"Small talk"

[Solomon79]

Hey guys. I have a question for you.

Watching seasoned players, I've realised something. There is definite difference between the more formal small talk (not about the weather, but say, about family, what somebody's been doing today etc.) and the really personal kind of small talk that helps to you to really connect personally with the girl.

I feel I'm suffering from a kind of blocked energy. I can manage the first kind of small talk but it's not enabling me to connect with the girl unless she's perfectly on my wavelength (and generally educated with very high taste) because I'm stuggling with the silly jokes and the 'personal touch'-variety of small talk.

Does anybody get what I'm saying? And if so, how did you manage to get over it?

 

[mtbbkr111]

I agree, when trying to connect you almost have to go out of our small talk comfort zone to really get build a rapport.. And that's what it is, building rapport. I've always found that it is how you ask the questions..

For example:
1) Do you come here often?
2) How do you find this place compared to other places?

#1 is a logical question, it doesn't leave much for a reply
#2 you are asking more of an opinion question, she is more apt to go into a longer answer, where then you can relate your interests to hers, and you will have lots of conversation leads..

Also, I've found lately that random banter is one of the greatest conversational tools.. It's stupid, fun, and flirty! I've used this when I'm out with friends, and I find that girls will reveal alot about themselves.. They have actually through in the inuendos, and I just laugh and polk fun..

 

[Solomon79]

Thanks for the reply.

I'm certainly not boring in the sense of asking a long list of mechanical questions.

But certainly being truly spontaneous and fun is something I haven't quite got yet. The reason I ask is because I am hanging around with some new wings who are way better than me at this. So unfortunately I am coming off as the boring, awkward one.

It's actually not so bad, because I don't find most of these girls attractive, I am kind of distracting them away from their friends, who are targets for my wings. But it has got me questioning a lot of things about myself i.e. am I too laid-back, not fun enough and so on.

I have to admit, the really silly stuff tends to work mostly on very young women or less educated women, so maybe I shouldn't be too concerned?

 

[STR8UP]

I have to admit, the really silly stuff tends to work mostly on very young women or less educated women, so maybe I shouldn't be too concerned?

Don't fall into that trap.

I don't care how old or how well educated or how classy a woman is, "Girls just wanna have fun".

I think a lot of men underestimate the power of social value and the impact being an outgoing, spontaneous, and fun person has on said social value.

I wish I could quantify the difference in the way women see me when I am "on point" versus the times when I wasn't as open and social, but lets just say that there are times when I don't feel very social, and during most of those times I couldn't attract a chick to save my life. Contrast that with the times when my energy is up and I'm THE MAN, and it becomes evident that the difference between being social and outgoing and being antisocial and introverted are HUGE.

 

[Solomon79]

I totally agree Str8up. It just seems there is a gap between being talkative, high energy etc. in a general sense, and being truly spontaneous, perhaps a little outrageous. The latter is where you really begin to break down the barriers and get personal with the girl. The first just has limitations. You're not being anti-social as such, but you're not really pushing the envelope and getting close to the chick either.

 

[Mr. Me]

I've always found that it is how you ask the questions..

For example:
1) Do you come here often?
2) How do you find this place compared to other places?

Also, I've found lately that random banter is one of the greatest conversational tools.

I'd agree that banter trumps mundane fact questions any day. For example, I love it when a girl wears red shoes because then I can ask her if she clicks her heels three times, does she end up in Kansas? rather then ask her what other colors her shoes are.

When I'm out at places and overhear the things guys are trying to make small talk about, I cringe. "So... you're from Hoboken?"

I watch the girls and how they respond: Short answers, eyes darting around to see if there's any relief in sight. "Uh... I have to go to the bathroom".

Sure, some of the small talk guys end up with someone despite their completely uninteresting and extremely boring patter. But then, compare that to some guys I know that are charged up with an enthusiastic spirit, their eyes twinkle, they exude a joie de'vivre , they're cracking snappy comebacks and one liners and women gravitate around them.

You want to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level with a woman? Get her first. Then save the deeper stuff for the pillow talk.

 

[BeyondCharm]

I totally agree Str8up. It just seems there is a gap between being talkative, high energy etc. in a general sense, and being truly spontaneous, perhaps a little outrageous. The latter is where you really begin to break down the barriers and get personal with the girl. The first just has limitations. You're not being anti-social as such, but you're not really pushing the envelope and getting close to the chick either.

I also agree and would like to further elaborate to say that the reason "Scripted routines" and "Canned lines" eventually fail and blow up in a persons face is because they are not "spontaneous" and usually are very surface based. "usually".

You have to take some risks in conversation and show that you are a man who is not ashamed to be a man.

I am not ashamed to be a man.

I am not ashamed to be THE man.