So many things wrong here...

[wjh]

I visit another forum with a dating and relationships section and post a bit. I see a lot of AFC behavior on many forums, but I wanted to share this particular post from an AFC with idealized romantic notions and not a single hint of healthy skepticism. There's so much wrong with this it's terrible.

Finally met someone!

i know most of you dont know me, who i am, etc. etc. but since none of the other forums i am on have this section i thought i'd post on here just because i am very happy that i met this girl...oddly enough i met her through myspace. we chatted on there for a bit...then started texting...then called and talked a few times and she wanted to get together to get a drink...when she first said that, that kinda bothered me b/c i'm not a big clubbing type of guy..i'll go to a bar w/ friends to chill but thats it. and meeting her at that type of place makes me think if i go to meet her and she doesnt like then its easy for her to ditch me and find another guy lol. i met her this past saturday night at Carolina Alehouse down here in south fl. i use to live around her area and this place was new. we had dinner then went outside to finish our drinks. talked some more and went home. the next night we went to another new place in that area called Bar Louie...this place was nice as hell! flatscreens EVERYWHERE and all different types of seating...full bar, etc....

here's the interesting part...we go out to her car that night and she sits inside so i thought she was leaving...but then i walk around to check out the inside of her car (08 accord coupe NHBP 4cyl, pretty funny that we both have black on black accords)...so i talk to her some more and finally shes like "well i keep yawning so i'm gonna go home to sleep" so i hugged her (i kinda wanted to kiss her but sometimes i get nervous around girls i am starting to like)...i stand outside her car to say bye, look at her again and she says "come here"...i get back in and i go to hug her again and she starts kissing me....about the best kiss(es) i have ever had. soft lips, slow kisses (no crazy making out or tongue, etc)...and after she goes "so i bet your REAL nervous now" i was like "no not NOW" lol.....so we talk some more and then we both agree to go home, i lean in to kiss her and she pauses and is like "ahh now i see you really aren't, now you DO want to kiss me!" i'm like "heck yes!"...we hang out the next night and go to the same bar b/c it was really nice. they had 5 for 5 bucket specials and we also sat outside (she smokes but for some reason hers doesnt really bother me)...then this time when we walked to the parking lot she said "lets sit in your car tonight" so we did....earlier in the night i was telling her about my friend thats a cop that works a little south of her so she goes "hey is your friend working?" i said yeah ill text him...he wrote back so she wasnt tired so she said "oo lets go see him i wanna meet him" (he's my best friend so i wanted him to meet her sooner or later)...we meet up, he's bored as **** as usual, not doin anything (he works in a small town)...talk for a little bit then leave..bring her back to her car then go home

we were both off today and i said i'd like to see her today if possible b/c it probably would be a little bit before we could hang out again as my coworker goes on vacation (moving) and i am most likely gonna be workin 10 days in a row so ill be tired as ****. she said shed be hangin w/ her mom during the day and maybe around 7-8 i could come over.

i got nervous b/c she told me the 2nd night that she normally doesnt have guys over she meets until at least 3 weeks or so til she knows them better. she said she really likes me, as i like her too. so i go over and we have a few beers, make out, the usual nothing crazy. when i was about to leave she said she was really nervous and had a weird feeling in her stomach. i asked why and she said she didnt know. i felt a little weird b/c i didnt know what she meant. then she said "well i didnt think you'd be the type of guy that wants a relationship and that u just want sex so i thought i would just make u happy and then thats it" i said no no no i want more than that and she said "i think thats why i have this feeling b/c i really wanna date you"...i had the biggest smile on my face and said i want to date her too....

i joked w/ her before i left sayin "so does this mean i can change my relationship status on myspace--are you my girlfriend?" she says "we'll talk about that" ...i'm not EXACTLY sure what she means about that but i really do like her and want something meaningful and long-relationship w/ her.

not that it matters to me or her but i just turned 24, she is 31. she said she usually goes for older guys but on our convo on the phone on my way home she said she likes me so much b/c i am very mature, very nice & sweet to her and i make her feel so good when she talks to me..that just puts the biggest smile on my face knowing that!

well that is what i had to get off my chest b/c i feel really good right now

any comments are welcome. please keep the negatives to yourself as i do tend to get sensitive sometimes..

goodnight

 

[Desdinova]

Oy.

not that it matters to me or her but i just turned 24, she is 31.

Did this stand out for anyone else? I hear the ticking of a biological clock.

 

[wjh]

lol that's pretty much exactly right samspade.

my initial reaction is that she's playing the field looking for an AFC provider to hook her claws into.

tick, tock.

 

[wjh]

no way this poor guy's dad was in the picture either, it's like he's been coddled his whole life

 

[Vulpine]

Oy.



Did this stand out for anyone else? I hear the ticking of a biological clock.

Totally.

I'm watching the AFC sundae getting made, that little "I'm 24/she's 31" was like the cherry on top.

Well, best of luck to that guy, I say.

Bombed-out old barslüts need lovin' too. The way I figure, there's one more 24 year-old chick out there for ME! :rockon:

May they live happily ever after!

 

[Mr. Me]

Well my goodness me! Doesn't that hunkydory story just put the biggest smile on your face!!!!

I think she was very good at having him show his hand in the relationship question and in baiting him. Too bad he doesn't realize he's actually in a roach hotel with a man-eating cougar. This will be fatal.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo WJH,

That's one sad assed suicide mission that guy is on. But I've got a few questions for you though:

1. Did you offer this guy any advice or throw him any "DJ Lines" to see if he was open to waking up to the truth, taking some heed, and maybe saving himself?

2. If you did, what was his response?

3. And if you didn't intervene, why didn't you?



MUCH RESPECT.


VU

 

[wjh]

VU,

I most definitely tried to get him to "see the light" - but I'm afraid it hasn't worked so far.

This was my first response:

Well, I hate to burst your happy-bubble, but you're prime for being manipulated. And the worst part is that I think she knows it. I'll elaborate...

The emotional state that you're in is absolutely telling of your inexperience with women. You haven't even had sex with her and you're talking about making her your girlfriend? You barely know this woman and you're considering a long-term relationship? Do you see what you're doing here? You're fabricating an idealized relationship from a couple of kisses and some sweet words.

She's older than you and is absolutely more experienced than you.

That line about her thinking that you only wanted sex was an absolute lie. Sorry brother, but it is. You are the anti-man-*****. Let me ask you this, how many casual sexual partners have you had in your life? Zero?

When you brought up the MySpace relationship-status change, and she said "we'll talk about it" - that means she's not ready to claim you as her boyfriend. There's a reason for that. She very likely has other guys she's playing the field with.

She's 31. Women at that age tend to want to settle down with guys who are capable of providing for them. Who better to satisfy her agenda than a guy who is incredibly "nice" to her?

Do you see how she's the one making all the major moves? She kissed you first. She brought you into her. She chased you.

And why don't you want to hear anything "negative" because of your sensitivities? Be a man! Don't act like a pussified little boy. Your feelings might get hurt? Are you serious?

I'll wait for your reply to see more of where you are in your head...

To which he only countered with:

i'm not getting into all the details and what not but i didn't include some of the details of last night

one word

xrated



there.

Then I got mad. As if having sex with her (which later turns out wasn't even sex) absolves him of his behavior.

I'll post my follow-up response if more people respond to this thread.

 

[wjh]

The moderator just closed the thread, but I made more posts that you guys might find entertaining...

The moderator that closed the thread was a woman by the way LOL

 

[Victory Unlimited]

LOL...yeah WJH.

All we can do is try to light the way with whatever valuable shyt we have learned, but once they start and CONTINUE to slap that helping hand away...then our consciences remain clear----while the stubborn, bullheaded guys who we recognize as being hellbent to continue down the Road to Perdition are on their own, I guess...

...it's cool that you're still willing to throw this guy good intel every now and then though. Only time will tell if he's destined for future greatness or eternal, CLUELESS "Wimpdom".

Oh, and I just read where you say that they closed the thread, huh. It's amazing that there are still so many places on the internet these days where even "AFC" threads are considered too controversial and edgy...:crackup:


March on.

 

[Truman181]

Holy crap! This will be fun! (Note to wjh I know you reposted this so my comments aren't directed towards you)

then called and talked a few times and she wanted to get together to get a drink...when she first said that, that kinda bothered me b/c i'm not a big clubbing type of guy..i'll go to a bar w/ friends to chill but thats it.

Mistake #1 meeting her where she is comfortable and where he is uncomfortable.

and meeting her at that type of place makes me think if i go to meet her and she doesnt like then its easy for her to ditch me and find another guy lol.

Mistake #2. Such a defeated attitude. It was over for him before it even began.

i met her this past saturday night at Carolina Alehouse down here in south fl. i use to live around her area and this place was new. we had dinner then went outside to finish our drinks.

Obviously a bar or something....he gave in and went on her turf.

talked some more and went home. the next night we went to another new place in that area called Bar Louie...this place was nice as hell! flatscreens EVERYWHERE and all different types of seating...full bar, etc....

Mistake #3 Now he's repeatedly going to bars which he doesn't like doing. Also, he obviously is making himself too available. Does he have a life outside of her? I bet SHE doesn't think so!

here's the interesting part...we go out to her car that night and she sits inside so i thought she was leaving...but then i walk around to check out the inside of her car (08 accord coupe NHBP 4cyl, pretty funny that we both have black on black accords)...

That sounds like chick talk "omg! We have matching cars!"

so i talk to her some more and finally shes like "well i keep yawning so i'm gonna go home to sleep"

Mistake #4 he was clinging to her so fricken long that she took the lead out of boredom.

so i hugged her (i kinda wanted to kiss her but sometimes i get nervous around girls i am starting to like)...

Oh deary, grow a pair. She wanted a kiss and you were too scared to go for it.

i stand outside her car to say bye, look at her again and she says "come here"...i get back in and i go to hug her again and she starts kissing me....

It's funny that she kissed him after he was so spineless. Possible Red Flag, possible BPD.

about the best kiss(es) i have ever had. soft lips, slow kisses (no crazy making out or tongue, etc)...

Oh sweetie, save it for your diary!

and after she goes "so i bet your REAL nervous now" i was like "no not NOW" lol.....so we talk some more and then we both agree to go home, i lean in to kiss her and she pauses and is like "ahh now i see you really aren't, now you DO want to kiss me!" i'm like "heck yes!"...

We agree to go home??? Sounds like a business agreement. Definitely BPD.

we hang out the next night

Sh!t, she owns you and worse, she KNOWS she does.

and go to the same bar b/c it was really nice.

Oh yep, really nice bar. Way to justify that you have no spine and constantly do what she wants to do, never mind that you didn't like bars to begin with.

they had 5 for 5 bucket specials and we also sat outside (she smokes but for some reason hers doesnt really bother me)...

UGH! Mistake #5 he continually compromises his standards.

then this time when we walked to the parking lot she said "lets sit in your car tonight" so we did....

It would have been nice to see him lead something...ANYTHING in this whole thing.

earlier in the night i was telling her about my friend thats a cop that works a little south of her so she goes "hey is your friend working?" i said yeah ill text him...he wrote back so she wasnt tired so she said "oo lets go see him i wanna meet him" (he's my best friend so i wanted him to meet her sooner or later)...we meet up, he's bored as **** as usual, not doin anything (he works in a small town)...talk for a little bit then leave..bring her back to her car then go home

Red Flag! Why the fvck would she want to meet his friend in the middle of a date (especially so early on)? Obviously an AW. Sure she enjoys his company....but even MORE than that she wants to know who she can add to her social circle if things continue...

Oh yeah, Mistake #6 for complying.

we were both off today and i said i'd like to see her today if possible

GRRRR! Mistake #7 He is going to smother the woman! She will soon be thinking "run! run!"

b/c it probably would be a little bit before we could hang out again as my coworker goes on vacation (moving) and i am most likely gonna be workin 10 days in a row so ill be tired as ****.

Hell man, if you justify yourself this much to EVERYONE as you do to US, that tells me that you live your life apologetically.

she said shed be hangin w/ her mom during the day and maybe around 7-8 i could come over.

She's getting wishy-washy. You can tell she's dangling the bait now.

i got nervous b/c she told me the 2nd night that she normally doesnt have guys over she meets until at least 3 weeks or so til she knows them better.

Red Flag! Okay so she definitely meets a lot of guys....and she is quick to compromise her "rules". BPD all the way.

she said she really likes me, as i like her too.

I feel like I'm watching Dawson's Creek...

so i go over and we have a few beers, make out, the usual nothing crazy. when i was about to leave she said she was really nervous and had a weird feeling in her stomach. i asked why and she said she didnt know. i felt a little weird b/c i didnt know what she meant. then she said "well i didnt think you'd be the type of guy that wants a relationship and that u just want sex so i thought i would just make u happy and then thats it" i said no no no i want more than that and she said "i think thats why i have this feeling b/c i really wanna date you"...i had the biggest smile on my face and said i want to date her too....

Ummmm Okay now she's dangling sex in front of him, confessing feelings early on, I did say BPD didn't I?

Oh yeah, Mistake #8 is that he confessed his feelings so soon, under her terms, when she prompted him to, under the promise of sex and maybe more...

i joked w/ her before i left sayin "so does this mean i can change my relationship status on myspace--are you my girlfriend?"

Oh how cute! You're fishing dude. Way to use humor to cover up the fact that you don't have the BALLS to ask her straight out. Secondly, why do you need that reassurance? Let her be the one to ask you to change it after she has changed her's first.

she says "we'll talk about that" ...i'm not EXACTLY sure what she means about that but i really do like her and want something meaningful and long-relationship w/ her.

I'm pretty sure what she means EXACTLY is "I like you but I don't know if I like you enough that I want to stop fvcking other guys"

not that it matters to me or her but i just turned 24, she is 31.

Dude it's pretty obvious that you are settling for a much older woman because you don't think you can get anyone else. And she knows this.

she said she usually goes for older guys but on our convo on the phone on my way home she said she likes me so much b/c i am very mature, very nice & sweet to her and i make her feel so good when she talks to me..that just puts the biggest smile on my face knowing that!

She's just stroking your fragile little ego Mary. Now run along home to mommy.

well that is what i had to get off my chest b/c i feel really good right now

How sweet! I think you should grab a tub of ice cream and go watch When Harry Met Sally.

any comments are welcome. please keep the negatives to yourself as i do tend to get sensitive sometimes..

Putz

goodnight

Grow up

 

[Truman181]

Sh1t that was one LONG reply I gave. I enjoyed that WAY too much.

 

[Truman181]

Ok...maybe I'm being mean here but I thought I'd have some fun with this. My edits are in CAPS. Was this from Loveshack?

Finally met someone DESPERATE LIKE ME!

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

LMAO samspade!

It's been awhile since I laughed so hard.

Reps

 

[wjh]

Thanks for the replies guys.

After the reaction the original poster gave me, I got a little tough with him and posted this:

Since you're not going to tell me sh1t because you're obviously a big wuss I'm going to tear you a new a55hole.

You think just because you fvcked you're absolved of your pvssy behavior?

Where's your dad? Did your mom strangle him with obnoxious feminist behavior to the point that he left you and her? Did your mom raise you to be a little supplicating boy-bytch intent on never having control over his life in regard to women?

This girl's biological clock is ticking and she's intent on finding someone to provide her with the financial/economic/provisioning security she biologically desires. She's hedging her bets with you!

Her having sex with you and divulging how she "feels" after two weeks is of "real" dating is her way of sealing the deal on your commitment to her and her security goals. You're being USED.

You were too much of a pvssy to even go for a kiss (you even made her YAWN from boredom) - she doesn't know you outside of a few MySpace messages and a couple of dates. Well, save for the fact that you're a pvssy.

It's sad that you're so desperate for pvssy that you're willing to do anything for it.

I wonder how long it'll be before you stop using condems and get her pregnant.

Let me ask you this, what do you do? What's your career/job/etc.?

To which he replied:

mods can now delete this thread as that guy went off completely on me and i dont appreciate it. i simply made a thread about something simple and he responded with a lecture left and right that i don't want to hear. let me live my life. damn

More to come...

 

[Truman181]

More to come...

Good luck man. I don't think this guy will see the light no matter what anyone says to him. The Matrix has him and right now he likes what he thinks it's given him. Guys like him think things are all wine and roses and are too stubborn to consider that life isn't a fairy tail. It's that close-minded attitude that's holding him back. It's going to take YEARS of heartbreak, misery and loss for him to toughen up and get his head out of his ass. I know, I've been there...

 

[wjh]

He posted this:

my ex is 41. i always go for older women

To which I replied:

Water seeks its own level pal. You would go for the hot 21 year old girls if you could. But you can't, so you justify your behavior with ego-invested delusions. It's like the guys who "always" go for "thick" (fat) girls. You're one of the guys who "always" goes for the "older" (old) girls.

You're too scared to accept your fair market value and deal with rejection. So you go for the easier kill. You're eating Taco Bell because you think it's better than nothing and you're starving. You don't realize that you could be eating filet mignon if only you tried.

Don't fool yourself, it's the ones that have gone beyond their use-by date that are choosing you, not the other way around. Don't come here pretending you're a stud with options because you're clearly not.

____

Can you tell I've learned a lot here?

 

[wjh]

No, it's not Love Shack, it's actually a car forum.

 

[wjh]

This is what the moderator posted right before closing the thread:

To tell you the truth, out of all of the guys who usually post here, it is the ones who claim they are always in charge, the man of the town, or who otherwise flaunt every escapade with all the women they've ever met, who are, in real life, probably the weakest, most insecure, and miserable. There are three people who come to mind... The OP is not one of them.

Your macho, controlling "front" just screams of insecurity, anxiety, low self-esteem, and being afraid of getting close to someone decent, who is interested in more than being your maid or a one night stand. You are the one truly missing out.

I don't know who hurt your feelings so bad or who led you down a path of women = misery... But I wish you much happiness.

Of course, classic shaming language.

 

[Truman181]

Sh1t man, I wasn't going to rep you because it seemed like you were being too hard on him trying to force him to see the light but damn...you nailed it

Water seeks its own level pal. You would go for the hot 21 year old girls if you could. But you can't, so you justify your behavior with ego-invested delusions. It's like the guys who "always" go for "thick" (fat) girls. You're one of the guys who "always" goes for the "older" (old) girls.

You're too scared to accept your fair market value and deal with rejection. So you go for the easier kill. You're eating Taco Bell because you think it's better than nothing and you're starving. You don't realize that you could be eating filet mignon if only you tried.

Don't fool yourself, it's the ones that have gone beyond their use-by date that are choosing you, not the other way around. Don't come here pretending you're a stud with options because you're clearly not.

+1

Also, if you're so intent on letting him have it. Copy and past samspade's "adjusted" version over there....that would be a hoot

 

[KontrollerX]

Wow, good work all around wjh.

I am beaming with pride over what you told this kid.

Sad thing is though like I think VU already pointed out the stupid bastard is going to have to be burned by this BPD before the info you gave to him sinks into his thick skull.

Ugh, he is in for a tremendous world of pain and he will likely get her knocked up and then doom a child to having a horrible BPD mother that can never properly love it.