Slow Cooking

[K-man]

Guys,

In my dance class I've come across a 26-year old, stunningly attractive girl. Easily the most interesting lady on my radar at the moment.

I'm considering trying a different approach with this one just for the learning experience. I want to take it reallt slooooow. So slow that she'll be wondering about my intentions and get all confused.

I got her number a couple of weeks ago and this wednesday I texted her to see if she wanted to grab a quick bite between work and the start of the dance class. We had a great time but I didn't flirt, didn't kino. None of that, because during the dance class I can touch her all I want!

She also said, after finding out about my age, that it made her insecure because "now I can't play alla my games on you, you're to experienced".
Also, I found out uch about her interest and I've got about five good ideas for a real date.

After dance she asked when we'll meet again and we agreed on repeating th procedure this coming week.

Now I can wait until next wed or try to set up a date straight away, but I might just let some time pass and, as I said above, take it slooooow.

Any hints? Think it's dangerous being to slow? Ending up in the friend zone?

She's really attractive and probably have a dozen admirers around her so I have to stand out form the crowd some way!

Thank's! I'll keep you updated!

 

[jophil28]

You can never go too slow with women. You just have to keep her attention and interested in you. Slow and steady, wins the race.

Good advice..

K-man, you know as well as I do that men in dance classes are in the minority and are therefore in demand. YOU are of higher value than any woman there. You also know that one of the great benefits of meeting women in class is that you can afford NOT to rush it- she will be there again next week and the week after, and so on...
You also know that the physical closeness of partner dancing provides endless opportunities for "game".

Dance classes are the greatest pickup places on earth.

If I were you I would do one more class with her to build attraction and rapport and then ask her to go out dancing in a cool club somewhere a few days later. Isolate and escalate.

Slow and steady does it every time.

 

[Colossus]

If there is one thing that will kill the vibe with a new woman it's coming on too strong. Trust me, I could write a book on it. Guys are usually more direct and forthright about their intentions, which is a great tool but only if you know WHEN to use it.

The key to taking it slow is to keep a steady, measured escalation going, rather than do the same thing for a long time. Women are creatures of the present, and they lose interest easily. There has to be some covert assurance of your intentions WITHOUT being overly direct about it. It's counterintuitive to men, but the path to the panties is rarely, if ever, a straight shot.

Ever been with a girl and things were going great; good talk and physical contact, good vibe, etc....and then you decide to pull out the big guns and tell her how you're feeling and it's like POOF-----her interest goes down the toilet. That's chick logic. Women dont ever like to feel like they are an active participant in your plan to lay some pipe. It just has to "happen", that way they can justify it to themselves after the fact.

 

[Zunder]

TRUST ME....coming on strong does NOT work. I have fuked up a couple of potential chicks recently by doing just that. I don't know what it is with chicks these days but they do NOT want to be swept off their feet by you swooning over their a$$. Its ridiculous but the more aloof you are the more they seem to want you.

I've have learnt the hard way. In fact I wouldn't initiate any texts with her if I were you. And next time you see her in dance class just walk past as if she doesn't exist. She will be wondering "what the fuk"!?

I hate having to play these stupid aloof, indifferent, type of games.

Life would be so much simpler if you could just say "Look, we like each other - lets get together and hang out, do some wild fuking and see where it leads"......

But I guess you have to be a hollywood star or a rock god to pull that sh!t off.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Just be careful about being TOO aloof. You need to dangle that carrot in front of her from time to time.

But yes, I would agree that the slower you go, the better. ESPECIALLY if she starts showing super high interest- it's tempting to want to match her vibe, but this is likely a very sneaky s#it test. Continue to treat her with moderate interest until she proves herself, otherwise she'll get her fill of validation and jump ship.

Yes, the games suck, but when you understand them, it gives you a nice sense of control AND takes the sting out of rejection. Remember, pickup is supposed to be artful.

 

[PokerStar]

oh i get it
plant the seed
give it some sunshine
some water
some nurturing
and watch it grow.

 

[K-man]

Thank's guys!

She sent me a text yesterday that she wouldn't be able to make it to dance class, and I won't be able to make it next week, so I set up a "date" where we'll go and watch an exhibtion she's mentioned instead.

Then I guess it's time for som mild escalation!?

 

[K-man]

Quick update: Life and work have interfered so I haven't had the opportunity to meet her at dance class for a while so I texted and set up a date for her on the tenth next month. She was very appreciative.

Here we have VERY attractive lade who's more appreciative then the HB 6-7's that's been trying to push me around lately. Neat!

 

[K-man]

Update

Hmm...I'm afraid the "date" didn't go to well.

First we went to see an exhibition thet I knew she was interested in, then she brought me to a club where we danced and had some fun.

It was a very pleasant night out, no doubts about thet, but her IL is lower than I thought. I got some light kino in and some erotic latino dancing, but not much else. I also kept a rather low profile, no compliments etc.

I think I'm heading into the friend zone.

She wants to see me again and go to a salsa club this weekend and also suggested lunch some day so it seems that she enjoys my company though. I really like her for her high energy level and her natural curiosity about the world around us. I could very well picture myself travelling across the world with her. Could be tons of fun!

At least I got a nice compliment from her: "I reckon your'e not exactly starved when it comes to women".

So, should I drop her or change tactics?

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Her interest is higher than you think. YOU ARE ON HER MIND. Remember, they are experts at hiding this stuff. Her "I reckon your'e not exactly starved when it comes to women" comment gives that away. You set up a date like 13 days in advanced AND you didn't get all needy during the wait period AND she didn't flake. Why didn't she flake? She's been wondering about you. Thats why. BUT, her comment also hints that she's jealous of what you might be doing with other girls that you aren't doing with her. She wouldn't be thinking that if she wasn't into you.

So far you're accomplishing what you set out to do. She's wondering about your intentions and getting confused. Do not get all AFC on her now. Don't worry about not being a man and not going fast enough for her. She's hot. She can get action anytime she wants from almost any guy. You, however, are challenging to her right now. Something I guarantee no other guy is. Keep it up.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Hmm...I'm afraid the "date" didn't go to well.

First we went to see an exhibition thet I knew she was interested in, then she brought me to a club where we danced and had some fun.

It was a very pleasant night out, no doubts about thet, but her IL is lower than I thought. I got some light kino in and some erotic latino dancing, but not much else. I also kept a rather low profile, no compliments etc.

I think I'm heading into the friend zone.

She wants to see me again and go to a salsa club this weekend and also suggested lunch some day so it seems that she enjoys my company though. I really like her for her high energy level and her natural curiosity about the world around us. I could very well picture myself travelling across the world with her. Could be tons of fun!

At least I got a nice compliment from her: "I reckon your'e not exactly starved when it comes to women".

So, should I drop her or change tactics?

The date didn't go well because you didn't have the balls to escalate.

What you should have done was invited her to your place for a drink. Then take it from there.

You have one more chance, then you're a "friend" aka p*ssy that doesn't have the balls to escalate. Do it the next date.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear K-Man,
Forget about the girl,there are a never ending supply at dance classes,concentrate on your dance,that is the means to the end....Salsa is an easy dance,ties in neatly with Rhumba,cha-cha and rock-n-roll....take a few private lessons then,in a class of newbies, you are the expert...believe an old DJ if you can cut a rug and you are a 7 you can pull babes 8.5....get a few dance DVD's and CD's...pick a Girl who is a loner,perhaps looking to start a new life....If you see her dancing has hit a log jam,offer her to come round your joint and sort it out...easy as rolling off a log.

 

[Bluntmaster]

How about you man the f/ck up and stop taking dance classes like a b!tch? Sure you could get women that way but I wouldn't brag about it.

 

[Jeffst1980]

She still digs you--relax.
I think "friendzone" doesn't really exist after a certain age, anyway. Usually, if you get placed in "friendzone," she won't want to hang out with you at all. It's just a nice way to reject someone.

This girl is still making plans with you, so just ramp up the kino on the next date and you should be fine.


It takes awhile to build interest level with most girls--this is why most people date within their social circle. So, provided you're not discussing feelings with her and listening to her talk about other dudes, you should be ok.

Think about it: when you see a [straight] guy and a girl hanging out together, do you assume that they are just friends? Or, if you hear a girl has been spending a lot of time with a guy, do you assume it's strictly platonic? I know I don't--where there's smoke, there's fire. A girl spending time with you--even if you aren't getting physical yet--is an IOI. Stay the course, and eventually, she'll make her interest known to you.

A typical "friendzone" situation is when a guy starts getting needy around a girl, making her feel uncomfortable. That's when the LJBF comes out--not as a desire for friendship, but as a rejection notice.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Let me reiterate...

Grow some balls, escalate and stop putting her on a pedestal.


If you listen to the nice guy captain save a hos, you're going to f*ck it up.

 

[K-man]

Thanks guys for your replies!

I'm not gonna drop this one even if she LJBF me. She'll be a valuable part of my social circle and who knows how many lovely ladies she might introduce me to?

Only thing is I'd like to get into her pants first!
It's not lke I'm having oneitis or something. I can handle this without getting needy or possesive. I just need a way to escalate things smoothly.

And Bluntmaster: If that's your view about dance classes then you're missing out! It's tons of fun and cheap too! What else should I do at the age of 40?
I don't do nightclubs and I don't do online since it bores me to tears.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

DO NOT listen to asianlover, he couldn't get laid 3 years ago now he thinks he's a ladies man. Not that he isn't. I really don't know. He just hasn't shown experience seducing a women on the level you're trying to do. You wanted to keep her wondering and confused by taking things slow. Do that. You already get lots of kino going with the dancing. You don't have to grow balls. Stay congruent with what you are doing. Continue to build, but do it slowly.

While dancing, maintain constant eye contact, give her some lingering looks at her lips but don't kiss her. That tells her to expect a kiss, but when you don't she'll get confused and may even go to the bathroom to check her make-up. When the date comes to an end she'll make sure to give you an opportunity to do something, may even invite you in. Don't take the bait, say "I can't stay. I have to get up early, I'll walk you to your door/car/up/whatever" Thats when you do it. After a nice, minute long kiss, tell her you have to go. Setup your next date right then for a couple days later or, if you don't have anything in mind, tell her you'll call her tomorrow(be specific with the day you'll call). Then leave. You wanna stay cool during all this, no giddy school girl excitement. Think James Bond. This gives her something to talk/brag about to her friends and keep you on her mind even more.

She isn't gonna LJBF you, you've got plenty going for you. You both enjoy dancing, you're not intimidated by her, she thinks you have options(value), you're taking the lead and you're maintaining sexuality, but not being some horn dog desperate to screw her. Don't outsmart yourself by thinking she'll drop you if you don't move fast enough. Remember, she's hot. If she wants sex, she's got twenty guys in her phone she can call. She is not going to drop you cause you didn't f-close.

However, things may not play out the way I described at all. She is human too. She may decide to make a move herself. In that case, just go in for an f-close.

 

[jophil28]

At least I got a nice compliment from her: "I reckon your'e not exactly starved when it comes to women".

That is a statement from a woman who has at least moderate interest level, it is above 51%.

K-man, I get the impression that you are a tad too passive with her. You are not leading- you are merely observing her behavior and looking for buying signals instead of triggering attraction in her.
I would shift it up one gear and assess her reaction. If she complies and responds positively ,shift up another gear. IF she retreats, that you know what she is thinking and you are indeed headed for the FZ( but I doubt it somehow).

 

[K-man]

Gentlemen,

Thank's a million for your thoghts and suggestions. I'll try to escalate a bit when I see her this weekend (she wants us to go Salsa-clubbing).

 

[jophil28]

On the issue of escalation-

A woman who has moderate to high interest will WANT you to escalate.
This is a point that a lot of guys overlook.