So Psychology can't even cure me, how about DJs?

[reachinside]

I have a problem, a socially crippling problem. It manifests that I know of in three ways.

1. I'm afraid of talking to girls because of what other people might think/say about it, even if I succeed.
2. I'm uncomfortable being around guys and often don't express my thoughts.
3. I have a horrible time making eye-contact with people, because it feels very awkward to me.

It isn't only number 3 that makes me feel very awkward. In fact they all do, and they all are very frustrating and constantly on my mind in the form of: "I know this is the problem, why can't I solve it?"

So I did some digging and Psycology says to try and dig down to the root of the problem. Okay. I'm 99% sure it was at least one, if not a combination of the following three events that lead to these problems:

1. Constant emotional bullying to me from the ages of about 8 to 16. Mostly concerning my obesity, which I still have. 235lb 5'9"
2. My teacher shouting "Chris what are you doing?!" after I looked up her dress in grade 2.
3. First girl I ever talked to and liked in 7th grade never talking to me again after I jokingly called her a lesbian when she was being made fun of by her friends for that. I never even apologized.

The fears I have are so deep-rooted, that not even recent experience telling me I should definitely be acting otherwise could get me to change them. After learning what Indicators of Interest are, I began to notice them, constantly, from the hottest girls to me, all the time, no matter where I am. In the odd time where I get paired up with a girl in class I manage to have a great time, laughing and even touching if I feel that way about her. I tried the other day to walk up to a guy and start a conversation with him, which I did, and flew, and lasted like 3 hours on the street just talking. Even still I have paralyzing fears of talking to girls, talking to guys, and making eye contact with people. These fears are amplified especially when around more people, like in subway/bus stations, and at school. I'm 17 years old, and I don't want to live this way anymore. Please help me man

 

[TizZle]

Get on a cutting diet and start working out. Jump over to the health and fitness section for answers. I.E. the vault section.

 

[JDA70]

I think I have the answer for you.
I'd need time to dig it up because it's on cd.
So check back for a reply from me

 

[JDA70]

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

1. I'm afraid of talking to girls because of what other people might think/say about it, even if I succeed.

Why do you even care what others people think?
It's your life, live it how you want to live it.

2. I'm uncomfortable being around guys and often don't express my thoughts.

Sounds like you have confidence and self esteem issues.

3. I have a horrible time making eye-contact with people, because it feels very awkward to me.

Again confidence and self-esteem.

Sick of feeling like this? Then take a look at yourself
in the mirror and say that your not going to let this go on any longer.

You did the right thing coming here and making a post.
It's a step in the right direction.


So what do you have to say?

 

[Ronnie Poleman]

What you need, is Pook. He was a legendary member on sosuave, but like Jesus, he suffered at the hands of haters for our sins, and 3 days later, he left us to go to forum heaven, but kept his words of wisdom in a bible for us to preach and spread lol. Search for the DJ Bible on this website, and read Pook's "Kill that desperation" and "Be a man!". Try finding the book of Pook and slowly but surely boost yourself up. Value each word and focus well on Pook's words. They were the starting point of my AFC to DJ transformation, and have been for many others too, so I'm sure it will help you

 

[reachinside]

Thank you all, and thanks to a few other threads here, I asked myself a very important question. I realized that the key to what was keeping me back was that my fear of loss overshadowed my desire for pleasure. So I asked myself what was I afraid of losing? I could only answer four things, my dignity, my pride, my self-respect, and my self-esteem.

So, I systematically went at them. I figure for 2/4, I do that on a regular basis, as any time you learn you must forgo your former beliefs and this requires a loss to your pride and dignity, but isn't even as bad as it sounds. My conclusion is that I've been making my pride and dignity to be too valuable a commodity for the uses that they have. Then I figured, my self esteem, well, it's been lower, much lower.. And I'm still here. And life is better, much like the other 2, when you let go of what you think you are and just be what you really are. Then for what was in fact the easiest to come to terms with, was my self-respect. The answer was very simple, why on earth would I lose self-respect for talking to a girl I like? Thats the one thing no outside force has the power to take.

Many times I have said that I have never felt more confident about making an approach the next day after a long night of dwelling on my problems. However I'm not going to say that tonight. I have felt more confident, in fact much more confident, in the past, that the enxt day would be the day that my nads finally dropped and I could do it. But there is one thing I have never felt as much before about being with girls as I feel right now: relaxation.

Also, a few days ago I decided I would never be as fat again as I was that day. 5 days later I'm 7 lbs lighter, without exercise. My excuse is that I have more important things to do now, and I would be better advised to wait a week until atkins begins to take effect (starting today) to do any heavy exercising. Although in a week I know I'll have no false excuses. Its what I've been waiting for.

Thank you all. I certainly hope I'm able to check this post again in the morning for the inspiration I need, as between 5 and 9 AM my mind fries every day and for some reason I lose an ability to recall passed states/information for about 1 day. Maybe its all that weed, maybe its something else, but that's a problem for a very skilled hypnotist!

So I'll do my best to update this tomorrow night with any headway I've made tomorrow, although since I've discovered I work much more freely when not under pressure, I can't say I will for sure.

Thanks again,
Chris

 

[Alle_Gory]

come on brother, get the ball rolling

Exactly. Little by little, get things in motion.

OP: Are you depressed? Anxious? Or is it just low self-esteem.


If its just self-esteem then take a martial arts class. It will get you in decent shape, and you will learn a useful skill. Any martial art is good if you haven't taken one before. That and you can meet new people.