so I'm back...

[86]

after a long hiatus, I've rediscovered these forums, mostly to see if I've lost my game or what...

basically for the last 5-6 months, I've been dating just one girl, things have been pretty damn cool between us. I haven't had a decent girlfriend like this in quite a while. she's cute, emotionally stable, she has a good career and basically her own life/hobbies and so do I, so it's not like we are all over each other and hanging out every day of the week. I like having the best of both worlds - a great girl to spend time with when we get together, and when we're not, I got plenty of other stuff I do and if we don't talk for a few days up to a week, it's no biggie (she travels sometimes)....plenty of space, no pressure, etc. sounds pretty good eh?

well, lately her schedule has been extra busy so we haven't done a whole lot together. recently when we were both free and I was intending to hang w/ her, she decides to take the day off of work and go to the lake w/ some of her unemployed friends. well sheeeet, that sucks, but it's my problem because I didn't specifically make w/ plans her. I told her I was disappointed because I had wanted to spend some time w/ her, she kind of got defensive about it, saying that she'd been working hard and wanted to spend time w/ her buddies (she sees some of these 'buddies' everyday at work....?).

so blah blah, she says she'll call me the following night to tell me if she'll be free tomorrow for us to make plans. well, that was tonight and no phone call, no I wasn't sitting by the phone all AFC-like. I'm just going to do something else with my bud tomorrow night...if she decides to call, I will just say I didn't hear from her soon enough and already made different plans.

anyhoo, up until now, things couldn't have been better between us, and I was genuinely a happy guy, but this has been buggin' me for the last day or two, and I'm starting to get bad vibes. so here I am, somebody give a refresher course to an elder...

 

[NewMan]

Sounds like she's pulling away from you - perhaps the way you've been acting towards her lately? purhaps she feels like your putting some presure on her?

I'd not call her back, but wait for her to call me. Leave it like that. She'll call you if she wants to see you again

 

[86]

what is it with chicks and my voice mail?

here's a message she left me, sort of paraphrased it:
"i feel so bad, my life's gotten way too busy to have a relationship right now, maybe when things calm down i'll have time... sorry, i hate that i've gotten so busy, but i gotta do this right now and figure out whats going on with me first...blah blah"


i ain't gonna lie, i'm pretty damn disappointed. she was a keeper. a few times before, she had made some offhand comments like "if you can't handle not seeing me a lot etc. that's ok and we don't have to be in a relationship etc." I, of course had no problem w/ it (see my post above), but maybe I was an idiot and didn't read between the lines. so maybe she wants to end things....? man, I realised today that I'm totally off my game now...... feckkkkk! sorry, sort of venting here....

 

[echo1212]

Is that what she just left you on voice mail? If so, its not a surprise after reading your first post. Trust me on this, she has either met someone else or has her eyes on someone else, so she gives you the old "its not you its me, give me some time" speech. We've all heard it and done it. What she is really saying is let me see if something works out with this other guy who MIGHT be better than you, and then if it doesnt work out I'll get back to you.

My friend, NEXT her now. End all communication. If she calls, answer and be friendly yet firm. Dont bad mouth her or get upset or obsessive on her. Trust me, this is gold. In the end she will either realize that she wants someone else, or come crawling back to you and than its up to you to decide what to do. But be cool, and things will work out fine.

 

[takfer1]

blah blah blah

Echo is wrong on this subject...and unfortunatly..........he is also gay and enjoys the company of young boys who text him with their homo-erotic adventures. He also repeats himself ad-nauseum spouting the same old gay/liberal propaganda that only homos can comprehend.

 

[markk30]

Damn,
Why are you treating your girlfriend like you are still DJing her? You did say that she was your girlfriend right? Well, if she says that she was going to call, and she doesnt... dont make other plans just yet. You gotta find out what happened first and why she didn't call. I mean... she is no chick that you just had a fling with last night at the bar, you like her alot right? YOu are in a relationship with her and the solution to your problem is... thats right, Communication. If i had a girlfriend, i would be concerned about her not calling me... expecially if our relationship was goin well. I would call her and find out why she did'nt call. Nothin wrong with that, natural thing to do when she is your girlfriend.

just my opinion. If i'm totally wrong then leave the flameing out and just correct me.

cheers

 

[Knicknack]

Originally posted by markk30
Damn,
Why are you treating your girlfriend like you are still DJing her? You did say that she was your girlfriend right? Well, if she says that she was going to call, and she doesnt... dont make other plans just yet. You gotta find out what happened first and why she didn't call. I mean... she is no chick that you just had a fling with last night at the bar, you like her alot right? YOu are in a relationship with her and the solution to your problem is... thats right, Communication. If i had a girlfriend, i would be concerned about her not calling me... expecially if our relationship was goin well. I would call her and find out why she did'nt call. Nothin wrong with that, natural thing to do when she is your girlfriend.

just my opinion. If i'm totally wrong then leave the flameing out and just correct me.

cheers

did you miss what he just said? he said she is NEXT'ing HIM!! she is done. he needs to move on.

 

[86]

markk30 - I hear ya, but part of her voice mail apologized for not calling me when she was supposed to, she probably had to "work late". that is a certainly plausible excuse, but these recent events tend to put things in a different light.

echo1212 - you make a good point, but you would think after 5-6 months in basically a great, no pressure relationship, this chit would never come up. also, it makes it even harder to believe that there could be another man now too. maybe after such a fairly long period of dating, the inner DJ has relaxed too much and I've lost perspective....I couldn't be expected to DJ her the whole way.

FWIW, this girl is roughly 5 years younger than me (early/mid 20's), an independent contractor (career-wise), and I guess sort of a free spirit at heart. so maybe she feels like she might be getting roped in or something. AH YES! I just remembered as I typed this - she was previously engaged for 2 years(?) to a total idiot. ahhh, now this is starting to make more sense....

I just want to point out that this relationship basically went from great to iffy in a split second, and it's really thown me for a loop.

 

[Jake Steed]

86, there is a very subtle psychology to dating women like this, who just got out of a relationship. You have to set things up where you are less available to her than she is to you. If you are too available to her, and you start to push your nose into her business in order to see her, she will smell this and subconsiously start to run. The instant you start chasing her and trying to pin her down for a date, that is the moment she will be completely turned off by you and she will run. From there it just snowballs.

I actually think one of the best ways to get ANY girl to fall hard for you is to just go about with your own life and allow them to enter it briefly, like once every other weekend (in which you fvck her crosseyed), but you always keep them at arms length. That way they never feel smothered. They have their freedom and so do you, but at the same time they KNOW if they fvck up, you have lots of other girls around you because you are a social person, and you will end up fvcking one of those girls if she messes up. The fact that you have options is the most attractive trait to her.

Jake