Sleeping with tons of women, yet very lonely

[GreatHornedOwl]

I've been single and having the time of my life the last few years. Pickups from bars, cold approaches, malls etc. While I enjoy the variety of the single life, there's this overwhelming feeling of loneliness that surfaces, especially around the holidays. Pickup is the only thing I know. Relationships are kind of uncharted waters. Maybe I'm looking to connect on a deeper level, I'm not sure. It's strange to me how I can have a phone full of numbers and dates lined up, yet feel like something is missing. Is this normal? Maybe I'm just in a bad mood.

 

[Falcon]

all life is lost without meaning

 

[backseatjuan]

I had the same feeling when I was single. Now I'm with a 23 year old chick, it's nice! She cooks, cleans, does the dishes and laundry. The only down side she's afraid when I'm driving fast, and when I drive too deep into forests off road. Definitely get into an LTR. I'm kinda against meeting with them for a while, I'm for just moving in asap. Try it, it's nice.

 

[Damian]

A lot of people who get into pickup use it as a way to downplay the pain of rejection, stating how it's "just a game". It's a good way to deal with insecurities and trust issues, but it seems like you've realized that the kind of relationships you're forming aren't all that emotionally significant.

Perhaps the reason why you're lonely around the holidays is because that time of year is dedicated to families. It's a time when we can be with people who love us unconditionally. It is a time where people come together and can feel a sense of safety, security, and belonging. If you're feeling depressed around these times of year, perhaps that is your heart telling you that you don't feel that kind of connection with the people you're meeting.

I would tell you to learn how to be more vulnerable with the people who you're around. Yes, it means you're more susceptible to things that can cause emotional pain, but it also means that you open yourself up to the possibility of connecting with somebody on a deeper level. Maybe that connection could even forge a bond of trust that evolves into a caring relationship. Regardless of whether it's one of your guy friends who you can bond with as a brother, or a woman who you can consider your special somebody, it is critical for healthy human beings to form trusting relationships. While we may be sexual creatures, we are also social creatures.

It might even be an interesting experiment to see what kind of connections you could make if you take sex out of the equation.

 

[War Against Betaism]

A lot of people who get into pickup use it as a way to downplay the pain of rejection, stating how it's "just a game". It's a good way to deal with insecurities and trust issues, but it seems like you've realized that the kind of relationships you're forming aren't all that emotionally significant.

Perhaps the reason why you're lonely around the holidays is because that time of year is dedicated to families. It's a time when we can be with people who love us unconditionally. It is a time where people come together and can feel a sense of safety, security, and belonging. If you're feeling depressed around these times of year, perhaps that is your heart telling you that you don't feel that kind of connection with the people you're meeting.

I would tell you to learn how to be more vulnerable with the people who you're around. Yes, it means you're more susceptible to things that can cause emotional pain, but it also means that you open yourself up to the possibility of connecting with somebody on a deeper level. Maybe that connection could even forge a bond of trust that evolves into a caring relationship. Regardless of whether it's one of your guy friends who you can bond with as a brother, or a woman who you can consider your special somebody, it is critical for healthy human beings to form trusting relationships. While we may be sexual creatures, we are also social creatures.

It might even be an interesting experiment to see what kind of connections you could make if you take sex out of the equation.

Really good post. There is nothing wrong with opening yourself up to people. It's not being a "chump" or displaying approval seeking attitude. It's human frikkin' nature to yearn for emotional interaction. We're social creatures, that is a fact and we need companionship in our lives or else we'll start feeling lonely. If you read memoirs of some of these PUA masters some of them have recorded incidents where they experience an episode of loneliness and start looking for "the one".

If you try to avoiding getting hurt by closing yourself off then it rebounds within you into depression. Unless you can manually change your genes and genetic programming then you can't run away from severing yourself from emotions.

 

[Damian]

You don't even have to just try to dive straight into a deep relationship at first, because you'll inevitably suck at it simply because of lack of experience.

Take baby steps and get feel out the methods and nuances of forming trusting relationships. Start off with just making new friends that you end up being close to. A lot of people see these things as insurmountable challenges because they try to tackle it all at once. I recommend that you slow down instead and take little steps out of your comfort zone. Venture out a little bit and wait for your comfort zone to accommodate the new experiences, then repeat the process until you can learn to be vulnerable enough to trust people.

 

[bigneil]

This is why I could never spin plates and avoid heartache.

I always like one girl the most, way more than second best.

I've learned to focus a lot of my brain on math and computer problems as it's in my nature to obsess over things.

 

[Gro0ver]

A lot of people who get into pickup use it as a way to downplay the pain of rejection, stating how it's "just a game". It's a good way to deal with insecurities and trust issues, but it seems like you've realized that the kind of relationships you're forming aren't all that emotionally significant.

Perhaps the reason why you're lonely around the holidays is because that time of year is dedicated to families. It's a time when we can be with people who love us unconditionally. It is a time where people come together and can feel a sense of safety, security, and belonging. If you're feeling depressed around these times of year, perhaps that is your heart telling you that you don't feel that kind of connection with the people you're meeting.

I would tell you to learn how to be more vulnerable with the people who you're around. Yes, it means you're more susceptible to things that can cause emotional pain, but it also means that you open yourself up to the possibility of connecting with somebody on a deeper level. Maybe that connection could even forge a bond of trust that evolves into a caring relationship. Regardless of whether it's one of your guy friends who you can bond with as a brother, or a woman who you can consider your special somebody, it is critical for healthy human beings to form trusting relationships. While we may be sexual creatures, we are also social creatures.

It might even be an interesting experiment to see what kind of connections you could make if you take sex out of the equation.

Great post.

You don't need to worry about getting hurt if you know you can bounce back. Sure you might feel some pain, but if you've got the right support mechanisms in place i.e. friends, family, hobbies that challenge you, etc then if you get hurt you have plenty to fall back on and you'll bounce right back.

I personally think men can bounce back quicker than women from emotional hurt if they channel it into the right things and avoid too much dwelling on it.

 

[DJerk]

No, it's not normal. Go see a doctor. Better yet, go to the " stop *****ing" clinic. And tell them to hook you up with a "stop *****ing" prescription for some "stop *****ing" medicine. Tell'em Djerk sent you. Then brace yourself.

 

[loveshogun]

Hope you have some good hobbies and good friends. Remember that loneliness isn't cured by just women. It's cured by having purpose, and having people who understand you.

Although, a good woman can help.

If you want some solid LTR advice, look at some of Doc Love's stuff.

 

[Mr Wright]

The grass is always greener on the other side. Currently I'm in a LTR and up until about 2-3 days ago I was loving it. But I feel like I need my own space now, like a month to go out be single and get bored of it all again then settle back with her. But you cant get everything you want in life :/

 

[st_99]

I've been single and having the time of my life the last few years. Pickups from bars, cold approaches, malls etc. While I enjoy the variety of the single life, there's this overwhelming feeling of loneliness that surfaces, especially around the holidays. Pickup is the only thing I know. Relationships are kind of uncharted waters. Maybe I'm looking to connect on a deeper level, I'm not sure. It's strange to me how I can have a phone full of numbers and dates lined up, yet feel like something is missing. Is this normal? Maybe I'm just in a bad mood.

well surely some of these girls like you for more than just a ons.

 

[Iceberg]

I've been in the same boat. Actually, I might be in the same boat right now.

I'm starting to think that the issue isn't relationships vs. one night stands/hookups. Maybe it's just the fact that we told ourselves that our value, and self worth and happiness would come from being able to get lots of women.

Then we got lots of women. And it's like, "Okay that was cool. But I'm still not feeling that awesome."

Like loveshogun said, maybe the feeling you're looking for might come from hobbies or volunteering or social activities.

The ability to get sex whenever you want was the carrot you dangled in front of yourself to achieve those goals. Then once you got it, you realized that it was kinda boring and unfulfilling.

Sometimes when I'm in that mood, I just drop all my plates. Spend a few months devoting all time to myself, and then come back to the dating scene.

 

[Bossman90]

this is not uncommon most guys who do PUA, do really bad in relationships because they don't understand one fundamental flaw about PU is that the value used to attract women are the not the same thing as the value that you are as a person has to contribute to others. Ive never had this problem though because I was/am a natural before the community.

 

[Mr Wright]

I think Iceberg has nailed it. Before getting into this guys think that sleeping with lots of women will make them cool, which will in turn make them feel awesome about themselves. When in reality, that feeling can be created within yourself. Your value comes from yourself, the end. No amount of women should ever be able to influence that.

 

[bigneil]

I agree with remotecontrol's posts that committing to the modern "woman" is a death sentence for you and your kids. Better screen em good and hard, and you will probably have to marry down(in looks).

Yes, relationships are like tree forts, built when you were 10. Once it goes from the building stage to the government stage, it breaks down.

 

[evan12]

yes , I can tell you
the mans mission in life is to have offspring . if you dont have kids you will feel some thing missing from your life .
mans job is not to take care of a woman , but to take care of his offspring ( children ) and the mother of these kids
I think it is time to marry for you

 

[PapiChulo]

Ha, enjoy while you can! Absolutely everyone always looks for intimacy on a higher level, it is healthy. The problem that most people on here have has to do with emotional maturity, because they have been hurt by many or have been deprived of empathy, acceptance and affections from the opposite sex. Some have grown callous and can't even feel anything for a woman. Having random sex with different people is a coping mechanism that is really fun! I suppose you can take this thing too far to the point where you can't settle for anyone at all. In my opinion, your post just states that you are in fact a normal person. Any deep relationship is ten times more rewarding that any one night stand.

 

[dbx]

Although sleeping with loads of girls is great, I don't think there's replacement for having a deeper connection with someone. Gay, I know!

 

[Who Dares Win]

Ha, enjoy while you can! Absolutely everyone always looks for intimacy on a higher level, it is healthy. The problem that most people on here have has to do with emotional maturity, because they have been hurt by many or have been deprived of empathy, acceptance and affections from the opposite sex. Some have grown callous and can't even feel anything for a woman. Having random sex with different people is a coping mechanism that is really fun! I suppose you can take this thing too far to the point where you can't settle for anyone at all. In my opinion, your post just states that you are in fact a normal person. Any deep relationship is ten times more rewarding that any one night stand.

I think its like this for most of us guys, well done PapiChulo you said it best.

In fact I think this way of behaving is more common for reformed guys now much more than in past not due to sex drive or physical factors but mostly as a copy mechanism for past events.

Most of us grown with a weak to none dad and work oriented cold mothers, therefore we overcompensate by being what our fathers were not and to get more than needed quantity of what our mothers didnt provide, make it respect, attention, admiration,affection or ackowledge of being much more than simple nice individuals.