So does it come down to you being a good provider?

SamePendo

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So, if you are looking for a LTR.
Does your value come down to being a good provider?, in a healthy relationship ofcourse, with no headgames, etc.

After a while here, you know what you know on how to get a girl. Which in a way comes down to being fun without hiding or being overly open about your sexual interest in her. You can also be, regardless of how you were born, in outstanding shape, with real values, no vices, hardworking, work on your high ambitions, honest, loyal, family-driven, protective, try your best to be patient (with her), look for details, etc. And, as far as chemistry, well, let's assume that's in the bag too . . .
All that taken into consideration.

If you're not only a good or bad provider, but not a provider at all, because of whatever reason, is it understandeable for a woman to take you off her list because of that?

Does, in LTRs, your value really come down to how much of a provider you can be?

Women's value in some way, comes down to her attractiveness. But I feel there is so much more than that when you take her into consideration for a LTR. I mean, she can be not blessed with natural attractiveness but maybe she invests money and time into herself. She has to be "my type", which is really attractive, but not necessarily a 10 in everyones mind. And ofcourse, personality wise, she has to be affectionate, etc. And chemistry ofcourse.


I'm asking this because I'm being ... delayed, because of this, with some chick. And this led me to, in a way, be scared of making money, you know? Not wanting to be -loved- for my money. I've lived . . . well, in my life, I know what a life with, considerable money is like. I feel I will be essentially the same in one month, in one year, in five. With properties here and there, the cars I want, the clothes I want, or with even less that what I have today... I consider I will be the same. I would like to note, insist. This doesn't mean I don't have high, very high ambitions, and work with direction to consolidate these ambitions, but I feel that that doesn't define me.
Thinking like a woman, I'd marry myself, or, be in a LTR with myself at least, because I'd have enough interest and believe SP/him/me.
At first I thought it was simply a matter of lack of interest. But then I started thinking, well, maybe (she) is right. In some ways, many people are promises. But how do you know that will become a reality? Just in case, the woman who got me thinking is 29 going on 30. I mean, clock is ticking, you can be in a relationship, for, what, 1 year? And if (I) just turn out to be a promise, well, you can't build a family from no money. And, you got one year less to find someone to have babies with.
Harsh, but true?

So, in a way, I suppose it's understandeable for a woman to go for that. But, is there a line, if any, that divides gold diggers from women-looking-to-build-a-family?

I can't shake the feeling of making money, and women going for me because of it. Not just because of it, but it being detrimental on whether they are in a relationship with me or not. I don't plan on losing the money I make, but, if (she) is with me, what prevents her from not if I lose the money? *ofcourse, lose it only to build it up again*. Or, her going for someone who is a *better* provider. . .


If it does come down to that. If it is understandeable, then, damn, I'll feel really well about being ultra-picky. I mean, I have the qualities I listed above, and, thank god, I was blessed with naturaly beauty (not adonis-like though), tall, AND I'm a (good) provider? I'll be a god!
I personally feel money is the only thing keeping me from being full, taking away the attractiveness to women that it could bring, I really think it's the only thing lacking in my life to take me closer to completeness. Or, in another point of view, it will get me on the fasttrack to completeness.

And if so, women have it so much easier in a way. They don't have to be ingineous, creative, ambitious, nothing. Just have (great) personality, take care of her body extensively and... what else?

This isn't geared to be misoginistic, this is geared to the truth.
Thankyou!
 

sodbuster

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When she is ready to raise kids, she needs to KNOW they will be fed and clothed. Young and dumb women may not think about it,but 30 year olds will. By 30, you should have more than potential-you should have something to show for it by now. She's seen the dreamers and BS artists, so she isn't interested in giving out free samples for the next year waiting for you to get it together.

As far as her leaving you, that will just be 1 of a million reasons she can pick. If you want to shake out some of the golddiggers,mention prenup.
 

Poonani Maker

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Yeah, this is a good subject for us "old" men. I'm in my early 30s. Like sodbuster said, prenup shuts up, but in my church, prenup is a no-no, but hey, this is 2009. I don't care how prudent a woman is, how serving to her husband she strives to be, in This day and age, with the law Totally on the woman's side, I think I'd be a Fool not to get a prenup, no matter how "nice" the woman is. They can turn on a dime.

Your post is kind of stream-of-conscience, SamePendo. I meet women from All walks of life, daily, and I can See right through their disposition, their intentions, when in the presence of me. Many, are looking for that provider. Many know that I could be that endless provider they seek. Many, have already got daddy's money, or boyfriend's money, or husband's money, and see me as N o t h i n g to them in their eyes, and they'll as soon as spit on me because they don't care one iota for me - they've got their security patched, they don't need me one bit!

I can tell who these women are, on the first impression, on a week's impression, a month. They all show their true colors, and Some have the innate ability of concealing their true colors, to where I'm completely dumbfounded by a 180 degree revelation kept secret by them many moons down the road.

Some will act uppity, haughty, elitist, scornful, spiteful, for no reason at all - I just met them!! and I know, it's just something wrong with them. Maybe she's on her period. Maybe she hates all people associated with my company. Maybe she hates me because I'm just too good to be true and she's trying to find a chink in my armor. Oh well, she will pay for treating me that way, when in the end, I'm on the backside of her smiling and fvcking her.
 

thedeparted

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just so you know, prenups aren't worth the paper they're written on. pure judge's discretion. the wife just has to whisper "emotional abuse".

caveat emptor
 

abcd_z

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Maybe I've just spent too much time on the Fast Seduction relationships board, but I can't see why anybody would voluntarily want to be slotted as a Provider. It lowers attraction, which in turn lowers her compliance to you. She'll do things as she wants, whether or not it's what you wanted. Any attempts to change her actions just lead to bad feelings all around. The sex goes away along with her attraction, and she'll stop putting out effort to impress you.

Having said that, I could very well be wrong about all of this, having never been married myself. Yes, I freely admit to my lack of first-hand experience.

I'm sure other people will show up to agree or disagree with me, and I would love to hear other people's points of view on this.

But assuming I am right about this, why would you want that in the first place?
 

If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

sodbuster

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You've got to understand that at age 20-30,they are looking for a party. Then they are looking for a party boy.The provider type is not going to get the party sex[so she doesn't look easy to a guy she may marry] When they start looking for marriage, then they look for the provider and the party boy is ignored[then the provider types get it]
 

SamePendo

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sodbuster said:
As far as her leaving you, that will just be 1 of a million reasons she can pick. If you want to shake out some of the golddiggers,mention prenup.
So, I am right, with enough interest, she could "bare" with my current situation, right? Either the interest isn't high enough, or the search for a provider is higher, right?

Poonani Maker said:
I meet women from All walks of life, daily, and I can See right through their disposition, their intentions, when in the presence of me. Many, are looking for that provider.
And is that wrong? I mean, you could call that gold digger. As I asked before in the thread, is there a line, if any, between gold digger and looking-for-the-best-provider-possible?
I suppose in some way the difference is the same as ambition and greed.

Applying it to men, and the "animalistic" search for the hottest woman to have children with. Yes you obviously look for the hottest one, but you can go overboard, when you discard them even if they have other very important, but not so "animalistic" qualities. Ofcourse, as Pook's "Aim High!" post says, you can't go for the top woman if you aren't the top guy. This is assuming you are a . . . very good provider.

I mean, as a man, I do want to work, and, provide for her. If she wants to work, not to do that out of necessity, but because she wants to keep active, etc. Ofcourse, if she does have to work out of necessity, I wouldn't like her to leave me because, well, after all, she did *marry* me because I *was* a good provider. So, if I'm looking for a homey-wife, I should concentrate first on building the "nest". Right?
And let's avoid the "there's no homey-wife" discussion. Let's assume that in any given situation she is homey-wife material. It does come down to being a -good- provider?
 

sodbuster

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There would be more than just financial. She would be looking at your other characteristics-will he be a good father,loyal to me,young enough tohelp me raise the kids? etc. She's going to be looking for a little different things-just like you do. Consider what you look for:

If you are looking to get lucky;any hot girl will do. If you are looking for a girl for a LTR; you want looks[but doesn't have to be the hottest girl in the bar],personallity and the ability to support herself. If you were looking for marriage; you want looks[she still has to make your "putter flutter'], personality,intelligence[don't want stupid kids],the ability to support herself, the idea that saving and investing is necessary[so she won't break your and your future], adn a girl that doesn't believe in divorce.
 

SamePendo

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sodbuster said:
There would be more than just financial. She would be looking at your other characteristics-will he be a good father,loyal to me,young enough tohelp me raise the kids? etc. She's going to be looking for a little different things-just like you do. Consider what you look for:

If you are looking to get lucky;any hot girl will do. If you are looking for a girl for a LTR; you want looks[but doesn't have to be the hottest girl in the bar],personallity and the ability to support herself. If you were looking for marriage; you want looks[she still has to make your "putter flutter'], personality,intelligence[don't want stupid kids],the ability to support herself, the idea that saving and investing is necessary[so she won't break your and your future], adn a girl that doesn't believe in divorce.
Let's assume, hypothetically. You have all the characteristics you listed above, "good father, loyal" and more. But you don't have the finances. If a woman basicaly dumps you, is she to blame?

What other characteristics would you look for in marriage? Or are those the basic ones? What about if you were a woman, what other qualities would you look for?
 

abcd_z

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For best results, instead of trying to be a decent provider, you need to focus on building and maintaining attraction within the relationship. Please note that this has absolutely nothing to do with what you do for her (your "provider" qualities).

Sucks for guys who are just looking to settle down, but there 'ya go.

If you really need a list, here it is.

Social Value
Non-neediness/non-reactivity
Your Attainability (Keep it relatively low)
Emotional Stimulation
Frame Control
Compliance (Hers to you. You doing things for her may make you feel good, but it does nothing for her level of attraction.)
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

trv26

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sodbuster said:
When they start looking for marriage, then they look for the provider and the party boy is ignored[then the provider types get it]
The party boy is only ignored till she gets the provider. Then when she feels safe enough he wont leave him, her eyes start wandering again, trying to find the party boy(s) she can have fun with behind his back.

On gold-diggers-Personally if I grew rich I wouldn't mind a gold-digger or two. However, do be smarter than them and not fall for their charms. Whats wrong with throwing a scrap or two to get some easy *****? Anyone agree
 

Rollo Tomassi

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SAMEPENDO, read this thread in the Archive:

Schedules of Mating

What you're on about here is a Schedules of Mating dilemma. This'll explain to you why women want to marry the Nice, stable, loyal provider male, but still want to ƒuck the pool boy.
 
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