So shy

[777boy]

Hey,

An update....

Today went shopping with my mum in a nearby mall.

As we were wandering around my mum pointed out a lady friend of hers who was there with her daughter

So of course they stopped to chat.

I had never met her daughter and i dont think she has seen me before.

She is absolutely gorgeous.

We began chatting and i think i made a bit of a fool of myself.I asked her if she was free tonight but she said she had plans with her family which is understandable.

Oh i also had the audacity to ask her if she had a boyfriend ( can you believe my idiocity )

I then asked her if she was free tomorow for lunch or something.She took my no. and said shell call tomorow.

I know this is not a lot of info but do you think shell call and do you think by asking if she had a boyfriend and being so forward i
may have messed up ?

I surprised myself that i could actually chat and ask a girl to go out for a meal with me and i felt good in that respect but i
hope i didnt mess up a chance of getting to know her.

Didnt talk to her to long since her mum had to rush but did find out from my mum that she was a well educated girl and really
decent ( like me )

I have read so many posts in this forum but when i was with this girl i couldnt remember anything and just did things
my own weird way...i really hope i didnt mess it up

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

[MrCode]

Regarding your second to last post, I'm glad to offer you whatever help I can. It is nice to have a bit of a dialog with somone on this forum, especially when I know so well what that person is going through.

Now, as I've said before, clearly 95% of your problem is all inside your head. Unfortunately that is one of the harder things to change, but the results will be worth it.

You say you feel inferior and that you don't think even butt ugly chics would like you. Come on now, stop feeling sorry for yourself. That is just unreasonable. For one thing, every single person on this Earth can find at least one person who really finds them attractive, and I would imagine you are in a much higher bracket than the people with just the one person. The great thing about being a man is that you can increase your attractiveness greatly by just adjusting your attitude. There have been plenty of guys in the past and there are many now who you and I would consider "ugly", but they have great women.

You say you just want one good girl, which is fine, and in general that is the goal for most guys. But you need to realize that you will have to meet a lot of girls to find that girl that is just right for you. In fact you would do a disservice to yourself and to the girl if you just settled with the first reasonablely cute girl that agreed to go out with you. If you get along great and really love her, fantastic, stay with her. But inevitably you may find that you just don't mesh, and you shouldn't stay with someone like that just because you are afraid of being alone.

In fact, sorry to burst your bubble, but there is a good chance your precious little one-itis girl has many bad qualities that will just annoy you like crazy. She is not perfect!

I really want to approach her then when i think over it i feel what if she tells me shes not interested and then passes word around to all the girls in the neighbourhood about me trying to ask her out.

Come on man, that just is not reality. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with a man showing interest in a woman! It is perfectly natural. As long as you aren't a weird freak toward her, the worst that can happen is she'll say she just wants to be friends. But since she doesn't know you from Adam at this point, there is a better chance that she'll be willing to go out at least once, at which point you may put yourself in the friend zone with her, depending on how you act.

Actually becoming her friend might be one of the best things you could do. I really think you need to get over your fear of women and begin to see them for the human beings that they are. If you truly become friends with a woman and just relax and be yourself, and let her do the same, you might be really surprised what you will learn.

To address your last post, I think you did fine and again you are being too hard on yourself and overanalyzing. It isn't bad to ask if she has a boyfriend, but surprisely enough, it is typical. A lot of guys ask that, and it sets the wrong tone with the woman, so you shouldn't be embarrassed about being an "idiot" by asking that, but you should be concerned with being "average doofus number 8 who asked if she has a boyfriend." Again, don't beat yourself up, but the better approach is to assume she is single, and let her tell you otherwise. You'll come off much more confident with this approach, and you won't weaken your position with her by assuming her gloriousness must be taken by another man.

I can't tell you whether she will call tomorrow, but given that your moms know each other she probably will. Because of that connection (in a way you aren't complete strangers) you have a great opportunity here, so take advantage of it (but don't kill yourself with worry about "messing it up", always remember it is about learning the skills, not getting the girl.)

If she does call and you set up lunch, keep relaxed, realize she is just another person who craps in the toilet just like you do, and get to know her. Try to think of her like a bratty little sister who you like, but who also can get on your nerves. Don't be afraid to tease her and have fun. You can never say the wrong thing if you always speak with authority.

Just last night I had a date with a girl and she got lost trying to find the coffee shop I was waiting at. Even though it was partially my fault for not giving specific directions, I gave her a hard time about it and made her buy me coffee because she was late (hehehe, I love that one.) The date went OK, and I know she likes me (of course), but I'm not too sure about her. We shall see.

But anyhow, that is just a small example of the things you can do once you get this part of your life handled. But again, while I'm further along the path than you, I'm certainly no god with women, and I still have things I want to improve. It takes baby steps, but you just have to keep walking!

Oh, and happy new year! I think 2005 will be a good year for both of us!

 

[777boy]

MrCode hi there,

I do to hope the NEW YEAR is good for us.

Well i did get a call from the girl today and we decided to meet in the afternoon.

Had a cool time chatting and laughing and YES i did tease her a little and i think she liked it.

I then asked her if shed like to meet again sometime and she then said well i was a nice guy and
so sweet and she really was having fun with me but she wasnt sure if she wanted to be in a relationship.

I felt sick then...............

I asked her why not ?

She responded she wasnt sure if she wanted commitments and she wasnt sure if she would be able to cope in a relationship

All i said was in a relationship wed be together and be able to help each other cope with anything.

I told her to at least give me a chance...i think i then began begging her and made a fool of myself -i seem to be doing that a lot lately- She actually told me a nice guy
like me shouldnt plead.

She said i was sweet and we enjoyed ourselves before i dropped her back.

What do you make of my meeting ?

Good progress or did i make myself look weak

This girl is marriage material by the way.

She said shed think about it and let me know in a few days.

Have my fingers crossed....bigtime

 

[MrCode]

I hope you know by now that I'm not going to bullsh*t you and in fact I'm going to be pretty direct and a little harsh (but I mean the best): you totally messed things up with this girl. Now before you go beat your head against the wall I don't think it was as much what you did as who you are. Of course maybe my judging who you are is harsher than judging your actions, but if you don't realize this and make an effort to fix your attitude and personality, you will continue to have problems like this.

I mean think about it: you totally turned this girl off in one date (though in a sense you started the downhill trend when you met her.) You are coming from a place of weakness and of lacking, and she does not want any part of that.

Her line about "not being ready for a relationship" was incomplete: she is not ready for a relationship with you! Some other guy with a better attitude might come along tomorrow and she'll be ready to marry him in two weeks. Of course even the mention of "relationship" on the first date is a bad sign. If a girl brought that up I'd bust and tease her on it ("What, we just met and you are already talking about a relationship? Slow down sweetheart, I'm not even sure I like you!")

Also, never beg or plead with a woman. It was very nice of her to tell you not to do that and she is right! That is just weak, weak, weak, and you need to keep in mind the core principle from David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating system: attraction is not a choice! No amount of pleading, begging, convincing or anything "logical" can make a woman attracted to you. By the same token, if she is attracted, no amount of talking, complaining or convincing by her friends and relatives can make her lose the attraction (think about women who stick with abusive "bad boys.") Keep in mind by attraction I don't mean how handsome or well-built you are, I'm talking about the complete package which is primarily about your attitude.

I believe in you 777boy, but you really need some help in this area, and more than I can provide in a few posts on this forum. I think you should go here and sign up for the newsletter. After you get that for a while and once you start to get an idea of what it is about, I'd recommend you get the eBook. But I think you could really benefit from the CD series, which you will see advertised in the newsletters. I have it and I think it is great and it has definitely helped me a lot. Just listening to it starts subtle changes in your subconcious that can have a huge affect!

By the way, I'm not affiliated at all with David D and I won't make money off you buying stuff from him. I'm just a satisfied customer.

Also, there are articles from him on this site. Here are some examples:
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art50.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art66.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art67.htm

Number 50 is a really good one and I think there is an article from 50 to 67, so if you take the above URLs and plug in 51, 52, 53, etc. you can read all his articles here. I think 67 is the latest.

Old mailbags of his can be found here:

http://www.fastseduction.com/mailbag/

I'd seriously recommend you sit down at your computer and start reading these mailbags and articles. They will give you a good foundation to build upon, and if you like what you see you can then buy some of his products.

At the same time you might get similar results if you judiciously read the DJ Bible here and do the Boot Camp. Actually it might be good for you to do both (I have, partially.)

Like I said, 2005 will be a good year for you, but you will need to do some work to make it that way!

 

[777boy]

MrCode,

I think i am beginning to rely on you to much ( i mean it in a nice way )

You respond so promptly and that is a big help to cos it prevents me
from brooding and thinking to much which i always do.

Im glad you dont fib and i do prefer being told facts.

Im kinda disappointed i seem to have messed up really badly.Looks
like i didnt do much right on my date.

Ok one thing she hasnt dated any guy before...She has been to busy with
other things and i know she wouldnt lie to me cos she knows our mums are
friends and i think wouldnt take me like just any guy.We were both honest
with each other.

So i did act stupidly but am hoping maybe she wont be able to compare me
with anyone else and she may give me another chance.I do know she must have liked something
about me cos i am likeable

I wont lie i was impressed by her...

When i begged her it wasnt that i was begging only for myself.I
actually told her she should give guys a chance in general although i did tell her i was selfish and was
actually referring to myself.She is more confused aboout being with a guy as she has managed by
herself and hasnt seen the need to be with a guy.

I do know she enjoyed herself and she did say she was having fun with me and i could tell
she meant it.

Sorry for this post today being a little jumbled up but when i read your post MrCode i felt really
disappointed cos it confirmed my fears of how wrongly i went about things on the date.
Believe me i am cheesed of at myself as i know after browsing this forum for a couple of weeks
i shouldnt have made such elementary mistakes.I guess im learning the hard way.

I shall definitely read the articles on the links you have indicated and see how it goes.

Well if she does contact me again may i ask you how i should proceed -

If she says shell go out with me again then thats fine

However if she calls back and says shes thought about it and isnt ready or would just like to be pals
with me.What do i do ?Do i beg ? I know youll say of COURSE NOT haha

Or do i say fine we can be freinds and hope to take it up from there ?

Oh she did say she wouldnt mind going out again sometime so do i assume she means as a friend so as not
to hurt my feelings or can i hope she was a little impressed by me ( just a little )

Im not absolutely sure but i do know she enjoyed my company enough that she didnt want to leave and never seemed to be in a hurry to get up and go.

I cant believe my luck...i end up finding a lovely girl.Manage to somehow ask her out and i think i have qualities that could impress her and instead of
doing that i act like sniffling baby.

I know i need to work hard but why i feel worse is i realise other guys including myself struggle to even approach a girl.At last i managed.Admittedly with a little help and then i make mistakes which shouldnt even be part of me by now.Gosh will i ever learn.

MrCode shall be waiting for your response.Thx

Another big mistake i made....it was sunny as we were driving and i had my shades on.Once we got to were we were goign we sat outdoors and i forgot to remove my shades.A big NO NO.No eye contact.Then by the time i realised it was when we were leaving.So i pulled them of but by then i guess it was to late.Silly or what?

Is there any way i can rescue the situation with her ? Since i have the advantage of our mums being freinds can i somehow try and get into her good books again or are my chances REALLY bad ?

Shall be away from tomorow but will log in again once i return in a couple of days...

 

[klaz]

777boy, mind if i ask a question? Why do you want a relationship with this girl off the bat? I mean, why not just go on a few dates, and if it develops that way, fine. However, if she asks abt the relationship aspect, just say you have alot of fun with her, and flirt away. No doubt after a few kisses, sex might follow, and the relationship you're interested in.

As far as I've noticed, when guys mention the relationship word early, they come off as desperate. Women seem to like initiating that area themselves.

 

[So Many Ways]

777boy, you completely screwed up your chance with that girl by being way too needy but you know what?

Be proud of yourself anyway!!!

You put yourself out there!

You made the step and asked a woman out and she accepted! That's huge!

You made the first step. There's been some excellent advice posted on here, follow it and you'll be fine.

Don't sweat the small stuff and don't sweat it if a woman rejects you, it's part of life and no big deal. Remember that.

Peace.

 

[777boy]

Hello,

You were all right.....

This girl i went out with isnt interested in going out again.Everytime i call she says shes busy blah blah

She says shell call me back but never does and i have to keep calling her.Yesterday she cancelled last minute
and didnt seem sorry.

Oh well i tried.

Maybe i was too GOOD for her.Yup thats what i think

Its not nice being rejected but it doesnt feel as bad as i thought.

Anyways managed to chat up two chicks one hottish and one above average.The former i met in a fast food
outlet.She was actually getting a straw and was having a hard time pulling it out and holding me up.So when she turned i smiled
and made a sly comment and made her laugh.She sat a few tables away and when she finished she smiled at me as she left.Dont
know if i should have tried to follow up on this but i was content to have got a smile at least.

The latter i saw in a magazine shop.She gave me a half smile so i smiled back and made small talk about the magazine she
was reading.I know not the best topic but i couldnt think of anything else.

Well thats my week

I forgot to mention.Have been smiling at loads of girls i pass and many smile back.Some however looked a little annoyed like who was i to smile at them

Some on the other hand looked confused " wondering where they knew me from or who i was " and i found this hilarious.

Actually making them think about me when all i was doing was practising smiling.

Cheers