Smh - Date for Tonight Attempts Power Play, Throws Tantrum

[Yewki]

He did lose. He sought out to fvck her, BUT he didn't.

Now if he was off-put by her "Where do for work," comment, he could have told her to get lost. But he didn't.

OP is free to change his mind. When she acted like an unreasonable brat and canceled I'm guessing he indeed lost interest in her. You can claim it's an ego defense, and maybe in the case of the OP it was who knows for sure, but when you don't have outcome dependence it's called just having dignity.

 

[LiveYourDream]

To me, a true DJ knows he has nothing to prove, to anyone. He doesn't need to get the last word in, be the one to walk away, or fvck a girl, in order to feel powerful or to prove anything to anyone. He is simply present to his own choosing, in each moment. He chooses where to invest his time and attention, as he is inclined, and as he decides that it serves him.

 

[guru1000]

To me, a true DJ knows he has nothing to prove, to anyone. He doesn't need to get the last word in, be the one to walk away, or fvck a girl, in order to feel powerful or to prove anything to anyone.

Correct. The key words are underlined. In order to be true to his desire, not slave to his hurt ego. It's a question of what did OP desire. Reference Post 43.

 

[LiveYourDream]

To me, a true DJ operates/lives from a centeredness that transcends ego. Thus the inclinations or response of his ego, at most, is occasional background noise inside him.

 

[Stugots26]

I was attempting to lead by example, remain in my center, and politely inform her that though I'd enjoy talking to her, there was a time and place set up, and it wasn't at her whim. She simply wouldn't tolerate it. That was her choice. It became clear to me very quickly that dealing with someone like that would only get worse with time, and so I ejected.

Each of my responses to her included an implicit "Take it or leave it." I live on my terms.

Based on my past threads, you may or may not recall that I'm constantly testing for compliance. When I get someone like this, it's a reminder that I'm on the right track.

 

[guru1000]

You're testing for compliance and holding your frame, but at the end, no cigar. However, we belabored these points long enough. It is a good thread, so in the spirit of Djdom, let's visit some alternate responses that could have lead to the date without losing frame:

Her: Hey
You: Who is this?
Her: Are you serious?

< Three hours later>

You: Gotcha! lol. I' m heading to a meeting, see you at 8 =)

Her: Hey
You: Hey Angela!
Her: How's it goin
< Three hours later>
You: Just got out of court.
Her: Where do you work?
<Two hours later>
You: I'm a lawyer. I sue people for a living and makes people's lives miserable. So be careful Missy! =)

Her: Hey
You: Hey
Her: How's it goin
You: Pretty good. I'm heading to a meeting. See you later at 8 =)
Her: Where do you work?
< Four hours later>
You: Hey, just got out of court. I'm a lawyer and I sue cute girls with too many questions. =)

Hundreds of ways to effectively handle her and lead to the date without compromising frame. Stugots, I understand you have your rules of engagement. Though, being rigid can serve as a prison as much as provide structure. Fluidity, my friend, fluidity.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Your thinking about this way too much. Let me say this, if she was really into you she wouldn't have cancelled the date. Hate to break the news to you. What you need to do is find girls that are more interested in you. That'll solve your problem.

 

[Yewki]

It is a good thread, so in the spirit of Djdom, let's visit some alternate responses that could have lead to the date without losing frame:.

The OP never lost frame. He could have played her better, but he didn't lose frame.

People need to stop blaming the OP for the outcome here. If it's anyone's "fault", it's hers. She threw the tantrum and instigated drama over nothing. It's like arguing how he could have avoided an oncoming car swerving out of its lane better... ok, but let's not be confused here, the oncoming car f*cked up.

Her: Hey
You: Who is this?
Her: Are you serious?

< Three hours later>

You: Gotcha! lol. I' m heading to a meeting, see you at 8 =)

Your other two examples are good but umm... bro this is pretty terrible. Pretending not to know who she is for hours before the date?

 

[guru1000]

Reread, I never said he lost frame, rather he held frame but with no cigar. "Blame" is not the purpose of this thread. Improving your "game" is.

You don't like the first one, heh. I'm 7 out of 7 with it so far. Fvck her if she cant take a joke Try it.

 

[Who Dares Win]

According to certain users if a girl goes to a guy while drunk, puke on his feet then make out with an other guy somehow its because of a lack of game or wrong behaviour from his part, never the girl to be wrong.

"she puked cause you didnt reassure her enough"

"you beta body language made the other guy look more alpha"

"You didnt set boundaries thats why she got drunk before meeting you"

"if you were a real dj you would have run kino on the waitress despite the puke on your shoes"

 

[LiveYourDream]

Her: Hey
Me: Hi, what's up?
Her: How's it goin
Me: Pretty good, but pretty busy. I'll see you tonight.
Her: Where do you work
Me: See you at 8
Her: I just asked you a question
Me: I appreciate that, but can't chat right now. Ask me tonight. Looking forward to it.
(Her: Me too. See you then =)

If her last response had instead simply been, "Me too. See you then =)" then this thread, with the OP's exact same text, would be full of virtual high-fives, to the OP, for holding his frame so well. But based on her response, in one scenario he's judged, while in the second he would be complimented, again, for using the exact same text. To me, the cause of this disparity would be wise to consider.

 

[guru1000]

LYD, in any exchange, "it takes two" is a given. But does that mean one should solely rely on the other and not improve his "game," if improvements are available?

Again, this thread serves as a tutorial, not as a denigration.

 

[Yewki]

Reread, I never said he lost frame. "Blame" is not the purpose of this thread. Improving your "game" is.

You're right my bad, but then this whole example thing is pretty mute. She was the problem. Instead of coming of with specific examples to circumvent her as the problem, don't sweat it and just move on.

Ok so on the topic on improving game, your first example is bad and definitely worse than what the OP did. If he pretended not to know who she was and ignored her for hours before the date as a "joke", best case scenario she would have still canceled... worst case, flake unexpectedly and really waste his time. So in regards to that example, 1) bad "joke", 2) don't pretend to laugh at your own jokes, 3) don't use smiley faces

 

[guru1000]

So in regards to that example, 1) bad "joke", 2) don't pretend to laugh at your own jokes, 3) don't use smiley faces

• I have used the "bad" joke successfully;
• I laugh at my own jokes all the time, LOL;
• I use smiley faces very often in my texts.

And, let's just say, I am quite successful with the upper echelon of women in NYC. So where do your rigid rules leave you now Yewki?

 

[Yewki]

If her last response had instead simply been, "Me too. See you then =)" then this thread, with the OP's exact same text, would be full of virtual high-fives, to the OP, for holding his frame so well. But based on her response, in one scenario he's judged, while in the second he would be complimented, again, for using the exact same text. To me, this disparity is a wise one to consider.

Exactly. This thread is a reminder that you should only concern yourself with girls who are legit interested in you. This one did not seem to be, so it doesn't matter if the OP could have done this or that to change the outcome. He did good enough, she was the problem. It's a numbers game and you can't win them all.

 

[Yewki]

• I have used the "bad" joke successfully;
• I laugh at my own jokes all the time, LOL;
• I use smiley faces very often in my texts.

You can pick up girls doing almost anything, that doesn't mean you can't improve

 

[guru1000]

Flakes cancel on the first text. They don't engage in convo. She was closable. If you are not used to closing these types of women, then get your game up Yewki!

 

[Yewki]

She was closable. If you are not used to closing these types of women, then get your game up Yewki!

I don't care about closing low interest women, that's the difference between you and me. It's not worth the time and effort, nor is it worth sacrificing your dignity to try.

 

[guru1000]

One thing is for sure pal, this thread makes it easy to differentiate between closers and settlers.

Keep telling yourself that you need not apply game and then recommend "game" to others. LOL. It's your fiction bud.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Flakes cancel on the first text. They don't engage in convo. She was closable. If you are not used to closing these types of women, then get your game up Yewki!

Yep.

We need to write a piece on rapport. There is no sale with no rapport. Acting like a faux "alpha" in the beginning misses a lot of opportunity.