Small Spat - Relationship Set Backwards

[logicallefty]

I've been seeing a 38 yo HB 7. Overall she has been really really good to me and I made a separate thread about that. But we got into a little spat yesterday and today that I wish to hear comment on from you guys.

Over these past two days I have had a not of stress happen. The flood gates just opened and bombed me with at least one thing from every area of life; work, my daughter, my truck, my step dad's cancer, problems with neighbors, all at the same time... Which has happened to me that way many many times in the past... I have made 1-2 posts about it before... But no matter how used to it I get it always takes it's toll on me mentally and physically. When life insists on throwing me in a circle and mass beating me like a gang initiation, I survive and get through it, but that doesn't mean I am unskathed..

I haven't messaged the HB much the past few days as she had me.. Then yesterday she asked me what was wrong and I said "Nothing with you, just a bunch of stuff that I have to deal with at the same time". She said "Well glad I am not with you today you wouldn't have time for me". That set me off a little more and I ignored her all last night.

This morning she texts me really early before I am normally even up but I happen to be today. She asked me again to tell her what was going on the past few days. I said "I don't want to burden you with it, but thanks for asking"..

Then she said, and this is the comment I am trying to figure out: "Well the way you have acted these past few days you have set our relationship back 3 months in time".

I responded "Well if I vented to you about all my problems I would sound like a whiny little b|tch and set it back 9, so I'll take the 3. That being said, I think we need to take a break so I am canceling our plans for this weekend."

I went NC.

What is with the "3 month" comment?

 

[Bible_Belt]

First of all, you just committed the cardinal sin of sosuave, the one thing that starts more "wtf?" threads than any other, you are taking a woman's words seriously and then confused when they are not logical.

Women deal with their problems by sharing them. Men deal with them on their own, or at least away from the woman in their life. She thinks that because you don't want to share your problems then you must not want to be close to her.

Telling her you are going to dump her for one b!tchy text message was childish. If I were you, I would apologize. Once again, if you didn't take her words so seriously, none of this would have ever happened.

 

[The Duke]

One day women are making schitty comments like yours made and the next they are on all fours screaming your name.

Comments like that irk me too. Everyone of us has heard crap just like that before. They all think they should be front and center as well as your go to. They are clueless when it comes to understanding cause and effect.

Bible Belt covered it well, what women say really doesn't matter. Apologize, give her the cliff notes, and go address your issues.

 

[guru1000]

Women are emotional, at-the-moment creatures. Nothing they say can be taken at face value nor seriously; it's gibberish, feelie, chitter-chatter. Notwithstanding the above, these women, whether possessing emotional self-control or not--must show overt and covert respect in all communications and relationship matters; this is superlative of all qualities.

You did well with the takeaway. In the future, if she continues this nonsense after a few more takeaways, be prepared to walk away.

 

[Desdinova]

Good on you for not burdening your woman with your personal 5hit. They can disappear if you burden them with it.

Now, onto your problem...

Then she said, and this is the comment I am trying to figure out: "Well the way you have acted these past few days you have set our relationship back 3 months in time".

Dude, she's just frustrated. Don't take it personally. She's concerned about you, about your relationship, and she probably misses you.

I responded "Well if I vented to you about all my problems I would sound like a whiny little b|tch and set it back 9, so I'll take the 3. That being said, I think we need to take a break so I am canceling our plans for this weekend."

Booo. She probably feels like total 5hit now.

Call her, apologize, and give her a cliff notes version of the crap you've been dealing with. When women KNOW you're going through personal 5hit, they can actually be quite therapeutic.

She NEEDS to know that it's nothing that she's done, so fill her in on everything. After that, let her know what's going on when she asks. Other than that, don't talk about it.

 

[MOTU]

Some really smart guys that I respect have posted good advice so far. I will offer a different view.

You had sh!t to deal with that took precedence over her. She sensed it, and pushed back. That's not a bad thing, it shows you are important to her. You overreacted a bit.

So what now? Hold your ground. When she contacts you - and I think she will - don't apologize. But do tell her you miss her, and you want her.
Example:
Her: what the hell? Why are you ignoring me?
You: I miss you baby. Things have been a bit rocky for me, I could use your comfort right now.
Her: you were rude to me and it hurt my feelings.
You: come put your head on my chest and let me feel your breath

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Slickster]

Then she said, and this is the comment I am trying to figure out: "Well the way you have acted these past few days you have set our relationship back 3 months in time".

Best response here would probably have been none at all. Just leave that hanging and go on with your day. Another good one would be just a simple "OK". She would've eventually come asking again and probably in a frustrated way and you could've (calmly) laid out your problems. Then she'd probably feel guilty for burdening you with more stress and she'd be the one apologizing to you.

She's looking for your attention and probably worried and wondering why she's not getting any. You've got a lot on your mind and her laying attitude on you made you frustrated and you over reacted.

Why not just communicate that with her?

"Hey I really over reacted on that last text I sent you. I've got a lot of stressful things going on right now with my work, family, health stuff, etc. I'm having a tough time but things are good with us and I want to keep it that way. I'm just getting overwhelmed with other things and didn't want to burden you with it all. I took your text the wrong way and let it frustrate me. That was wrong. I realize you are just concerned about me and wondering what is going on. Sorry!"

Then just leave it be and see how she responds.

 

[zekko]

Lefty, it sounds like you were being a little distant with her so naturally she was concerned. I actually kind of like the "if I was a whiny ***** I'd set it back 9" line.

But I think the part where you suggested the break was a big mistake. Never suggest a break unless you plan on breaking it off permanently. It's like being married and dropping a divorce threat. From what you've written, she didn't deserve this.

 

[Zunder]

My take, which you won't like hearing: You acted like the girl here, letting her know you had a "bunch of stuff", i.e problems. Problems are for girls. Men don't discuss their shyt to any biarch, let alone a HB7 Milf you been bangin.
The fact you did not elaborate doesn't absolve your error. Never ever never ever never ever let a woman know you have even a hint of problems - you are King Leonidis, you are the Shyt, you are Neo from the Matrix and you know Kung Fu. Get it?

 

[Greasy Pig]

And it begins. I was really happy for you OP when you made your other post about how awesome this chick is.
As I intimated there, don't ever underestimate your delicate little flower's innate ability to become a ball cutting cvnt in two seconds flat.
I agree with others that when she asked a second time, it was probably a good time to let her know what was going on. Not in a whiny way, just matter of fact.

As for the future, sleep on it and wait till you both calm down. Hopefully she'll reach out and you'll be able to give her a manly explanation.
If she has a shred of emotional intelligence, she'll understand why you snapped and want to support you.
Depending how serious you are - or want to be - don't text first.
Good luck LL.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lefty,
Ignore it and just get on with things.....She likes you for sure,just enjoy her!

 

[zekko]

My take, which you won't like hearing: You acted like the girl here, letting her know you had a "bunch of stuff", i.e problems. Problems are for girls. Men don't discuss their shyt to any biarch, let alone a HB7 Milf you been bangin.
The fact you did not elaborate doesn't absolve your error. Never ever never ever never ever let a woman know you have even a hint of problems - you are King Leonidis, you are the Shyt, you are Neo from the Matrix and you know Kung Fu. Get it?

Everybody has problems. There's nothing wrong with having problems. It's how you handle them that makes the difference.

 

[guru1000]

Everybody has problems. There's nothing wrong with having problems. It's how you handle them that makes the difference.

I agree; it's a good test to briefly delineate your problems to gauge her "willingness" to help of her own accord. You seek a trooper, as when life gets tough--and you can bet it will--only a trooper will stick it out. If your LTR is no trooper, dump her.

You don't whine about your problems; just lay them out direct and emotionless. Gauge her response. If she responds with anything short of "I'm sorry baby, is there anything I can do to help," then it's time to cut her loose.

 

[logicallefty]

Fellas, I appreciate every response, even the ones that said I handled i wrong. That's why I asked you guys.

Oddly enough, later in the day yesterday afternoon she informs me that her son was in an accident and in the hospital, so at that point her focus went from me to her son. And I asked her if she needed me to do anything for her or bring anything to the hospital.. She said all she wanted from me was to come up to the hospital and see her and him. So I did that last night. I think all is well now and this has blown over. All comments were appreciated but Bible_Belt yours stuck with me the most, what you said regarding that fact that they (her words) were just words so why the F was I worried???? A core Sosuave value for sure, and one that I temporarily forgot.. That's why no matter how much experience we have, fellas, this place always has value as a reminder of nothing more.