So my Dad called me a "monster." Need some guidance

[Taker]

Guess I'm lucky that my dad's one of those 'natural' Don Juans (though he kinda just grew into one when he was 50). Some of the stuff found on this site was taught to me by him before I came to this site. I even quoted some stuff from here to him and he approves. My dad thinks religion is utter BULL****.

Anyone else here who has DJ dads?

 

[Desdinova]

Even if my pop pulls a 180 and says "Great job son I always knew you could do it!" I'm still going to be like "Thanks *sshole," and tell him to f*ck off.

Man, I couldn't have said that better myself.

edit: 22 is a bit old to be having those "parental talks" I think though mate.

Yeah, no 5hit, but that's not his goddam fault. I had them when I was 19, and it wasn't my choice. If my parents didn't want me to grow up, they should've fvcked Peter Pan instead of each other.

 

[brosnake]

Update:

My Mom called me today and told me how fvcked up I am again. She wants me to meet with her and my dad again this weekend so I can 'fix things.' She wants me to apologize for being the person I am and to tell them what I'm going to do in the future to fix it. She wants it in fvcking writing if you can believe that.

Problem is I have no idea how I'm going to 'fix it.' My mom wants me to talk to her more, but I see her twice a week (in person) already (dinner one night and one night we go to the gym). I think that's a lot for a grown ass man that has his own place/full time job/lot's of friends/side business/3 LTRs I see once a week. Isn't it?

This sh1t isn't going away either. I need to deal with it this weekend. Normally when my parents criticize me I just sit there and stare at them and not say anything but 'yes I understand' or 'maybe I could change the way I deal with that.' This is getting to the point where that might not fly.

Desdinova- I really respect your posts so if you could advise I would be grateful. Thanks.

 

[Charm]

brossnake,

it sounds like your family needs family counseling with a guidance counseler. Since everyone assumes "power" positions and blames everyone else, you all can't get to a common ground.

Here is what I suggest:
When you meet with your family, tell them, you want to fix things, but that the only way you'll participate is through FAMILY counseling. Tell them that is your offer and if they don't take it then it's their loss. You will not be victimized by them trying to run your life. Family counseling or nothing.

Good luck

 

[WesCottII]

ahh, tough call mate, feel for you.

Personally, if I were fully independant, and my parents tried to pull this ****, then i'd cut off all contact with them. Seems harsh, but you're not under their roof...it's not their call.

18 years of my life spent with my father belittling (sp) and telling me nothing i do is worth it. 6 days after my 18th he tried to show who was the man by beating me up (he's not usually violent) I'll be damned if I want anything to do with him after i'm outta here. But hey....maybe i'm a little biased and bitter.

Maybe in your situation you should tell them either to stop it, as it's not their life, or risk losing their son.

 

[DJDamage]

I think that's a lot for a grown ass man that has his own place/full time job/lot's of friends/side business/3 LTRs I see once a week. Isn't it?

I think it sounds like you are independed and has things under control. You do not need the approval of your parents any more. You are an adult and its time you speak to your parents as adult to adults not as a child to an adults because that is the way they still see you.

In fact next time they start with the B.S say " I am a grown man and I am not going to sit here and take this tone you have with me. I have a full time job lots of friend, a side business and I date alot. I am not a criminal nor have been in trouble with the law, nor do drugs or beat up women. I do not deserve this criticism and treatment just because you think I should be someone I am not. Accept me as I am or don't accept me at all. The choice is yours."

DJD

 

[WesCottII]

I think it sounds like you are independed and has things under control. You do not need the approval of your parents any more. You are an adult and its time you speak to your parents as adult to adults not as a child to an adults because that is the way they still see you.

In fact next time they start with the B.S say " I am a grown man and I am not going to sit here and take this tone you have with me. I have a full time job lots of friend, a side business and I date alot. I am not a criminal nor have been in trouble with the law, nor do drugs or beat up women. I do not deserve this criticism and treatment just because you think I should be someone I am not. Accept me as I am or don't accept me at all. The choice is yours."

DJD

My sentiments exactly.

 

[Holland]

amen


Show them that you make your own decisions. You're not their little boy anymore and that you don't like to be told to meet their expectations.

 

[StrangeButTrue]

I think it sounds like you are independed and has things under control. You do not need the approval of your parents any more. You are an adult and its time you speak to your parents as adult to adults not as a child to an adults because that is the way they still see you.

In fact next time they start with the B.S say " I am a grown man and I am not going to sit here and take this tone you have with me. I have a full time job lots of friend, a side business and I date alot. I am not a criminal nor have been in trouble with the law, nor do drugs or beat up women. I do not deserve this criticism and treatment just because you think I should be someone I am not. Accept me as I am or don't accept me at all. The choice is yours."

DJD

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! If they can't realize this, then you'll have to threaten to cut off all contact with them, and you may just have to do it if you can't wake them up to reality.

I've cut off one of my parents and some old friends who were treating me like ****, and I'm better for it. It's kinda hrd at first but it gets easy. Hopefully it won't come to that, but you may have no other choice, sadly.

Good luck.

 

[Rovalier]

You have your act together already. Relax man.

I bet your dad is jealous that he was not able to accomplish what you have done at your age. Thus he looks for flaws to lambast at you to feel better about himself. You are living on your own, work out regularly, healthy sex and dating life, fulltime job, run a side business and drive a Mercedes on top of that. As long as you don't splurge too much (or at all) and invest more, you will do fine. Keep working on accomplishing more in your life and do not let anyone ****ing drag you down back to their level.

You are a monster alright and a damn good one who amounts to his ambitions and goals unlike all those 9-5 slave to the ***** sheeps. Check out this story as a reminder why you should not live on the terms of what women want.

On my book, you are doing good stuff. Keep it up.

 

[GirlCrazy]

I was in the same boat at your age. The confrontational approach (saying 'it's none of your f'in business') didn't work, so I just completely ignored my parents for about 6 months.

If they called I'd say something like "Really busy, no time to talk, gotta go, bye *click*"

The few times they came to the door I'd say "Be there in a sec, I'm in the shower" and put on my headphones.

After it was clear that they would participate in my life on my terms, or not at all, they became a whole lot nicer.

 

[Desdinova]

My Mom called me today and told me how fvcked up I am again. She wants me to meet with her and my dad again this weekend so I can 'fix things.' She wants me to apologize for being the person I am and to tell them what I'm going to do in the future to fix it. She wants it in fvcking writing if you can believe that.

It's all one-sided. They're demanding respect from you, but they're not giving you any. They want an apology in writing from you? That's fvcking rediculous.

Problem is I have no idea how I'm going to 'fix it.'

Accept this right now, you're parents are NEVER going to be 100% happy with you. This is their problem, not yours.

My mom wants me to talk to her more, but I see her twice a week (in person) already (dinner one night and one night we go to the gym). I think that's a lot for a grown ass man that has his own place/full time job/lot's of friends/side business/3 LTRs I see once a week. Isn't it?

You're damn right that's a lot of time! My parents are lucky if they see me twice a month. If I were you, I'd pull back on how much they get attention from you, and tell them why.

Explaining how you're feeling about their treatment toward you is one of the most difficult things to do. These are your parents, and you've been taught to respect and obey them for 20+ years. Telling them that they're wrong and treating you like a child is probably one of the most difficult things you'll ever do, but it needs to be done if you want them to treat you better. If you get no results from talking to them, then pull back on their "visiting time" with you. It worked for me (although they're still fvcking a55holes).

I'll fire you a PM when I've got a bit of time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This sh1t isn't going away either.

Yes, it is, when you stop talking to them. When she calls, tell her there is nothing to talk about and hang up. You don't have to disown them forever, but disown them for a week or two and see how they change their tune. In every relationship, there is a dominant and a submissive. The dominant side is the one who is first to walk away from the relationship. Mom is dominating both you and dad. He won't walk away, but you still can. She will respect you more in the long run. Stand up to your mother. You are too old to get bullied by mommy.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

Dude, if I were you, I'd outline my c0ck on a piece of paper and mail it to them. That's the only apology they'd get from me.

F*ck em. You got better things to do than deal with that crap.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Telling them that they're wrong and treating you like a child is probably one of the most difficult things you'll ever do, but it needs to be done if you want them to treat you better.

A good starting point for sure, but I don't see that getting anywhere with brosnake from what he's told us. I know it sure didn't work for me. When I told them that they will treat me like an adult, it had no effect. I don't think it even registered in their brains. Something needs to "click" in their minds before they can see you as an adult.

Now I have a great relationship with both of my parents. When I go down to O.C. on business, my dad says "hey why don't you stay at our place. we have 40 lbs of steaks in the freezer, and you can even smoke pot in the house - oh and bring your dog if you like."

Why is he so flexible? Because if he wasn't, he'd be lucky to get a few hours of my time during a busy trip.

And it looks like everyone here understands the secret - AVAILABILITY. It's the currency we use to reward people that respect us and treat us well, whether it be our parents, or the chicas in our life.

Dude, if I were you, I'd outline my c0ck on a piece of paper and mail it to them. That's the only apology they'd get from me.

I would never disrespect my parents that way, but that doesn't mean I'll make myself available to listen to their bullsh!t either.

 

[TheLazy]

if the girls arent complaining then dont worry too much about it.

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

Dude, if I were you, I'd outline my c0ck on a piece of paper and mail it to them. That's the only apology they'd get from me.

F*ck em. You got better things to do than deal with that crap.

AHAHAHAHA :crackup: That's prob too harsh since their still your parents. I would agree with the other posters and cut off contact if they still give you sh*t or tell them your old enough to take care of yourself and if they aren't happy that their child is successful then they're something wrong with them. Bottom line is they're jealous and miss the power / control they used to have over you, the only cure to this is time and make them understand that they need to grow up themselves or risk losing you.

 

[CLOONEY]

If your dad is calling you a failure, I would not listen to him any further. Which dad calls his own son a failure? Tell him to learn about life, its lessons, troubles, experiences, before he goes shooting his mouth off! Sounds like he is a bit over the top into religeon to me!

 

[KarmaSutra]

EXCELLENT. This is GOOD news.

Unfortunately you becoming aware of and breaking through the society matrix, doesnt sit well with friends, co-workers and family.
Alot of them probably mean well but dont know any better.

Keep it up bro, I personally would love to have a chat like that with my dad but hes fvcked more chicks than me so I probably wouldnt have a leg to stand on, but back in his day there were alot more "ladies" I guess and some possibly deserved "chivalry" and all that old school bollocks.

edit: 22 is a bit old to be having those "parental talks" I think though mate.

Booby brother is on track here.

My Dad is what you'd call an "Old school player". He and I haven't had the best of relationships until I turned 13 and came to Florida to live with him. Up until that point I had Mom and Catholic guilt bludgeoning my inner DJ.

Now all we do is talk about our conquests and come up with strategies to sarge together. Albeit, My Pop has a slightly older demographic to pursue but the end result is the same. Young ass.

He's 59. We go to Gold's together and work out, He hangs with me and my buddies for golf and beer and then we hit the town for some hot, mid twenties poonanner. If you think for one fvckin' second age makes a difference you're wrong.

I'm lucky as fvck to have my Pop.

 

[RedPill]

It wouldn't surprise me if most of the members of this forum have parents who are close-minded, AFC, and overprotective. I know mine are no exception. We get along alright, although I can only handle them in small doses.

Some things to keep in mind:

1) Unless they have mental issues, most parents think they're doing what's best for you, regardless of how dumb they act. You'll never get them to see otherwise.

2) They will never change. People who are middle-aged and are close-minded and fearful will always be that way. With that in mind, you must accept their retardedness and find ways to avoid it. Let them stew in their self-created drama stemming from their fantasy that you are supposed to be a carbon copy of them.