WORKEROUTER said:
So are you saying one should force it upon themselves and play it out? How can one be sure they can tolerate or enjoy it unless it has already happening?
In other words, what would you reccomend for us, the guys who are in a relationship now?
You don't have to play it out. You just don't go all out to prevent it from happening. A person that fears going to prison will do all they can to evade capture. A person that has no fear, goes about nonchalantly doing their own thing, and if the cops get a hold of him, he doesn't resist. But if they don't catch him, he's not really bothered and he continues going about nonchalantly. The action shows that he's not afraid of the outcome even if the outcome hasn't played itself out yet. You don't have to experience it to know if you can handle it. You just know that you're strong enough to face it. Like anything the situation throws at you won't phase you.
When you're in a relationship, the first thing to note is that it may turn out bad. Remind yourself this. It may turn out bad, it may turn out bad. But you will do your best to make it work anyway. Even if your best isn't enough, you will do it anyway because you'd rather try than give up. In other words, you're trying to make it work for yourself really. Because you want to try to make the relationship succeed.
Let's say something sh1tty happens. Something most guys on this board would have experienced, cause that's the reason they found this place. You try you best and the girl sleeps with your best buddy. Now, this moment is where you will truly know if you were trying or you were expecting. If you expected, you will feel betrayed, used and angry. If you tried, you will feel sad that your best just wasn't enough with this girl. It was never meant to be because you've already tried your best and it still failed. Nothing more you can do really other than look for some other girl that your best will succeed on.
It's tough really, but if you can reflect on a bad situation and actually understand that she's just not the one for you and that it isn't her fault because it's never a person's fault for not being the girl of your dreams, you would be a lot more relaxed in your relationships.
The current girl you're with should always be the right one in your eyes. There's nothing much wrong with her and anything else about her that bugs you is tolerable. If anything about her starts causing you grief, I bet she's not the right one for you then. But how you conclude that it's causing you grief has to be based on your desires instead of you fears.
To differentiate desires from fears, all you have to look at is how you would respond. If faithfulness is a desire, if your girl cheats on you, you would dump her and look for another girl without feeling much hatred. Remember, she just wasn't right for you. If faithfulness is a fear, if your girl cheats on you, you would be devastated, you will feel betrayed, you want to know why, you want to know how could she and all that shyt. You basically can't or don't believe this is happening to you.
So, the important question to ask yourself now is this. If you girl cheats on you, how would you react/respond? Then ask yourself whether your response is based on fear or desire. Once you can admit to yourself that you're bound by fear, it's up to you to decide whether to do something about it.
