so how do you ditch your old way of thinking?

[johndoe123]

when you read the thread title, did you know exactly what I meant?

i was, unfortunately, raised a very certain way -- to give consideration and respect to all. all girls are princesses, to be treated a certain way at all times., blah etc. etc.

While i thought i was always taking the "high road" and doing the "right thing", actually I was just being raised to be an emasculated pushover. it's taken me a long time but i've finally seen how these kindnesses i've been handing out so freely are to be given ONLY to those who deserve it.

but i've been raised to think that way for 22 years. i always fall back into my old habits when dealing with anyone -- that the considerations i extend to others will be met likewise.

i'm much more realistic now, but even though i've seen the reality of my situation, i feel powerless to change it; i'm so set in my old ways and mindset i can't seem to break free. i know what to (read the bible, know how to start convo) but i'm always falling back into bad habits of overthinking and overanalysis. every little encounter means too much. It boils down to this: when i don't push my feelings aside for others well-being, i feel terrible. it's not right, but i still can't help felling a weird combination of guilt/loathing, maybe a few other emotions i haven't identified yet.

blah blah blah, i'm not asking for advice on my specific situation (although it'd be appreciated), my most important question is: how do you get over your OLD self. i've read the bible, read encouraging, enlightening posts which have opened my eyes to reality (for YEARS; how sad is that? i've know of sosuave for 4 years and i've barely gotten anywhere).

how do you get rid of your old habits when they're always on your mind? when it's who you are? how do you break free?

thanks

-a desperate, end-of-his-rope johndoe

 

[Zeus]

Keep It Simple! Think this way, if u want something u have to go get it. Noone will give you anything for free in this world, u have to rely on yourself. So take the frist step and never look back.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

That's a tough one. You have to realize that you aren't just what you were brought up to be. You can rise above perceptions and opinions implanted into you from an early age. And you have to act against your normal self. If you want to change, you have to, you know, change . You can't half ass acting differently, only to go back to acting like your former self because of your irrational feelings.

You have to force changed behavior at first, and disregard any feelings you might have about how you act. You have to ask yourself, 'are the feelings I'm having for the way I act rational? Is there any reason to feel this way?' I suspect you feel like if you don't roll over for people, you're just being a jerk. Then you feel guilty and bad for not giving someone what they want, because you equate it with being mean from your mom's (I suspect) brainwashing. You aren't a happy doormat, are you? Stop thinking so damn much about how you affect other people, and what may not even be happening. Start thinking about how you affect yourself, with your thoughts and actions. And how other people affect you. You have things ass backwards friend.

The truth is, everyone here can give you advice about this. But you have to affect change. And since you can identify your problem, and know that is a problem, you can work through this. So put in the work, remember you're worth more than your weight in gold, and that your happiness and manliness are #1.

 

[johndoe123]

thanks both, that's exactly what i needed to hear. gonna read that when i rise and before i goto sleep for a month to convince myself. much appreciated -jd