Small lie, dump?

[Jaylan]

Ive been seeing someone for a few months...no bf/gf tags, but we've been exclusive and I do keep my space.

I ended up snooping her phone after being given her code, and learned she lied about a detail regarding a past hookup. Why did I snoop? I admit I am not quick to trust. Plus she keeps a menstual cycle log in her phone and has told me she notes when she has sex (so I was curious to see what notes she made) Shes only been with a few guys with a couple being hookups. She had told me one of these guys was unprotected...but that their first time together used a condom.

Mind you that when we met, she volunteered her partner count and the fact that she has had unprotected sex in the past. Shes the kind of girl that over-shares...which is a stark contrast to women who are very secretive about their sex lives. She responded this way after I asked her "is this safe?". Thats how I ask a girl if shes clean, but she added the extra info anyways, without my asking.

Now, I dont mind that shes had unprotected sex in the past, and it does bother me a little that she would have unprotected sex with a hookup. What freaking bothers me is that she would lie about them ever using condoms in the first place. Like hell, if youve already told me youve had unprotected sex with someone, why lie and say it didnt start out that way?

She said she felt a little ashamed...but come on, you shared worse details with me about your past sex life, and had already told me he was a guy you had unprotected sex with. Why the need to lie and say the first time was with a condom when I was curious about that?

Anyways, she seemed legitimately remorseful and wasnt upset about the snooping. But hey, now the precedent is set....and I told her that lying about something so small makes me call into question her ability to be honest. Like yo, to lie about something like that, even though small, means she tried to deceive me. But I told myself in the past not to put up with such crap and to have zero tolerance. I dont want to send a message that Im ok with this, especially after letting her know how much I detest dishonesty.

Up until now, this was exactly the kind of female relationship I needed. Low maintenance, time to myself when I needed, but also a cool girl to hang out with when I have free time. Dump?

 

[KingBeef]

This is totally up to you...It's based on YOUR BOUNDARIES, SELF RESPECT AND STANDARDS. If it was me, I'd reduce her to a bottom tier plate or get rid of her. I value myself before anything else.

 

[j.619]

Sounds like she was just trying to pour some sugar on a piece of sh!t to try to make it taste better.

You and I look at it as "Why would she go out of her way to tell an unnecessary white lie?"

When she sees it like "He's gonna think I'm dirty, but maybe now not that dirty"

Now to your question... should you dump?
I don't think you should. This isn't a thing that you're going to avoid by finding a new one. Sure, this might mean that maybe she's lied about millions of other things and is really a moonlighting prostitute. But more likely, it's just that she's being a woman that lacks common sense (all of them) and rationalized telling you that for whatever reason. All women tell white lies (white lies are the innocent, doesn't-affect-peoples-life kind of lies like above. I do NOT condone real lying) if it sounds rational in their head. If you didn't find anything else incriminating, I think you don't have much else to worry about. Especially if the chick makes you happy, or if you enjoy your time together.

I like that "is it safe?" line btw. Much less awkward than asking if she's clean. Gonna use it lol

 

[G_Govan]

I pretty much expect to be lied to so if I'm not ready to have sex without a condom I won't, but it won't be based on their word alone. I evaluate all kinds of things for a time before I reach that stage. I also pull out because I don't trust women and birth control, they certainly have "control" alright.

Men that don't want kids are fools to trust birth control (just felt like throwing that out there).

I wouldn't believe a person who told me they don't lie. I believe everyone does but not to the same degree.

This particular lie wouldn't bother me because of the nature of the relationship and as I stated earlier, I expect it.

No matter what a person tells you, as it relates to this post, you'll never "know" the truth unless you have firsthand knowledge.

 

[Jaylan]

I pretty much expect to be lied to so if I'm not ready to have sex without a condom I won't, but it won't be based on their word alone. I evaluate all kinds of things for a time before I reach that stage. I also pull out because I don't trust women and birth control, they certainly have "control" alright.

Men that don't want kids are fools to trust birth control (just felt like throwing that out there).

I wouldn't believe a person who told me they don't lie. I believe everyone does but not to the same degree.

This particular lie wouldn't bother me because of the nature of the relationship and as I stated earlier, I expect it.

No matter what a person tells you, as it relates to this post, you'll never "know" the truth unless you have firsthand knowledge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZR2k5c_198

Like Dr House says, everybody lies...its only a matter of what they will lie about. I dont lie about my relationship or sexual history...as I think those matter a lot in dating. I guess Im damn stupid for hoping there would at least be one girl out there whos similar.

she's not a high quality girl she is promiscuous that's not good relationship material... No reason to be exclusive

Find me a girl in her mid to late 20s whos been with less than 5 men , and who have had no casual flings at all. Attractive ones are super freaking rare.

And Im exclusive because its less risky health wise. Im done with the sleeping around stuff.

 

[Suspens]

Anyways, she seemed legitimately remorseful and wasnt upset about the snooping.

Snooping through her phone made you look extremely insecure in her eyes. And that's an attraction killer. Either do it like Sherlock Holmes, or don't do it at all.


Anyway, she seems like a relatively honest person. But hiding her 'raw' past experiences could mean she has STD.

 

[Jaylan]

Snooping through her phone made you look extremely insecure in her eyes. And that's an attraction killer. Either do it like Sherlock Holmes, or don't do it at all.

Im an upfront guy. I told her what I did, admitted it was 'wrong', and left it at that. And Id do it in the future with other girls too. Im not gonna be without information. Thats who I am.

I just dont trust women easily...and rightfully so as my experiences are proof of that. To this girl's credit though, she didnt try to spin things around and bash me for snooping. She took blame, though did try to explain it away by saying she just didnt wanna drum up past drama.

Anyway, she seems like a relatively honest person. But hiding her 'raw' past experiences could mean she has STD.

I think you misunderstood. She was honest about having a raw partner in the past. And everything about her ex boyfriend and other partners was true.

What she lied about was misleading me to believe the first time with this particular fling was protected, and the following encounters with the same guy were not. The reality was that none of her encounters with him were protected.

In which case it was particularly stupid for her to feel the need to lie about ever using protection with him when she already admitted he was a raw partner.

 

[Jaylan]

raw doggin a promiscuous girl is not better than wearing a condom with a slut my man

Again I ask...can you find me a woman our age whos been with less than 5 men and has had no flings? Most attractive women our age have had a couple of hookups and definitely been with more than 5 men.

When it comes down to it, it seems that when it comes to dating women in their 20s, by the time their our age, theyve had more than 10 partners, and several casual bangs. Its lame, but it seems practically impossible finding a woman without something in her past thats offputting. This chick at least was upfront about her past...which most women refuse to talk about or outright lie(which could still be the case here)

That all said, both this girl and myself are tested and clean.

the point is all your platitudes about promiscuity notwithstanding, you don't trust her which is why you looks through her phone...and I don't think you're paranoid I'm sure that your gut is screaming about this girl

Id say its a mixture of paranoia, gut, and reality. Its freaking rare to find a truly genuine woman thats always honest and never lies. In which case my gut will always be screaming not to trust some chick for a long time.

 

[Billtx49]

Lies = no trust. Without trust, love can not exist. Trust is the bedrock for all personal interactions.

 

[BigSteve28]

Piece together positives and negatives man, see which outweighs the other. You're right, the majority of girls in the 20's have done a lot. Having about 4 who are platonic friends of mine and super hot I hear a lot of slutty stuff that the guys they date probably wouldn't want to believe. If you like her and the relationship is ideal for you, keep her around but be watchful from now on.

 

[Julian]

Lies = no trust. Without trust, love can not exist. Trust is the bedrock for all personal interactions.

Real talk from an OG


I like to describe trust as a beautiful vase. A dirty ass lie (no such thing as a white lie, its a lie) is what causes the vase to fall an crack/break. Thats trust being broken and no matter what the person says or does...the vase will never be whole again as it once was.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Did she screw these guys while yall were talking? If so dump lol. She's bad in the long run.

 

[VikingKing]

You just have to weigh how much you don't like that she 1. lied to you 2. was promiscuous in the past, against how much you don't like not having access to her vagina.

Then make a decision.

(20 bucks says that you wont walk away)

 

[Jaylan]

You just have to weigh how much you don't like that she 1. lied to you 2. was promiscuous in the past, against how much you don't like not having access to her vagina.

Then make a decision.

(20 bucks says that you wont walk away)

Its not about the sex. I can get sex from other women easily if I tried. Its more about how shes been a legit good friend during tough points of my career transition since the fall. Most other chicks would have bailed or not have been as supportive. However, shes made herself out to be similar to other chicks by lying about something stupid in order to mislead my viewpoint.

I will give her points for being honest about everything now (supposedly). She has a scarred area she had on a small portion of her body. She originally told me its something she always had because the condition that caused it can be embarrassing to tell people about. But she was trying to be totally honest...so she let me know what it was and that it developed several years ago.

Did she screw these guys while yall were talking? If so dump lol. She's bad in the long run.

No, it was before we met. Everything I saw in her log confirms shes been honest about pretty much everything except the lie about using a condom the first time with one dude.