So my ex just hit me up...

[dnscache]

Hadn't talked to her in a year and just get a text saying she "randomly thought of me me today and hoped I was doing well" and then called me my old nickname. So a little background though... she has a bf now, and last time I saw her she had been dating him for a year but we still ended up making out a lot in her bed and such, except she stopped abruptly and said she felt awful and wanted me to leave (although it didn't take much to persuade her to let me stay a bit longer, hahaha). We'd never had sex when dating (lol). But what makes it funny is even then she was dating a guy and we were all over each other more than we ever were while dating (double lol).

Anyway, would like to see if that phenomenon happens a little stronger this time (giggity giggity). Not sure how to go about that though. Advice appreciated.

Peace

 

[Diaforetikos]

Simpliest terms: Don't do it. It's not worth the effort. Thats all I'm gonna say. Simple words, but I doubt you'll listen...

 

[dnscache]

Well... I will at least consider not doing it, but first I gotta know what makes you say it's not worth the effort.

 

[pinhas]

Simpliest terms: Don't do it. It's not worth the effort. Thats all I'm gonna say. Simple words, but I doubt you'll listen...

From somone who just went through the same exact thing last month.. ^ this.

In my case, the Ex in question was probably the one that "got away" and I will always have feelings for her, and its still not worth it. If it didnt work for the first time, most likely it never will. Contacting you after all this time while dating another dude is either a call for attention or she needs some shoulder to cry on; in either case you should stay away.

 

[dnscache]

I failed to mention that she apparently broke up with that guy in the last couple weeks. I was actually the one who broke it off by the way, and it was pretty rough on her side. So she's not the "one who got away" (except, I suppose, in the sense of us never gettin' busy).

So, that adds some new dynamics to the situation.

I keep pushing this because I really will enjoy the challenge - I think it'd be fun, I just need some guidance since I've never had this sort of situation before. And again, I definitely don't want to date this chick again.

 

[pinhas]

And again, I definitely don't want to date this chick again.

So proceed as you would have of this would be a new girl. Charm her panties off; C+F, dont seem needy, have things going on in your life, show her what she missed and how she wasted a year with another dude. Try to bring her old feeling back for you and this time BANG HER!

Unless she's playing you and just wants attention after her breakup...

Keep your guard up; dont become her emotional tampon.

 

[Jay Dee]

That wasn't really an ex... just an interest.

If you had deleted the digits as soon as you fecked it off last time, you may have been responding 'Who's this'.

I suggest a reply with that (if she didn't mention already her name in the text). You're being civil then (and can tell anyone who ask that you haven't ignored her)

When she replies, ask 'So, what you got to tell me?', she's likely to reply with some small talk, if it's anything else but a meet up request then go radio silent.

She'll probably send another text or a few after that in the next few days, but unless it's about a meeting, ignore as you'll only get relegated to the friend zone.

Do the same if she calls and you mistakenly answer, ask what she has to tell, if nothing from her about meeting up, then say I gotta go, busy and hang up.

After a few of these, she'll either make it clear she wants to meet, or she'll not contact you anymore. The onus is on her to make the meetup as she's contacted you. Do not suggest any meetup yourself.

Guys feel free to pick this apart.

 

[maqnetik]

youre working a lame angle with this girl:

1) she has a boyfriend

2) you already have a NEGATIVE pattern established with her

in order for anything to be different youd have to stand your ground and tell her flat out: "thats not me anymore, let me know when youve tied up those loose ends"

you finish how you start

 

[dnscache]

I guess I should've made it clear that I dated her for 2 YEARS. My brain is toast lately from working 24/7, sorry for leaving out these huge pertinent pieces of info.

@Jay Dee: I like all you said except that she knows for a fact that I have her number memorized. It's an incredibly simple one that I had to memorize before I had a cell (this was back in high school), and everyone always commented on how easy her number is... Any ideas on how to apply your (very good) advice, without the "forgot the number" deal? Bullsh*t would be immediately called if I did that.

@maqnetik: I would agree with you if this was all the case, but you had the wrong back story info. Sorry to confuse there. But yeah, not usually keen on messing up relationships.

 

[Pimply_Pimp]

Hadn't talked to her in a year and just get a text saying she "randomly thought of me me today and hoped I was doing well" and then called me my old nickname. So a little background though... she has a bf now, and last time I saw her she had been dating him for a year but we still ended up making out a lot in her bed and such, except she stopped abruptly and said she felt awful and wanted me to leave (although it didn't take much to persuade her to let me stay a bit longer, hahaha). We'd never had sex when dating (lol). But what makes it funny is even then she was dating a guy and we were all over each other more than we ever were while dating (double lol).

Anyway, would like to see if that phenomenon happens a little stronger this time (giggity giggity). Not sure how to go about that though. Advice appreciated.

Peace

Allow me to translate what her "girl talk" was saying:

She's saying that she's bored with this other dude and maybe even the other ones she has on the side. She is now calling you because she can't find anything better at the current moment. As soon as she does, she will be gone faster than the ice cream at Roseanne Barr's house. She calls you when she's bored and doesn't call you when she's having fun.If she liked you so much, she would have NEVER gone out with that other guy in the first place.

She's bad news dude. :nono:

 

[dnscache]

@Pimpy Pimp: I would have to disagree with you on this one. I dumped her out of nowhere after we'd been dating for years. It was "devastating" (her words). I didn't talk to her for a year after that. Then we met up once (on my initiative) and things happened. Then another year goes by and she's single now hitting me up out of nowhere.

I'm seeing this as rebound... she's still into me in some way or another and lonely now (she's had a boyfriend pretty much non-stop since 8th grade). A.K.A. a chance for me to go in for the kill. lmao

Lovin' the discussion just for the sake of discussing this as well. I think I'll be back on these forums now at least to give advice (finally in a position to do that more than ask questions, save this one).

 

[Jay Dee]

...@Jay Dee: I like all you said except that she knows for a fact that I have her number memorized. It's an incredibly simple one that I had to memorize before I had a cell (this was back in high school), and everyone always commented on how easy her number is... Any ideas on how to apply your (very good) advice, without the "forgot the number" deal? Bullsh*t would be immediately called if I did that...

Ask who's this anyway - it's bullsh1t she's not contacted you for a year, and then expects you to still remember all her details? You're the man who's forgotten her and her easy-to-remember-digits because you've moved on, right? So bullsh1t a little, you know 3 other chicks with similar digits and you weren't sure...

Then follow it as per my previous post, ask 'So Kirsty (or Katy or Eunice or Doris or whatever), what have you got to tell me' and don't respond to anything she says AT ALL unless it's about a meet. You're showing that while you've acknowledged her, you haven't got time for small girlfriend talk. She'll recognise fast that she'll have to offer something more than just crappy texts to get your attention.

No guarantee this will work! If she's only looking attention to make her feel good say, then she won't ever offer to meet. But if she does, make sure you escalate and bed her, it's the way of the west.

 

[dnscache]

Response was: "I don't have anything to tell you, sir"

looool. F*cking WOMEN sometimes. Damn