Small relationship problem, need sound advice.

Sadao

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I'm asking for advice from people who have been in relationships and are experienced in the PUA world.

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 months and exclusive for 2. The relationship is great but at first she had a small amount of jealously issues since I talk to/hang out with a large amount of girls. She quickly became trusting and we're both ok with each other partying without each other, hanging out with people from the opposite sex, etc. We both trust that neither of us would put ourselves in a position that would displease one another and give them reason to be jealous.

On to the story: I'm working late last night so my gf and her friends are already partying and she tells me to call her when I get off work so we can meet up. I go to a few parties with my roomy until I call her and then we head over to the party that she's at. I get to the party and i see her standing there with a group of people but notice that one guy has his arm around her and on her ass, keep in mind she's not removing it. I leave the party and talk to her later and she says she honestly had no idea it was even happening(she was mad drunk). I have no reason to believe that she's lying, simply because she's always been completely honest with me and is just that type of person. She agrees that even though she wasn't aware of this happening, it's not ok. We continue talking about relationship stuff, she begins to cry, and I tell her that I don't care if she is conscious or not of these things, if I see it again it's over.

Opinions?
 

sav

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good for you for taking a stand..

that "i wasnt aware" bs translates to "i didnt care"...

believe me if she noticed you there, she would have taken his hand off her ass... (knowing full well the implications)
 

Sadao

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sav said:
good for you for taking a stand..

that "i wasnt aware" bs translates to "i didnt care"...

believe me if she noticed you there, she would have taken his hand off her ass... (knowing full well the implications)
then is it safe to assume she'll be doing the same sh!t again if she knows that i'm 100% for sure not there?
 

Soyoushave

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Ok...that hand on ass is just wrong :mad: :eek:

Still, I see a lot of you guys just ruling your girl instead of taking lead...

If she's sorry, you could've just said...next time, do check if you notice...ohterwise I don't think staying together is such a smart move...
that way you make her 'scared' too, only you give her a task and something to (not) look forward to, namely;

-pay attention to what's happening in the no-go zone (other guys touching your girl in places that you don't like...)
-if she doesn't do this, the relationship's over.

you show you're taking lead, but you're not ruling her (you MUST do this, otherwise it's over...no you give her your opinion...can't really explain in words, but I think you understand...)
 

Sadao

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Soyoushave said:
Ok...that hand on ass is just wrong :mad: :eek:

Still, I see a lot of you guys just ruling your girl instead of taking lead...

If she's sorry, you could've just said...next time, do check if you notice...ohterwise I don't think staying together is such a smart move...
that way you make her 'scared' too, only you give her a task and something to (not) look forward to, namely;

-pay attention to what's happening in the no-go zone (other guys touching your girl in places that you don't like...)
-if she doesn't do this, the relationship's over.

you show you're taking lead, but you're not ruling her (you MUST do this, otherwise it's over...no you give her your opinion...can't really explain in words, but I think you understand...)
I'll be speaking to her again tonight so I will mention those things for sure, thank you.

Also, I made it very clear to her that I'm not always going to be there, her friends aren't always going to be there, and there will be situations where it's just her and guys that want her jock so she needs to be able to make her own decisions and that is the only way that this relationship will work.
 

Sadao

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remotecontrol said:
Similar thing happened to me. Girl I was dating was from montreal so her first language is french..anyhow she and I are out one night in montreal and a guy has his hand on her neck and rubbing her back etc at the bar. She doesnt do anything to stop it so I dont bother reacting as it will be me who is cast as the bad guy if I step up. Anyhow its just plain disrespect, and if you see that who knows what goes on when your not there. Modern women.
that is definitely something that bothers me..what is it that i didn't or don't see.
 

sav

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Sadao said:
then is it safe to assume she'll be doing the same sh!t again if she knows that i'm 100% for sure not there?
yep.. thats not to say that she would outright cheat on u... when girls drink they do get friendlier... its safe to assume that if she "didnt even notice this" it has happened before.. it all boils down to what you are willing to tolerate and what YOU consider cheating...

and to answer your question is yes, it will happen again.. even if she tells you it wont, she may be honest when she tells u that.. but once the alcohol rolls around she'll do it again... me and my previous LTR had a thing where we wouldnt drink a lot without the presence of the other.. and it worked out really well.. we stayed to gether for 2.5 years and had a wonderful time...

i think u should set some ground rules, when she's o ut with friends max she'll drink is say 2 drinks or so.. say you will recipricate so you dont seem like the bad guy.. next time this happens she wont have the alcohol defense... ;)

dont be too controlling.. ur with her and ur probably the only one banging her.. just becareful as its a slippery slope from hand on ass, to kissing, to ****ing... good luck and try to do something that works for BOTH of you... as obviously this is bothering you..
 

window

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this is a good post...the question is how do you establish your boundaries without coming across as controlling ?
 
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