Six Pack in Two Months 1-23 to 3-21

[DJ Bax]

Today. Was. Leg. Day.

I was nearing the end of my workout using the Lay-Down Glute machine. This chick I have seen occasionally passes by and I get a whiff of her perfume. Dat Ass in black yoga pants jeez. She sits in that Spread Eagle Hip machine next to me. So, the protein shake kicks in and I get a testosterone boost. With the force of 1,000 Spartans I feel a raging boner incoming. At that very moment, my thighs cramp up. I couldn't move them. Standing up would mean I'd be on the sex offender list. My only option was to continue the workout on a cramped thigh. The chick glances over as I painfully and pathetically push 50lbs for the next 5 minutes.

Should I cancel my gym membership?

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

 

[BeDJ]

Chest Day.

My workout ends, but I LOVE chest day. I get on the bench press and load up a plate on each side. Yup, it's going to be a burnout. 15 reps in and I feel the bar getting heavier. And heavier. And heavier. Oh sh!t. Oh fvck! I. can't. push. it. up. My arms are shaking and the bar is sinking. Am I going to die? Should I ask for help?

As my vision slowly fades to white, I see a hand grab the barbell - inches away from my body. I look up with Chestbrah Zyzz smiling down upon me. With a swift helicopter thrust on the bench, I get the bar over my head, stand up and do one OHP. The gym stares as I return the barbell so suavely into its resting place. Zyzz disappears into the distance.

Except, that didn't happen. In my moment of crisis, I push all my strength to one side. With the force of 10 Walmart scooter riders, the right plate slams onto the ground. The momentum slings the other side to ground resonating the sound of a jumping POF whale. All eyes on me as I re-rack the weights. They be mirin'

 

[ArcBound]

Chest Day.

My workout ends, but I LOVE chest day. I get on the bench press and load up a plate on each side. Yup, it's going to be a burnout. 15 reps in and I feel the bar getting heavier. And heavier. And heavier. Oh sh!t. Oh fvck! I. can't. push. it. up. My arms are shaking and the bar is sinking. Am I going to die? Should I ask for help?

As my vision slowly fades to white, I see a hand grab the barbell - inches away from my body. I look up with Chestbrah Zyzz smiling down upon me. With a swift helicopter thrust on the bench, I get the bar over my head, stand up and do one OHP. The gym stares as I return the barbell so suavely into its resting place. Zyzz disappears into the distance.

Except, that didn't happen. In my moment of crisis, I push all my strength to one side. With the force of 10 Walmart scooter riders, the right plate slams onto the ground. The momentum slings the other side to ground resonating the sound of a jumping POF whale. All eyes on me as I re-rack the weights. They be mirin'

Rofl don't kill yourself there. The only thing better than the feeling of chest exhaustion after a good workout, is the feeling of back exhaustion. **** leg exhaustion though.

 

[BeDJ]

Alright, I'm finally below 150lbs running at 14%.

Current stats 10 reps:
Bench press - 185lb
Squat - 225lb
OHP - 155lbs
Spread Eagle - 155lbs Personal Record!
Bicep Curls - 75lbs lol

Six pack is kind of defined so I'm going to be into hardcore cutting. Reduced daily alcohol consumption to 400 calories and having 1500 calories daily. Currently in ketosis.

There's been a lot of worry about girlfriends getting fat and I have the perfect plan that prevents that from happening to me.

1) Approach chubby chicks at the gym.
2) Friend-zone myself
3) Continue to hang out with them an introduce them to Keto dieting and start working out with them.
4) Women may be attracted to me as I improve myself.
5) Build a plethora of chubby chicks.
6) Never ask them out or be seen in public.
7) Just quick low carb meals, until they pick up my recipe.
8) After they lose about 20-30 lbs, begin to seduce them.
9) Finally sex and they start to become clingy.
10) I was the guy that believe in them from the very beginning.
11) Make one my GF and release the rest back into the wild.
12) Continue to have her cook my Keto recipes.
13) Become Bruce Lee without steroids.

 

[ArcBound]

Alright, I'm finally below 150lbs running at 14%.

Current stats 10 reps:
Bench press - 185lb
Squat - 225lb
OHP - 155lbs
Spread Eagle - 155lbs Personal Record!
Bicep Curls - 75lbs lol

Six pack is kind of defined so I'm going to be into hardcore cutting. Reduced daily alcohol consumption to 400 calories and having 1500 calories daily. Currently in ketosis.

There's been a lot of worry about girlfriends getting fat and I have the perfect plan that prevents that from happening to me.

1) Approach chubby chicks at the gym.
2) Friend-zone myself
3) Continue to hang out with them an introduce them to Keto dieting and start working out with them.
4) Women may be attracted to me as I improve myself.
5) Build a plethora of chubby chicks.
6) Never ask them out or be seen in public.
7) Just quick low carb meals, until they pick up my recipe.
8) After they lose about 20-30 lbs, begin to seduce them.
9) Finally sex and they start to become clingy.
10) I was the guy that believe in them from the very beginning.
11) Make one my GF and release the rest back into the wild.
12) Continue to have her cook my Keto recipes.
13) Become Bruce Lee without steroids.

Rofl you are hilarious

 

[TheStig]

Haha yes keep this coming

 

[BeDJ]

Alright fellow fitness SoSuavers!

I'm drunk and really high. I in front of me 2 meals prepared from yours truly...

Which option would you choose and why? A or B?
Please take into consideration that I won't be getting laid tonight.

http://i.imgur.com/D5Z1TzF.jpg

My choice:

8 oz steak
2 chicken thighs
1 chicken taco
Pollo asado fries
2 cherry pop tarts
1 rice crispy treats
Bag of Cheetos
8 oz Chocolate milk

I'm a walking hot air balloon right now.