So my girlfriend lied about a party/guy....

[weddingcrasher]

Guys before I begin i just wanna let you know its a few paragraphs long, but please read b/c i really want some opinions on what to do.....

Me and my gf have been dating for about 8 months now, and everything seems so great. Honeslty we have both fallen for eachother but heres the thing. When we first started going out, this guy thought she was hot and wanted to hook up with her. She thought he was hot to, but there was me and I ended up getting her. On the night of our first date, (was a double date, me my friend with her n her friend)....after the date i overheard her say to her friend "are we still going to that party?"...The next day her friend told me that her n my girlfriend went to this party, but the only person who wanted to go was my girlfriend. Anyways I was told there was a guy named Dan who was hitting on her but nothing happend couse she said she had a bf. Anyways I let it go, and here we are 8 months down the road and everything seems good.

My gf and her friend had a HUGE fight a few months ago which lead to them never talking again and it doesnt matter couse my gf changed schools so she doesnt have to talk to her anymore anyways..she moved towns to so anyways....my gf's friend said that my gf had been talking **** behind my back and all this so me n my gf got into this fight, but we realized that most of it was lies from my gf's friend...my gf admited to some of the things, and since i really care for her I forgave her (they werent BIG things)...the major things we found out were lies. Anyways......we continue our relationship and everything is great! But about a month ago my gf braught up her old frined...and was like i kinda miss her and all this and i was like why havnt you forgot about this? Then I asked her....did you guys go to a party on the night of our first date? and my gf said ? what no? well...it wasnt really a parrty, it was just a few people there, and they were all younger than me anyways, they were like 10 year olds! and their mother told us to leave....

do you belive that ****!^ what a ****ing lame way to cover up an actual teen party with weed and booze. Anyways I let it go and said fine....well today I ran into my gf's old friend and we got chatting and she told me that that night of the party, it was all older guys and my gf was the only one who wanted to go. She wanted to go because while she was hoooking up with me, she was trying to hook up with this Dan guy. Now everythings starting to make sence. She said my gf liked this dan guy and wanted to go..and yea they did go and i dont know what happend after that.

Heres my problem...
we were officially together but it was only the first date so we were not in love yet, or anything. So I dont care if she was trying to hook up with this guy when she was trying to hook up with me, couse we didnt love eachother or know eachother really good yet. Anyways we have grown to love eachother now and know eachother really great and its been a great relationship. But I dont like being lied to, and she lied to me about the party when we talked about it a month ago. (when she made that lame cover up)....

so I can either ask her about it and say i would apreciate it if you dont lie to me ...or since i can forget about it , and continue to enjoy the relationship...what ya think?

like i said i dont care about the hookin up with the guy thing couse we never knew eachother that well then and it was only like our second day of being toghether she went to this party.....but the fact she lied to me about it a month ago after we've been in a long relationship.....kinda makes me mad...and the fact that i dont know what happend...lets say they ended up making out....i know it was the begining but she WAS WITH ME...so technicaly...its cheating ..... oh and by the way..when I met her, she had a boyfirend, and dumped him for me...so tehcnically,...she was trying to hook up with this dan guy, while trying to hook up with me...while having a boyfriend!.....seems like a slut to me and it hurts me to say that couse i love her. But ever since me, its only been me and were together all the time. IT seems so perfect...but she lied to me.

anythoughts and sorry for mkain this so long

 

[weddingcrasher]

comon please...anyone????

 

[Big Eee Zee]

It seems like a minor issue, but I can see how it would eat at the back of your mind and drive you crazy.

Well, examine your conscience. Have you also been PERFECTLY faithful? Have you done ANYTHING even similar. If yes, then I would forget about it. It might lead to a fight. If not, then you may have to have a talk with her.

 

[weddingcrasher]

I have never in any way done anything similar to that. Besides checking other females out...thats natural..its just a look and it means nothing. And I NEVER do it infront of her...yet I have noticed her do it infront of me. She also has said things like..

"theres this hot guys...well all my friends think hes hot and i dont really care but blah blah", she goes on about the story and im just thinking? "im not stupid, obviously your drooling over him to"...i just dont get why she has to say things like that. ITs not always ...just once in a while.

 

[ObieJuan]

Lying and cheating...if you even sense this type of stuff, bail. Don't waste your time with this girl; from what it sounds like you're headed for a breakup anyway. Dump her, It will be for your reasons and you will feel a lot better.

She probably won't even make a big deal about it and hook up with Dan, which is probably what she's in the process of doing right now. If you don't dump her you're going to be the one getting dumped.

My .02

 

[weddingcrasher]

anyone else?

 

[Jerky Boi]

This is the kinda thing I preach about ALL the time. If she friggin broke up with some guy to get to you, she'll do it to you too! Everyone talks about stealing other guy's gf's but it always comes back in their face when it happens to them.

From the sound of it, you don't trust her all that much. And as much as it hurts for me to say this ( I was in a similar situation with my ex that I went out with for 7 months) you probably need to let her go. You all can't love each other if there is no trust. Your best bet is to talk to her and maybe figure out once and for all what happened. You're never going to find out asking her friend that she got into a fight with. (If you think about it, she's probably lying to you. She doesn't like your gf in the first place.) Just talk to her though man and conclude things on your own. Believe me, when the time if right, you'll know what to do.

 

[Porky]

Hey weddingcrasher!

First of all, congrats on getting the girl despite her boyfriend, Dan, and this other crap.

Second of all, this is a decision you really need to make on your own but you need to look at the situation more objectively than you are.

A person's actions always speak louder than their words. Your girlfriend tells you she loves you, but she clearly does not respect you. Could you love somebody you don't respect? Could you lie to somebody you do respect? These are questions you need to think about very seriously.

like i said i dont care about the hookin up with the guy thing couse we never knew eachother that well then and it was only like our second day of being toghether she went to this party

You really should care about this. Even if it was "only" your second day of being together, she was prepared to screw you in order to get her jollies. That shows a complete disregard for your feelings and your time.

You mentioned that you two are in love - good for you! You should give her the benefit of the doubt and confront her with what you've heard. If she in turn gets mad at you for bringing it up yet again, she is immature and likely hiding something. If she continues to tell you the same lie about it being a party for 10 year olds - well, use your own judgment. Personally that sounds like rubbish to me.

remember: a girl will tell you she loves you one day and fvck your brother the next. If she really loved you she wouldn't be jerking you around by telling you lies. She may even think she loves you, but do you really want to be with somebody who would do this to you?

You know the situation best and you're the only one qualified to make this decision, but it sounds to me like this girl is wasting your time and you're at least partially blinded by your feelings for her. I'm sure she isn't the first girl you've dated, and she certainly won't be the last. Remember that.

 

[Jerky Boi]

Porky hit the nail right on the head. 'Nuff said

 

[Void]

meet more girls...

 

[weddingcrasher]

Thanks alot guys!...I'll keep you posted on what happens. I'll probably talk to her later tonight on the phone but I want to do this in person. So if shes coming over tomorrow I'll do it, but if she cant b/c of work ...then i'll just talk about it over the phone couse this is really eating at me now after reading all the replies. Thanks again guys!

 

[Morphiex]

maby she doesent want to hurt ur feelings or sumthing like that... and it was ur first date and u beome bf gf.... I dont know... i think u should just talk it out with her and then decide if u want to stay with her or move on...

 

[Disconnect]

Answer the following questions:

1) are you happy with the relationship you got going? Do you think she is? Why/Why not?

2) Do you trust her? If you don't, do you think it's just your insecurities playing out? Is your mistrust justified?


The point of the questions is that you know the situation way better than we do. Eight months is a long time, and you only gave us the nastier stuff from the relationship, not all the wonderful moments you spent together (which I'm sure are many). Thus, we all may be biased to tell you to dump her.

However, listen to your gut. Is it telling you to break free, that she is untrustworthy, or is cheating? Then try to rationalize that feeling with logic. Make sure it's justified.

You already confirmed she lied to you about the party, and will continue to do so.

I g2g, but will post later.

 

[LikRetsam]

I disagree with all advice to take this seriously. Honestly, if on their "first date" she wants to go with someone else, who cares? He got her and she is with him. Now why she is lieing to you about it is just as stupid as you asking about it.

Feelings change and for those who aren't so secure in their principles, that means depending on their feelings they can and can't do certain things. If she barely liked him and hooked up with some dude, what would it change now, 8 months later when they ARE together and she does like him?

 

[icallug]

its been awhile since ive been here and its the same old crap....



first of all ---- IT WAS EIGHT MONTHS AGO MABYE YOU SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT IT

second ----you said they didnt hook up so why should u be worrying

third --- you said you didnt care because this happened at the beginning when you two were just getting to know each other..... so stick to your word and dont care about it.....its nothing big at all


OMG my girlfriend lied to me about a party .................................................................................................................................................................................
sshhuutt uuuupppp!

 

[weddingcrasher]

UPDATE!!!!!

There was another time (This is also like 4 months after the party...me and my girlfreidn are starting to get more serious) when I was gone snowboarding with my friend (who was dating my girlfriends friend at the time..the one who they got into a fight with)...anyways that night we were gone, our girlfrinds went to the movies....and my other friend was there and told me he seen my gf there blah blah and she and her freind were with 2 skater kids. He doesnt know his name BUT he said he is in gr.11, goes to his school, long blonde hair and is a skater. Today I asked my one friend who knows a few people from that school and sure enough, there is a kid who is a skater, has long blonde hair, in gr.11....and guess what his name is...DAN! So then I asked one other person who actually goes to that school and it was confirmed...Kids name is Dan (dont worry i got the last name to)...gr.11, wears skater clothes, and long blonde hair.


Now put 2 and 2 together. All I got from the party was a kid in gr. 11 from that school named dan hitting on my gf. All I got from the movies was this skater kid with long blonde hair from that school in gr. 11 was with his friend and my girlfriend and her friend that night.

So I confirmed tonight that this kid who wears skater clothes, is in gr. 11 from that school and has long blonde hair's name is DAN.


(My gf also told me after the big fight her n her friend got into that she cheated on her boyfriend which was my friend that night while we were snowboarding...so now im starting to wonder....if she did it whith this dan guys friend..I bet my girlfriend cheated on me with this dan guy that night.)


She has got alot of explaining to do!

 

[08aisaac]

wow Have I ever heard something as AFC as what you just said. Please don't say it again. Stop acting so wussy and listen to some death metal music. Why do you care so much. Just ditch the bit*h. Honestly she sees you as some chump that she can cheat on.

 

[Jerky Boi]

It's not AFC at all. WeddingCrasher is just a little insecure, and I'm not gonna lie to you, I've felt this way before, but you have to understand, if you can't trust someone how are you going to love them? It's impossible. You can't go day by day worrying if your girl is going to cheat on you. It doesn't work that way. Take my advice and if you find some of these things to be true, don't go all crazy and ditch her, call her names and make yourself look bad. If you do end up breaking things off, try and leave things on good terms, as a MAN. Stand up for yourself, be firm, but don't be a d*** no matter what she did to you. You'll meet other girls man. Take it as a notch on the old belt and show her that you're a better man than that.(If in fact everything that happened was true.)

 

[Porky]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
I disagree with all advice to take this seriously. Honestly, if on their "first date" she wants to go with someone else, who cares? He got her and she is with him. Now why she is lieing to you about it is just as stupid as you asking about it.

Feelings change and for those who aren't so secure in their principles, that means depending on their feelings they can and can't do certain things. If she barely liked him and hooked up with some dude, what would it change now, 8 months later when they ARE together and she does like him?

Lik, you know I think you give great advice, but you're mistaken this time.

They were already together when she supposedly tried to hook up with this other kid. They've been together for 8 months now and she is lying to him.

Even if you can overlook the fact that the incident occured eight months ago, the fact that she is lying to somebody she "loves" tells you more about her character than anything else she could do. She simply isn't a quality girl if she can treat her boyfriend of 8 months like this.

As for what it would change if they were barely together and she cheated on him - well, everything. Like I said, it just shows you the kind of person that she is.

Good luck weddingcrasher.

 

[StrangeButTrue]

These guys are right- Definitely confront her. She has obviously been cheating, at the very least that one night, if not more.

She doesn't respect you- she's been running around behind your back, probably talking about how she thinks you're a chump to impess Dan.

When you confront her, word it somehow so that you catch her in her lie. And don't do it out of the blue, slowly steer the convo towards the week you went snowboarding. Then ask, "So what did you guys do, anyway?"

When she lies, you have your Cassus Belli and then some. Dump her ass.