So I have a friend...

[Roober]

Could use a bit of advice here as this is a buddy I have known for over 20 years, old high school friend...

Background:
-Married 10 years
-Found out in September that his wife had been having an affair for the last 10 months
-Moved to his own place in November
-Was a housedad for last 3 years, raising their two kids
-Wife (soon to be ex) makes well over 200k
-Got in major car accident 3 years ago, chronic back pain, often making him bedridden. He basically can't function without some sort of pain meds.
- He has let himself go a bit.. no real career path, about 30 lbs overweight, and generally pretty lazy (ie. plays videos games a lot)

When he told me back in September, he said "everything you told me was right". Everything I learned last here spending my time here and research. Since then, I "preached" (his words) a bit too much and I feel like he has no interest in listening. Gave him some books which he didn't crack the seal on...

Now, he is doing OLD heavily and "seeking companionship" as he says. Went to visit him the other day, and he had a chick over. She is easily a 170 lb. HB5. She had two dogs over there, and has apparently hung out with him and his kids. She is sweet, but come on...

My concern is this dude is in a downward spiral, doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say about men and women, and isn't headed in the right direction. He is joining some sort of coding boot camp in January which should jump start his career. He is also a registered (?) CPA and has a master's in accounting, so he could easily get back into that as well...

Any ideas on how to connect with someone? Do I just have to let him go through the process? and support when needed? What would you tell him?

 

[exhausted]

His heart and spirit are broken at least he is banging something even if over weight. He will come out of it just make sure he doesn't ruin his life by getting some broad pregnant.
Keep on him to workout and even see a dr for depression.

 

[sosousage]

His heart and spirit are broken at least he is banging something even if over weight. He will come out of it just make sure he doesn't ruin his life by getting some broad pregnant.
Keep on him to workout and even see a dr for depression.

using a fatso as a backup plan. this is so evil that I like it.

 

[Glassguy]

Its sounds like he needs to hammer the soon to be ex wife for serious alimony since she makes that kind of beans.

Maybe try to get him in the gym, get in decent shape and start doing some self improvement on himself. Then translate that to the ladies.

At least he is banging something.....even if she is a fatty. But introducing her to his kids? Come on.....the guy is just trying to supplement what he is losing in one part of his life by settling. Time to give him a wake up call.

 

[dude99]

Moving out into his own place may have been a mistake. Don't know about the laws in your area but usually a lawyer will advise you to stay put, because she can claim the house as hers because he willingly left. Have him seek legal councel

If he isn't listening to anything you have to say you might just have to let him go through the muck.

Until he hits rock bottom he won't bounce back.

 

[Roober]

Its sounds like he needs to hammer the soon to be ex wife for serious alimony since she makes that kind of beans.

Maybe try to get him in the gym, get in decent shape and start doing some self improvement on himself. Then translate that to the ladies.

At least he is banging something.....even if she is a fatty. But introducing her to his kids? Come on.....the guy is just trying to supplement what he is losing in one part of his life by settling. Time to give him a wake up call.

Agreed! He saw legal council already, and she would be paying him about 5-6k a month. Unfortunately, the mofo may take the "I am a man" approach and would "feel bad if it put her in a bind". I am like telling him she makes over 200k, she will not be in a bind in any way, shape or form. She is guilting the crap out of him... He can get alimony for life as well because of his disability. How to convince a guy to "man the fvck up!!!" is the issue... I know lots of guys with this same mentality where women play the victim...

Moving out into his own place may have been a mistake. Don't know about the laws in your area but usually a lawyer will advise you to stay put, because she can claim the house as hers because he willingly left. Have him seek legal councel

If he isn't listening to anything you have to say you might just have to let him go through the muck.

Until he hits rock bottom he won't bounce back.

I think he may be okay, and I did tell him to stay for a bit, but he couldn't handle her BS any more.

 

[Glassguy]

@Roober you definitely need to reiterate to him that this is a one shot deal. Tell him to imagine her living with another man, which will happen......he doesnt want the 5-6K a month then?

Sounds like he is trying to be too nice. The problem is that will wear off after the divorce is final and he is left out in the cold.

 

[Roober]

@Roober you definitely need to reiterate to him that this is a one shot deal. Tell him to imagine her living with another man, which will happen......he doesnt want the 5-6K a month then?

Sounds like he is trying to be too nice. The problem is that will wear off after the divorce is final and he is left out in the cold.

I agree 100%. I could tell him as much as I want, but you can't change someone's core values without finding the right switch...

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

The huge misfortune was the accident that catalysed the downfall > injury > decreased exercise > increased weight > wife's attraction decreases > eyes start wandering > the end.

As is always said, you can lead the horse to water but it has to drink itself. Most of the time, people really have to hit rock bottom in order to spark real change.

Just be there with an open ear and offer advice only when solicited. You can also indirectly facilitate wise decisions; take him out for a run every so often, or for beers at the bar to meet people, avoiding dubious OLD. However, as always, self preservation and restoration should be priorities, and not jumping immediately in to the next vagene.

As for the SOB ex-wife, fck her and her alimony. He needs to sort his own life out, and not undermine his manhood further like some sort of gold-digging crack wh0re.

 

[Glassguy]

@TheMonkeyKing

Disagree in part with your post.

She cheated. Fvck her. Let her write that alimony check for the next however many years as a reminder of the wh0re she is.

Yes the injury was unfortunate and the circumstances worked against this guy. We all know what happens with MOST women who start losing attraction when their man gains weight. Still yet, they were MARRIED. Till death do us part, in sickness and in health.....what happened to marriage having validity?

I say the beta/pvssy thing to do is chalk it up as OK and not demand anything from her. Most men on here that are red pill would say by calling women out on their bullsh!t, it would limit the amount of bullsh!t women try to get away with. I agree with that.

By keeping his mouth shut he is just saying "Ehh....its OK that she cheated. Just let me out of this mess of a marriage with as little devastation as possible". Fvck that.

I say roast this b!tch over the campfire and get the money. Women want to be treated fairly right? If he was making 200K a year and the shoe was on the other foot she would be taking him to the cleaners.

Treat her fairly and make her pay the $$.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

@TheMonkeyKing

Disagree in part with your post.

She cheated. Fvck her. Let her write that alimony check for the next however many years as a reminder of the wh0re she is.

Yes the injury was unfortunate and the circumstances worked against this guy. We all know what happens with MOST women who start losing attraction when their man gains weight. Still yet, they were MARRIED. Till death do us part, in sickness and in health.....what happened to marriage having validity?

I say the beta/pvssy thing to do is chalk it up as OK and not demand anything from her. Most men on here that are red pill would say by calling women out on their bullsh!t, it would limit the amount of bullsh!t women try to get away with. I agree with that.

By keeping his mouth shut he is just saying "Ehh....its OK that she cheated. Just let me out of this mess of a marriage with as little devastation as possible". Fvck that.

I say roast this b!tch over the campfire and get the money. Women want to be treated fairly right? If he was making 200K a year and the shoe was on the other foot she would be taking him to the cleaners.

Treat her fairly and make her pay the $$.

I understand the logic, but respectfully disagree. It is laced with emotion.

" She would do it, any other woman would too. So why shouldn't he? ". Well, a lot of people do a lot of things to each other. But why does another person's behaviour justify your own? A man fcks your wife, so do you go out and fck another man's wife, just "because someone else would do it"? Your ex-wife cheated on you, so you cheat on your new girlfriend, "because someone else did it"?

Pfft. No thanks mate. I live by my own virtues, not the signaled virtues of some hateful gender war, or fem-centric judicial system.

To the wife who takes unreasonable alimony from her ex-husband, indeed I ask what have you truly done to deserve that? To the husband who does the same, I ask the same question.

And when you ask why shouldn't he take the money, though I understand the rationale, in return I ask, by stooping to the level of the gold digging crack wh0re, are you addressing a social problem or simply perpetuating it? Is the problem the nature of women to take unreasonable alimony, or is the problem the system that allows them to get away with it?

For me, 'She did it, so I will too" is the beta move. This guy's masculinity is dangling by a thread and he needs to hit the reset button on life, and that means getting as far away from this troll as reasonably possible.

 

[Glassguy]

Going for what you want and deserve is not beta my friend.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

A weak move in my opinion. But hey, each to their own.

 

[Glassguy]

Some people will shame the man in every situation, period.

True. Might as well count out 5 fcking K a month in cash while they shame you instead of counting nothing.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

There's nothing shameful about this guy's situation. It's not about shaming. It's about rising above the system that is trying to shame and disenfranchise you.

Guess what, I got stung for 5K in a suit by my ex after I reciprocated her domestic violence. You know, I coughed up, 500/month every month for ten long months, and learned from it. Shame on me. But I sure learned a fcking solid gold lesson that day.

We can take our 5K to soothe our butthurt, or we can get the fck on with it. I wouldn't put any faith in the system to give that guy a single penny anyway.

 

[Glassguy]

Thats where we see things differently @TheMonkeyKing

You can take the 5K an month AND get the fvck on with it.

 

[Von]

Have you considered that he feel at fault for the cheating?

We could try to find the reasons of the breakup/cheating... reality is at the end: they aren't together and he seems not to want to fight about it.

So the relationship could have been rocky before the "accident". Following the accident (3 years ago), he became a house dad for the 2 kids..... have you considered that he meltdown (everything he had was destroyed: CPA, studies, physical liberty etc..). It remind me of the move "The Intern" (Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway)... where the husband of the main character become à house dad for his wife business (support the family) and he start having affairs with house wives he hang around... he said:" i've lost myself, I use to be the man, the income etc (they did à rôle transfer).. i thought i could do it but at the end i just lost myself and didnt know how to get out of it."

Women fall in love with the men they dated.. we all changes (on both side).

He probably crashed, lost himself following what happened, she decided to find à fix elsewhere, they stopped communicating and finding answers.

Now the guy, aint fighting for his almony... is he even fighting to see his kids? (i know guys who after the divorce dissapeared of their kids lives).

He need to hit rock bottom to see the light, but if you don't listen, find the switch by asking the réal issue... it might be too late.

Its possible he will only start fighting when his new "girl" will tell him to fight his ex (but she will want the money without the kids).

Ask yourself: how was the relationship before the accident (not just at the surface) , what changed after the acciddent, why he is not fighting

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Just reinforces my belief not to get married.

How am I supposed to keep someone entertained for life? That's impossible.

Especially when she would get old to me in 3 weeks. She ain't no fvcking prize.

Show him MGTOW posts of guys slaving their a$$ off to pay alimony and show him what opportunity he has to milk the b1tch. She did not even care that he was injured. She used it as an excuse to cheat. She probably wouldn't care if he died. Let him know that.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Thats where we see things differently @TheMonkeyKing

You can take the 5K an month AND get the fvck on with it.

Meh. Call it foolish, pig-headed pride or whatever, but I don't want the b!tch's money. Maybe it's a touchy subject for me, and maybe it is different being on the receiving end of the fat cheque, but when you're in that situation, you just want that person to get the fck away from you.