Smart girl

[Brainman]

Hey guys,

I met a HB8 at a research conference, who started talking to me, while we were in a buffet line, on a cruise in the SF Bay. She told me that she liked my presentation and was interested in the same stuff as me (developmental psych). So, a few hours later, as we were getting ready to dock, I asked her if she had a card, and if she'd like to get together sometime.

We met up north, but we both live in southern California.

We are both getting ready to apply for Graduate school. She lives nearby, so we are getting together, to work on stuff, over coffee or tea.

So, obviously, I am interested in getting to know her beyond what schools she is interested in applying for. I plan to get together and have a good time, while being flirtatious. She is interested in me, at some level, I am sure, but how would you all suggest redirecting her intellectual interest, to something more intimate? I'm not looking for LTR here, but maybe something until grad school starts (late next year).

-BM

 

[cave dweller]

hobbies.........

Brainman,

How do you get close to her?

Zero in on her hobbies...........

my 2 cents

cave dweller

 

[flexion_]

Well at some point you are going to have to ask her out. You just have to grab your balls and go for it.

"Lets get together for some coffee (starbucks / book store etc..) - they have some great books on <insert psych topic> and I want to check out that new book on <insert hobbie or yours/hers>".

Thats kind of a transition line if you want to make it a bit of business and an opportunity for non-business that you can shift depending on how she responds.

 

[Brainman]

Sounds like I'm on track then, thanks guys. We are going out for coffee already. I'll definitely be keeping her hobbies in mind. So far, we've just been emailing back and forth, making plans. I thought about calling her too, but I figure the email thing is nice for now.

Keepin it simple,
-BM

 

[joekerr31]

hey man,

here's the thing. you've already got common interest, so the odds are in your favor.

the only thing you can do to screw things up would be to display any sign of neediness.

remember, women want a man who knows what he wants. so be up front, tell her you find her extremely attractive, intelligent and you'd like to take her out.

if she hesitates for even a moment just say 'im sensing your a bit uneasy at the idea, so let's put it on the back burner. maybe we'll revisit it down the road.'

basically you want to show a girl a) i like you and b) I'm in control of my life and if you don't know what you want (ie. ME) then I don't want you in my life

9 times out of 10 she won't know what hit her and within two weeks she'll be flirting her butt off trying to get you to ask her out again.

good luck,
J

 

[Brainman]

Last minute change of plans

Just got this message from her,

"I grew up for the most part in *city* beforehand I lived in *other city* for about 3 yrs. As for the future I am not too picky about the location when it comes to grad school, I am more so concern with the program and faculty. I know you have quite a few schools in mind, whats your favorite pick?

Claremont sounds perfect but unfortunately something came up for tomorrow so I will not be able to make it. How about next Sunday? I apologize for this very short notice. My cell phone is (000) 555-1234 please feel free to call me just to chat if you like. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Sally (we'll call her that)"

So, I'm gonna wait a few days and give her a call. I am thinking I should message her back just to say that I got the message. I am trying to strike a stance between interested and distant, what do you all think?

-BM

 

[joekerr31]

i think she gave you her number and asked you to call her. shes also inquiring into where you are thinking of attending school.

this girl likes you.

wait or dont wait it doesnt matter.

what does matter is that when you talk to her act interested in her, but act even MORE interested in your own future. don't appear needy. don't ask her a million questions about where she is going and what shes thinking etc.

talk about how you are excited about YOUR plans for YOUR future.

women go nuts over guys who are racing headfast into their own future and see nothing but positive things ahead for themselves. it will also create a slight mystery to you that will make her wonder 'what if i let this one get away, maybe im turning my back on an amazing future."

start and end the convo with a positive focus on YOU. don't tell her 'hey call me if you ever need to talk' say something like 'it was great chatting with you. talk to you soon.' or something.

whether you call now or later though really doesnt matter. its how you behave on the call that matters.

hope that helped.
J

 

[Brainman]

Great advice J. Thanks. I am going to a Coldplay concert tonight, so I'll probably call her on the way or something. I'm pretty excited about the concert, and really am a pretty busy person, so following your advice should be pretty easy :crackup:

On a side note, the girl that I am going to the concert with, we hooked up last weekend at that same conference. She has a boyfriend though, and I definitely understand that shyt. Being 400 miles away apparently gave her liscence to fool around, heheh. Now that we're back, it's back to incessant flirtation

-BM

 

[Flogger]

ahhh


Nerds in heat.


I've been there bro.

I think you'll do fine if you stay cool and make her laugh. Feel her out for signs of interest. If you're not sure, trust your gut.

I think your only problem may be that your into developmental psych. That's so 1980's.

 

[Wyldfire]

Brainman...I'm going to interject a little perspective into your situation...

It's not often that you find someone who you share the same passions and interests in life with. It's even less often that you find someone you share that with who you are attracted to. It's even less often that they are also attracted to you.

This woman is obviously very intelligent and appears to be headed in the same direction in life that you are headed.

I don't think you should close yourself off to the possibility of a LTR with this woman. Taking it slow, for sure...but it's almost a guarantee that you won't meet another woman who seems to be not only on the same page as you, but on the same sentence. Don't do this woman wrong. Don't be a p*ss, either...but something tells me that this is a bridge you don't want to burn.

 

[Flogger]

Wyldfire, you're right.

But, as he's going to grad school, he will in fact run into many more nerdy girls, many of whom want nerdy guys.

 

[iveyleeger]

Treating any woman as potential LTR and *****-footing around is a BIG MISTAKE. No surprise that bad advice comes from a woman. Ignore it.

 

[Brainman]

Thanks for the advice all around. I have some good confidence on this one. I especially liked the line "nerds in heat" and the sound advice from Wildfyre. I'll just be funny and sorta charming and see how it goes. We talked today and made some plans. I'll keep y'all posted

-BM

 

[Brainman]

I just read Wildfyre's kiss guide, that I found through another post. The one that makes them weak in the knees. I think I'll give that a try with this girl, if things go well