestly wanted to be there for her and cared for her a lot. The only reason I put up with her for so long is cause I didn't take what she said personally. I knew she was immature and couldn't make sense of her feelings, so none of it got to me. Not till the very end and told me that all I did was "**** with her." I was really good to her.


Is this BPD? What is this? Lost cause?

 

[usernamedox11]

I don't even know what a normal girl is anymore. If I ever consider a relationship with another woman, all I'll be looking for are red flags.

 

[jimjam]

Ha ha! Sounds like one of mine.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yep, that's BPD. Her life will be a constant struggle to re-live the abandonment of her father dying. She can't have a relationship without the feeling of abandonment. She can't experience love without abandonment playing a big role in it. That's why she kept breaking up with you and picking fights over nothing. She wants to be with you, but she needs to be sad about not being with you at the same time.

By the way, if you ever tell her any of this, or just simply tell her she has bpd, she will start screaming and probably throwing things at you. Not being able to deal with having bpd is one of the symptoms of bpd.

You didn't mention substance abuse. If that's not a part of her life, then she is doing better than a typical bpd girl. She will probably also end up having multiple kids with different men, to whom she then abandons the child.

Is she a lost cause for a sane, normal relationship? Yes. Can you still keep fvcking her despite that? Certainly. BPD girls make perfect "other women" because they get to experience the passionate type of love they are famous for dishing out, but then also feel abandonment after you go back to your wife or girlfriend. They absolutely must get their abandonment fix at all costs. If you don't give it to her, she will make it happen, and that's never pleasant if you don't understand what is really going on.

We talk about "frames" on here. If you want to fvck her again, let me give you the frame to use when you talk to her again: Isn't it sad that we can't be together? Let her have a good cry over the epic sadness of it all. Then she will want to have sex with you, because of course that will make it all that much sadder for the next time she needs another abandonment fix.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

hey applegoo, I just sent you a PM. This sounds shockingly similar to what I'm experiencing, and I'd like to get your take on it.

 

[user name]

Sounds like normal girl behaviour to me.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Yep, that's BPD. Her life will be a constant struggle to re-live the abandonment of her father dying. She can't have a relationship without the feeling of abandonment. She can't experience love without abandonment playing a big role in it. That's why she kept breaking up with you and picking fights over nothing. She wants to be with you, but she needs to be sad about not being with you at the same time.

By the way, if you ever tell her any of this, or just simply tell her she has bpd, she will start screaming and probably throwing things at you. Not being able to deal with having bpd is one of the symptoms of bpd.

You didn't mention substance abuse. If that's not a part of her life, then she is doing better than a typical bpd girl. She will probably also end up having multiple kids with different men, to whom she then abandons the child.

Is she a lost cause for a sane, normal relationship? Yes. Can you still keep fvcking her despite that? Certainly. BPD girls make perfect "other women" because they get to experience the passionate type of love they are famous for dishing out, but then also feel abandonment after you go back to your wife or girlfriend. They absolutely must get their abandonment fix at all costs. If you don't give it to her, she will make it happen, and that's never pleasant if you don't understand what is really going on.

We talk about "frames" on here. If you want to fvck her again, let me give you the frame to use when you talk to her again: Isn't it sad that we can't be together? Let her have a good cry over the epic sadness of it all. Then she will want to have sex with you, because of course that will make it all that much sadder for the next time she needs another abandonment fix.

Great post bro and spot on.








PIMP

 

[usernamedox11]

Thanks for your replies, Bible_Belt and Mauser96.

My ex did not abuse any drugs and never got drunk when i was with her. She did experiment with weed, cocaine, molly, etc. She was also a nanny and loved kids but she told me she didn't want kids because her cats were enough for her.

I think she wanted to maintain the appearance of being classy, so she wouldn't do that type of stuff.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Thanks Pimp-sicle.

I could see a bpd woman being a nanny. She would love a kid like her own, but then of course eventually have to abandon the child back to its parents. That's the attraction, a love that can never be.

 

[usernamedox11]

Thanks Pimp-sicle.

I could see a bpd woman being a nanny. She would love a kid like her own, but then of course eventually have to abandon the child back to its parents. That's the attraction, a love that can never be.

Her mom actually abandoned her, according to her. Her mom ignored her from when she was 13-16, and it culminated with her running away to Mexico for a few weeks. Her mom and her have a weird relationship, though. Always getting mad at each other for the silliest crap.

You're right about the whole love that can't ever be. She'd sometimes act like that with me, saying that I'd eventually just marry someone from a similar ethnic background as mine.

 

[Driggs]

I have been wondering if a broken plate of mine might be BPD.

Come to the end of this thread-- and she is a nanny.

 

[Bible_Belt]

On the topic of a love that can never be, my bpd girl's on and off ex-boyfriend, who killed a guy in a fight over her and went to jail for three years, and then she herself went to jail for a few days after he got out for domestic violence against him...is dead now. He died in his sleep the night before last. They are saying heart disease, but I would be surprised if years of massive drug abuse did not have something to do with it.

The last time she saw him, she called him "a fat, ugly, shrek-looking mother fvcker," and said she thought about killing him all the time, because she could get away with it. When she called me Saturday morning to tell me, she was not the slightest bit sad; it was as though she was almost laughing at the surprise of it all.

But by yesterday, she was sobbing and dedicating her facebook page to pictures of the two of them. She said they were the loves of each other's lives. She referred to the murder of a small harmless drunk ex of hers that he beat to death in their front yard as "he saved my life and the life of my unborn child." Now she's on facebook threatening to kill herself; I talked to her on the phone just now, she told me she was going to eat 900 benadryl, and then hung up on me. I texted her brother what she said and told him to go take her pulse every once in a while.

Abandonment is the bpd drug of choice, and death is the ultimate abandonment; all of this is like an overdose of that drug.

 

[usernamedox11]

Wow, sounds pretty intense, Bible_belt.


Why put yourself through that? You're more wise than all of us when it comes to BPD, but it sounds like a good time to pull away from her.


This is not unusual with them worshipping dead people, I think. My ex basically acts as if her dad was a superhuman, even though he was an alcoholic who left her and her mom when she was 3 and he died when she was 5 and died from internal bleeding thanks to him drinking so much. Her mom feels the same way about him and thinks he was perfect in every way. A real man won't abandon his family like that, so I don't get the twisted world they live in. She used to always talk badly about her step-grandfather but she quickly began to idolize him after he died.

The thing with my EX, she was a good GF outside of being nuts every 2 weeks and wanting to break up or whatever. She didn't smoke, drink, or party. She'd buy me food and cook for me, help clean my place, and satisfied me sexually in any way I asked for. I feel like she would've been a fine woman if she had been born into the right family.