So I just got my heart ripped to shreds...

[Konada]

Purely of my own doing. Lost frame, went in too fast. Its over. But I will come back stronger. Just need some support now... I never was fond of spinning plates, too tiring and I get bored easily. I thought I got over my neediness but it was apparent it shone like a fvcking lighthouse in the past few days. How does one get over the feeling of neediness without spinning plates? It seems like a total band-aid to a more larger problem. I don't even feel like meeting women right now.

 

[Desdinova]

This is the bytch who wouldn't fvck, correct?

Yeah, sometimes you'll fall flat on your face over a chick. The good news is you weren't with her for very long. You got yourself a paper cut. It's not deep, but hurts like a motherfvcker.

Give yourself a week and you'll be doing better.

 

[Konada]

I don't know how it could go flat so fast. Hot and heavy makeout session last Friday, left her wanting more. Thanked me for the date even. Fast forward 3 days later she rejected my same day date offer saying she's "feeling unwell", got in touch 4 days and I got the gut feeling she's blowing me off. Anyway I'm just waiting for the final nail in the coffin, I've already given her 2 strikes, just sent a date request to confirm my suspicions.

Guess it was a mix of neediness plus genuinely liking this girl that got me all fvcked up inside. I guess my main blunder was breaking it off immediately and then going back (massive loss of frame) rather than using my fvcking head to think things through. Ego problems... Ego problems...

 

[El Payaso]

Is this the girl who is saving herself up for marriage?

 

[Konada]

Is this the girl who is saving herself up for marriage?

yes

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You haven't even smashed this bvtcch? How the hell are you attached?

 

[Juanto]

So what exactly went wrong here?

 

[Roober]

It happens dude. If you got attached so quickly and feel hurt, you may need some time alone to really focus on yourself. You have to be okay with yourself before you can be okay with someone else as well. Sounds like you need to find that inside you.

What I found helps...
-talk to women, but you don't necessarily have to spin plates. This gives the variety of showing you that no one woman is special. They are all very similar, some with good traits, others not so much. You won't pedestal her
-Do fun activities by yourself. Go meet new people.
-Find things that bring you peace and focus on those. This could be working out, running, reading, working, lots of things. Things you lose track of time on
-Talk to friuends and family

 

[sazc]

One of the biggest things I learned from the site, and the most helpful when it comes to relationships, is to understand that things can change in the blink of an eye, especially the first year, especially within the honeymoon period (3-6 months). When you are feeling giddy about the possiblities in front of you, always temper that with thi idea. You dont have to behave from this viewpoint, but just remind yourself that things can change, easily. It helps you not get too attached.

You've got a virgin on your hands. She's more likely to pull back because she's never been completely vulnerable with a man. It's not you. You had everything to offer her and you played it cool, as if you were interested, but you didn't smother. Virgins/people who are saving it, have the extra pressure of having to figure out if the person they are seeing is going to not pressure them. I'm willing to bet you're not the first quality guy she cut off early due to fear.

You'll be okay. Focus on what you can do better next time.

 

[Urbanyst]

You really have to get to a place where you are high value.

That's what did it for me. I was never all that needy, but once I started making money I got a lot more confidence because I naturally have more options now. I think every guy needs to thrive and feel self-confident before he stops looking to women to fill a void.

 

[Konada]

You really have to get to a place where you are high value.

That's what did it for me. I was never all that needy, but once I started making money I got a lot more confidence because I naturally have more options now. I think every guy needs to thrive and feel self-confident before he stops looking to women to fill a void.

Take away your options. What are you? Take away your money. What are you? Basing your self-esteem on external material rather than what your abilities can manifest is just a temporary band-aid to the void all of us have. As per spinning plates. Not many can say when they are stripped down to their bare-d!ck that they are enough. If you want to talk about value, it is this. Not your money, not your options. Those are all but manifestations of your inner abilities.

 

[Reykhel]

Purely of my own doing. Lost frame, went in too fast. Its over. But I will come back stronger. Just need some support now... I never was fond of spinning plates, too tiring and I get bored easily. I thought I got over my neediness but it was apparent it shone like a fvcking lighthouse in the past few days. How does one get over the feeling of neediness without spinning plates? It seems like a total band-aid to a more larger problem. I don't even feel like meeting women right now.

Neediness........where does it come from....

Fundamentally we need nothing but sex from women.......assuming we've got all our own needs met...

So often what we actually crave from women (if it's more than sex) often reveals holes in our own psyche. We are compensating for a lack
of something in our own personalities and we require them to fill the holes in the garden of our psyche.

If you were to make a list of what you miss from this woman or what you found so alluring about her (apart from sex) it may reveal areas of your
personality that you need to work on. You'll need to go to work in the garden of your psyche with a shovel and a wheelbarrow. It's dirty and tireless work, but it's better that you do it yourself and get your own hands dirty and wet. Much more rewarding.

Often when a woman is fulfilling our emotional needs it can reveal 1. a lack of male friends in one's life 2. a lack of emotional independence or/and maturity..........if we are codependent on her fulfilling our emotional needs and she flees it can suck leaving an empty vacuum.....

Dig, Lazarus, Dig!

 

[Konada]

Neediness........where does it come from....

Fundamentally we need nothing but sex from women.......assuming we've got all our own needs met...

So often what we actually crave from women (if it's more than sex) often reveals holes in our own psyche. We are compensating for a lack
of something in our own personalities and we require them to fill the holes in the garden of our psyche.

If you were to make a list of what you miss from this woman or what you found so alluring about her (apart from sex) it may reveal areas of your
personality that you need to work on. You'll need to go to work in the garden of your psyche with a shovel and a wheelbarrow. It's dirty and tireless work, but it's better that you do it yourself and get your own hands dirty and wet. Much more rewarding.

Often when a woman is fulfilling our emotional needs it can reveal 1. a lack of male friends in one's life 2. a lack of emotional independence or/and maturity..........if we are codependent on her fulfilling our emotional needs and she flees it can suck leaving an empty vacuum.....

Dig, Lazarus, Dig!

Of course, that's the fun part out of all of this. A wise man once told me, some lessons are meant to be learnt when they disappear from your life.

 

[Urbanyst]

Take away your options. What are you? Take away your money. What are you? Basing your self-esteem on external material rather than what your abilities can manifest is just a temporary band-aid to the void all of us have. As per spinning plates. Not many can say when they are stripped down to their bare-d!ck that they are enough. If you want to talk about value, it is this. Not your money, not your options. Those are all but manifestations of your inner abilities.

That's debatable. Value is both external and internal.

The external things prove the internal value in some ways. Its not all one or the other. Otherwise we would all be happy living like cavemen.

 

[Julian]

Strong coping in this thread

strong beta behavior

lets look at why your going wrong with this girl. trust an believe SOMEBODY is gonna fukk her before she gets married. guaranteed. it could have been you...the reason why its not is because you are treating her special for whatever reason. shes blowing you off/distancing herself...so you give chase? f that man...if she goes cold, then you go arctic, kno what im sayin? Remember you need to establish that frame from the get go...you need to be the one always willing to walk. IDK bro i think you need to step your game up

 

[Glassguy]

The chick is just a cover up. You havent figured out how to make yourself happy. Until you do, nobody is going to make you happy and you will be beta AF.

Its your job to make yourself happy. Period. Your happy independence will attract chicks. Its not the other way around dude.

Go work on yourself.

 

[RangerMIke]

The only way I know how to keep control of emotions with women is to NOT lock onto just one. The minute you start thinking you have a 'main plate' or a favorite, or just exclusivity, you begin to turn into something women do not like. The only way is to have more than one women you are seeing. You have to have options. You have to treat all women the same, and stop thinking of individual chicks as special snowflakes.

I have seen this time and time again...
Boy meets girl,
Boy acts like a man,
Girl falls for man,
Girl worries she will lose man,
Girl nags man to change into something no other women would want so she can have him all to herself,
Man is worn down through nagging... and becomes a 'boy' again.
Girl wants a man, not a boy.
Girl dumps boy.

I don't recommend 'relationships' EVER, but if you are going to dive into that shark tank you MUST know that SHE has to be the one asking for exclusivity, if she doesn't then you just keep on seeing other women and making dates. When she asks for exclusivity then YOU control the relationship by setting the conditions for what the 'relationship' looks like. This is NOT setting boundaries, setting boundaries is stupid and a waste of time. This is where you lay out that you will NOT CHANGE for her... you are not going to give up your friends, you are NOT going to change jobs, sell you boat, give up things you love. She takes you as you are, and if she ever gets to the point where she wants you to change then she might as well walk away. The negotiation isn't about her, and what she does.... it's about YOU and what YOU want.

Telling her what you want her to do makes you look weak. You can not watch her 24-7 she will do what she wants to do and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.... Setting boundaries you can not enforce makes you look weak, since it is impossible to police her, any demands that can not be enforced causes her to lose respect for you.

All you can do is lay out that you are NOT changing for her...... she fell for you for who you are, and if you change you no longer are what she fell for. Women are like children... they don't really know what they want... she THINKS she wants you to change, but if you do you are sowing the seeds of her own disinterest in you. She wants you to be a rock, and if you start flopping around based on what she wants she will lose interest.

 

[Juanto]

Boy meets girl,
Boy acts like a man,
Girl falls for man,
Girl worries she will lose man,
Girl nags man to change into something no other women would want so she can have him all to herself,
Man is worn down through nagging... and becomes a 'boy' again.
Girl wants a man, not a boy.
Girl dumps boy.

This should be a poster on the entrance of the forum. Well done Ranger

 

[JohnChops]

The only way I know how to keep control of emotions with women is to NOT lock onto just one. The minute you start thinking you have a 'main plate' or a favorite, or just exclusivity, you begin to turn into something women do not like. The only way is to have more than one women you are seeing. You have to have options. You have to treat all women the same, and stop thinking of individual chicks as special snowflakes.

I have seen this time and time again...
Boy meets girl,
Boy acts like a man,
Girl falls for man,
Girl worries she will lose man,
Girl nags man to change into something no other women would want so she can have him all to herself,
Man is worn down through nagging... and becomes a 'boy' again.
Girl wants a man, not a boy.
Girl dumps boy.

I don't recommend 'relationships' EVER, but if you are going to dive into that shark tank you MUST know that SHE has to be the one asking for exclusivity, if she doesn't then you just keep on seeing other women and making dates. When she asks for exclusivity then YOU control the relationship by setting the conditions for what the 'relationship' looks like. This is NOT setting boundaries, setting boundaries is stupid and a waste of time. This is where you lay out that you will NOT CHANGE for her... you are not going to give up your friends, you are NOT going to change jobs, sell you boat, give up things you love. She takes you as you are, and if she ever gets to the point where she wants you to change then she might as well walk away. The negotiation isn't about her, and what she does.... it's about YOU and what YOU want.

Telling her what you want her to do makes you look weak. You can not watch her 24-7 she will do what she wants to do and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.... Setting boundaries you can not enforce makes you look weak, since it is impossible to police her, any demands that can not be enforced causes her to lose respect for you.

All you can do is lay out that you are NOT changing for her...... she fell for you for who you are, and if you change you no longer are what she fell for. Women are like children... they don't really know what they want... she THINKS she wants you to change, but if you do you are sowing the seeds of her own disinterest in you. She wants you to be a rock, and if you start flopping around based on what she wants she will lose interest.

That's ****ing gold, especially the last paragraph. Changing for a woman just hands over your frame, your power and it shows how much of a chump you really are. You aren't a stoic masculine man, you're just a little boy trying to latch onto the girl like a leech.

Pitiful. I know my buddy who is recently getting married changed so much. No longer goes out, sold his toys (quads, dirt bikes etc) and invested everything into her. I can see where that's going to go.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You really have to get to a place where you are high value.

That's what did it for me. I was never all that needy, but once I started making money I got a lot more confidence because I naturally have more options now. I think every guy needs to thrive and feel self-confident before he stops looking to women to fill a void.

So what happens when/if the money runs out?