So My Ex Came Over Tonight...

[foomee]

So anyways, I was dating my ex for about 13 months and it's been a little over a month since she's broken up with me. A week went by and things were fine, but then after that she hadn't made any contact me. So it was like this for about a month. Then suddenly today she instant messages me saying that she's bored blah blah blah and wants to come up to my dorm room (we go to the same school). So I say fine whatever, so she comes up. We hang out a little bit, her and all of my roommates. She's friends with them too... not as good, but the past year we've always all hung out together. So anyways, she comes over and we all go get dinner, then we go back up and we drink a little. All she has is like two beers. And then she says she has to leave at around 9:15 to go home, do laundry, and go hang out with some other friends and party or something. She basically said, "i'm going to go hang out with people that actually want me there". The whole time tonight I wasn't complimenting her, wasn't being too nice, and when she asked me a couple of questions like "who's prettier, me or her?" I'd do several negatives hits. I basically acted like she wasn't my gf anymore. So in all it was very odd... left me a little upset at the end. Right before she left I just gave her a hug and that was it.

But I'm just wondering why she's doing this? Is it cos she's actually bored and she has no other friends? Or did she want to hang out with me or just my friends? Or does she want me back? I really don't know. But if she did want to get back together... no way is that happening. The brake up was wayyyy too rough on me and I don't want that happening again anytime soon.

 

[satyriasis]

she's looking to see if you still care for her.

 

[violator]

She's history. There is probably good reason she is an "Ex". She is probably in some kind of dry spell and is using you for attention until she hooks up with some oher dude. It is quite possible you can use her for booty calls in the interim as is often the case with broken up couples. But if you still have some kind of emotional attachment to her, I suggest that you brake it off completely and refuse all of her offers to get together, even if it is just as friends. In the meantime, start dating other girls.

 

[hot-male.com]

she's looking to see if you still care for her.

+ she could also be jelouse that your hanging out with other people and forgotten about her..

and if you are emotionally still attached to her. just delete her numbers and **** and completely forget about her.. coz if you dont your just gonna go back into that circle and end up worse than u started off.. just go get other chicks and get on with life =D

 

[foomee]

From what I've heard from her roommate and such, she was sorta seeing this guy, but things got bad between them last week... so it is a possibility that she needs some attention. And I'm the last person that wants to give it to her...
I'm a nice guy and all... so just refusing her to hang out would be really **** of me. But we'll see. She wants to hang out Saturday night too... as soon as she left I was like wtf?
Although a booty call would be really nice right now... And I'm too busy with school, so I'm not looking to date anyone. I'm talking to a few girls right now, but nothing beyond hanging out as friends.
And it just seems too hard to just flat out ignore her... I know I probably should, but ehhhh.
Would it be wise to hook up with her? Or do you think I'd just fall harder?

 

[violator]

From what I've heard from her roommate and such, she was sorta seeing this guy, but things got bad between them last week... so it is a possibility that she needs some attention. And I'm the last person that wants to give it to her...
I'm a nice guy and all... so just refusing her to hang out would be really **** of me. But we'll see. She wants to hang out Saturday night too... as soon as she left I was like wtf?
Although a booty call would be really nice right now... And I'm too busy with school, so I'm not looking to date anyone. I'm talking to a few girls right now, but nothing beyond hanging out as friends.
And it just seems too hard to just flat out ignore her... I know I probably should, but ehhhh.
Would it be wise to hook up with her? Or do you think I'd just fall harder?

From what I see:

1. She broke off the relationship and is now using you for attention/ego boost until things get better with this other guy whom she may or may not like or until she finds someone better. Women usually don't like to be alone. So they will try to hang on to someone, in this case you, until they find someone else. I have been the victim or have been used by women in this respect so I know what I am talking about.

You should only agree to see her if it is of benefit to you, i,e, sex. Dont give her the benefit of you being used as an emotional tampon or ego booster while she is screwing other guys. Other than that, no more contact.

Again, if you want to hook up with her, fine, but you are going to have to emotionally detach yourself for it to work. Otherwise, I would just forget about the hook up thing and pursue other women.

 

[MacDiddy]

foomee is like bart simpson getting electric shock and wanting more.

 

[WesCottII]

When most guys get dumped, they literally stalk the woman. Never giving her a moments peace, always calling, texting....i've seen it 1000 times. Hell I've done it once.

What I'm saying is this is what she's used to. You didn't do it, so she's thinking "why, is this guy not stalking me", and the whole "wanting what you can't have" syndrome kicks in. She doesn't want you, she just wants attention.

 

[foomee]

How do you think I should handle this? Sex would be rather nice...
Say she IM's me asking if she can come over... should I be like "Well what to I get out of it" and eventually tell her I want some sex.
Or should I just tell her that I don't want her to hang out with me..?

Plus... she also invited me and all of my roommates to a horse jumping show that she's going to do this summer (she jumps horses). So that also sounded like someone wanted a little attention..

 

[foomee]

So this is what happened Saturday night. I forget about my ex and me and my buddy decide to invite two girls up to drink with us, play a few drinking games, and hangout and watch scrubs. Basically, just have a good time. So we leave my room and go to his dorm down the hall and watch scrubs there. Apparently my ex called my room at around midnight asking to drink with us. My roommate answered and told her that I'm drinking in Mike's room with Felicia and her friend. And he gave her his number. My ex never called.

She has always been very skeptical about this Felicia girl I'm friends with, but I'm glad this happened because I think it's showing her that I have a life beyond her and I'm having fun with other girls. So I'm glad that happened...

Tonight I was watching a movie with that Felicia girl and my ex IM's me, so I chat like for 30 seconds, but not mention Felicia, but I do mention at the end that I'm going to be drinking tomorrow night and she's welcome to join us. She says "maybe".

What do you guys think of me inviting her up to my dorm to drink? She's a fun person and I don't mind having her around... and even miss her a little. Was this a wise thing to do or should I really just forget about her? From what happened Saturday, she knows that I have other girls I can hangout with and such, so I think she should feel honored to hangout with me..

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Part of why chicks like to have boyfriends is that they get to hang out with him and his friends.

They like being able to hang with the guys and party with the guys (because hanging with guys is way more fun than being around women which are always competing and back-stabbing each other.)

Women want boyfriends, in part, to enrich their (boring) lives by getting to join his social circle, flirt with his friends, experience new things by participating in his life, get out to watch him play sports, hang-out at the bar after the game etc. etc.

So she now wants all those benefits again without having to be the girlfriend, and without having to give it up.

 

[_DracoLord_]

She's a fun person and I don't mind having her around... and even miss her a little. Was this a wise thing to do or should I really just forget about her?

You should be careful, you're walking a fine line here. It shouldn't be a problem keeping her around to hang out with (or more) as long as you don't get emotionally attached again. Just be wary if you feel like you're falling for her and back off or it can tend to get messy.