So over em, honestly

[ink_wizard]

No matter what i do i cannot win with them.

I was seeing this one chick for a couple of weeks, we both liked eachother, flirted, exchanged some dirty texts/chats and planned to meet...however i text her to see how she was doing and if she was was free on the weekend to chill.couldnt call because she prefers texting...she ignored me for four days...umm wtf did i do? so i sent her another message today asking whats wrong? etc and she decides to get back to me with "i dont want to talk about it, i hate life bla bla and i tried telling her i was there for her if she wanted to talk and she just replies back saing "yeah cool".....amazing how one week they can be totally into you an then blow you off like that? should i next her or try talking to her again??

Oh and on top of that i had another girl who was keen on me too, acted totally into me but she had a boyfriend....same scene texted, flirted, had a good time together...few days later she too decides to blow me off and act totally cold?

Whats up with these chicks? i dont know what im doing so wrong!!!!!! help!

 

[JJaySBK]

Maybe once they know they got you, they give up the chase. The give up chasing you man... I don't really know why since I don't know what you're saying to them differently.. but its obvious that maybe you show too much interest and they just get bored.

 

[ink_wizard]

maybe i dont know....its not like i text them everyday or are always in their faces or anything...i usually wait for them to get back to me...or i send a text if i dont hear from them in a while just to see how they are...im too secared to ignore them or show abit of disinterest in them otherwise they might think i dont like them anymore or something -__-

im just getting sick and tired of being led on, strung along and then get blown off and treated like **** for no reason. That first girl that was blowing me off saying how she hates life and stuff i just found out she got rejected by some other guy who didnt fancy her so i think thats triggered it off but still if you have no intentions with me why play me along and them cut me off like that? im not sure if i should next or her or not?

i feel like im chasing them aswell which is even worse

 

[Kirro]

maybe i dont know....its not like i text them everyday or are always in their faces or anything...i usually wait for them to get back to me...or i send a text if i dont hear from them in a while just to see how they are...im too secared to ignore them or show abit of disinterest in them otherwise they might think i dont like them anymore or something -__-

im just getting sick and tired of being led on, strung along and then get blown off and treated like **** for no reason. That first girl that was blowing me off saying how she hates life and stuff i just found out she got rejected by some other guy who didnt fancy her so i think thats triggered it off but still if you have no intentions with me why play me along and them cut me off like that? im not sure if i should next or her or not?

i feel like im chasing them aswell which is even worse

Fella I know exactly how you feel as this was me just a year ago. You start talking to a chick. You text & everything is going great. Convo is flowing, sex talk, you set up a meeting & then no more contact for days.

You're confused, you're like a little male kitten playing with a string, the string dangles & dances in front of you so you chase, but the string keeps escaping your grasp. Then suddenly it disappears & you sit there looking bewildered.

What do you do my friend? You take a swig of pessimism & take EVERY WORD said or texted by a girl with a pound of salt. I realized the hard way a woman only really wants to fvck you when your d*ck is lodged in some hole in her body. Action is the only way you know for sure.

What you need to do is find some hobbies. Your focus seems to centered around these chicks. When you genuinely find a reason to wake up besides girls. When your passion & energy is truly channeled into other areas you will notice your interactions with females will become more natural. You'll be calm & relaxed as you won't care.

Women will string you along less as they have to now earn your full interest & attention.

You won't have that much to talk, text or wonder what they're up to, it'll be the other way around. This is a gradual process for most. Its not something you can fake you have to truly step away from the game & focus on building other aspects of yourself.

You simply become self centered, making a better how, a you who has dreams & aspirations. This is true value. You will be able to talk big & back it up with action. Hell like I said, you may not even have to talk. Chicks will take notice whether it be online, on the phone & especially face to face.

Not many men are willing to put in the hard work, they're not willingly able to go on a drought that is why you see dudes here for half a decade still stuck in the same situations.

That's why this forum is a mess of repetition & stagnation.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Dood, next the first chika. She was using you as an ego boost and a back up. She isn't worth the time. And chill out on the texts. That's women's territory. I personally use texts to set up dates or rekindle dead plates by using silly texts.

Forget both of em. Don't even talk to em anymore. Find new women and stop stressing over vah-jay-jay. Focus on yourself and fun. Those are now your two top priorities for a while. Now go have fun or I'll kill you!

 

[ink_wizard]

Thanks for the response kirro that made alot of sence.

And i know what your saying, i do have other interests besides girls and i do have hobbies aswell, its just so hard when you havent had sex in a long time and its always on your mind, and the only chicks that chase you aren't your type.
I just wish if they had no intentions of building something with you or hooking up with you they would just say so instead of leading me on and then going totally cold on me...its rude as hell and its worse when they sex talk to you and promise you it an then dont deliver.....

and another question how do i stop showing too much interest in them while still getting them interested in you?

 

[Kirro]

Thanks for the response kirro that made alot of sence.

And i know what your saying, i do have other interests besides girls and i do have hobbies aswell, its just so hard when you havent had sex in a long time and its always on your mind, and the only chicks that chase you aren't your type.
I just wish if they had no intentions of building something with you or hooking up with you they would just say so instead of leading me on and then going totally cold on me...its rude as hell and its worse when they sex talk to you and promise you it an then dont deliver.....

and another question how do i stop showing too much interest in them while still getting them interested in you?

I'm in your exact position. One year I nailed 9 straight back to back. Last year famine When my ex broke up with me for a dude that I chilled with like every week I was doomed. It totally made me AFC without me realizing. It just snowballed.

The problem you have with girls when you're on a drought is that you want sex. You want to get wet, you want it bad. The signs show on your body. You're easily stressed & you give off that creepy, frustrated vibe. Now a lot of girls are quite mean.

They see a dude in need & use him for ego validation, money or favours. Its not how women are, its how people are. I see several really good looking guys stringing along chicks for money & all sorts of favours.

What ya gotta do is spend time with your male friends doing manly things. Sports, drinking, focus on going out & having a good time or even some good old video game competitions. You have go back to a time before you even cared about sex. You have to revert back into a little boy in a sense. Since I've started childishly exploring NYC, being playful & showing off at work & making good jokes I've got my real confidence back.

The stress eventually goes away. You can come here & vent or you can talk to an older guy or a dude you look up to for advice. Spend time working on any faults you think you have & start talking to chicks casually. Don't even ask for a number. Just focus on being comfortable with the interaction. It makes you seem less desperate.

I'd suggest getting into shape or better shape. Maybe changing your look to reflect a more confident persona. Focusing mainly on things you want to do that don't concern girls.

You have to train yourself to talk to girls with no expectations. Instead you have to derive your fun from the interaction. You have to beat girls at their own tactics. Start attention wh*ring lol. Just use them for conversation & that's it. When you truly do it for that purpose you'll see girls taking more interest in you.

The most effective way to do this is to talk to multiple girls. Options = Power.

Now I'm going to say something that may sound ludicrous. You have to be able to drop a chick & walk away at any point.

You have to have a set of rules that girls must adhere to otherwise they'll over you & strung you along like a kitten. You are not a kitten you are a lion. Roar & make sh*t happen.

When you notice that there is too much talk & no action, or excuses or flaking. You're gone.

Disrespect? Calmly tell her you won't stand for it & cut contact. Let Jay-Z's song be your anthem On to da next one!

Of course this is why I stress improvement & actually having a life because these tactics are most effective when you actually have real value.

 

[Igetit!]

No matter what i do i cannot win with them.

I was seeing this one chick for a couple of weeks, we both liked eachother, flirted, exchanged some dirty texts/chats and planned to meet...however i text her to see how she was doing and if she was was free on the weekend to chill.couldnt call because she prefers texting...she ignored me for four days...umm wtf did i do? so i sent her another message today asking whats wrong? etc and she decides to get back to me with "i dont want to talk about it, i hate life bla bla and i tried telling her i was there for her if she wanted to talk and she just replies back saing "yeah cool".....amazing how one week they can be totally into you an then blow you off like that? should i next her or try talking to her again??

Oh and on top of that i had another girl who was keen on me too, acted totally into me but she had a boyfriend....same scene texted, flirted, had a good time together...few days later she too decides to blow me off and act totally cold?

Whats up with these chicks? i dont know what im doing so wrong!!!!!! help!

Dude,what are you saying to these girls?

You just gave two examples in which exactly the same thing happened both times,and the results seemed so similiar to one another,that this can't be just a coincidence.


I don't know what the deal is here,but I do know this:both times,in both situations,YOU were there.


And I'd be willing to bet money that if you were to add a third girl to the mix with the same guy (YOU) being present,it'd turn out the same way again.



Although the second girl had a boyfriend,I don't really think that mattered. You said that you traded texts with her back and forth for a few days,so the very fact that you even had her number in the first place to trade the texts means that you generated an initial interest in her,otherwise she wouldn't have given you her number.



Your approach seems ok,but your "post-approach game" is SEVERLY LACKING dude.


You want to know if you should bother contacting these girls again or not.


Well with the first girl,you made a mistake that I can CLEARLY see. I've said this a BILLION TIMES....if there were a "Top Ten" list of things never to do with a girl you're interested in,being her therapist ranks #2.



You shouldn't have offered to "be there for her to talk" about whatever was upsetting her. I know you meant well,but you'll unknowingly kill any attraction she has for you.



When you talk to a girl,you want her to FEEL attractive,desired,to feel chemistry,to feel like she's in the presence of a MAN.




That's how you want her to FEEL with you,NOT LIKE she's in a therapist office discussing problems and issues.



If the first girl is still willing to speak to you,I DO NOT THINK you should next her just yet. You may still have a chance with her,but you'll need to stop talking about whatever it was you were discussing with her,and then move the convo in a different direction.


Anyway,give us an example of what you say to these girls,and be EXACT.

 

[ink_wizard]

Igetit, i initiate convos with them, get to know them and try and find out what they're all about, try and spark abit of interest and flirt abit and that all goes fine, because usually they'll flirt and seem interested back and we exchange texts every second day usually.....With the first chick thats what we were doing, i knew she liked another guy too who rejected her and has made her all upset....but she was even sex talking with me and getting me going...which was great so not the next day but the day after i message her just to see how shes doing and try to see if she wants to meet up....No response for 4 days straight....message her today to see whats going on and shes all cold to me and doesnt want to talk and blows me off......and yeh i shouldnt have said i was there if she wanted to talk but i was just being nice......i dont know what to do with her anymore????

and same case with the second one with bf, we sparked interest, great connection, heaps keen on me...again i more or less just and get to know them, and try befriending them.....i hadn't spoken to her in a couple of days and she too acts all cold and distant...umm okk then?

mind you its not just these chicks, its others aswell im having the same problem in....i dont know what the fuks going on!!!! theyre all into me an then go all cold and distant?

 

[Igetit!]

I'll try this ONE MORE TIME....


When you talk to these girls.....WHAT DO YOU SAY???


We need to know what WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

It'd be a thousand times easier to find out where you're going wrong at if you could just simply answer the question.

Igetit, i initiate convos with them,

We need to know what these "convos" consist of.


Image that you're lost and your seeking directions to find your way home. Well we can't tell you what direction to start traveling in unless we FIRST KNOW where you CURRENTLY are.


I'm trying to find out what you say to these girls so we can advise you on what DIRECTION you need to take the conversation in.


Your game isn't all bad. You're able to get the intial interest going and get the number,so that part needs to stay the same. It's only afterward that the problems seem to arise,so we need to know what you say AFTER the approach,in the days after the first meeting.

and yeh i shouldnt have said i was there if she wanted to talk but i was just being nice

Well stop trying to "just be nice" to these girls for one.

Don't be "nice",just be normal.

.....i dont know what to do with her anymore????

Well if you want to move on,then you can just move on. The reason I say not to next her just yet is because I don't think the girls are the problem here,it's YOU,or rather,it's something you're doing,but I can't determine what it is because you haven't answered the question of what it is you say to these girls.

and same case with the second one with bf, we sparked interest, great connection, heaps keen on me...again i more or less just and get to know them, and try befriending them.....

"Befriending them"? Well that's another clue to what's going on.

I see two things you've mentioned here....

1:You try to be "nice" to girls,and
2:You try to "befriend" them.



Being "nice" and being "friends" to girls in the beginning stages of seduction will KILL ATTRACTION.



You don't want to be view by a girl you like as "nice",and you DEFINATELY don't want to be viewed as a "friend".

i hadn't spoken to her in a couple of days and she too acts all cold and distant...umm okk then?

It's starting to get a bit clearer now. I think I can see where you're starting to get off track at.

When you first approach a girl,you're able to generate some interest on her part,but you drop the attraction based convo after the approach.



It's like the girls think you're one thing when you approach them,then in the texts and conversation you have in the following days,after the approach,because you go ALL COMFORT,they no longer feel the initial "spark" that they felt when you first approached them.


That's why they seem "cold" to you. They are cold to you because YOU let the "fire" go out.



You need to stop ""trying to get to know" these girls,and just focus on being a MAN who's simply attracted to a woman.



In other words...do you ever compliment the girls? Tell the that you like the way they look in something? Flirt with them? Use sexual innuendo?


You said that one of the girls was "sex talking" you and getting YOU going.


That means NOTHING. Were you sex talking her and getting her going? That's where it's at. You being sexual with her about the TWO OF YOU....not just sex talk in general.


It would still help to know what you say to these girls,but two problems I see already are you "being nice" to them and trying to be their friend.



Without even knowing what you say to these girls I know that those two things need to change.

 

[ink_wizard]

why does being nice and befriending them kill the attraction? wouldnt you rather them be comfortable with you first?
and yes i do compliment them and flirt and they do it back, so that isnt the problem, i think the problem is where you said after the approach an after a few texts they get bored and their interest level drops? how do i stop this?

what do i talk to them about?
"So do you work/study?" "Where abouts are you from" "Your heaps pretty and have gorgeous eyes" "as if someone like you is single" "how was your day today, keep busy" etc

 

[Zarky]

amazing how one week they can be totally into you an then blow you off like that?

That's called being human. I do it to chicks, chicks do it to me all the time.

The problem with most men here... like 98% of them.. is that they involve themselves with so few women--usually one at a time or maybe 2-3--that they're unprepared when the chick flakes. I deal with flaky chicks all the time.

Seriously, guys, you have to get out and hit on more women. Or do online dating. Whatever. It's PURELY a numbers game. If you're a short ugly moron but you get yourself in front of 10 new women every week, over the course of the next 5 years you will get laid more than Tiger Woods. I won't say that your percentage of lays to introductions will be higher, but your overall number will be higher.

It's numbers, pure and simple. Think of it like a cold-calling telemarketer. Even if your product is super lame and you totally suck at sales, if you call 100 people a day you will outsell everyone around you.

I had a chick flake on me three days ago and another chick lead me on for weeks before it dawned on me she'd never sleep with me. Both of these things bugged me for about 5 minutes. Why? Because I have about a dozen other chicks that are taking nibbles from my bait.

 

[ink_wizard]

i try and involve myself with as many women as i can but ive just had the worst luck with them this year. and their games after a while get pretty tiring and frustrating. I know its easy for you to just forget about them but what if you really like them?

 

[bish0p]

Not many men are willing to put in the hard work, they're not willingly able to go on a drought that is why you see dudes here for half a decade still stuck in the same situations.

What's up, man. I'm a bit slow, can you clarify this...what do you mean by "put in the hard work?"

Do you mean, focus on your own life (work out, develop hobbies, strive for a better career, etc...)? Or, in the context of this site, approach more women?

 

[Igetit!]

why does being nice and befriending them kill the attraction?

Dude,this is a loaded question...too loaded.

In fact,answering it would probably pull this thread off in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION.


Just trust us man. Enough of us here have been residents of the friendzone to know this is true.


We're talking about DATING here. Male/female sexual relationships. Being "nice" has ZERO to do with sexual attraction.


Goose-egg my friend,a big fat ZERO.


Don't believe me? The subject here is sexual attraction,right? Well have you ever been just out somewhere minding your own business,and seen an attractive woman walk by? You thought she was beautiful,you thought she was "hot",and just the way she moved/looked/walked turned you on,right?



And all that sexual attraction and desire you had for this woman,you had it WITHOUT her ever opening her mouth and speaking to you.


Well since she never even spoke to you,then you had no way of knowing whether she was "nice" or not. So "niceness" was never a factor in you being turned on towards her. It's the same thing in reguards to a woman being attracted to a man.


The way a man is attracted to a woman is different from the way a woman is attracted to a man,but the RULES OF ATTRACTION are the same for BOTH SEXES. Anyway,back to the subject....

wouldnt you rather them be comfortable with you first?

Would i want them to be comfortable with me first?

NO.


You want them to be ATTRACTED to you FIRST.


It's attraction FIRST. You can "get to know them" and make them feel comfortable with you later on.


Attraction FIRST. Think about it...if you're not sexually attracted to a girl,does anything else really matter? If you're not sexually attracted to her,if you have no sexual interest in her whatsoever and you don't want to date her,then do you really care about anything else about her?

Do you really care where she went to school?
Or who her friends are?
Or that you two both have the same taste in music?


If you're not sexually interested in her and want to date her,then why would you care to know all those things about her? What purpose would you knowing those things serve? (And remember....the subject here is sexual attraction).

i think the problem is where you said after the approach an after a few texts they get bored and their interest level drops? how do i stop this?

How do you stop it? Well for one,you need to CALL THESE GIRLS. You can generate more attraction and interest by the girl hearing your voice as opposed to her reading some message you sent.


You might say,"Well....well the girls don't like to talk on the phone. They'd rather text". And you know what I say to that?


So. So what? So what if they'd rather text? You need to step up and be a MAN dude. You say that the girls would prefer to text. Well my question is this....what would you prefer to do? You're a part of the dating relationship too,aren't you?


Is it all about what the girl likes and prefers,or do you get a vote as well?


Do you think that you calling her would make her mad? If so,then I say GOOD!!! Call her up and make her mad. At least she won't be bored.

And i'm not joking either,I mean EVERY WORD I'm saying.

what do i talk to them about?
"So do you work/study?" "Where abouts are you from" "Your heaps pretty and have gorgeous eyes" "as if someone like you is single" "how was your day today, keep busy" etc

Now remember,I asked what it was that you say to the girls AFTER the approach. So if these are the kind of things you say in the first few days AFTER you've approached and gotten the number,then you're problem is CLEAR....


You're BORING the girls to death.

Where do you work? What do you study? Dude,that's snoozefest. It's not that there's anything wrong with these questions,you've just got them out of place. You've got to go with the ATTRACTION first.


After the attraction,then you can go into these comfort-building questions.but even then,weave them with a little teasing and flirting.


I think you're ok man. You just seem to have a few things out of place.

 

[Kirro]

To add to what Pastor Igetit! is saying. The most important part of being desirable is being a man. Its taking charge & stating what you want done. Steering interactions & contacts on your terms.

This will sound strange but you have to stop being so damn concerned with what to ask & what to say & just randomly say or do whatever pops into your head. Assuming you've got good instincts you'll do yourself far more good than harm. You said how do you forget them if you really like them. You shouldn't be saying something like that so damn early.

Girls have to impress you as well. They have to play by your rules. Stop letting your need for sex turn you into a damn punk. I know its frustrating & tiring but you have to keep your wits about you & stop letting make you so damn needy. You're trapped in the vicious drought cycle of want girl, meet girl, text girl, fail with girl, get frustrated, get desperate, need girl & LOOP.

To break a cycle you need to stop moving & do something different. Now digest Igetit!'s advice.

What's up, man. I'm a bit slow, can you clarify this...what do you mean by "put in the hard work?"

Do you mean, focus on your own life (work out, develop hobbies, strive for a better career, etc...)? Or, in the context of this site, approach more women?

Both. I'd advise working on yourself first & foremost. Then you approach more women.

 

[Kailex]

why does being nice and befriending them kill the attraction? wouldnt you rather them be comfortable with you first?
and yes i do compliment them and flirt and they do it back, so that isnt the problem, i think the problem is where you said after the approach an after a few texts they get bored and their interest level drops? how do i stop this?

what do i talk to them about?
"So do you work/study?" "Where abouts are you from" "Your heaps pretty and have gorgeous eyes" "as if someone like you is single" "how was your day today, keep busy" etc

Wait a second... after reading Igetit's replies and reading your replies (OP)...I came to this conclusion:

You're not actually going out with these girls.



Correct me if I'm wrong, but it just seems that you approach, get the number, and then blabber away through text.

Are you even setting up any dates?

It just seems that you are basically giving away all of your information even BEFORE the first date.

I don't want to get TOO deep into a reply without knowing that first:

- Are these texts all happening BEFORE the first date?


Because I've yet to read from you that you two (any two) have gone out at all and that you are just killing attraction AFTER the approach.

Give me an answer to this post and I'm sure Igetit! and I will probably get a better assessment of your situation... because he DID in fact give you a correct evaluation of what's lacking... but I think you also withheld information of the timeline of this all. Was I incorrect in thinking that no dates ever happened?

 

[ink_wizard]

Kailex- No i havent met these girls yet, but we were talking about meeting up and such before they started going cold....Ive known both of them over facebook for about a couple of weeks now and as i said i hit it off with both them and everything was going great, we talked about meeting up, kissing and cuddling etc..and just being flirty...With the first one im dying to meet her but i dont know if she will after blowing me off yesterday and if i should even bother pursuing her.......

But then again this sometimes also happens with other chicks too, i approach, get their numbers, great chemistry, we meet up and everything goes well %98 of the time, text after we meet....week later everything just dies down.....

 

[Tesl]

Kailex- No i havent met these girls yet,

Then why are you having all these conversations by text before you even meet them in person??? STOP doing that!

Meet girl, get contact details, arrange a place/time to meet up again in person, DO NOTHING, then go have fun with her.

Texting her to death is not going to build up any attraction, and makes you appear boring very quickly.

 

[Kailex]

Kailex- No i havent met these girls yet, but we were talking about meeting up and such before they started going cold....Ive known both of them over facebook for about a couple of weeks now and as i said i hit it off with both them and everything was going great, we talked about meeting up, kissing and cuddling etc..and just being flirty...With the first one im dying to meet her but i dont know if she will after blowing me off yesterday and if i should even bother pursuing her.......

But then again this sometimes also happens with other chicks too, i approach, get their numbers, great chemistry, we meet up and everything goes well %98 of the time, text after we meet....week later everything just dies down.....

As Tesl said, and as I suspected...

THAT is the FIRST root of your problem.
You're not leaving any mystery about you. You're chatting away every little bit and piece of information about you before you actually take them out.

That's what asking them out is for: TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

You DON'T do that BEFORE!

Not only that, but Facebook... couple of weeks... those are two things I HATE to read because you are killing ANY attraction they could feel for you. You are:

#1 - Taking too long
#2 - Giving away every aspect of mystery and intrigue
#3 - On Facebook
#4 - Not making any moves to get to meet up


While you are chatting away with them, they are getting ready to look good for the guy that DID ask them out right away.

Oh yeah... BTW:

STOP ALL THE TEXTING.

I know many people will say: But Kailex, I've had killer game with texting...

Well, this isn't one of those cases. Clearly you are doing SOMETHING wrong through text, where it be an abundance of information, being too available, etc...

When you are first going out with someone, your interaction through text needs to be MINIMAL. If it involves a conversation, it does NOT belong on text. The only thing on a text should be: "See you tonight at 8" or "Wear those high heels." By neverending texts, you only manage to friendzone yourself.

I only text after I've banged. Quite simple.

As of right now, the common denominator in this thread is: TEXTING and TAKING TOO LONG.

Remedy those two and then tell us what happens.